Yep, it’s official. We, NYS, have received the “Major Disaster Declaration”. These are tough times. How are you making out as this crisis continues to ravage our area and the world?
It is imperative that we are extremely proactive in helping not spread the virus and that we are extremely proactive on how we set ourselves up to weather this storm…
I strongly encourage you to read last week’s issue for the mindset and strategies for not only surviving but thriving during this terrible time. It’s on our Blog: 9 Tactics for weathering your quarantine
I know that when our immediate surroundings and everyday life are thrown into a tizzy and our very security, safety and even survival are threatened, that it makes sense to feel a bit freaked out. To feel panic. To feel overwhelmed, anxious and whirly. To feel desperate. To feel powerless and paralyzed. To feel discouraged and hopeless. To feel devastated.
You might feel some or all of these feelings. You might cycle through them. You might still be in denial or resistance or you might be in shock and these feelings haven’t kicked in yet. Please know they will, and they are totally normal. These are uncertain and scary times. It makes sense they affect how you feel…
But this is not an out of jail free card in that because you are impacted you let yourself and your stuff go. You let your feels take over and derail you… You allow yourself to sink down. You put your life and what’s important to you on hold, or just down right neglect it… You give up your self-agency. You let the wind blow you around… This makes things worse for yourself and your life… Don’t do this!
As the infection is ramping up in the states and we expect a longer-term impact, it behooves us to be mindful of building emotional resilience, mental spaciousness and bandwidth, and physical stamina:
1) Police your thoughts: Become vigilant of what kind of thoughts you allow yourself to have, to rent space in your head and to take you on a ride…. Watch out for apocalyptic, doomsday, major disaster, financial depression, and the like thinking that just trigger more panic, paralyzes and survival-mode. Yes, we live in dire times, but tapping into compassion, gratitude, creativity and problem solving mitigates this… We don’t have to feel like crap!
2) Honor your feelings: Do feel your feelings, acknowledge them, and learn from them. They tell you what kind of thinking you are having and how you are able to cope. They serve as informants for how to better manage yourself. Feel your feelings. Heed them. And, take care of what they suggest – clean your thinking and be proactive about properly taking care of yourself…
3) Become super conscientious: Move your thinking from drama, fatality, reactivity and such to thinking outside the box and resourcefulness… Any obstacle you encounter, think on how you can get around it. Whatever issue you face, find a creative solution for it. Stay ahead of what’s coming. Not by overreacting and being an alarmist, but by accessing your higher-level thinking and intuiting what will be needed, what will be impacted and how to respond conscientiously and industriously. Be proactive. Be responsive. Be intentional. Be progressive.
4) Transcend the noise: Now is the time to become aggressive about streamlining, simplifying and minimizing everything in our life. We live such a life of excess, in all areas of our life… From how much stuff we buy, including food and toilet paper (ha!), to how much we do, to how much entertainment we need… It is not uncommon for people to not be able to be alone and in quiet, to be with themselves, to entertain themselves… To require constant engagement and stimulation. I say there is an opportunity for growth here with the imposed Social Distancing and Quarantining… If you can’t go outside, go inside… Here is where Juice is anyway… BE with what is and Transcend the crisis… Then operate from an Inspired state…
5) Practice health, wellness and self-care: Now is more important than ever to ensure our physical health. It goes without saying to minimize exposure! If you are usually pretty mindful of your health and wellness habits, make sure you stay the course. Don’t let the upheaval throw you off. Tweak your routine and details of your practice as needed, but make sure you do right by yourself. If you have been slacking on your health and wellness, and self-care practice, Dude, what are you waiting for? Now, is the time to step up your game. You can use this as a new area of focus to keep yourself engaged and stimulated…
It is important that we pay attention to what gets triggered for us, how we like to cope, and what defense mechanisms we use…
- All kinds of things get triggered in disaster or crisis situations – trauma, lack and scarcity, abandonment and aloneness, unworthiness, survival and existentialism, visibility, guilt, anger, etc.
- We might turn to self-soothing with more consumption like any and all kinds of shopping, eating, drinking, using substances and other kind of indulgent or reactive behavior.
- We might become more dramatic, needy, naggy, controlling, emotional, reactive, shutdown, withdrawn, absent, unfeeling, uncaring, callous, impatient, intolerant, self-righteous, etc.
The more we exercise personal awareness, the more we can be proactive about putting in place structures, systems, routines, practices, rituals and the like to help us better manage ourselves. This ensures we inoculate our physical and mental health, so we are better prepared to withstand the onslaught of this crisis.
It behooves us to be proactive in creating health and wellness. I say this is our number one priority as we weather this storm, for from this place we can handle the rest of it…
It is Mental Health Month after all… Yes, weird times we live in…
ASSIGNMENT: Take stock of how you are doing… Take a moment to gain more awareness about how you are really doing, what comes up for you, and how you usually deal.
Knowing who you are and how you do you, be proactive in putting in place what you need to prevent triggers, use positive and healthy coping tactics, and prevent your defense mechanisms.
Please know that your indulging and negative coping tactics and defense mechanisms make things worse. These creating vicious negative cycles that are more difficult to address when they go unchecked… These will impact your overall health and wellness and the rest of your life from your work to your marriage.
Be proactive and intentional about how you do you…
Let’s be super intentional, proactive and progressive. Let’s take care of ourselves properly to minimize how sideways our lives can go. Life it was well said in Pretty Woman, Take care of you.
AND, IF THIS RESONATES… Now might be the perfect time to strengthen your relationship. To learn new skills, tools and tactics to be preventative and proactive in reducing stress and creating resiliency in your home…
This is great way to spend time with your partner in a fun, productive and super conscientious way, and from the safety of your own home… LOL
In a nutshell, informally and in dynamic Emma style, I’ll teach you:
1 ~ How to get unstuck & break your impasse –> Context / Mindset work for setting effective boundaries, personal ownership, personal empowerment
2 ~ How to improve your communication & easily get on the same page –> Communication / Alignment work for deescalating fights, resolving conflict, detailed communication protocols
3 ~ How to change your patterns, get your needs met, & resolve recurring issues –> Clarity / Dynamics work for self-healing and growing, self-reprogramming, self-regulating
4 ~ How to increase your connection, intimacy & fun –> Connection / Intimacy work for feeling connected, rekindling desire, dating and enjoying each other
5 ~ How to create a strong partnership & a peaceful and joyful home –> Collaboration / Partnership work for synchronizing, sharing the load, creating your dream home, relationship and life
This is really a not to miss event. You get a whole process in one day… Plus targeted tactics to easily implement for immediate results. Can’t beat it!
A couple of things to note:
- You should both register for better access
- There will be a replay for your future and ongoing reference
- You can attend separately (on different devices/locations)
- You can attend individually (if one is not available)
- There is no interaction with others, you only participate by posting comments or questions if you like
Hope you join us!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.