As we wrap up the year, or period of our life, and are looking to make changes for a New Beginning, it is helpful first to get rid of and let go of the old… When our life, mind and consciousness are cluttered with things that no longer serve us, we get weighted down. It is difficult to see, create, or embrace anything new if there is no space for it. We can’t start a new beginning, uplevel our life and our relationship, if we are attached to the old ways…
We can very easily fill up our space, calendar, routines, lifestyle, and mind with extra stuff, commitments, to-dos, and thoughts… And, most of the time we are not really intentional about what we add in, we just fill up the spaces unconsciously and reactively… We do what we usually do, we do it by default, or with misconceptions…
If we really took the time to assess if all the stuff we add in serves us, honors us and enrich our lives, we might be surprised at the answers we find.
Most of the time more is not better.
More activities, sports, memberships, parties, habits, supplements, gifting, and so on, is not necessarily better… I find in the stories clients and others share, what a nightmare gets created by overdoing things…
The thing is that the nightmare feels natural: ~ That’s the way things are. ~ This is how our weekends go. ~ This is what happens during the holidays. ~ This is what the school year is about. ~ This is how we vacation.
But the thing is, that upon further inspection and reflection, and even after all these are carefully orchestrated and choreographed, it becomes obvious that they are still set up from a place of lack, attachment, and control. Defensive ego patternswe use to manage our feelings, states, and needs…
The approach is driven by unconscious processes not by intentionality and mindfulness, by our values and purpose… When we look at what we create with our approach we can see that it is ill informed. We can see stress, overwhelm, anxiety, friction, fighting, chaos, exhaustion, disconnection, acting out, anger, and the like…
We are creating the opposite of what we are after with this approach. We are not enriching our lives, we are overloading and suffocating it… We are squandering our life force, our energy…
I remember someone sharing how she was going to make the holidays magical with beautifully wrapped presents or put together toys, decorating for a winter wonderland, baking treats from scratch, writing Christmas cards, and a litany of other holidays to-dos. All to be done during the night so the children wouldn’t be in the way, and so they could be surprised when it all came together.
Sounds beautiful, except that she was so sleep deprived that she kept getting sick and couldn’t kick a cough, she was irritable to say the least and impatient with everyone, and had ongoing disagreements and fights with her husband because he “was useless” in alleviating all that needed to get done…
And I’m sure this list looks minor compared to yours… I know she is not alone. I have heard a version of this story over and over… Hey, I’ve been here myself. No judgement, just an observation for increased awareness, and lots of compassion for us all…
So, how do we turn this around and do our life differently going forward? It’s actually quite simple, though not necessarily easy if we are not committed to creating the relationship and life we desire…
FIRST– Decide what kind of relationship and life you want SECOND – Commit to this and to address any patterns that might undermine you THIRD – Stay the course and get support as needed
Note, that we have a story about ourselves, our relationship, our partner, and life in general that might need revising… How we see things, the meaning we assign things, and what we think of ourselves- the identity we create, drive what we create… Our narrative and scripts are the filters of our experience… For us to create a different experience, and a different relationship and different life, we have to change the story we keep writing…
When the story changes, we can align everything differently against it – our new identity, our focus, our responses, our choices, our habits, our routines, our lifestyle, our investments… For then we go about living the new story, and we create what we desire…
But be careful, you might think you are already doing this that’s why you planned your year, your holidays, and your life as you did… The key here is to check-in if you are healthy, energized, joyful, graceful, compassionate, patient, harmonious, peaceful, connected, loving… If not, what you created is probably driven by ego patterns and not from what your heart truly desires… Take a look, and realign accordingly…
Embrace a radical decluttering and letting goof all the extra… Keep only what aligns with your new story. And please, please, create spaciousness in your approach… This is the space where the surprises, blessings, miracles, and magic actually happen…
Wishing you a truly magical End-Of-Year, Holiday Season, and upcoming New Year; or New Beginning!
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
It saddens me to witness people’s struggles, to watch them get in their own way, to drown in a glass of water, to miss the bigger picture. Maybe this is compassion for my Self as I can certainly be in that place… This is one of the lessons I’m still learning.
This is part of my Journey. In its course I grow, heal, learn and further embrace my Calling… It is amazing to step back and take in the machinations, the alignments, and the perfection in how everything plays out, always for a reason… It all adds up…
At the end of the day, this brings me back to the sadness, compassion, for others for at least I can see the hidden gift, the blessing, and the opportunity. I draw strength and inspiration from this. This is what makes me a gifted healer and a leader in healing.
This is part of my Purpose… But for those who are not yet privy to this, all the tumultuousness of life is just pain. I can’t imagine not having the higher perspective. My heart truly goes out to those who struggle.
Having a higher perspective doesn’t exempt us from the happenings of life, and it is not always easy to hang on to it. But being able to see things from a different angle than merely seeing them as things happening to us makes a heck of a difference. This is where our human experience manifests.
Seeing the good in everything around us, even the so called “bad”, is where the opportunities abound, the promises lie, the gifts reside, the blessings are bestowed, the magic happens. This is where the beauty of the mystery of life can be found, if we can only but awaken…
Of course this applies to our relationship. Everything that happens in our relationship happens for a reason. The state of our relationship and everything that we get from our partner we have invited, we’ve co-created. Everything that goes on is a blessing, though sometimes a blessing in disguise.
When things are not to our liking or when we are in pain it is a sign that something different is needed. It is an opportunity to become intentional about our approach and our Being.
It is a call to realign, to stretch, to grow, to become whole and more empowered by adjusting our attitude, thoughts and behaviors. It is an opportunity to let go of Ego and defenses and to more fully embrace our Authentic Self. Thus creating the Awesomeness we wish and deserve.
This is why our Partner is a Gift to us. They provide the fertile playground where we get to play, stretch, develop, grow, heal, create and role model… Our interactions are blessings. They are all opportunities for us to embrace our human experience, and for us to be our Best Self.
In Relationship we have the opportunity to reach, embrace and engage our Authentic Self. Our directive is to look at everything through this lens and see where we need to stretch, grow and learn. It is ALL for us.
Everything happens for a reason. There are opportunities and blessings at every turn. Our job is to recognize them, to awaken to this Mystery and use it in our Journey. When we wake up and open our eyes, when we don the blessings lens on, and when we translate misfortune or aggravations into opportunities we recognize how Graceful and truly Bountiful life is. Go ahead, open your eyes, and be Thankful for all the Blessings in disguise.
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…
Happy Thanks Giving!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Take the high road. Step away from your (overt or covert…) steadfast position on an impasse with your partner. Put on Your Enlightenment Lenses™. If you were to look at your situation from a transcended perspective, what would you see? How would you say the situation is prodding you to change? What are you being taught? What are you supposed to learn? How are you supposed to grow?
How is this inviting you to become your Best Self? How are you to stretch to get there? Sit with what comes up. Hold off resentment and other Ego driven feelings and thoughts. Hang in there. Weather the uncomfortableness… Hang with the new perspective. Take a moment to design two concrete behaviors that you will implement consistently to honor this call and step into your new reality… Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
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Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
You have to be happy with yourself first… You cannot be happy in your relationship if you are not first happy with your Self… If you are not your Authentic Self, your Soul Self, you are just a robot completing daily tasks and missing the whole point of life… This is not Living…
What is the purpose of your Life? Why are you alive, today, right now?
I believe we all have a Purpose and we have unhappy and dissatisfying lives when we are not living our purpose, when we are not living from our Authentic Self, when we are not in alignment with our Soul. We are “embodied energy” living a human experience. Liken it to being on a mission and donning a costume, or uniform. You are the Hero of your Story. What is your Story? What is your Mission? What is the point of You?
We waste so much time and effort going about life with blinders on and focusing on unimportant things. We miss the point completely! We create mediocre lives at best, lives without purpose. We get stuck in our little perspective, drag our partner into it, and battle there. Wow, are we ignorant and blind. This is painful to witness. But it doesn’t have to be this way!
It is our job to WAKE UP to our Life, to open our eyes, to take off the shades. When we start getting in touch with who we REALLY are, how magnificent we are, how important we are, how needed we are and humbly accept our “assignment”, mission, Purpose, then everything changes…
We transcend daily nonsense (Ego) for the beauty (Blessings) in it all, for it is all beautiful… There is a reason for everything… Our job is to translate our experiences into lessons and use them for the greater good… There is something in each of us that is a Gift waiting to be shared.
Take a moment to thread your experiences and find the common denominator. What is the theme in your life? What situations, circumstances, lessons keep creeping up? What is getting louder and louder in your life? What is the message that you are not getting? What is the code you have to crack?
Stop blaming your partner for the quality of your life… Stop waiting for your partner to create the life you want… Own your Self. Be your Authentic Self. Show up in your relationship. Be Understanding and Accepting in your relationship. Be Compassion in your relationship. Be Abundance in your relationship. Be Love in your relationship. No “Buts”…! Stop it and own your Self!
Stop waiting for your partner to do something different. See your partner’s Core. Don’t get hang up on their appearance, on their behavior, and especially not on their defense mechanisms (protective behaviors). Look beyond all this and see the purity of your partner. Witness your partner’s Soul… They have a code to crack as well after all, but that’s on them… Don’t get hand up on the minutiae of your interactions. Be with your partner!
When your Souls team up… now that’s where the Awesomeness is. That’s where your untapped Synergy is. That’s where the Purpose is… Your partner is your Partner! Don’t take them for granted. They are not your enemy, they are your ally. It’s time you recognize this and treat them like Royalty. Humbly embrace your Kingdom and uplift the world. Be the Hero in your Story. The Universe is the limit!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship. Share your thoughts and progress on our blog page!
Happy Uplifting!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
How do you know if you are on the right track? What’s the best way to go about your Life?
Listen to your Feelings… Not your Ego! Your Feelings… Make your feelings your compass. They are the language of the Soul. That’s your Authentic Self’s built in guiding mechanism… Follow your Heart… At every juncture ask, “What would make me feel Good?”
Honor your Self. Pursue Happiness. Add simple pleasures. Give and Receive TLC freely… Make this part of your daily approach to life and your relationship.
Make Meditation a part of your daily life as well. This is your direct line to your Self, your Soul…
When you start aligning with your Authentic Self, Soul, things begin to make sense…, your life becomes more beautiful… It’s actually this simple…
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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