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Reparenting through fathering, self-discipline, and new habits that stick [Video]

Reparenting through fathering, self-discipline, and new habits that stick [Video]

Have you had the experience of wanting to change something in your life but seemingly no matter what you try it seems that you just can’t get the results you are looking for? I have seen this with health and wellness habits, productivity and success habits, and I hear this all the time when couples first come to see us for couples therapy about creating changes in their relationship…

I find that partners think they try all kinds of things to make changes in their relationship without getting the outcome they are seeking. But even though they might try different things, what’s at the root, the driving mechanisms behind their efforts remain the same… So actually, not that much is being done differently at the end of the day… And they end up feeling stuck

Their conditioning, programming, and patterning need to be addressed, what’s driving their dynamics, for change to actually happen, AND hold… This can be done in a lot of different ways and through a host of different modalities… 

In June, I usually offer different ways to reprogram, deprogram, decondition, through reparenting but specifically through Fathering in honor of and in celebration of Fathers… 

And, as we’ve been at the deconditioning thing for a bit now, I want to offer tackling this from a lighter place to make the work more fun… 

Let’s get to some deconditioning with some Fathering- let’s embrace more structure, systems and routines for the security and discipline we need… But before you roll your eyes, as we are trying to get away from so much structure to begin with and make it more fun, let me share that we won’t be over doing it to where we stifle ourselves and it will be fun…

What we want to do is give ourselves the container of a structure so we can freely flow within it. Eh? More on this in upcoming issues. But for now, let’s focus on chipping away at programs that hold us back from what we want, even our attempt to be more disciplined… 

How? Let’s play with the idea of pattern interruption and make it fun- let’s implement habits that counter our usual habitual (egoic) ways… That force our brain to repattern… Driving home a different way. Writing or brushing your teeth with your opposite from dominant hand. Sleeping on the other side of the bed, or sitting at a different place at the dinner table or couch. You get my drift. 

For more ideas on habits to help us decondition, check out our 30-Days Challenges List!

In today’s podcast episode, I’m excited to have a conversation with Marvin Bee, a fellow podcaster about how to go about our own personal health journey. He focuses on removing unhealthy habits and all things not good for us in his approach to health and happiness… 

Awesome ideas show up in our conversation that can be used for your 30-Day Challenge… Enjoy!

 

 

Watch our related videos on our YouTube channel

Get our FREE 1-pg downloadable 30-Day Challenges Ideas List to help decondition and unravel egoic patterns keeping us stuck in our status quo…

Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

PS: Related Articles
Mothering Vs Fathering
Need Fathering in your life?
Use fathering to create the changes you want in your life…
Do less and make more changes with self-fathering…
New habits, routines and motivation
Intentional habits to glide into the New Year with ease
Coping with healthy vs unhealthy habits
The power of having Intentional Habits
How your self-discipline gives you Freedom…
Uplevel your relationship with summer couple fun
Have a Summer Bucket List!
Summer of self-improvement
Have a shift with Summer Personal Projects
Make this a Summer of upleveling
Use 30-day challenges to change your patterns…

 

PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?

Interested in Couple Therapy, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Coaching, Individual Therapy or Support Sessions?

We can help with our private and group memberships:
Success Membership

Radiance Membership

 

Look forward to seeing you inside!

 

   Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™
with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Coregulation for upleveling interactions and relationship bliss [Video]

Coregulation for upleveling interactions and relationship bliss [Video]

It’s been in the air, that partners, especially women, are really feeling disconnected and unsettled in their relationship. They are getting more and more in touch with feeling like something is missing, that there could be more, that just sitting side by side binge watching Netflix while their partner is also on another device, is just not enough to feel emotionally and relationally satisfied with their partner…  This is a wonderful awareness because it can be addressed… As opposed to feeling irritated and aggravated a lot of the time in the presence of their partner. No matter what their partner does, they find fault with it or it doesn’t satisfy… Even their partner’s breathing irks them- literally! Does your partner snore?

Couples don’t need to be fighting or thinking divorce for them to realize that their relationship can use some enrichment… That their relationship can use an upgrade, an upleveling… But of course, they can also be struggling.

Couples get into trouble when they approach their relationship from fear, from ego, from arrogance… Usually one of the partners feels like they do everything for the relationship and their life, and like their partner is the problem- they can’t even breathe properly! And, that they could be doing more…

This is exactly the mindset that creates funky dynamics and that keeps couples feeling stuck or from creating a radiant relationship… When one of the partners is feeling so disconnected, neglected, taken from granted, and the like, they go into control, micromanaging, demanding, critical, and even nasty mode… This makes their partner feel unappreciated, devalued, controlled, small, insignificant, and the like. Which makes them shut down even more and become emotionally, and even physically unavailable. Which in turns triggers the other some more… And so the cycle, loop, dynamic, repeating patterns go

It is usually the woman who feels the disconnect more and starts this cycle… Of course, it can be said that the man started by not showing up emotionally in the first place… But we have to plant the flag somewhere and it is easier to see it when we observe what is being done, versus what isn’t.

*Now, I said “usually” but the reverse is also true, and I used the genders for simplicity’s sake but please replace them as it fits your relationship. Just know that regardless of gender, the polarities still exist in the relationship in terms of feminine or masculine energy that creates the attraction between the two (both have both but lean more into one). If the binary language is offensive to you, you can translate this further and just suffice to say that there are different energies with opposing needs, they don’t need to be labeled…

The partners keep triggering each other with their relationship overfunctioning (pursuing) and relationship underfunctioning (distancing).

Once the partners pause and recognize that they are dissatisfied and constantly triggering each other, they can now become proactive about creating change in their relationship…

It is super helpful to shift how things are being interpreted- a lot of times the partners assume the worst, feel it’s totally hopeless, and feel like calling it quits. They throw up the baby with the bath water!

When what is needed is different perspective, realignment, and approach:

~ Embrace a Heart-Centered Approach – Move down from the head, logic, ego and fear driven overanalyzing, interpreting, assuming, and knowing best and knowing it all…  Move down to the heart and see and feel the blessings, beauty, joy, gratitude, ease, flow, appreciation, love… Cultivate this, expand it… Fill your heart, enlarge your heart. Connect with your sacred heart…

 ~ Embrace a Higher Estate – When you connect with your heart and lead from your heart life and your relationship become infinitesimally easier… Connect with compassion and unconditional love… Your partner is not perfect, as you are not… Your partner is also on a Journey, as are you… Have some grace for your experiences and really partner up in your great life adventure… 

 ~ Embrace a Higher Living – When you realign as we are saying here, you are automatically in a different reality! Things play out differently, work out better, easier, and smoother for the highest good of all. Life and your relationship become a dream come true… It is not that difficult to become your best self, create your best relationship, and your best life as the end of the day…

Ok, so this is all well and good in concept and philosophically you may be thinking, and asking what that means for the everyday.

Now that I shared the perspective shift for you to embrace, that creates a major shift in and of itself by the way… Let me bring it down to the clinical and practical so you can hang your hat somewhere.

The dynamics get created because of our programming, patterning and conditioning… This is why we address this a lot… We want to deprogram ourselves to get out of the box and into a more authentic, expansive, and loving relationship…

Real down to earth and tangible practices help with this:

*I’ve written about these extensively in the blog and have done some videos as well – feel free to search for selflove practice, connection, reprogramming and the like for more. Though the concepts are not always fully expounded and contextualized know that everything I offer, even the fun and silly things like creating seasonal bucket lists and 30-day challenges, serve a higher purpose and good of all…

~ Self-Love Practice – This practice addresses your inner-child… Meets your needs, nourishes and resources you, and heals you…

~ Partner-Love Practice – This practice addresses your shadows (unknown, hidden, disowned parts of you)… Meets your partner’s needs, delights and resources your partner, and evolves you…

There is so much possibility, gifts, and blessings in there you can play there for eternity. Embrace them as a way of life… Like I like to say, embrace a Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle….

And, for a bonus practice for today that is totally embodied and relational and in real time- CoRegulation:

~ Coregulation Practice – This is a way to use ourselves in the moment to have our partner’s back, each other’s back… It utilizes our nervous system to resonate with our partner’s to influence each other’s estate. When we are resourced and intentional, we can stay calm, grounded, and available in the face of our partner’s reactivity which in turn helps them calm down, get grounded and soothed…  It helps as a calming agent and connecting mechanism in times of distress (and other times as well!). This is a great practice when and for addressing triggers, pain, and stress. 

  • Show up with warmth, calming presence and tone of voice, attunement, eye contact
  • Provide verbal acknowledgement of the other’s distress and experience, put words to it
  • Offer deep breathing or synchronizing breaths, eye contact or eye gazing, and gentle reassuring caring touch (don’t force hugs!)

When partner’s meet their own and each other’s needs, they heal and grow… And change their stuck repeating patterns… They deprogram…

Embracing a coregulation practice is a super loving way to be in relationship and to deepen your connection. Now this addresses what feels like missing in your relationship, and helps with building that connection you crave… Now that’s partnership, cocreation, and Love!

Check out the video version…

 

 

Watch our related videos on our YouTube channel

Get our FREE 1-pg downloadable Codependence Quiz to identify if and how you are impacted by codependence in your relationship- do you love too much?

Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

PS: Related Articles
What about compassion?
Give the Gift of Understanding and Compassion…
5 Insights for your physical and mental health
Addictions impact mental health and success
Reprogram yourself with self-reparenting
Caring is not just for Mothers!
Mothering Vs Fathering
A simple way to change your programming…
Another simple way to change your programming…
Take off the identity mask you chose for your life
The ultimate tool for outsmarting your ego…
Prevent drama with self-regulation and co-regulation
Embrace the art of self-care for increased self-regulation and resilience
Loving practices for self-regulation and relationship enrichment

 

PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?

Interested in Couple Therapy, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Coaching, Individual Therapy or Support Sessions?

We can help with our private and group memberships:
Success Membership

Radiance Membership

 

Look forward to seeing you inside!

 

   Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™
with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Connection as a relationship and parenting solution… [Video]

Connection as a relationship and parenting solution… [Video]

In case I haven’t directly made this point before, I believe that connection is pretty much the magic pill. I know I have also said that about meditation and other mindfulness practices. LOL But these practices are a means to connecting with ourselves, our higher self, and Love Consciousness, Oneness… So, it still boils down to Connection, and our awareness that we are all interconnected… In that Connection we feel the Love, the aliveness, the belonging, the acceptance, the radiance that we are, and so much more… 

But without getting too philosophical and esoteric, suffice it to say that when partners feel connected they can work through anything… And the same is true for being in connection with our children…

When our parenting focuses on creating and safeguarding connection, our children thrive and the interactions and home life become smooth sailing… 

~ Through connection we create safety, security, and stability.

~ Through connection we promote emotional regulation.

~ Though connection we create resilience, development, and growth.

~ Through connection we better learn the other.

~ Through connection the other feels understood and accepted, like they belong, and know that they are special and valued.

~ Through connection we can better meet the other’s needs.

~ Through connection we can rekindle desire

~ Through connection everything is OK… 

What is beautiful about this concept is that it goes both ways! Not only do we provide all that awesomeness for the other, be it our partner, our child, or someone else, but in doing so we are also receiving the same benefits…

This is co/creation at its best. This is one of the wonders and gifts of being in relationship. 

In today’s episode I’m excited to share the remainder of the conversation with Polina Shkadron, a Play Therapist, about parenting neurodivergent children. I loved this conversation as the points she made about raising neurodivergent children just apply to being in relationship in general…

Today’s episode is part 2 of our conversation, check out part 1 here, and here we cover how using specific language gets better outcomes with your child, how to set good boundaries without overusing the “no”, what to do with attention seeking behavior, how to coparent, and how to smoothly do transitions…

It’s packed with information on how to succeed at your parenting and create a harmonious and joyful home. 

 

 

Watch our related videos on our YouTube channel

Get our FREE 1-pg downloadable Codependence Quiz to identify if and how you are impacted by codependence in your relationship- do you love too much?

Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

PS: Related Articles
What about compassion?
Give the Gift of Understanding and Compassion…
5 Insights for your physical and mental health
Addictions impact mental health and success
Reprogram yourself with self-reparenting
Caring is not just for Mothers!
Mothering Vs Fathering
A simple way to change your programming…
Another simple way to change your programming…
Take off the identity mask you chose for your life
The ultimate tool for outsmarting your ego…
Prevent drama with self-regulation and co-regulation
Embrace the art of self-care for increased self-regulation and resilience
Loving practices for self-regulation and relationship enrichment

 

PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?

Interested in Couple Therapy, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Coaching, Individual Therapy or Support Sessions?

We can help with our private and group memberships:
Success Membership

Radiance Membership

 

Look forward to seeing you inside!

 

   Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™
with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Shadows work, innerchild work, and your deeper transformation…

Shadows work, innerchild work, and your deeper transformation…

Sometimes our life feels like smooth sailing, at other times it feels like an uphill battle… Of course, we enjoy the easiness, the flow, the joy. We don’t question it much and wonder what’s working… But when we struggle, it’s not so pleasant. We wonder what the heck is happening and why things are so hard. I hear this all the time from couples that are having a challenging time in their relationship. They say things like, It should not be this hard

But let me offer, that it doesn’t have to be hard! Yes, challenging times are rough, and nobody likes those. But we can make the challenging times worth the sticking through them… Though they are hard, they don’t have to be insufferable or devastating. Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional…

The key is to fully embrace our Human Experience, to continue to become who we really are without all the muck covering our radiance. By being super intentional about how we do ourselves and our lives, we are able to create much more ease, joy, and love…

How do we do this, because sometimes we might think that’s what we are doing but yet our relationship and our life are still very challenging?

The answer is that it is not just about what meets the eyes… It’s not just about all the doing we do and how we do all the doing…

This is what is getting in the way. We get too focused on our conscious processes and our behaviors without addressing any of the drivers behind them… This is the surest way to spin our wheels and not make any progress. This is why our relationship and life feel too hard…

Our programming, patterning, and conditioning have their way with us if we don’t do something about them… They are the drivers of everything in our life. Everything about our life is created 95% by them, and 5% by our conscious mind… Yikes! We better get to straightening all that stuff out!

To that end, let’s address some of our shadows (disowned parts and unknown aspects of ourselves) today…

~ Disowned Parts – Have you noticed that there might be characteristics about your partner or other people that just irk you? Have you noticed that sometimes your partner or others do stuff that just get under your skin? In these instances, there is something about those characteristics or behaviors that resonate within you at some level… You might have these in you or some version of them that at some point and somehow you rejected or villainized. When they show up in others, they stick out to get your attention. It’s not the other person that’s getting on your nerves… It’s your own stuff calling out to you to come home… 

~ Buried Aspects – This is where there is a lot of potential for healing and growing… These parts are aspects of you that were present when you had traumatic or very painful experiences and so had to be buried to survive the pain. When accessed and taken cared of through understanding, compassion, forgiveness, letting go and such, they release the stuck pattern and energy allowing for further evolution and expansion…

~ Golden Shadows – These are my favorite and not for the faint of heart. These are the ones that hold the lessons, the ones that are a gift to us, the ones that when we experience something we might say, Things happen for a reason… These are the ones that show up the most clearly in the form of repeating themes in our life… There is stuff there for us to use in creating our Best Life, in having our Grand Life Adventure, in having to do with our Purpose for being in this life…

Our shadows need to be identified, reclaimed, owned, and integrated for us to become whole… For us to undo programs and conditioning that our holding us back. For us to break out of repeating patterns that create our suffering. For us to be our full glorious selves, with warts and all. To us to be our perfect imperfect version of ourselves. For us to have a real awakened full Human Experience…

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional…

Let’s become more whole and who we really are, shall we?

These can get you started, and join our membership for much deeper dives into all this!

Take Off the Identify Mask You Chose for Your Life
The Ultimate Tool for Outsmarting Your Ego
You Don’t Just Love Your Partner On Paper, Do You?

 

Watch our related videos on our YouTube channel

Get our FREE 1-pg downloadable Codependence Quiz to identify if and how you are impacted by codependence in your relationship- do you love too much?

 

Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

PS: Related Articles
What about compassion?
Give the Gift of Understanding and Compassion…
5 Insight for your physical and mental health
Addictions impact mental health and success
Reprogram yourself with self-reparenting
Caring is not just for Mothers!
Mothering Vs Fathering
A simple way to change your programming…
Another simple way to change your programming…
Take off the identity mask you chose for your life
The ultimate tool for outsmarting your ego…
Prevent drama with self-regulation and co-regulation
Embrace the art of self-care for increased self-regulation and resilience
Loving practices for self-regulation and relationship enrichment

 

PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?

Interested in Couple Therapy, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Coaching, Individual Therapy or Support Sessions?

We can help with our private and group memberships:
Success Membership

Radiance Membership

 

Look forward to seeing you inside!

 

   Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™
with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Parenting tactics, neurodivergence, and attachment styles [Video]

Parenting tactics, neurodivergence, and attachment styles [Video]

It’s interesting how the way we are raised has a pretty significant impact on how we turn out as people… There are other factors at play as well of course captured by the big debate on nature vs nurture… Regardless of which side gets more points on that debate, the way we are parented and our relationship with our caregivers during our formative years do play a major role on how we develop and who we become… They inform our programming, our patterns, and even our personality which can all boil down to the habit of being ourselves… 

Just how we were parented impacted us, how we parent impacts our children… 

There are a few key things to be on the lookout that impact their resilience, programming, and what kind of relationship they have with themselves and others as they grow up and as they settle down with a future partner… 

These are the same things we can think back on and deprogram, depattern and decondition in ourselves for our own healing, development, wellbeing, and happiness… And for creating our Best Relationship and our Best Life… 

Let’s take a look at how parenting / caregiving plays a role on our make up through some specific parenting styles and tactics:

Regulation – Is the child assisted in regulating and taught how to self-soothe and self-regulate through safe, consistent, and nurturing interactions during tough moments, hard feelings, and triggers

~ If the adult is or gets dysregulated themselves, if they get agitated, angry, or triggered, they can’t assist the child with their own regulation. This means more agitation for everyone and escalation of the situation… The child doesn’t learn how to feel and own their own feelings, self-regulate, and use effective boundaries, and experience delayed emotional and other development…

Messaging – What types of messages are giving for example about feelings, personal characteristics, abilities, appearance, body, affection, sexuality, connection, independence, accomplishing, success

~ If the adult judges, criticizes, discourages and the like any particular aspect of the child’s make up or behavior, they are giving messages that have a negative impact the child’s self-esteem and personality development… The child subscribes to limiting belief systems, ideas about themselves, others and the world… 

Acceptance and Belonging – Is the bond between parent and child safeguarded and unconditional- is the child shown that they are accepted and loved no matter what 

~ If the adult uses shaming, control, rigidness, time outs, and other punitive tactics to get the child to behave and comply, they are making their emotional safety, belonging and love conditional… The child takes on disempowering ideas about themselves, their self-worth, and how to be in relationship…

These are key parenting aspects to consider as we parent to raise health, resilient and happy children. 

And, to consider how they applied to how we were parented so we can better understand ourselves and what we might need today to undo any negative impact from how we were raised.

In today’s episode I have a super-rich conversation with Polina Shkadron, a Play Therapist, about parenting neurodivergent children, which apply to all parenting also… Our conversation was so informative that are turning it into a 2-part episode to share all the wisdom with you. In today’s part, we cover the importance of play for the child’s growth, development and wellbeing and how understanding the dynamics involved in play is beneficial for the parent-child relationship. We also cover why children have tantrums and how to manage them, and the importance of self-regulation.  The key aspects mentioned above are illustrated in our conversation. You are in for a treat!

 

 

Watch our related videos on our YouTube channel

Get our FREE 1-pg downloadable Codependence Quiz to identify if and how you are impacted by codependence in your relationship- do you love too much?

Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

PS: Related Articles
What about compassion?
Give the Gift of Understanding and Compassion…
5 Insight for your physical and mental health
Addictions impact mental health and success
Reprogram yourself with self-reparenting
Caring is not just for Mothers!
Mothering Vs Fathering
A simple way to change your programming…
Another simple way to change your programming…
Take off the identity mask you chose for your life
The ultimate tool for outsmarting your ego…
Prevent drama with self-regulation and co-regulation
Embrace the art of self-care for increased self-regulation and resilience
Loving practices for self-regulation and relationship enrichment

 

PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?

Interested in Couple Therapy, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Coaching, Individual Therapy or Support Sessions?

We can help with our private and group memberships:
Success Membership

Radiance Membership

 

Look forward to seeing you inside!

 

   Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™
with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

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