People start relationships because they are interested in having a relationship. They go through a checklist of sorts to vet each other at its onset. What they fail to do is to deepen their assessment as they progress in the relationship to ensure they are and stay aligned in creating a mutually satisfying relationship. And to intentionally work on creating a relationship they love.
A satisfying, radiant and successful relationship doesn’t happen by accident. It requires intentionality and nurturing. There are key relationship and life areas that couples need to align on for the relationship to flourish.
And this is separate from doing their emotional dynamics work… Couples struggle in relationship because their programming interact with each other creating funky relationship patterns.
Partners need to align and be intentional about the business of life, so their emotional programs don’t trip up over the mundane and practical aspects of life.
So, if partners get ahead by identifying and getting on the same page about what they desire and want to create, there is less stuff to have friction and power struggle on as they go.
Just focusing on relationship milestones and moving things along is not enough to create a strong partnership and lasting love.
There are 8 specific relationship, marital, topics that partners need to align on to ensure a smoother ride.
8 PreMarital Topics
Now, regardless of the partners’ ages, how long they’ve been together, if they are just dating, living together, or recently married, these topics need to be explored to make sure they are on the same page about their needs, expectations, and desires.
Setting Expectations – What feels safe, supportive, and respectful
This has to do with setting boundaries, being accountable, owing ourselves, and exploring and sharing expectations so both partners know where they stand and interact accordingly. It includes ways to protect your bond and connection.
Sharing Daily Life – How to manage responsibilities as a team
This has to do with how to manage responsibilities as a team, taking on a divide and conquer approach for efficiency and productivity, and working to each other’s strengths. It’s not about dividing the load 50/50 but about finding a balance that works for both.
Creating Financial Freedom – What financial trust looks like between you
This has to do with how to manage your financial life together, how to take care of the money management and how to establish and work towards shared goals. Building transparency and partnership in create a secure, strong and successful financial future.
Building Intimacy – What helps you feel connected and close
This has to do with creating a deeply meaningful and satisfying emotional and physical intimacy. It has to do with balancing both partners’ seemingly opposite needs around connection, togetherness and separateness, and spontaneous and responsive sexual styles.
Making Family Decisions – Whether kids are part of your vision or not
This has to do with exploring what kind of family you want to create. Are children part of that equation, how many, and timing of having them. This also includes exploring your parenting style preferences, how you want to raise them, and what kind of life you want to give them.
Creating Fun & Joy – What keeps your relationship alive
This has to do with how each like to have fun, your interests, and preferences for activities, outings and doing leisure time. And, how you have fun together, create shared experiences and memories and enjoy each other’s company. The key is to create shared interests…
Balancing Life & Partnership – Careers, stress, family, and everything in between
This has to do with how you recharge, take care of yourselves, take care of the business of life and support each other’s dreams, ambitions and desires. It has to go with having each other’s back and finding the sweet spot for doing life and still investing enough in the relationship.
Clarifying Your Shared Future Vision – What you’re building and why it matters
This has to do with identifying what kind of life you want to create, what kind of lifestyle you want to live, how you want to create your shared life, what legacy you want to leave behind.
By exploring and getting on the same page about your ideas, preferences and expectations, you remove any ambiguity and confusion down the line. These topics help you address key components of creating a shared life to ensure this is something you want to do together and how to go about it.
Aligning on what kind of relationship and life you want to create and experience, prevents unnecessary friction from tripping you up later. Smoothing these things out early, not only helps you decide if this is something to take to the next level, but also get ahead so you set up your new life together right from the start.
This frees you up to focus on addressing the deeper more meaningful parts of your relationship in the future, without wasting energy, effort and bandwidth on sorting the practical, relational and emotional in one swoop. This is how you set yourselves up to start your marriage right, and ensure lasting love.
I invite you to have conversations with your partner to explores these topics, regardless of where you are in your relationship. Anytime you learn each other more, you deepen your connection and make your relationship stronger. Here is to a beautiful future together, and a happily ever after.
Hope this information serves you and helps you get on the path to your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life.
Finally Resolve the Repeating Patterns, Gift Your Relationship the Next Version of You It might feel light no matter how much work we put in to create change, things keep reverting back. But this is it, we are doing all the depatterning by reparenting ourselves… We have patterns that keep repeating, and we have the experience of feeling stuck, because our programming is still running the show. Our approach in caretaking our partner, in overfunctioning, in being in their circle – that’s codependence, that’s not how we create change. We create change be minding ourselves… We can mother and father ourselves to heal wounds, and change our programs… It’s time to depattern…
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What’s Next
~~ Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
We can help with our select memberships: Radiance Membership– Transformational content and experiences subscription (Only $29 per month!) Success Membership – Private sessions and Radiance Membership access! (Start with an Initial Session)
~~ Interested in being our Guest? Interested in having Emma be a Guest in your Podcast?
DISCLAIMER: This content is meant to support your Journey and not as a replacement for professional assistance. Additionally, the ideas and resources provides by our guests are their ideas and recommendations alone and not necessarily a reflection of mine
Copyright (c) 2025 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Even with the best of intentions, and even if we activate full grind and grit mode, sometimes we just can’t make the changes we want… This is because everything we do in our relationship and our life is actually driven by underlying programming. We can force this all we want, but ultimately the changes don’t stick if the driving patterns are not also changed. So, let’s focus on deprogramming these presets. We are talking about unconscious and subconscious patterns…
~ Where the unconscious patterns are more visceral, emotional, wiring, and structural of our embodied nervous system… A mind-body connection. Not directly accessible. ~ And where the subconscious patterns are more of a mental and feeling nature, a product of the mind. It includes fears, limiting beliefs, meaning systems, personal narratives, and the like. These can be accessed when we tune in with deepened awareness.
Our job is to identify what’s not working in our life and address it from a deprogramming perspective, not just a behavioral and action taking one.
The more superficial level depends on sheer willpower and discipline, which we know ebbs and flows depending what’s going on in our life and our priorities.
But a deeper approach is more systemic. Once we deprogram, change the preset, everything automatically flows from there with no additional effort or input from us. Ahh…
This is how we truly level up and create the relationship and life we love- not through effort but by resetting the system underneath it all. You with me?
Deprogramming the Layers
When our programs don’t get a proper upgrade, they keep running outdated scripts. Those scripts trigger defenses that reinforce the very patterns we are trying to change. That’s how we get stuck even when we’re doing all the work
The most common dynamic we see in couples is the pursuer-distancer, maximizer-minimizer, relational overfunctioner-underfunctioner, or simply the codependence pattern…
The names vary, but the flavor is the same of how couples keep cycling through conflict and disconnection in their relationship.
This is the new codependence, not necessarily tied to recovery like it was at its inception… This pattern is driven by a low sense of self and programs of insecurities, unworthiness, fear of abandonment, or feeling not good enough, shame, controlled or suffocated. All developed due to less-than-perfect-caregiving growing up…
The Codependence Pattern in Action
The Pursuer – They need reassurance and connection to feel safe or their abandonment and unworthiness wounds get triggered (Usually core female energy partner, core need is connection)
~~ They – Nag, complain, over explain, are very emotive, chase, control, are manipulative
The Distancer – They need acknowledgment and appreciation to feel confident and strong or their not-good enough and shame wounds get triggered (Usually core male energy partner, core need is freedom)
~~ They – Dismiss, hold it in, not very verbal, shut down, distance, gaslight, are passive aggressive
Note: We all have both sets of energies so this is not so black-and-white and both apply to us to some extent…
The Unconscious Deprogramming
The Pursuer – Heal abandonment and worthiness wounds by not abandoning themselves… Taking care of themselves, their needs, self-soothing and self-regulating, nurturing and pampering themselves.
~~ Reparenting in Action – Mothering with nurturing and pampering, Fathering with protection and security
The Distancer – Heal not-good-enoughness and shame wounds by acknowledging themselves… Taking note and being proud of their strengths, uniqueness, accomplishments and achievements.
~~ Reparenting in Action – Mothering with compliments and praise, Fathering with structure and discipline
The Subconscious Deprogramming
The Pursuer – Deconditioning fears, beliefs and stories about being left, not being wanted, being alone, having to take care of everything, not being able to count on others, distrust, being unlovable, being too much, being too needy
The Distancer – Deconditioning fears, believes and stories about being controlled, suffocated, trapped, not good enough, not measuring up, feeling behind in life, being unsuccessful, being used or taken advantage of, not being appreciated or valued
~~ Updating Meaning Systems – Do reality checks being mindful of confirmation bias, look for the exemptions, focus on and cultivate what does work or meets your needs, check for secondary gains- what do you get out of something not working…
Upleveling the Relationship
The Pursuer – Make requests to help you meet the needs for togetherness and connection without being controlling and triggering your partner’s wounds of feeling trapped, without throwing them in a cage
The Distancer – Make requests to help you meet the needs for separateness and freedom without being evasive and aloof or distant and triggering your partner’s wound of feeling abandoned, without throwing them off a precipice
This addresses a couple’s main theme and pattern. Of course, each couple and partners are unique– so apply this to your situation as you see best.
~ The aligning on values and setting boundaries ~ The improving communication skills and tools ~ The intentionally meeting your own and each other’s needs ~ The building connection and intimacy ~ The implementing systems for a smooth collaboration and strong partnership
If we want to level up our life and our relationship, we have to change the preset that’s maintaining the status quo.
No matter how much effort we put in to changing our behavior, habits and circumstances, if we don’t change the underlying programming, all our work will eventually revert back to the established preset…
Identify which part of the dynamics you usually land in and commit to addressing the driving programming to change your preset. This is how you’ll create sustainable and lasting change. Here is to your upleveled relationship!
Happy Deprogramming…
With Much Love & Light!
JUST FOR YOU
This Month’s Activating Protocol – coming shortly:
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RESOURCES
~~ Watch our related videos on our YouTube channel
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2025 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
There is such a thing as not being on the same page with our partner about our physical intimacy… You know, like when they want to be intimate a lot more than you, they want to do it at all hours, in all the places, whenever the mood strikes. Which seems to be all the time…
You? Not so much. You are more subtle. You need to feel ready, to be comfortable, to be wooed into it. You need all the stars to line up. The running joke I have with our clients.
In today’s podcast episode, I cover what this is about. It’s called Desire Discrepancy that’s influenced by the partners’ seemingly opposite desire styles.
Where one partner, usually the man, has a Spontaneous Style. Meaning they are pretty much always ready to go.
And the other, usually the woman, has a Responsive Style. This means they have to be (get) ready to go… They become ready, and responsive, when they can relax into the safety, security, and spirit of the moment…
If the partners don’t intentionally attend to these styles, they run the risk of creating the Female Orgasmic Disorder (the woman has a challenging time reaching orgasm if at all) and the Penile Erectile Disorder (the man has a challenging time getting and / or maintaining their erection)…
Not being mindful of each other’s styles sets the partners up to get stuck in a pattern that could lead to those dysfunctions.
Additionally, the hectic modern life we lead now adays, does not serve us when it comes to promoting a healthy and satisfying intimate life.
It creates patterns in our lifestyle that deplete us of our life energy and therefore our zest for life. Our radiance and our vitality.
In other words, it kicks our libido in the teeth. If we have no life force, it is very challenging to drum up energy for a satisfying and passionate love life.
5 Culprits of Low Desire…
Exhaustion
Well, it’s not surprising that if we are tackling all the world’s problems that we’d be exhausted at the end of the day. Also, the overachievers, multitaskers and overdoers run out of time to tackle their super aggressive agenda, so they cut into their sleep time to compensate.
Not to mention that if they are women, they are probably the one waking up more in the middle of the night with little ones, especially if they are nursing. Yeah, fun times!
This state messes with patience, bandwidth, mood, outlook, body image, appetite, libido… Not only are you too tired to do it, you also have no interest…
And, if you are a woman and somehow got over this hump, then you run into not being able to turn your brain/ruminating off… You can’t get in the mood and your female physiology doesn’t cooperate to boot. And, this is only culprit #1 on this list!
Domesticity
Once we move in together, and even more so once children come along, the focus of the relationship changes to creating a life together. The focus becomes on the domestic. Before, it was about sharing, now is about managing.
There is Being in sharing… But, there is a lot of doing in managing when tackled as a big long *a—s to-do list… This in and of itself is terrible as not only does this contribute to the exhaustion, but our awesome Self is not showing when we are in doing mode…
And, as if that’s not bad enough, when we don our Domestic hat, and live in our husband/wife and father/mother roles, we mute the person, the essence of ourselves – the male/female energy in the relationship…
The roles are not interested in intimacy. They are all about duty, responsibility, and such. They are the antithesis of intimacy. Unless you look at intimacy as duty! A different topic.
I’m sure you are familiar with how fast the mood/moment changes when your baby cries, or one of the children comes to your door, or into your bed!
Expectations
It gets better. Add to the above all the junkie thoughts you allow to rent space in your head. And, I am not referring to just your unfinished to do list, brainstorms about a project, thinking about a problem or concern, the big presentation tomorrow, or worrying about whatever you worry about.
I’m referring to thoughts of your own inadequacy and misguided expectations about your partner, your intimacy and the relationship as a whole. You can be downright mean to yourself and your partner in that head of yours.
You might have thoughts of what sucky lovers you might each be, how gross your bodies might be, how disappointing as partners you might each be, etc…
You might even have thoughts micromanaging your partner’s love making. Or, about how much pleasure you should have or how you are supposed to get there.
We can be our own worst enemy in all areas of our life!
Enmeshment
This is a tricky one because it’s not as obvious as the others. It refers to how close the partners are… I’m sure you have friends or know people, or this might even be you, that do everything with their partner. And, they think this is a good thing. They call each other best friends.
They know everything about each other and every moment of their day. They are in constant contact. They only have couple friends and look down on single people. All their activities are family and kid related. They don’t leave their kids with others.
They don’t take couple vacations, never mind trips without their partner. You get my drift.
This might sound idyllic to partners who feel distance and disconnection from their partner. But, these enmeshed partners are not better off. Their supposedly closeness picks up too much of a friendship vibe…
They are too close, too together for mystery, interest, and desire to spark. The male and female energy necessary for attraction and passion gets muted…
Yikes! These are the partners that are the most surprised to discover a possible affair.
Boredom
And, here is where it gets fun. The easiest way to kill the human spirit (and desire and intimacy!) is through boredom. We are meant for variety, exploration, curiosity, adventure, feeling Alive…
When our lives are monotonous, too safe, without meaning or purpose, and the like we lose oomph. We don’t have a fire in our belly, drive, hunger… There is no aliveness. There is no mysticism.
To make matters worse, this carries into the actual relationship – it’s just there. It’s taken for granted. It’s expected to last a lifetime without nourishment… As we very well know anything that is neglected withers, breaks down and dies.
This is true for a garden, a car, health, finances, and anything you can think of. If the relationship doesn’t get attention it doesn’t exist, it’s just a contract, an agreement… How fun is that? Never mind radiant…
And, then add a boring bedroom life for good measure. If you get to the lovemaking the same way all the time and do the same things all the time, where is the curiosity, the enticement, the anticipation, the draw, the eagerness, the yearning, the build-up…? That is if you even get to intimacy…
For you see our intimacy is driven by our brain which needs proper stimulation…
And, you wonder what happened to your intimacy? The answer is: Plenty!
3 Love Hack Practices
Listen to the podcast for solutions to each of the culprits… And, for more on these 3 Top Practices to keep you in alignment for a radiant love life.
Exquisite Connection
Focus on properly and generously showing up to your relationship… Bring the attunement, bring the presence, bring the aligned and meaningful interactions.
Golden Sex Rule
Cover your basic intimacy quota… Yes, schedule sex so at least you have the minimum intimacy covered to stay in the flow with each other. You can have all the additional sex you like…
Consciously Date Your Partner
Bring it on. Have your dates as if you just met, or recently started dating… Bring your essence. Bring the woo. Bring the swag.
Having an amazing, radiant, and successful relationship, and a hot love life, doesn’t happen by accident. You need to be intentional about protecting your energy and properly aligning with your partner. Synchronize and the universe is the limit…
Hope this information serves you and helps you get on the path to your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life.
Nourish Yourself to Elevate, Nourish Your Relationship to Cultivate More Love Hello second quarter, hello spring and hello springing back to life! Yes, the seasons and the weather help, but we have to also invest in ourselves and our relationship for us to thrive… If we don’t invest in ourselves not only can we not show up with our Best Self to our life, but we very quickly burnout… If we don’t invest in our relationship, our love withers and dies… So, let’s make sure we nurture ourselves and our relationship so we can flourish…
Don’t have a Membership with us yet? Access it and much more through our Radiance Membership! (Only $29 per month) Get Enrolled NOW!
What’s Next
~~ Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
We can help with our select memberships: Radiance Membership– Transformational content and experiences subscription (Only $29 per month!) Success Membership – Private sessions and Radiance Membership access! (Start with an Initial Session)
~~ Interested in being our Guest? Interested in having Emma be a Guest in your Podcast?
DISCLAIMER: This content is meant to support your Journey and not as a replacement for professional assistance. Additionally, the ideas and resources provides by our guests are their ideas and recommendations alone and not necessarily a reflection of mine
Copyright (c) 2025 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
We usually think of Spring Cleaning as decluttering our home and detoxing our bodies. But those of us who take healing, performance, development and evolution (lightly) seriously take a deeper and more meaningful approach.
We consider all the things we need to release in all areas of our life.
And if we are really serious, we go deeper. We look at the patterns that drive us in creating who we are, our circumstances, our relationship, and our life.
To that end, today’s Episode is about reprogramming the patterns that no longer serve us. I present the Reset Patterns Formula™ (AKA: The Fuel Equation), a framework designed to help you transition from reactive to responsive living… By reprogramming our mental, emotional, and behavioral patterns that are keeping us stuck.
I have called this Formula the Fuel Equation as each aspects fuels the next, and back around…
When something gets triggered at any aspect it sets off an automatic chain reaction.
When we haven’t done much healing, personal development and training, we usually operate from a surface, reactive level.
When we do our work, we are less negatively triggerable, and operate from a more grounded, deeper and responsive level.
Here’s How It Usually Unfolds
In a nutshell, an event happens…
~ At the Reactivity Level– It triggers distorted thoughts which fuel symptomatic feelings which fuel defense mechanisms and coping.
~ At the Responsive Level – It triggers realist thoughts which fuel vulnerable feels which fuel healthy functioning.
We are to reprogram the aspects of the reactive level to show up to life free from patterns and free to become more who we really are. Not a big old pattern and habit…
So we can step into intentional living and create the relationship and life we love.
Reactionary Level
At the reactionary level, we are victim of our circumstances, we are easily triggered, and disempowered.
Thoughts
Our minds can be unruly if we’re not mindful. Thoughts become distorted, limiting, and negatively biased, fueling unwanted emotional states and behaviors.
Distorted Thoughts- Overgeneralization, personalization, black-and-white thinking, and projection to name a few. These patterns cloud reality and keep us stuck.
Limiting Beliefs- Programs installed from childhood and cultural conditioning. They often run unnoticed, shaping perceptions about self-worth, love, intimacy, success, money and more.
Scripts and Narratives- The stories we tell ourselves about our past, ourselves, circumstances, relationships, and all our experiences keep us locked in old patterns.
Negativity Bias- A survival mechanism once helpful for physical threats now makes us see danger or negativity everywhere. Including in our relationship, where we often mistakenly assign negative motives to our partner.
~ Identify all our thought patterns that might be keeping us stuck.
Feelings
Triggered thoughts lead to triggered emotions like anxiety, frustration, anger, or overwhelm. We often dismiss or suppress feelings, overlooking their critical role as messengers. Feelings are our guide to what we need, to know if something is right for us, and provide other wealth of information.
~ Pause to acknowledge our feelings and start understanding them.
Behaviors
Unaddressed thoughts and emotions drive reactive behaviors like impatience, poor self-care, emotional eating, drinking, shopping, or shutting down. We might turn to these to numb out and make ourselves feel better. Some are just acting out and irresponsible.
~ Own all our bad habits and behaviors that don’t server us.
Responsive Level
At the responsive level, we shift to being more intentional, mindful, and empowered.
Thoughts
To clean up your mental clutter, engage in conscious reprogramming:
~ Monitor, challenge and replace your distorted cognitions, limiting believes, script and stories, and negativity bias with more real based versions.
Feelings
Recognize feelings as valuable signals and address their messages:
~ Go beyond the reactive ones to what’s beneath them- the vulnerable ones, feel and honor them, then translate them into needs you can address.
Behaviors
With clarity on your thoughts and feelings, intentionally implement behaviors and habits that align with addressing your needs and creating the relationship life you want:
~ Integrate wellness, connection, and success habits into daily routines, prioritizing meeting specific needs and practicing self-regulation and care.
The beauty of this Formula is its flexibility. You can start the reset from any point, thoughts, feelings, or behaviors. The transformative process ripples through all three, reprogramming and freeing you from old patterns that kept you stuck.
Which aspect feels most out of balance for you right now? Identify where you need to focus your attention and take your deep dive.
Listen to the Episode below for a thorough walkthrough of working with each aspect at both levels.
Let this spring reset launch you toward your most radiant, intentional relationship and life yet.
Hope this information serves you and helps you get on the path to your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life.
Ride the Wave of Massive Change, Do All the Letting Go Yes, we are going for it. No more tiptoeing around wanting change, but then holding ourselves back. If we want real change, we have to own it. Which I know it’s not always easy to do. It can be scary and destabilizing. But this is a good price to pay for entry into our next level… Don’t you think? Let’s do all the decluttering (remove), detoxing (stop doing), and defragging (restructure) to let go of the old and allow in the new…
Don’t have a Membership with us yet? Access it and much more through our Radiance Membership! (Only $29 per month) Get Enrolled NOW!
Resources
~~ Watch our related videos on our YouTube channel
~~ Download our Refresh for Newness Checklistfor ideas and inspirations on what to declutter, detox, and defrag for a powerful spring reset!
~~ Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
We can help with our select memberships: Radiance Membership– Transformational content and experiences subscription (Only $29 per month!) Success Membership – Private sessions and Radiance Membership access! (Start with an Initial Session)
~~ Interested in being our Guest? Interested in having Emma be a Guest in your Podcast? Contact us about a possible collaboration!
DISCLAIMER: This content is meant to support your Journey and not as a replacement for professional assistance. Additionally, the ideas and resources provides by our guests are their ideas and recommendations alone and not necessarily a reflection of mine
Copyright (c) 2025 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
It’s funny how we start a relationship because of attraction and interest in each other, only to have that dwindle or get lost in the everyday grind as we progress to a higher level of commitment and create a shared life together. As we move from romantic partners to life partners, there’s often a struggle because this isn’t an ideal state for couples. They need to be partners in love first.
Couples need to be lovers. But when they focus too much on the business of life, they dampen that part of the relationship. The result? They struggle not only with feeling connected but also with being good life partners.
And what’s interesting is that many couples tolerate the loss of romance but fight hard to make the partnership side work. This is where they hit friction, sometimes so intense and conflictual that the relationship completely breaks down.
It’s challenging to address this when partners are already feeling disconnected and stuck in a negative place. That’s why our Successful Relationship Strategy™ focuses on shifting mindset and resetting how partners approach each other and the relationship first.
Then, we work on communication and alignment, removing bad habits and unhealthy interaction patterns that weaken the bond. This helps partners get on the same page more easily so they can go deeper in creating the relationship and life they want.
Finally, we address emotional patterns that drive the dynamic and focus on rebuilding connection and intimacy.
When couples go about creating their shared life from a strong mindset—aligned, resourced, and connected—it becomes much easier to collaborate.
These elements flow best in this order, but they’re not mutually exclusive. They can be worked on simultaneously and continue to evolve as the couple grows.
That said, even with a strong romantic connection, couples may still struggle with how to be great partners in life…
Great Partners in Life
Being great partners in life means we properly position our partner and our relationship for their due importance in our life… This is a requirement for creating the strongest partnership. We have to embrace a higher perspective for proper life Journey…
Mindset Shift 1: Our Partner with a Capital P.
Our partner is our Partner, THE partner of all partners… They are the one we chose to have our Journey, our grand human experience, and create our extraordinary life with. If that is not a significant role in our life, I don’t know what is…
The problem is that partners lose sight of this mega role and treat their partner worse than they treat strangers sometimes… Isn’t that nuts?
The key is to reset how we look at our partner, their priority in our life, and treat them with the due reverence their role warrants. As well as bring back the couplehood aspect, the romantical aspect, to keep the energy alive… This is the relationship juice, the creative energy that fuels everything.
It is very easy to get too busy and forget to even acknowledge our partner and their importance. And to neglect our relationship…
SHIFT- Create a cadence for couple time and protect it with your life.
Mindset Shift 2: Our Partner is Our Ally
Being true partners means being allies. But too often, couples get stuck in power struggles, unconsciously trying to get their needs met. They lose sight of the fact that they’re on the same side. Instead, they treat each other like enemies, with suspicion, mistrust, control, manipulation, and other nasty tactics.
This only creates a downward spiral of disconnection and dissatisfaction.
These patterns can get so entrenched and pervasive that the partners dig their heals in until things break.
SHIFT- Reframe your partner as your ally and address a stuck issue with this perspective.
Mindset Shift 3: The Relationship is the Mechanism for Transformation and Mastery
Something that gets overlooked is that our relationship is our playground. A space where we get to explore, practice, discover, and master our skills, strengths, and selves.
In our relating there is so much potential for our expansion and for creation…
SHIFT- Identify one personal growth area and explore it with your partner until it’s mastered.
Your Attraction is Your Glue
Our initial attraction happens at an unconscious and subconscious level. So if you have a checklist you are measuring your partner against, you’d do well to just chuck it.
The truth is, we were attracted to each other for a reason. Our programming brought us together as part of a grander design- to create the human experience we desire. Cracking those codes is part of the Game of Life.
The key is in increasing our awareness of what’s playing out and be intentional in how we interact so we can uplevel our cocreation…
Appreciate Complementary Aspects and Uniqueness
Opposites attract for a reason. Our partner has complementary characteristics and strengths to our own, and their own special flavor. At first, we find these differences incredible. But later, we start holding them against each other. How ridiculous is that? Instead of resisting them, we could be capitalizing on their awesomeness.
APPLICATION- Identify one of your partner’s complementary strengths, acknowledge it, and discuss how you can leverage it together.\
Appreciate Play on Sensitivities
Another part of the attraction, is that our partner has the uncanny ability to trigger our old wounds (because of the unconscious match), and vice versa.
But this is gold, it offers the perfect opportunity for healing and growing…
APPLICATION- Select one of your sensitivities, share with your partner what’s underneath it, and discuss what would help soothe it.
Playing the Game of Life
Too often, we put our heads down and grind through life. Before we know it, we’ve spent years with blinders on, not truly creating the life we want.
We get stuck in routines, neglect joy, and sometimes leave a trail of collateral damage- our health, our relationships, our family, our creativity, and our impact.
How do we play the game of life? We play to win…
And to win, we need to know how to play the game and what winning looks like.
We can all have different definitions of winning, the key is for us to know what those are for ourselves and for our partner and to get on the same page about them for an aligned approach, and fulfilling, meaningful, harmonies and joyful journey.
EXPLORE THESE TOGETHER:
~ What kind of love do we want to experience?
~ What kind of relationship do we want to create?
~ What kind of life do we want to build?
~ What kind of experiences, impact, creations do we want to pursue?
If you are not asking these questions, you’re just going through the motions… These help you better align with your partner, for an easier and more joyful Journey…
Intentionally Design and Live Your Life
If we don’t know what we’re creating, we create by default. Our programming has a field day creating a reactive and painful life. Our defenses have a relationship with our partner’s defenses creating a relationship riddled with friction, codependence, and misalignment. We don’t get very far with this approach.
But if we:
~ Reset our relationship mindset
~ Invest in prioritizing ourselves and our relationship
~ Strengthen our connection and meet our needs
~ Tap into our synergy- our relationship juice
~ Align on a life vision
Then, bam! We create the life we deeply desire… When these things are in place, everything flows. Without them life is uphill battle.
The Practical in the Collaboration
The soft side of relationships, the mindset, connection, and synergy, drives success. But let’s be real, the practical side matters too! A strong partnership needs systems and habits that support it.
Here are some key collaboration tactics to keep things running smoothly (check out the podcast time stamps for more in-depth description of these):
Shared Calendar – Keep track of shared responsibilities, appointments, events, and reminders in a calendar you both have access to.
PRO TIP: Bonus points for using collaborative tools or apps to manage the business of life efficiently.
Weekly Sync-Up – Every Sunday, check in about the upcoming week. Get on the same page about schedules, responsibilities, and anything that needs attention.
Division of Labor– Divide and conquer, don’t let one person carry the entire mental load. Use a shared responsibilities list to divide tasks fairly.
*Get our FREE Downloadable to master your division of labor
Staying Current – Keep communication open with regular check-ins:
~ Morning coffee chats
~ End-of-day debriefs
~ Visioning sessions
~ Planning meetings
~ Financial reviews
Outsourcing – If a task doesn’t require your unique skills and you can afford to outsource it, do it! Life is too short to spend time on the mundane.
Transitions – Most arguments happen during transition times- coming home, shifting tasks, starting or ending the day. Be extra mindful and intentional during these moments.
Weekend Planning – Avoid last-minute stress and mismatched expectations by discussing weekend plans before Friday hits.
Morning Routines – Start your morning routine the night before. Reduce morning chaos by prepping in advance. A smoother start sets the tone for the day.
Vacationing – Identify the expectations, the flavor and what would make it successful as you plan it…
Being Proactive – If the same arguments keep coming up, fix the root issue. Identify patterns, address them directly, and put a lasting solution in place.
This can feel like a lot to address at the same time, I know. But you don’t have to overhaul everything overnight.
Just pick one of these strategies that resonated with you and take action on it today. Even the smallest investment can make a big difference. Intentionality is key. As you make these shifts, you’ll notice everything starts changing…
Hope this information serves you and helps you get on the path to your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life.
Realign for More Love in Your Relationship, Learn How to Date Your Partner Often when couples struggle in their relationship, or when they feel they are in a bit of a slump, it has to do with Relationship Neglect… When life gets hectic with demands and we barely have time to sleep, the further thing from our mind is being cute in our relationship. Because we are so used to a life of grind, this state of affairs is common. Where the relationship and our bond take a major blow. The relationship can sustain challenging times, but ongoing neglect takes its toll. There are specific factors that play a role during these difficult times, that can at times be pervasive in the relationship making matters worse. Shifting these is key to getting out of the slump along with intentionally and effortlessly investing in the relationship.
Don’t have a Membership with us yet? Access it and much more through our Radiance Membership! (Only $29 per month) Get Enrolled NOW!
Resources
~~ Watch our related videos on our YouTube channel
~~ Download our Date Your Partner Protocolto learn how to better date your partner for more fun, connection and love!
We can help with our select memberships: Radiance Membership– Transformational content and experiences subscription (Only $29 per month!) Success Membership – Private sessions and Radiance Membership access! (Start with an Initial Session)
~~ Interested in being our Guest? Interested in having Emma be a Guest in your Podcast? Contact us about a possible collaboration!
DISCLAIMER: This content is meant to support your Journey and not as a replacement for professional assistance. Additionally, the ideas and resources provides by our guests are their ideas and recommendations alone and not necessarily a reflection of mine
Copyright (c) 2025 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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