Is your partner dragging their feet to pop the question?

Is your partner dragging their feet to pop the question?

When your partner won’t commit, it creates a sense of powerlessness. It leaves you not knowing how to carry on, what to expect, and even what your future holds. This is a very scary place to be, where one doesn’t even know what expectations are ok to have of one’s partner… Is your partner dragging their feet to pop the question?

 It’s very convenient for the ambivalent partner to postpone making a decision, if the committed partner puts up with the lack of commitment from them. 🙄

Now, don’t get me wrong. This does not mean that if your partner is ambivalent that you demand a commitment, press for a commitment, give ultimatums, etc… Unfortunately, I see this too often in our practice where the wrong approach is used to get a commitment from an ambivalent partner.

The wrong approach promotes further power-struggling, stuckness, funky behaviors and when overdone might even lead to a break-up. 💔

So, what is the partner who is ready for commitment to do? In a nutshell, they are to strike a balance between not pressuring their partner, but also making their wishes well known… ⚖️

I know this sounds much easier said than done. I’ve seen plenty of couples be tortured by this situation. The brain doesn’t do well with ambivalence and question marks. The not knowing where things stand and what to expect is a great source of anxiety and torment.

But this situation is not hopeless. Partners who go through this can attain a higher level of commitment when they are intentional about their approach to getting there…

 

Getting to, Will you marry me?

There are reasons why some couples move slow to getting to a higher level of commitment, but it doesn’t mean they can’t…

 

Commitment Blocks…

A lot of times couples find themselves stuck because one partner is ready for more commitment and the other one isn’t, or something is getting in the way of moving forward.

Readiness – The ambivalent partner is just simply not ready. The relationship is just something in their lives but not a priority. They have other things that they are focused on or that take up their bandwidth. They:

•Don’t feel settle in their career, profession, business and/or financially
•Might have unfinished business with a prior relationship
•Might be overextended and overwhelmed in their life for different reasons

Sureness – The ambivalent partner is just not convinced or is worried about whether the other partner is the right fit for them as a Life Partner… They love the person but there are red flags for them, or concerns holding them back from being all in… They worry about the other’s:

•Habits, addictions
•Personality traits
•Financial standing, achievements
•Culture, religion, other affiliations
•Dreams for the future, motivation
•Background, Family
•And others

Essence – The nature of the relationship itself can influence the partners ability to sync, flow and move forward… Depending on what is going on in the relationship, how the partners see each other and the relationship, relate to one another, get on the same page, meet their needs, connect and bond, and collaborate, has a massive impact on what the couple is able to create…

 

For the Motivated Partner…

First off, if you are the motivated partner and your partner is just not committing yet, my heart goes out to you. This is a super painful and frustrating place to be…

When our partner doesn’t want to commit, it is very difficult to not take this personally and not let it impact us.

We make up all kinds of things about why our partner might not want us. We feel rejected, unwanted, unloved, not worthy, and such. This impacts our self-esteem. This disempowers us.

But take note that there is something about us that attracted this partner, created the current relationship with this partner, and is still with this partner… Just saying…

So, regardless of what is happening on our partner’s side to make them move slow, it is up to us to address our experience and what we are contributing to the status quo…

🌟 Readiness – We can use our genius to understand our partner’s bandwidth, and use our insight and understanding to address the current situation with them about the reality of the situation and prospect for the future…

These are not easy conversations to have, but they save everyone a lot of time and heartache. The mere conversation might help you align and get on a better path.

> But being more intentional about how to move forward is super helpful and empowering… It is up to you how long you want to wait for the other to get up to speed…

🌟 Sureness – Sometimes the relationship feels like it’s in a hamster wheel, there is a lot of activity but no movement forward… There seems to be something holding things back but it’s very illusive. We can’t put our finger on what’s wrong, our partner feels slippery, but nothing specifically stands out as to what’s amiss…

This is where it’s super important to be conscious and have awareness about ourselves and what we might be contributing to the stuckness. Likewise, to be intentional about learning more about our partner and mindful in our approach to it…

> This is where exploratory conversations are helpful to understand concerns, worry, fear and such. And, to clean up misconceptions, assumptions, assigned motives and the like that create roadblocks.

It is interesting how many things partners are getting wrong about each other that holds them back in the development of their relationship…

🌟 Essence – Most partners did not have great role models for how to be in a healthy, radiant and successful relationship. They don’t have great personal and relational skills to bring to their interactions and to the relationship overall. Our relationship is dependent on our ability to bring our Best Self to it…

When partners trip over themselves, haven’t done much personal development, and haven’t learned relationship nurturing and enrichment skills the whole relationship is like a house of cards…

It is imperative that partners embrace a Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle (video), and utilize a Successful Relationship Strategy to assist them create the relationship they want…

 

APPLICATION: Identify what type of Commitment Block you might have and invite your partner into a conversation about it. Note, you might have a bit of all three…

Readiness – Not ready developmentally, emotionally or in terms of life stage
Sureness – Concerns about partners’ fit
Essence – Relationship needs nurturing and enrichment

Don’t invite your partner to the conversation by saying, We have to talk about our relationship… That is the kiss of death! LOL

Instead say something like, Hey, can we chat later about nurturing our relationship?

 

You have a lot more control and say than it seems and feels like, I promise. Take charge of your side and see how things begin to shift…

Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Excellent communication also helps increase our bonding

Excellent communication also helps increase our bonding

Communication skills and tools are not just necessary for getting on the same page, making joint decisions and problem solving effectively. They are also indispensable for more deeply understanding each other and warmly flowing in our interactions with our partner. Excellent communication also helps increase our bonding.

Feeling understood is an existential human need… In feeling that the other “gets” us, we feel Known and that we exist… Feeling understood engenders feelings of belonging, being accepted, and safety. This is pretty much at the core of things! This is why it’s super important to use our skills and tools to make sure we get our partner, and others, when we are in our interactions with them.

And, with that it goes without saying how super important it is to show them that we got them… This is where the validation step in the Intentional Dialogue comes in. This is the step that partners forget in interactions that crashes the conversation and possibly even leads to a fight.

Equally important is to communicate so our partner can understand us, and to seek confirmation that we were understood.

Interactions don’t have to go south… Most of the time when couples refer to communication problems, they are actually referring to emotionally charged issues and conversations. They can’t communicate well when they are triggered… Which makes complete sense! Employing communication tools and skills has a lot to do with managing ourselves and being mindful to not trigger our partner… Removing roadblocks to communication goes a long way.

And most importantly, when we are mindful of how we show up and how we communicate we are investing in protecting, nurturing, and strengthening our bond

 

Strengthening Our Bond

Therefore, it is imperative that we are very intentional and mindful about how we communicate with our partner and what the focus of our conversations are. For who doesn’t want a lovely and strong bond with their Lovey? Right?

I invite you to add having Meaningful Conversations to your Couple TimeLet’s not use couple time for just more binging on Netflix.

Awareness and consciousness about yourself

Do you know what triggers you and why? Do you know what core wound and defense mechanisms you keep playing out, what you contribute to your repeating patterns? Do you know what your needs are and how to meet them? Do you know your Love Language? Getting a deeper understanding of yourself in this way is enlightening and a great investment in your personal development…

Then, sharing this with your partner and integrating your new awareness into your interactions is truly transformative…

Awesomeness and uniqueness about yourself

How well do you know yourself? Your personal strengths and characteristics, values, and dreams? Exploring these for a fuller awareness and knowing of yourself is a beautiful undertaking to enrich your personal experience.

Then, you can share your understandings, discoveries, and what you make of them with your partner. Isn’t this a gorgeous conversation?

Aspirations and passions about yourself

Have you identified your Purpose, what drives you? Are you focused on that purpose daily? Do you have a vision of your future and your life? Do you have clear goals and milestones? What are you working on? Are your projects, tasks and routines in alignment with your Vision? Getting some clarity around these and aligning your life accordingly makes life so much easier and pleasurable…

Then, share what you are up to, your desires, fears, and possible roadblocks with your partner for additional alignment and meaning…

Aren’t these delicious? Imaging these are the topics of your conversations most of the time… This is what gives our interactions depth and meaning. These interactions are what strengthen our bond, bring us closer and guide our relationship and life. This is how we create radiance and meaning in our relationship.

 

APPLICATION: Select the area about you that you want to explore, gain a deeper understand, more clarity and direction to play with… Set some time aside to indulge in this exploration, and then bring your discoveries, insights, and desires to your Couple Time

  • Awareness and consciousness about yourself
  • Awesomeness and uniqueness about yourself
  • Aspirations and passions about yourself

 

In developing ourselves and owning our sparkle, with bring more radiance to our relationship…

Be curious, be playful, be vulnerable, be available…

Share yourself more in your interactions and communication, strengthen you bond!

Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Overwhelmed, how is your support and collaboration? (PT5)

Overwhelmed, how is your support and collaboration? (PT5)

It is not easy to live a successful and meaningful life. It takes intentionality, focus and dedication to stay the course. Our life Journey has ups and downs, and at times it can feel like an obstacle course. With the many demands of today’s modern life and specially recently as we’ve weathered a global pandemic, things can be challenging. It can be overwhelming to manage all the demands and responsibilities. This is why it’s so important to uplevel your support and collaboration.

Imagine having world-class support and collaboration protocol to help create your Best Life. Then the Universe becomes the limit…

It is no fun going it alone. And most importantly when we don’t have the proper support, we hold ourselves back from creating the life (and relationship!) we desire… For you see, when we try to do everything by ourselves in a vacuum, it shows in our results…

When we go it alone:

  • We are limited by how much we can do, by our knowledge base and by our skill set
  • We are focused on doing and forget Being
  • We elude our creativity and our knowing
  • We are flooded by the minutiae of life and miss the forest for the tree
  • We miss savoring life experiences, the simple pleasures and amazing people 
  • We cheat ourselves of connection and intimacy
  • We hold ourselves back from the potential that leveraging and connectivity can afford us…

These limitations have a massive impact:

  • We hold ourselves back from our true potential and from living our full Human Experience
  • We settle for less and can’t even imagine having something special to contribute
  • We erode our connection and bond and jeopardize the essence of our relationship
  • We subscribe to subpar parenting tactics
  • We neglect, abandon and even abuse ourselves

We end up:

  • Settling for a job we hate and merely getting a paycheck to live from month to month
  • Creating a mediocre relationship, tolerating our partner, missing out on our epic love
  • Missing out on the synergy inherent in our partnership
  • Misparenting our children to the point that they become ill, symptomatic, misbehaved, maladjusted
  • Damaging our body, mind, and spirit

For those that are still carrying the badge of honor for: Sacrificing themselves, exploiting their every ounce of living, and running themselves into the ground – I implore you to reconsider your approach!

It behooves partners to crack the code on how to better support each other and implement a Collaboration Protocol into their lifestyle to create the life of their dreams. They can easily accomplish this through the Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle™.

What does support and collaboration look like in a relationship? Every relationship has their own flavor of this, but the essence is to have a divide and conquer approach. Where one partner picks up where the other leaves off. And, where both partners are in the loop and current on everything that’s going on in their joint lives. But, most importantly where the partners are working together to achieve a common goal.

The partners designing and working together towards a Joint Life Vision is the key towards creating your Best Life and having your fullest Human Experience…

Check out this super inspiring video: Taking Visioning to the next level!

 

Create a Strong Partnership

 

Ok, so how do we create a fabulous life and epic love relationship when we are already stretched thin and overwhelmed? You set yourself up for having better support and collaboration, you create a Strong Partnership.

 

Setting Up for Success

Success and creating awesomeness doesn’t happen by accident. We have to be intentional and proactive about it.

FIRST – Clear: Decommit, eliminate distractions, outsource, declutter, streamline, simplify, automate

SECOND – Envision: Design your Joint Life Vision that flows from your values and has clear goals

THIRD – Structure: Create your Ideal Day (daily routine) that you’ll follow as a template

FOURTH – Systematize: Set up systems for sharing responsibilities, completing tasks, building Habits

FIFTH – Flow: Include buffers and transitions into your routines

This formula helps reduce the overwhelm and set yourself up for a productive, meaningful and joyful life. It:

    1. Creates space to operate differently
    2. Identifies your North Star to guide your aspirations
    3. Provides a structure to contain your endeavors
    4. Promotes an effortless approach to managing your days and the business of life
    5. Supports operating with ease and joy

What’s important to note here is that our ability to implement this depends heavily on: Our mindset, communication skills, how we meet needs, and bond with our partner. Partners who jump into problem solving and changing up their lives have a hard go of it if the other relationship Elements are not robust

FEELING STUCK, HOW IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP MINDSET? (PT1)

BICKERING AND FIGHTING, HOW ARE YOUR COMMUNICATION SKILLS? (PT2)

REPEATING ARGUMENTS, HOW ARE YOUR RELATIONSHIP DYNAMICS? (PT3)

MISSING LOVE, HOW IS YOUR CONNECTION AND INTIMACY? (PT4)

If it was easy to create a fabulous life and epic love relationship, then everybody would have these things. Our job is to invest in ourselves and our relationship so that we are in good shape to create our Best Life. And so that we have an amazing Human Experience.

 

ASSIGNMENT: Identify where the weak link is in your life and relationship right now. It can be within one of the Elements, or in one of the steps in the Success Formula.

Decide how you will go about addressing your weak link… Take an immediate action to get the ball rolling in creating your radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life… 

 

As with anything, when you bring consciousness, focus and attention to something, Awesomeness happens. I wish this for you in your life and your relationship.

Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

PS – Related Posts:
Tired of feeling stuck in your relationship?
Tired of fighting without resolution?
Tired of the same old issue?
Tired of feeling disconnected?
Tired of feeling overwhelmed?

 

Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Bickering and fighting, how are your communication skills? (PT2)

Bickering and fighting, how are your communication skills? (PT2)

Hey, we can all relate to being annoyed by our partner at one point or another. But sometimes this goes beyond our idiosyncrasies, quirks or habits. Sometimes we just pick, pick, pick and go around and around. We argue to make our point and prove ourselves right. We get into fights about how we are talking and arguing. And the fights might even escalate to epic proportions. There is no fun and love in that. I you are bickering and fighting, how are your communication skills? Have you considered this as part of the issue?

I’ve been giving this topic more airtime recently to really help partners get over this hump:

Remove roadblocks to great communication

Great communication skills and tools

Your new beginning needs a communication cleanse

Having great communication skills is a must in our relationship, actually in any relationship, for the partners, or parties involved, to feel good about the exchanges being had. In a love relationship this is paramount for helping the partners feel heard and understood, repair and apologize, get on the same page, make decisions, address issues and resolve conflict.

This is primarily where the safety and flavor of the relationship is created. This is where the partners get to gel, feel close and create intimacy, feel belonging and acceptance, address how to create their dreams and the rest of it.

When partners keep missing each other in interactions – when they force their perspective and miss their partner’s, when they hear what their partner is saying in terms of how it impacts them instead of understanding their partner’s experience, when they are not attuned or available, how are they to get on the same page and feel understood and accepted?

It behooves partners to uplevel their communication skills and tools and to embrace a Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle™.

 

Communication Hacks

Reflective Listening

It is impossible to get on the same page when we say something, and our partner responds not to what we said but to what they interpreted and assumed we meant. And, when we do the same to them…

The key here is to listen with an open heart and compassion. To listen with the intent of understanding what is going on for our partner, regardless of what that means for us. And to definitely not make it about what it means about us!

So, just listen. Try to understand what they are saying without getting stuck on the words being used. And try to understand what it means for them, what is happening for them, given what they are saying. Don’t make assumptions, translate or play therapist!

Then, reflect back what you are hearing, repeat to them what you heard them say: “I’m hearing you say __________”.

When partners feel genuinely heard, they stop repeating themselves, they stop using pejorative and blaming language and they soothe any agitation or intensity…

This very basic skill is a game changer! Give it a good try.

Debriefing Chats

Couples experience the most difficulties during transition times in their routines and life flow… Moving from work mode to couple or family time is usually a major friction point and when most of the arguments happen…

Building in some time to realign as you switch gears is key to pave the way for being together, honoring each other, and enjoying what’s up next.

All it takes is intentionality. Start by agreeing when the transition time is… This in and of itself is massive. Usually, partners are not on the same page about this and are automatically set up for conflict…

This would look something like:
Having “Morning coffee/tea” at 7 am
Touch base at lunch at 1pm
Dinner time / evening routine starts at 6:30 pm
Reconvene at 1 pm on weekend days

Once you have a time, use this time align – share what you’ve been doing, things you experienced, what’s on your mind, address any lose ends or concerns, recap game plan for what’s up next and such…

This ensures you flow and operate well together. It prevents all the nonsense couples experience and build-up of minutiae and concerns and therefore chaos and resentment… Implement this immediately to take charge of your day and flow with each other. Enjoy!

Appreciation Sprinkles

It is hurtful to not be seen and recognized in our relationship. Especially when we try to be loving, kind, generous and attentive and it seems to fall on blind eyes and deaf ears. Better yet, might feel like our partner is in a sensory deprivation tank or another plane of existence! LOL

Don’t get me wrong, they might feel the same way. It might seem to them like we are in a sensory deprivation tank or another plane of existence…

There are many ways to address this, but the easiest and fastest is to simply be mindful…

What does this mean in this context? It means to be present and aware, to notice. And then to action this awareness…

At any moment in time when you see your partner, let them know a couple of things they’ve done that day or how they were that you appreciated.

To remember to do this, you might do it at specific times in your routine: When transitioning from one part of the day to another or from one activity to another, before meals, at bedtime and such.

This minor caring gesture is super powerful in shifting energy and reconnecting… Play with this one with gusto. It’s super rewarding.

These are so easy to implement and yet powerfully transformative.

 

ASSIGNMENT: Decide which Communication Hack you’ll embrace first and make a Habit of it. Add it to your Habits list / tracker and play full out with it:

    • Reflective Listening
    • Debriefing Chats
    • Appreciation Sprinkles

 

As with anything, when you bring consciousness, focus and attention to something, Awesomeness happens. I wish this for you in your life and your relationship.

Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

PS – Related Posts:
Tired of feeling stuck in your relationship?
Tired of fighting without resolution?
Tired of the same old issue?
Tired of feeling disconnected?
Tired of feeling overwhelmed?

 

Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Importance of personal and partner character strengths

Importance of personal and partner character strengths

It is uncommon to speak in terms of Mothering and Fathering in the context of our relationship… Unless of course we are talking about raising our children. But I’ve been presenting this concept as a way to continue to heal and grow ourselves. As a personal development tool, and more recently as a relationship enrichment tool… Today I’m expanding the Fathering repertoire by sharing the importance of personal and partner’s character strengths.

Remember, we all have female and male energy and can embrace characteristics and embody attributes from both. When I’m presenting on Mothering and Fathering, and Female and Male Energy, I’m not talking about gender or sexuality… I’m referring to our inherent energies… Our job is to balance how we embrace, activate and utilize them…

Mothering flows from female energy and Fathering flows from male energy, and they can both be done by women and men… There is no judgement as to which is better or preferred, and this is not a form of sexism, genderism, or such. This just is. Anything else is a social construct we’ve unknowingly accepted…

But please note, I’m not denying the oppression of female energy and women over millennia… If nothing else, I’m actually highlighting the importance of undoing this oppression. I’m doing it through what I know best, which is personal development and relationship enrichment…

      • Mothering has to do with nurturing and caring.
      • Fathering has to do with structuring and disciplining.

When we embrace providing these characteristics to ourselves, we reparent ourselves… I refer you to the book Healing Your Emotional Self, for top notch work on reparenting ourselves…

Reparenting ourselves means giving ourselves what we needed and didn’t get growing up. How we were hurt and not met growing up created wounds, limiting believes and other goodies that have permeated how we organized ourselves and cope with life. Including how we show up in relationship, get triggered and create our stuck dynamics… Reparenting ourselves is a way of healing and releasing ourselves from that stronghold…

Then, bring this to the context of our relationship and we have an exponential impact… Now, I’m not talking about being a mother or a father to your partner and vice versa. That’s the worst thing we can do… I’m talking about being Mothering and Fathering. I’m talking about your interactions and how you approach your partner and the relationship using more:

      • Nurturing, compassion, softness, flexibility, and such (Mothering) for engendering feelings of belonging, worthiness, and acceptance.
      • RoleModeling/guiding, routines, structure, systems and such (Fathering) for engendering feelings of safety, security, and stability.

You see how these can be salve to core wounds?

The key here is to sprinkle the Mothering characteristics into your interactions with yourself and your partner. And the Fathering characteristics to how you do your relationship and your life.

This means be nice to yourself (self-care) and your partner (other-care) and embrace a Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle™Voila!

 

Work Your Character Strengths

So, where do Character Strengths come in? Working on developing our Character Strengths is a Fathering tactic as it involves learning, honing, applying. Mothering is feminine with being, expanding, flowing… The active and directed part of this endeavor is masculine and therefore Fathering…

Working on developing our Character Strengths helps us become more of who we are, more integrated and robust. It helps us have a richer human experience, and it helps us bring a better self to our relationship and our partner…

Having strong Character Strengths helps partners avoid the many pitfalls they would otherwise encounter in their relationship…

Our personal and our partner’s character strengths influence the character of our relationship with things like a love, kindness, gratitude, honesty, forgiveness, perspective, self-regulation, teamwork, etc.

The VIA Institute of Character created a Character Strengths Survey to measure the good qualities in people and to counterbalance the Disorder Statistical Manual (DSM) used to diagnose mental disorders…

They identified 24 Character Strengths that were classified into 6 categories:

      • Wisdom – Creativity, curiosity, judgment, love of learning, perspective
      • Courage – Bravery, honesty, perseverance, zest
      • Humanity – Kindness, love, social intelligence
      • Justice – Fairness, leadership, teamwork
      • Temperance – Forgiveness, humility, prudence, self-regulation
      • Transcendence – Appreciation of beaty & excellence, gratitude, hope, humor, spirituality

Doesn’t it make sense that to develop this further in ourselves would only but enrich our relationship?

As we continue to expand our Fathering repertoire, we are polishing the use of our male energy for more security, stability, productivity, efficiency, and results in our life. Let’s continue to create our Best Self, Best Relationship and Best Life!

ASSIGNMENT: Intentionally integrate your Character Strengths into your life and your relationship…

      • Take the survey to identify your current strengths and where you can stand to invest in some more development.
      • The easiest way to work on developing a characteristic is by creating a Habit to help you practice it… Choose 3 Character Strengths you are looking to develop and create Habits for them into your daily routine: Doing a behavior or activity that would help you practice the strength. And, keep working this method until you feel you’ve made progress developing the Character Strengths you desire.

 

As with anything, when you bring consciousness, focus and attention to something, Awesomeness happens. I wish this for you in your life and your relationship.

Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

PS – Related Posts:
Spring into a new level in your relationship and life
Feeling stuck in your relationship?
How you perpetuate your stuckness
Keep having the same old fight?
Your partner not meeting your needs? 
Is the dance of connection and disconnection driving you insane? 
Implement pleasure and delight habits (video)
Caring is not just for mothers
Need fathering in your life?

How to reprogram yourself
Are you a strong partnership?
Do you support each other?
The key is collaboration

The key is embracing a relationship enrichment lifestyle (video)
Intentional habits to glide into the new year with ease

The power of having Intentional Habits™

 

 

Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Create safety, security and trust in your relationship

Create safety, security and trust in your relationship

A lot of people have difficulties having trust in their relationship, and in general… Mistrust in our relationship is not just about wondering, or obsessing about, if our partner is cheating. But not trusting our partner usually has the flavor of not trusting we can count on them. That they have our back. That they’ll pick up where we leave off. Whether or not they’ll follow through on what they say. If they’ll use their best judgement. And so on. It is imperative that we create safety, security and trust in our relationship for it to be successful…

A quick note about wondering if your partner is cheating. Listen to your gut, it knows… Listening to your gut is a very subtle sense of knowing. It’s not blaring. Anything blaring is fear, and fear has to do with us, and not what our partner is doing or not doing. Keep your jealousy in check. This is also about you, and your insecurities. There are exceptions of course, you have to keep your context in mind.

If there is a history of indiscretions, you are probably on hyperalert and picking up stuff, and something most likely is going on. Don’t shoot the messenger. Deeper healing needs to happen to change this pattern. But this is for another time. If this resonates for you, sending you love (you might want to get support with this).

Going back to regular mistrust, to mistrust on the everyday and the mundane. Note, I qualify this again because when it comes down to it most of us can usually trust that our partner will be there when it matters and for the important stuff. Though there are exceptions here as well of course.

Sometimes our partner can’t be there for us with the big and important stuff either if it goes against themselves in some way or triggers them in some way. This depends on your relationship dynamics and the emotional development of the partner/s.

One more qualifier… During times of tragedy, partner’s get thrown into a tizzy and go into survival mode for themselves, possibly not being able to be there for each other.

Nobody ever said relationships are easy! These are the meatier ways in that mistrust and betrayal happen. They are blows to the relationship and require more specific attention.

But for today’s topic, I’m focusing on mistrust as a pervasive feeling in your relationship (and outside of your relationship…). Mistrust in the everyday and the mundane. Why this focus? Because this is where the healing and transformation happens…

How you do your relationship and your life on a daily basis and in the little things, has a profound impact on what kind of relationship and life you create at the end of the day…

 

Safety, Security and Trust

We don’t automatically create safety, security and trust in our relationship. This has to be an intentional tactic in our approach to our relationship and our partner. And, we have to be intentional about how we do our everyday life to provide this to ourselves as well. This intentionality helps us heal any unfinished business and reprogram old belief systems still lingering that are informing how we perceive interactions and the people in our life…

Safety, security and trust have to do with Fathering… How we were Fathered growing up had an impact in our ability to feel safe and secure and be able to trust.

Did we have consistent caretaking and routines? Were boundaries respected? Was discipline authoritative (not authoritarian/controlling or lax/lacking)? Were we honored for who we are?

Or did we experience rigidity and/or chaos? Inconsistent attention, routines and rules? Ridicule and dismissal? Or even maybe verbal and other violence?

Do you start to see that how things played out growing up informed our ability to feel safe and secure, and therefore our ability to trust?

And, what if we haven’t done any healing or personal development, we are still walking around with the same perception of others and the world. That the world and people are dangerous or untrustworthy… We walk around with the belief that we can’t count on others or trust them, that others are out to get us, that bad things will happen, and such.

Hey, I’m not saying people and the world are perfect and that these things don’t ever happen all the same.

I’m referring to situations when we just see the worst possible scenario, when we make negative assumptions and when we assign malicious motives that are totally unfounded. When we can’t give the benefit of the doubt. Or worse, when good things are coming our way, but we can’t receive them for the same reasons!

If all this is resonating for you, you need some Fathering. No, you don’t need your Daddy or a Sugar Daddy. LOL And, Fathering is not just from fathers and men. Women do Fathering, just as men do Mothering… This has nothing to do with gender. This has to do with energy and characteristics that all humans have though might need to embrace more… You need more Fathering from yourself and in your relationship…

So, what does this look like? This looks like cleaning up our mindset and minding our negativity bias, setting effective boundaries, fully owning and being accountable for ourselves, having safe verbal and body language, improving communication skills and upleveling communication tools, implementing Intentional Habits™ and embracing a Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle™.

Thus, we show up properly and safely. We are accountable, consistent, and reliable. And therefore, we are trustworthy… We are trustworthy for ourselves and for our partner…

Kudos when you tackle this, for you’d be Fathering, re-parenting and re-programming, yourself… Intentionally showing up and setting up your life and your relationship allows you to create your radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life.

ASSIGNMENT: We’ve been living in a male dominated world, yet we haven’t cracked how to properly utilize our male characteristics, strengths and energy…

1) Take stock of how you show up in the world and what characteristics and strengths you use the most.

MALE – Analytical, strategic, systematic, planner, organizer, scheduler, logical, manager, strength, power, and such

FEMALE – Compassionate, caring, nurturing, flexible, flowy, spontaneous, creative, intuitive, emotional, soft, and such

2) How well are these working for you? Does it seem that you can improve in both areas? The key is own ourselves fully, integrate both aspects more, and be more intentional. Add intentionality to how you approach your day and your relationship using the inherent male characteristics and their related tools.

Create the container, the structure, with your male energy, e.i., your daily routine… This will create the safety, stability, and security we all so desperately seek…

3) BONUS – add Female characteristics within the structure for the integration and balance factor

As with anything, when you bring consciousness, focus and attention to something, Awesomeness happens. I wish this for you in your life and your relationship.

Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

PS – Related Posts:
Spring into a new level in your relationship and life
Feeling stuck in your relationship?
How you perpetuate your stuckness
Keep having the same old fight?
Your partner not meeting your needs?
Is the dance of connection and disconnection driving you insane?
Implement pleasure and delight habits (video)
Caring is not just for mothers
Need fathering in your life?

How to reprogram yourself
Are you a strong partnership?
Do you support each other?
The key is collaboration

The key is embracing a relationship enrichment lifestyle (video)
Intentional habits to glide into the new year with ease

The power of having Intentional Habits™

 

 

Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

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