Many of us want emotional safety, personal growth, and deeper connection, but we often feel stuck in creating the changes we seek. As we launch into the second part of the year, this is the perfect time to do mid-year reset. So, we address the patterns keeping us stuck and freeing ourselves to create a new version of ourselves and a new reality. Our best life…
Often, we try to muscle our way into changing our circumstances, into creating the relationship we desire. But all our effort is operating from the conscious, surface level, when we mostly operate from habit, blueprints, and templates from a conscious and subconscious level. No matter how hard we try, we end up defaulting back to our programming.
The key to lasting change is depatterning our programming, deconstructing our blueprint. So we can install instructions we want to create what we desire.
There are three core ego patterns that shape our identity, our perceptions and how we show up in the world. Unless we are aware and proactive about these patterns they are bound to limit our potential.
This episode explores the three ego patterns that quietly run the show, and how you can begin to dissolve them by creating a new identity from the inside out. This new you is the new version of you that creates your new reality, your best life…
The Three Ego Patterns That Keep You Stuck
The Lack Pattern
This pattern keeps you focused on what’s missing. It convinces you there’s never enough: Not enough time, support, money, love, success, attention. No matter what your partner does, or how much you achieve, it doesn’t feel like enough. This pattern creates a constant sense of emptiness.
Which leads to sadness, grief, loneliness, aloneness, hopelessness, depression and so on which lead to focusing on fairness and double standards, judging imperfections, self-numbing [flight response…]
The Attachment Pattern
This pattern clings to how things should be. It’s rigid and full of expectations: How people should behave, how things should unfold, how love should look. This pattern creates a constant sense of yearning.
Which leads to let down, disappointment, resentment, frustration, anger and so on which lead to demanding apologies, owning the other, and getting stuck on expectations [fight response…]
The Control Pattern
This pattern makes you believe it’s all on you. You micromanage everything. You can’t trust others to show up. You’re constantly fixing, orchestrating, over-functioning. This pattern creates a constant feeling of nervousness.
Which leads to fear, stress, overwhelm, exhaustion, anxiety and so on which lead to over-functioning, micromanaging, doing everything ourselves, not accepting help [freeze response…]
How These Patterns Show Up in Everyday Life
These ego patterns aren’t abstract, they play out in your real, daily experiences. You feel like nothing is enough, even when everything looks fine on paper. You get frustrated that your partner isn’t doing things “right”. You silently resent having to do everything yourself.
These patterns distort your perception. They filter how you interpret reality. And most importantly, they shape how you show up in your relationships, in your work, and in your inner dialogue…
Identity Creates Reality – Your ego pattern becomes your identity. And your identity is the filter of your experience which creates your reality…
~ If you’re operating from lack, you’ll experience scarcity everywhere
~ If you’re operating from attachment, you’ll constantly be let down
~ If you’re operating from control, you’ll live in a loop of pressure and burnout
If you want to shift your reality, you have to shift your identity first.
What Needs to Change?
If we want to create a new relationship and a new life, we have to identify the gap we are trying to bridge…
Take inventory of your current life, be honest:
What feels stuck?
What feels like it’s not working?
Where are you in friction with yourself, others, or your circumstances?
Then ask:
What would I love to experience instead?
What would a better reality actually feel like?
What would be different?
And here’s the key:
Who would I need to become to create that reality?
Choose a New You
This isn’t just about letting go of old patterns per se. It’s about choosing the future version of you and stepping into it.
Who is the version of you that already lives the reality you want?
Then start showing up as them, one decision, one habit, one interaction at a time.
The Transformation Hack
But as you try to install this new version of you, you have to do it in malleable and fertile ground… You can’t just force a new way… You don’t change patterns by fighting them. The key is to disrupt all patterns, to create space for the new…
This is where challenge-based repatterning becomes powerful. Something as simple as a 30-day challenge can begin to unravel old identity patterns and create space for the new version of you.
It doesn’t matter what the challenge is. What matters is that it interrupts your norm. It challenges thought, emotional, and behavioral patterns… It promotes new thoughts, new feelings, new behaviors. And that rewires everything.
Allows new options to be installed…
Start Making Small Changes
Start showing up with the New Version of you to start making changes in your relationship and your life. The new version of you will have very different ideas about what’s acceptable and what’s desired… This might mean:
Noticing all the abundance in your life
Setting boundaries you’ve never set
Clarifying expectations to meet your needs
Speaking softer when you’d normally snap
Asking for help instead of doing it all yourself
Saying no to something that drains your energy
Every time you shift out of autopilot and into conscious choice, you’re dissolving the old and anchoring in the new.
Creating a Life That Matches the New You
Once you have clarity on the version of you that you’re becoming, map out what your life would now look like.
What needs to shift in your environment?
Your routines?
Your calendar?
Your work rhythms?
Your relationships?
You don’t need to change everything all at once. Start with one or two areas. Choose one change in each and make it real this week.
Structure, Stability, and the Masculine Reset
We are really going for it with this work. There is so much more than meets the eyes with this process… We are not just playing with a challenge and dreaming a new version of ourselves… We are making it possible because we are repatterning our subconscious and unconscious… Our mental, and our emotional patterns…
This new discipline is repatterning our relationship with the masculine parts of ourselves. It’s a reparenting, a re-fathering, healing safety, stability, and security wounds… This is the emotional part.
Giving yourself the masculine care you may have missed growing up: Structure, systems, discipline.
And you’re not just healing old wounds either… You’re building a stable foundation to support your feminine radiance, your personal power…
This is your 2025 reset.
This Is Your Mid-Year Reset
As we move into the second half of the year, it’s a natural time to reflect not just on what’s working or what isn’t, but on how we’re being in our lives.
Are we operating from patterns of lack, attachment, and control?
Are we reacting from old scripts?
Are we creating our lives with intention or defaulting to survival?
The second half of the year offers a clean slate. A chance to shift gears. Not by radically overhauling everything at once, but by reconnecting to what you value, what you want to feel, and how you want to show up.
This reset is an invitation to do things differently, to experience a personal transformation. To take one small steps toward the version of yourself you know you’re becoming, and creating the relationship and the life the new version of you wants to live. Your Best Life…
Change doesn’t require force. It requires awareness, choice, and repetition.
So as you move forward, ask yourself:
What am I ready to release?
What do I want to cultivate more?
How do I want to show up differently?
What would I do differently in my life?
And begin there gently, consistently, and with enough clarity to show up as the new you creating your next chapter this second part of the year.
You don’t have to become someone else. You just have to return to the version of you that’s always been possible. One aligned choice at a time.
Hope this information serves you and helps you get on the path to your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life.
Monthly Activating Protocols Break the Habit of Being Yourself, Allow Your True Self to Shine Through When you get out of the box you put yourself you’ll automatically find yourself in a new reality… This is how we create the relationship and life we love… We don’t have to live by the same stories, narratives, scripts. We don’t have to see things the same old way. We don’t have to do everything in our days the way we usually do them… Our whole existence is a pattern, a habit. We can deconstruct and clean all this up, and we can be intentional about everything we do want to do and be… This is how we how we level up…
Don’t have a Membership with us yet? Access it and much more through our Radiance Membership! (Only $29 per month) Get Enrolled NOW!
What’s Next
~~ Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
We can help with our select memberships: Radiance Membership– Transformational content and experiences subscription (Only $29 per month!) Success Membership – Private sessions and Radiance Membership access! (Start with an Initial Session)
~~ Interested in being our Guest? Interested in having Emma be a Guest in your Podcast?
DISCLAIMER: This content is meant to support your Journey and not as a replacement for professional assistance. Additionally, the ideas and resources provides by our guests are their ideas and recommendations alone and not necessarily a reflection of mine
Copyright (c) 2025 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
People start relationships because they are interested in having a relationship. They go through a checklist of sorts to vet each other at its onset. What they fail to do is to deepen their assessment as they progress in the relationship to ensure they are and stay aligned in creating a mutually satisfying relationship. And to intentionally work on creating a relationship they love.
A satisfying, radiant and successful relationship doesn’t happen by accident. It requires intentionality and nurturing. There are key relationship and life areas that couples need to align on for the relationship to flourish.
And this is separate from doing their emotional dynamics work… Couples struggle in relationship because their programming interact with each other creating funky relationship patterns.
Partners need to align and be intentional about the business of life, so their emotional programs don’t trip up over the mundane and practical aspects of life.
So, if partners get ahead by identifying and getting on the same page about what they desire and want to create, there is less stuff to have friction and power struggle on as they go.
Just focusing on relationship milestones and moving things along is not enough to create a strong partnership and lasting love.
There are 8 specific relationship, marital, topics that partners need to align on to ensure a smoother ride.
8 PreMarital Topics
Now, regardless of the partners’ ages, how long they’ve been together, if they are just dating, living together, or recently married, these topics need to be explored to make sure they are on the same page about their needs, expectations, and desires.
Setting Expectations – What feels safe, supportive, and respectful
This has to do with setting boundaries, being accountable, owing ourselves, and exploring and sharing expectations so both partners know where they stand and interact accordingly. It includes ways to protect your bond and connection.
Sharing Daily Life – How to manage responsibilities as a team
This has to do with how to manage responsibilities as a team, taking on a divide and conquer approach for efficiency and productivity, and working to each other’s strengths. It’s not about dividing the load 50/50 but about finding a balance that works for both.
Creating Financial Freedom – What financial trust looks like between you
This has to do with how to manage your financial life together, how to take care of the money management and how to establish and work towards shared goals. Building transparency and partnership in create a secure, strong and successful financial future.
Building Intimacy – What helps you feel connected and close
This has to do with creating a deeply meaningful and satisfying emotional and physical intimacy. It has to do with balancing both partners’ seemingly opposite needs around connection, togetherness and separateness, and spontaneous and responsive sexual styles.
Making Family Decisions – Whether kids are part of your vision or not
This has to do with exploring what kind of family you want to create. Are children part of that equation, how many, and timing of having them. This also includes exploring your parenting style preferences, how you want to raise them, and what kind of life you want to give them.
Creating Fun & Joy – What keeps your relationship alive
This has to do with how each like to have fun, your interests, and preferences for activities, outings and doing leisure time. And, how you have fun together, create shared experiences and memories and enjoy each other’s company. The key is to create shared interests…
Balancing Life & Partnership – Careers, stress, family, and everything in between
This has to do with how you recharge, take care of yourselves, take care of the business of life and support each other’s dreams, ambitions and desires. It has to go with having each other’s back and finding the sweet spot for doing life and still investing enough in the relationship.
Clarifying Your Shared Future Vision – What you’re building and why it matters
This has to do with identifying what kind of life you want to create, what kind of lifestyle you want to live, how you want to create your shared life, what legacy you want to leave behind.
By exploring and getting on the same page about your ideas, preferences and expectations, you remove any ambiguity and confusion down the line. These topics help you address key components of creating a shared life to ensure this is something you want to do together and how to go about it.
Aligning on what kind of relationship and life you want to create and experience, prevents unnecessary friction from tripping you up later. Smoothing these things out early, not only helps you decide if this is something to take to the next level, but also get ahead so you set up your new life together right from the start.
This frees you up to focus on addressing the deeper more meaningful parts of your relationship in the future, without wasting energy, effort and bandwidth on sorting the practical, relational and emotional in one swoop. This is how you set yourselves up to start your marriage right, and ensure lasting love.
I invite you to have conversations with your partner to explores these topics, regardless of where you are in your relationship. Anytime you learn each other more, you deepen your connection and make your relationship stronger. Here is to a beautiful future together, and a happily ever after.
Hope this information serves you and helps you get on the path to your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life.
Finally Resolve the Repeating Patterns, Gift Your Relationship the Next Version of You It might feel light no matter how much work we put in to create change, things keep reverting back. But this is it, we are doing all the depatterning by reparenting ourselves… We have patterns that keep repeating, and we have the experience of feeling stuck, because our programming is still running the show. Our approach in caretaking our partner, in overfunctioning, in being in their circle – that’s codependence, that’s not how we create change. We create change be minding ourselves… We can mother and father ourselves to heal wounds, and change our programs… It’s time to depattern…
Don’t have a Membership with us yet? Access it and much more through our Radiance Membership! (Only $29 per month) Get Enrolled NOW!
What’s Next
~~ Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
We can help with our select memberships: Radiance Membership– Transformational content and experiences subscription (Only $29 per month!) Success Membership – Private sessions and Radiance Membership access! (Start with an Initial Session)
~~ Interested in being our Guest? Interested in having Emma be a Guest in your Podcast?
DISCLAIMER: This content is meant to support your Journey and not as a replacement for professional assistance. Additionally, the ideas and resources provides by our guests are their ideas and recommendations alone and not necessarily a reflection of mine
Copyright (c) 2025 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Even with the best of intentions, and even if we activate full grind and grit mode, sometimes we just can’t make the changes we want… This is because everything we do in our relationship and our life is actually driven by underlying programming. We can force this all we want, but ultimately the changes don’t stick if the driving patterns are not also changed. So, let’s focus on deprogramming these presets. We are talking about unconscious and subconscious patterns…
~ Where the unconscious patterns are more visceral, emotional, wiring, and structural of our embodied nervous system… A mind-body connection. Not directly accessible. ~ And where the subconscious patterns are more of a mental and feeling nature, a product of the mind. It includes fears, limiting beliefs, meaning systems, personal narratives, and the like. These can be accessed when we tune in with deepened awareness.
Our job is to identify what’s not working in our life and address it from a deprogramming perspective, not just a behavioral and action taking one.
The more superficial level depends on sheer willpower and discipline, which we know ebbs and flows depending what’s going on in our life and our priorities.
But a deeper approach is more systemic. Once we deprogram, change the preset, everything automatically flows from there with no additional effort or input from us. Ahh…
This is how we truly level up and create the relationship and life we love- not through effort but by resetting the system underneath it all. You with me?
Deprogramming the Layers
When our programs don’t get a proper upgrade, they keep running outdated scripts. Those scripts trigger defenses that reinforce the very patterns we are trying to change. That’s how we get stuck even when we’re doing all the work
The most common dynamic we see in couples is the pursuer-distancer, maximizer-minimizer, relational overfunctioner-underfunctioner, or simply the codependence pattern…
The names vary, but the flavor is the same of how couples keep cycling through conflict and disconnection in their relationship.
This is the new codependence, not necessarily tied to recovery like it was at its inception… This pattern is driven by a low sense of self and programs of insecurities, unworthiness, fear of abandonment, or feeling not good enough, shame, controlled or suffocated. All developed due to less-than-perfect-caregiving growing up…
The Codependence Pattern in Action
The Pursuer – They need reassurance and connection to feel safe or their abandonment and unworthiness wounds get triggered (Usually core female energy partner, core need is connection)
~~ They – Nag, complain, over explain, are very emotive, chase, control, are manipulative
The Distancer – They need acknowledgment and appreciation to feel confident and strong or their not-good enough and shame wounds get triggered (Usually core male energy partner, core need is freedom)
~~ They – Dismiss, hold it in, not very verbal, shut down, distance, gaslight, are passive aggressive
Note: We all have both sets of energies so this is not so black-and-white and both apply to us to some extent…
The Unconscious Deprogramming
The Pursuer – Heal abandonment and worthiness wounds by not abandoning themselves… Taking care of themselves, their needs, self-soothing and self-regulating, nurturing and pampering themselves.
~~ Reparenting in Action – Mothering with nurturing and pampering, Fathering with protection and security
The Distancer – Heal not-good-enoughness and shame wounds by acknowledging themselves… Taking note and being proud of their strengths, uniqueness, accomplishments and achievements.
~~ Reparenting in Action – Mothering with compliments and praise, Fathering with structure and discipline
The Subconscious Deprogramming
The Pursuer – Deconditioning fears, beliefs and stories about being left, not being wanted, being alone, having to take care of everything, not being able to count on others, distrust, being unlovable, being too much, being too needy
The Distancer – Deconditioning fears, believes and stories about being controlled, suffocated, trapped, not good enough, not measuring up, feeling behind in life, being unsuccessful, being used or taken advantage of, not being appreciated or valued
~~ Updating Meaning Systems – Do reality checks being mindful of confirmation bias, look for the exemptions, focus on and cultivate what does work or meets your needs, check for secondary gains- what do you get out of something not working…
Upleveling the Relationship
The Pursuer – Make requests to help you meet the needs for togetherness and connection without being controlling and triggering your partner’s wounds of feeling trapped, without throwing them in a cage
The Distancer – Make requests to help you meet the needs for separateness and freedom without being evasive and aloof or distant and triggering your partner’s wound of feeling abandoned, without throwing them off a precipice
This addresses a couple’s main theme and pattern. Of course, each couple and partners are unique– so apply this to your situation as you see best.
~ The aligning on values and setting boundaries ~ The improving communication skills and tools ~ The intentionally meeting your own and each other’s needs ~ The building connection and intimacy ~ The implementing systems for a smooth collaboration and strong partnership
If we want to level up our life and our relationship, we have to change the preset that’s maintaining the status quo.
No matter how much effort we put in to changing our behavior, habits and circumstances, if we don’t change the underlying programming, all our work will eventually revert back to the established preset…
Identify which part of the dynamics you usually land in and commit to addressing the driving programming to change your preset. This is how you’ll create sustainable and lasting change. Here is to your upleveled relationship!
Happy Deprogramming…
With Much Love & Light!
JUST FOR YOU
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RESOURCES
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PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2025 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
There is such a thing as not being on the same page with our partner about our physical intimacy… You know, like when they want to be intimate a lot more than you, they want to do it at all hours, in all the places, whenever the mood strikes. Which seems to be all the time…
You? Not so much. You are more subtle. You need to feel ready, to be comfortable, to be wooed into it. You need all the stars to line up. The running joke I have with our clients.
In today’s podcast episode, I cover what this is about. It’s called Desire Discrepancy that’s influenced by the partners’ seemingly opposite desire styles.
Where one partner, usually the man, has a Spontaneous Style. Meaning they are pretty much always ready to go.
And the other, usually the woman, has a Responsive Style. This means they have to be (get) ready to go… They become ready, and responsive, when they can relax into the safety, security, and spirit of the moment…
If the partners don’t intentionally attend to these styles, they run the risk of creating the Female Orgasmic Disorder (the woman has a challenging time reaching orgasm if at all) and the Penile Erectile Disorder (the man has a challenging time getting and / or maintaining their erection)…
Not being mindful of each other’s styles sets the partners up to get stuck in a pattern that could lead to those dysfunctions.
Additionally, the hectic modern life we lead now adays, does not serve us when it comes to promoting a healthy and satisfying intimate life.
It creates patterns in our lifestyle that deplete us of our life energy and therefore our zest for life. Our radiance and our vitality.
In other words, it kicks our libido in the teeth. If we have no life force, it is very challenging to drum up energy for a satisfying and passionate love life.
5 Culprits of Low Desire…
Exhaustion
Well, it’s not surprising that if we are tackling all the world’s problems that we’d be exhausted at the end of the day. Also, the overachievers, multitaskers and overdoers run out of time to tackle their super aggressive agenda, so they cut into their sleep time to compensate.
Not to mention that if they are women, they are probably the one waking up more in the middle of the night with little ones, especially if they are nursing. Yeah, fun times!
This state messes with patience, bandwidth, mood, outlook, body image, appetite, libido… Not only are you too tired to do it, you also have no interest…
And, if you are a woman and somehow got over this hump, then you run into not being able to turn your brain/ruminating off… You can’t get in the mood and your female physiology doesn’t cooperate to boot. And, this is only culprit #1 on this list!
Domesticity
Once we move in together, and even more so once children come along, the focus of the relationship changes to creating a life together. The focus becomes on the domestic. Before, it was about sharing, now is about managing.
There is Being in sharing… But, there is a lot of doing in managing when tackled as a big long *a—s to-do list… This in and of itself is terrible as not only does this contribute to the exhaustion, but our awesome Self is not showing when we are in doing mode…
And, as if that’s not bad enough, when we don our Domestic hat, and live in our husband/wife and father/mother roles, we mute the person, the essence of ourselves – the male/female energy in the relationship…
The roles are not interested in intimacy. They are all about duty, responsibility, and such. They are the antithesis of intimacy. Unless you look at intimacy as duty! A different topic.
I’m sure you are familiar with how fast the mood/moment changes when your baby cries, or one of the children comes to your door, or into your bed!
Expectations
It gets better. Add to the above all the junkie thoughts you allow to rent space in your head. And, I am not referring to just your unfinished to do list, brainstorms about a project, thinking about a problem or concern, the big presentation tomorrow, or worrying about whatever you worry about.
I’m referring to thoughts of your own inadequacy and misguided expectations about your partner, your intimacy and the relationship as a whole. You can be downright mean to yourself and your partner in that head of yours.
You might have thoughts of what sucky lovers you might each be, how gross your bodies might be, how disappointing as partners you might each be, etc…
You might even have thoughts micromanaging your partner’s love making. Or, about how much pleasure you should have or how you are supposed to get there.
We can be our own worst enemy in all areas of our life!
Enmeshment
This is a tricky one because it’s not as obvious as the others. It refers to how close the partners are… I’m sure you have friends or know people, or this might even be you, that do everything with their partner. And, they think this is a good thing. They call each other best friends.
They know everything about each other and every moment of their day. They are in constant contact. They only have couple friends and look down on single people. All their activities are family and kid related. They don’t leave their kids with others.
They don’t take couple vacations, never mind trips without their partner. You get my drift.
This might sound idyllic to partners who feel distance and disconnection from their partner. But, these enmeshed partners are not better off. Their supposedly closeness picks up too much of a friendship vibe…
They are too close, too together for mystery, interest, and desire to spark. The male and female energy necessary for attraction and passion gets muted…
Yikes! These are the partners that are the most surprised to discover a possible affair.
Boredom
And, here is where it gets fun. The easiest way to kill the human spirit (and desire and intimacy!) is through boredom. We are meant for variety, exploration, curiosity, adventure, feeling Alive…
When our lives are monotonous, too safe, without meaning or purpose, and the like we lose oomph. We don’t have a fire in our belly, drive, hunger… There is no aliveness. There is no mysticism.
To make matters worse, this carries into the actual relationship – it’s just there. It’s taken for granted. It’s expected to last a lifetime without nourishment… As we very well know anything that is neglected withers, breaks down and dies.
This is true for a garden, a car, health, finances, and anything you can think of. If the relationship doesn’t get attention it doesn’t exist, it’s just a contract, an agreement… How fun is that? Never mind radiant…
And, then add a boring bedroom life for good measure. If you get to the lovemaking the same way all the time and do the same things all the time, where is the curiosity, the enticement, the anticipation, the draw, the eagerness, the yearning, the build-up…? That is if you even get to intimacy…
For you see our intimacy is driven by our brain which needs proper stimulation…
And, you wonder what happened to your intimacy? The answer is: Plenty!
3 Love Hack Practices
Listen to the podcast for solutions to each of the culprits… And, for more on these 3 Top Practices to keep you in alignment for a radiant love life.
Exquisite Connection
Focus on properly and generously showing up to your relationship… Bring the attunement, bring the presence, bring the aligned and meaningful interactions.
Golden Sex Rule
Cover your basic intimacy quota… Yes, schedule sex so at least you have the minimum intimacy covered to stay in the flow with each other. You can have all the additional sex you like…
Consciously Date Your Partner
Bring it on. Have your dates as if you just met, or recently started dating… Bring your essence. Bring the woo. Bring the swag.
Having an amazing, radiant, and successful relationship, and a hot love life, doesn’t happen by accident. You need to be intentional about protecting your energy and properly aligning with your partner. Synchronize and the universe is the limit…
Hope this information serves you and helps you get on the path to your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life.
Nourish Yourself to Elevate, Nourish Your Relationship to Cultivate More Love Hello second quarter, hello spring and hello springing back to life! Yes, the seasons and the weather help, but we have to also invest in ourselves and our relationship for us to thrive… If we don’t invest in ourselves not only can we not show up with our Best Self to our life, but we very quickly burnout… If we don’t invest in our relationship, our love withers and dies… So, let’s make sure we nurture ourselves and our relationship so we can flourish…
Don’t have a Membership with us yet? Access it and much more through our Radiance Membership! (Only $29 per month) Get Enrolled NOW!
What’s Next
~~ Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
We can help with our select memberships: Radiance Membership– Transformational content and experiences subscription (Only $29 per month!) Success Membership – Private sessions and Radiance Membership access! (Start with an Initial Session)
~~ Interested in being our Guest? Interested in having Emma be a Guest in your Podcast?
DISCLAIMER: This content is meant to support your Journey and not as a replacement for professional assistance. Additionally, the ideas and resources provides by our guests are their ideas and recommendations alone and not necessarily a reflection of mine
Copyright (c) 2025 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
We usually think of Spring Cleaning as decluttering our home and detoxing our bodies. But those of us who take healing, performance, development and evolution (lightly) seriously take a deeper and more meaningful approach.
We consider all the things we need to release in all areas of our life.
And if we are really serious, we go deeper. We look at the patterns that drive us in creating who we are, our circumstances, our relationship, and our life.
To that end, today’s Episode is about reprogramming the patterns that no longer serve us. I present the Reset Patterns Formula™ (AKA: The Fuel Equation), a framework designed to help you transition from reactive to responsive living… By reprogramming our mental, emotional, and behavioral patterns that are keeping us stuck.
I have called this Formula the Fuel Equation as each aspects fuels the next, and back around…
When something gets triggered at any aspect it sets off an automatic chain reaction.
When we haven’t done much healing, personal development and training, we usually operate from a surface, reactive level.
When we do our work, we are less negatively triggerable, and operate from a more grounded, deeper and responsive level.
Here’s How It Usually Unfolds
In a nutshell, an event happens…
~ At the Reactivity Level– It triggers distorted thoughts which fuel symptomatic feelings which fuel defense mechanisms and coping.
~ At the Responsive Level – It triggers realist thoughts which fuel vulnerable feels which fuel healthy functioning.
We are to reprogram the aspects of the reactive level to show up to life free from patterns and free to become more who we really are. Not a big old pattern and habit…
So we can step into intentional living and create the relationship and life we love.
Reactionary Level
At the reactionary level, we are victim of our circumstances, we are easily triggered, and disempowered.
Thoughts
Our minds can be unruly if we’re not mindful. Thoughts become distorted, limiting, and negatively biased, fueling unwanted emotional states and behaviors.
Distorted Thoughts- Overgeneralization, personalization, black-and-white thinking, and projection to name a few. These patterns cloud reality and keep us stuck.
Limiting Beliefs- Programs installed from childhood and cultural conditioning. They often run unnoticed, shaping perceptions about self-worth, love, intimacy, success, money and more.
Scripts and Narratives- The stories we tell ourselves about our past, ourselves, circumstances, relationships, and all our experiences keep us locked in old patterns.
Negativity Bias- A survival mechanism once helpful for physical threats now makes us see danger or negativity everywhere. Including in our relationship, where we often mistakenly assign negative motives to our partner.
~ Identify all our thought patterns that might be keeping us stuck.
Feelings
Triggered thoughts lead to triggered emotions like anxiety, frustration, anger, or overwhelm. We often dismiss or suppress feelings, overlooking their critical role as messengers. Feelings are our guide to what we need, to know if something is right for us, and provide other wealth of information.
~ Pause to acknowledge our feelings and start understanding them.
Behaviors
Unaddressed thoughts and emotions drive reactive behaviors like impatience, poor self-care, emotional eating, drinking, shopping, or shutting down. We might turn to these to numb out and make ourselves feel better. Some are just acting out and irresponsible.
~ Own all our bad habits and behaviors that don’t server us.
Responsive Level
At the responsive level, we shift to being more intentional, mindful, and empowered.
Thoughts
To clean up your mental clutter, engage in conscious reprogramming:
~ Monitor, challenge and replace your distorted cognitions, limiting believes, script and stories, and negativity bias with more real based versions.
Feelings
Recognize feelings as valuable signals and address their messages:
~ Go beyond the reactive ones to what’s beneath them- the vulnerable ones, feel and honor them, then translate them into needs you can address.
Behaviors
With clarity on your thoughts and feelings, intentionally implement behaviors and habits that align with addressing your needs and creating the relationship life you want:
~ Integrate wellness, connection, and success habits into daily routines, prioritizing meeting specific needs and practicing self-regulation and care.
The beauty of this Formula is its flexibility. You can start the reset from any point, thoughts, feelings, or behaviors. The transformative process ripples through all three, reprogramming and freeing you from old patterns that kept you stuck.
Which aspect feels most out of balance for you right now? Identify where you need to focus your attention and take your deep dive.
Listen to the Episode below for a thorough walkthrough of working with each aspect at both levels.
Let this spring reset launch you toward your most radiant, intentional relationship and life yet.
Hope this information serves you and helps you get on the path to your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life.
Ride the Wave of Massive Change, Do All the Letting Go Yes, we are going for it. No more tiptoeing around wanting change, but then holding ourselves back. If we want real change, we have to own it. Which I know it’s not always easy to do. It can be scary and destabilizing. But this is a good price to pay for entry into our next level… Don’t you think? Let’s do all the decluttering (remove), detoxing (stop doing), and defragging (restructure) to let go of the old and allow in the new…
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Resources
~~ Watch our related videos on our YouTube channel
~~ Download our Refresh for Newness Checklistfor ideas and inspirations on what to declutter, detox, and defrag for a powerful spring reset!
~~ Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
We can help with our select memberships: Radiance Membership– Transformational content and experiences subscription (Only $29 per month!) Success Membership – Private sessions and Radiance Membership access! (Start with an Initial Session)
~~ Interested in being our Guest? Interested in having Emma be a Guest in your Podcast? Contact us about a possible collaboration!
DISCLAIMER: This content is meant to support your Journey and not as a replacement for professional assistance. Additionally, the ideas and resources provides by our guests are their ideas and recommendations alone and not necessarily a reflection of mine
Copyright (c) 2025 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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