What do you think about the concept of Unconditional Love? I believe this is very challenging for people because of the expectations that exist in the relationship. They equate love with the other showing up a certain way… If my partner checks off these boxes, then I love them… Think about this for a second, how crooked is that… We obviously then don’t necessarily love the person but what they do and how they make us feel… How they meet our needs, take care of us, add to our status, and such… So, we actually love them on paper? It seems that way…
But we know better, don’t we. We just have a philosophical, or practical, depending on how you choose to look at it, issue with the concept of Unconditional Love. Because even though your partner is not perfect, and they might get on your nerves, and maybe are not meeting your needs, you still love them, right? So then why struggle with the concept of Unconditional Love? Owning this will not make your partner be a worse partner- this is not a get out of jail free card. LOL
What would happen if you embraced the concept of Unconditional Love? If you really approached your partner and your relationship with this lens on and interacted from this perspective as much as possible. If you didn’t focus on your partner’s imperfections. If you didn’t worry about fairness and supposed doubled standards. If you didn’t get hang up on whether your partner apologized. If you didn’t go into your partner’s circle and told them how to be, feel and do. If you didn’t try to make your partner do things the way you would, or the way you want. If you didn’t have expectations of what you should get out of this relationship. And so on…
~ What if you just loved your partner because they are awesome. ~ What if you just loved your partner because they are on this Journey with you. ~ What if you just loved your partner because they are a fellow Human Being existing in this now and in this relationship with you…
What if you became aware of, if you are not already, to the fact that you are actually an energetic being that appears solid and living in this meat suit because we live in a 3D reality and our experience is limited to what we pick up with our senses…
And, as this energetic being you are actually beyond your mere body, you are actually one with all that is… And so is your partner… AND, as such you are actually ONE…
You are actually part of the whole Universe, you are part of Unity Consciousness- Love Consciousness…
Do you see the implications of this? There is so much here… For now, let’s highlight this, if you are One,
~ When you judge, criticize, scorn, control, reject, or shun your partner, you are doing that to yourself as well…
~ When you don’t like something in your partner, you don’t like that in yourself- might not even be aware you have that…
As soon as you give your partner compassion, acceptance, and freedom- Love, you’ll feel these for yourself…
As soon as you focus on giving yourself compassion, acceptance, and freedom- Love, you’ll feel these from your partner!
When we open ourselves to this inquiry and possibility, and let go of a lower-self experience of lack (we are missing something), attachments (we need certain outcomes), and control (we need to make the things happen) this is when our suffering ends…
This is what the Practice of Letting Go is about… This is about Trusting… About having Faith…
These mindsets, egoic patterns…, just create the struggle we are trying to overcome… These are what hold us back from being able to embrace the Unconditional Love we are capable of and that would make everything so much easier…
~ Lack is driven by believing we are separate and not whole, which leads to sadness, grief, loneliness, aloneness, hopelessness, depression and so on which lead to focusing on fairness and double standards, judging imperfections, self-numbing [flight response…]
~ Attachments are driving by believing we need certainty and certain outcomes which leads to let down, disappointment, resentment, frustration, anger and so on which lead to demanding apologies, owning the other, and getting stuck on expectations [fight response…]
~ Control is driven by believing that we have to make things happen and have to do all the doing which leads to fear, stress, overwhelm, exhaustion, anxiety and so on which lead to over-functioning, micromanaging, doing everything ourselves, not accepting help [freeze response…]
So you see, when we get in our own way with our limited mindset we impact how we feel and experience ourselves, our partner, and the world… Not to mention our nervous system and the rest of our biology and hence our health, and our overall energy and what we are able to manifest…
Addressing these egoic patterns allows us to more easily embrace Unconditional Love and make our relationship, and whole Human Experience, much more satisfying- more radiant, more divine…
Here is to embracing Unconditional Love more this month and going forward…
APPLICATION: Set time aside to contemplate and meditate on the concepts of Unconditional Love and Unity Consciousness…
~ Did you feel peace, joy, love, Oneness?
~ After you quiet yourself down, explore how you might still have limiting mindsets. Observe your lack, attachments and control patterns of thought, feelings and behaviors…
~ Identify which of the three is more prominent for you and decide to gently address these and let them go…
~ Share your discovery and commitment with your partner, with no strings attached…
When we reprogram and release our egoic patterns, it is easier to create / manifest what we desire in our life experience… It is much easier to embrace Unconditional Love and enjoy the Journey…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
The concept of setting effective boundaries might feel a bit played out. But it’s interesting that most people still have no idea what setting boundaries actually means… We don’t set boundaries on others, give them consequences, or punish them… We have no control over others, we are not the boss of them- not even our children and our employees or team-reports! We set boundaries on ourselves… We have to take charge of the things we do have control over, and that is ourselves… We very often disempower ourselves by focusing on what others are doing or not doing… Empower yourself by staying in your circle…
So, let’s put this into the proper context. Setting boundaries is an act of self-love. It means we decide what we allow to be in our life. Be it in our thoughts, our environment, our relationship, our work, our life in general…
When something is not working for us, we don’t set a boundary on the other person- we don’t tell them what to do. We set a boundary on ourselves, we decide what we’ll be willing to allow to continue. We decide to change our thoughts and how we look at things. We decide how to feel and how to respond. We decide what our actions, habits, and routines are. We decide how we want to show up to a conversation. We decide what is acceptable behavior, treatment, responses, outcomes, and such. We decide everything we allow…
How does this play out in interaction with others? Beautifully… For when you fully own all of you, your needs, your desires, your expectations, how you show up, how you respond, how you set things up and such- things can’t but go smoothly…
You take care of yourself, you exude confidence, you are responsible for your results, you clearly express your expectations in a way that others can respond positively to them, and you appropriately address when the expectations are not met.
And this doesn’t mean punishing people- this doesn’t mean nagging your partner or giving them the cold shoulder. This doesn’t mean yelling at your children. This doesn’t mean berating your employee.
Addressing unmet expectations means you share how you were impacted, how you feel and how this doesn’t work and why. It means you address what might gone wrong for the other that they let you down. It means you put something in effect to address what happened and a preventative measure. It means you consider the other person’s needs, skills, abilities, and such so your expectations can be met. You address the situation for a win-win.
We never set a boundary at the expense of another. They might not like your boundary of what you will not put up with or tolerate, or what you will no longer do. But you will never tell them to do something harmful or against themselves, nor tolerate this for yourself… And you are not to tell others what they need to do or not do, feel, or think. That’s in their circle…
This obviously applies to our relationship with our partner. We cocreate with them, we inspire each other, we address our needs so we are both taken cared of. We don’t tell our partner that they can’t have an affair. We inspire our partner not to have an affair… We address our side being fully mindful and conscientious of theirs. We do not live in a vacuum. We do not do things at their expense, never. Even should you be getting a divorce, you are still a fellow human being with a heart. Always go for the win-win… Always keep your side of the street clean. Always take the higher road. You are the one that has to live with themselves at the end of the day…
Even with our children – we don’t own them. Our job is not to control them… Our job is to discipline them- which by definition means help them learn… We teach, guide, set them up for success, and support them… We honor their feelings. We show them how to fully own and expand themselves…
Even with our employees. They have a job description, they have processes to follow, and milestones or goals to achieve. They know when they are not performing to what is expected. That is the conversation. We can’t “manage” people, we can inspire and “lead” them… Sometimes words are limited to fully convey a message, but I think you get my drift.
Even when we lovingly release a partner or an employee… It’s ok if they don’t like your boundary, they can choose what they need to do to meet themselves and you to continue to take care of yourself.
Everything that happens, happens FOR us- remember that… There is always a solution for the higher good of all…
This applies to everything in our lives… It’s ok if they don’t like that you will no longer be folding and putting away all the laundry. Decide what works for you and offer that. You can take the other’s preferences into consideration and together come up with a plan that works for both of you. But at the end of the day, you will no longer be folding and putting away all the laundry…
If the other is not cooperative, you always still do your side with the best of intentions for the highest good of all to the best of your ability… Honoring yourself is an act of self-love and imperative for a wonderful and magical human experience. When you operate from this place others cooperate, fear not…
Partners often want to start by having their partner change… They love being in their partner’s circle, then they wonder how come their partner is resistant or uncooperative. Wrong approach my friend! Always focus on your side and the other will follow suit, I promise…
Remember to set your boundaries in alignment with your values… Then they are more meaningful and a lot easier to honor them…
APPLICATION: Compile a list of annoyances and things that don’t work for you in your life… Write it with compassion and grace. Don’t judge yourself or others. They have all served a purpose… Now it’s time to no longer put up with them.
Addressing one at a time: ~ Explore how those things have contributed to who you are today and how you’ve gotten here ~ Identify what no longer works about them ~ Feel the impact they’ve had on you, feel it in your body, breathe through it ~ Thank them for what they have provided you and let them go ~ Identify a practical step to address the things and take an action step towards them today
Taking full ownership and empowering ourselves is not for the faint of heart. If you are serious about Becoming your Best Self, creating your Best Relationship, and living your Best Life- this is not an option. This is how you do it!
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
The New Year, is a New Beginning and an amazing opportunity for a reset, course correction, and realignment… We want to be intentional about how we start the New Year to set ourselves up to have our Best Year yet… Let’s not set up a bunch of habits, strategies, and routines for the sake of setting stuff up… The key is for your New Year plan to be thorough yet simple and powerful, and to infuse it with your Essence. We want our new year plan to feel exciting and tantalizing. We a want to have habits, practices and a daily routine that enrich our life and our soul. We want our days to support us Becoming our Best Self and manifesting our Best Relationship, and Best Life… Here is how to have your Best Year yet…
For starters we must know who we are trying to become and what we want to create/manifest…
We want our life to be made up of what gives us joy, helps us become more ourselves, and supports us in our Journey.
We need a North Star, a Life Vision, to work or walk towards… This serves as our guidance system- we wouldn’t spend a ton of money on an extravagant trip or gift if we are saving to buy a home that is part of our vision, as an example.
If we know what we are trying to create and manifest in our life we can line ourselves up against it, so we are not going upriver, shooting ourselves on the foot, or leaning the ladder against the wrong wall… You get my drift.
We also need to know what we value, appreciate, and prefer in our lives so that we can set ourselves up to have our life reflect that…
When we are planning our upcoming year, or doing any reset for that matter, it is also helpful to revisit our values to make sure we align all our choices and preferences against them.
If we have habits that get in the way of us becoming our Best Self, if we set up our days to run rugged and neglect ourselves, if we go about our interactions from a depleted state, we are not likely to be creating the life we want that honors us…
Then taking a look at your Life Vision, choose your three Life Areas to focus on upleveling, or what you’d like to accomplish or experience, this upcoming year… And set up habits, tactics, and commitments that when done consistently they help you achieve what you desire.
This is where the rubber meets the road. We want to keep these simple yet powerful for the most impact. Yes, you can have a gazillion-billion tactics but if you can’t stick with them, you won’t get results. Even if you stick with them, you might be spending a lot of time, energy, and other resources in getting results with a complex plan that can easily be achieved with a much simpler plan and your resources can be better allocated elsewhere…
Be selective about the habits you choose to help you live your Journey as you like.
Your habits need to be integrated into a routine for them to stick… So, intentionally map out your daily routine to include your habits, tactics, rituals, and commitments.
Your choices can have a theme/s to them that culminate Practice/s to fully honor who you are becoming… For example: Mindfulness Practice, Self-Love Practice, Feminine Practice, Creative Practice, Writing Practice, and so on.
Keep in mind to TimeMap to build in open/buffer, transition, quiet, and such times in your daily, and weekly routines, to easily embrace more Being and less doing in your approach to life…
Remember that at the end of the day, you want your days to feel joyful, peaceful, harmonious, connected, loving, creative, and the like.
Identify what kind of flavor you want your days to have and how you want to Be in your life, and then set everything up to allow for that to happen…
Be intentional about your approach to your relationship and your life to create what you desire. To allow you to show up more with your true Essence becoming your Best Self, and creating/manifesting your Best Relationship and your Best Life…
APPLICATION: Review or create your New Year’s plan to make sure you really have your back this upcoming year!
Tweak or add these elements as structured or flexibly as you need… ~ Design Life Vision and identify Values to guide you for best alignment ~ Choose Life Areas or Desired Experiences to give you focus ~ Select Habits, Tactics, Rituals, Commitments, and Practices to help you stay focused ~ Design Routines to help you feel grounded ~ Utilize TimeMapping to help you integrate and balance what’s important to you
Remember this whole thing is for you and a collaborative tool to Align with your Partner as well…
This is to help you more easily do your life, Become who you truly are, and support you in your Journey. This is to gently and beautifully create/manifest with your Partner… This is to have your backs and create your Best Life, and your Best Year yet.
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Hey, here is our chance to design our upcoming year. What will you add to yours? Being intentional about the relationship and life we create Allows us to create it… Intentioning is very powerful and underestimated… We want to be proactive and intentional about our life design, but we don’t want to be rigid with this… The key is focusing on what you would like to have more of in the New Year.
Step1-Clearing: Decluttering, letting go and making room for the new Step2-Celebrating: Reviewing and acknowledging experiences and accomplishments Step3-Contemplating: Visioning and planning for what we’d like for the New Year Step4-Candescenting: Mapping out of radiant experiences to expand ourselves Step5-Coordinating: Integrating plans and goals into your lifestyle Step6-Communing: Getting on the same page and collaborating on this with our partner
The thing is that depending on where we are in our relationship and our life, and our current circumstances, we might benefit from doing more or less planning…
~ The more we feel we, our relationship, and our life are a mess, the more we benefit from having a more concrete thought-out plan, that has clear routines, habits, and tactics. We need to really choose the things we want in our life that flow from our desires, vision, and values. We can’t leave things to chance because things are so chaotic that we’ll just create more of that. Without a clear plan and guidelines, we’d just keep spinning and banging around… And the less likely we are to get out of this situation and current circumstances…
~ The more we feel we are doing ok, the lighter the planning can be where we can be more organic in our approach to our life. In this case we are in fabulous health, we are creating a radiant and successful relationship with our partner, and our life feels magical… We manifest easily and with ease. Things feel smooth, pretty, and abundant most of the time. We’ve done the heavy lifting, all the doing, all the grinding and have moved to a more magnetic, flowy, and peaceful approach to all aspects of our life…
Our approach to our planning for wrapping up the current year and setting ourselves up for the New Year is to be tailored to where we are and how we are doing.
Regardless of whether we need a more organized plan or a more fluid plan, I want to offer the next level to our “planning”…
The next planning level has to do with bringing more awareness and intentionality to our planning…
Sometimes the vision we are working towards, and the goals and strategies we have been operating from, might be outdated… We could be expanding on preferences and desires conceived and outlined from an older version of ourselves… To add to this for our coming year would be a mistake for us as it keeps up with the ladder leaning against the wrong wall.
A revision and update might be needed to really capture how we have evolved and where we want to go…
And this is the icing:
The key is to focus on Allowing more of what we are looking to have more of by getting out of our own way. By Letting Go of outdated ideas, limiting beliefs, scripts, fear, defenses, ego, and such…
When we clean ourselves up and get lighter by reprogramming or releasing patterns and stuck energies, then we are more resourced to make our dreams come true, dreams without attachments, dreams that just feel fabulous in their own right… Dreams that just come true, easily and with ease as if by magic…
Consider what do you want more of in your relationship/life, and what do you need to let go of to be able to create that in your relationship/life- to Allow that to come into your relationship/life… More clarity and a cleaner slate help us do the right planning for us.
Then, set a clear Intention of what you desire, what you would like to experience, in the coming year to electrify and magnetize your plan… Make your plan come Alive…
APPLICATION: Decide if you need an organized or a fluid plan for the new year if you haven’t done yours yet. Make a commitment to create yours by end the end of the year…
~ Make sure you capture what the new version of you desires ~ Make sure you bring in what you’d like to add to your relationship/life in the New Year ~ Set an Intention for how you’d like the upcoming year to flow and feel
Approaching your yearly planning in a flexible manner that honors where you are at and who you are becoming is a delightful way to set yourself up to have your Best Year yet!
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
When we cultivate a letting go practice, we proactively embrace the art of allowing… Huh? Does this sound like a foreign language to you? It did to me when I first started my self-love (spiritual) practice! There is a whole other lingo that comes along as our self-care and self-love practice evolves… Letting go in relationships doesn’t have to do with just forgetting things and letting others step on us… Having a letting go practice is a whole art onto itself. It has to do with stopping the control and resistance and allowing our higher-self, the universe, to have our back…
Depending on where we are in our Journey, we can learn further Letting Go in Relationships for a more magical relationship and life experience…
~ If you are not very spiritual, or have a very minimalistic or non-existent self-care practice, then all of this might sound foreign and airy-fairy to you. I promise, that being open to and entertaining these concepts and practices more are literally relationship and life transformative…
~ If you are more middle of the road, this is a wonderful place to be as you have experienced the power and magnificence unleashed by being in this open and allowing state, and are still hungry for what else is available…
~ If you are further along in your Journey, you Know and live more in a Unity Consciousness state where allowing comes now more naturally to you and you effortlessly manifest a magical relationship/s and life…
With each of these levels there are more or less trauma, wounds, defenses/patterns, darkness/shadows (unseen parts of ourselves), limiting beliefs, and such still stuck in your body and psyche.
The more we’ve done our work, the cleaner or freer we become of these, and the more we become our Authentic Self- we shift from our Lower-Self to our Higher-Self…
The thing here is that we don’t want to make doing our work, another addiction, another habit, another pattern, another way of controlling, being rigid, and staying contracted…
I’ve had clients that managed to weaponize the tools and skills they learned in session! They would hold this very high standard for using them perfectly and a certain way, and blow a gasket when imperfection inevitably showed up… Heart-centeredness, compassion, connection, and collaboration went completely out the window…
When partners take responsibility for their own Journey, and stop making their partner wrong, victimizing themselves, and making a case for their limitations, they are then able to fully reside in their power. They can finally invite their partner into a gorgeous new dance…
Their mere shifting the focus from their partner to themselves, and how they can show up differently makes all the difference! This shift is possible when the partners start connecting to themselves more… This can be done with a rich self-love practice that includes proper self-care and mindfulness practices.
Partners focusing on their inner-world and connecting with themselves, helps them address their traumas, release their patterns, bring their shadows to light reprogramming themselves– literally rewiring and reconstituting themselves… They do all the healing and all the transcending…
These practices help Letting Go of the tightness, the contraction the rigidity, the control, the blame, the projections, the drama and all the crazy… Allowing for radiance and awesomeness to be a more prevalent experience…
Depending on where you are in your Journey, your letting go in relationships practice might look anything from:
Cleaning and decluttering your home
Clearing your calendar and lessening your workload
Softening your body and your language
Reauthoring scripts and upgrading belief systems
Accepting or making heart-felt and genuine apologies
Releasing repressed feelings and energies
To letting go of plans and strategies and operating from Knowing and the Now…
Embracing a Letting Go in relationships allows us to create, manifest, the relationship and life we desire…
APPLICATION: Take note of where you have excess, tight control, holding grudges and resentments…
~ Create a quiet moment to go within, sit comfortably, take a few deep breaths, relax your body ~ Tune into your body and ask it where is it holding any suffering or pain… ~ Ask that body part and the suffering/pain if it has a message for you, what does it want you to know, what does it need, what would it like… ~ Thank your body for all it does and the pain for alerting you of what you need… ~ Translate the message into an action- e.i., do a 30-day challenge or a 90-day commitment/declaration, declutter your home, open a savings account for a special project or goal, give an apology, release a behavior, etc.
Embrace a Letting Go practice that honors all of you and creates more space and lightness…
Allow radiance in your relationship and your life…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health field in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of MetroRelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. We help couples create a radiant and authentic relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™.
