Create safety, security and trust in your relationship

A lot of people have difficulties having trust in their relationship, and in general… Mistrust in our relationship is not just about wondering, or obsessing about, if our partner is cheating. But not trusting our partner usually has the flavor of not trusting we can count on them. That they have our back. That they’ll pick up where we leave off. Whether or not they’ll follow through on what they say. If they’ll use their best judgement. And so on. It is imperative that we create safety, security and trust in our relationship for it to be successful…

A quick note about wondering if your partner is cheating. Listen to your gut, it knows… Listening to your gut is a very subtle sense of knowing. It’s not blaring. Anything blaring is fear, and fear has to do with us, and not what our partner is doing or not doing. Keep your jealousy in check. This is also about you, and your insecurities. There are exceptions of course, you have to keep your context in mind.

If there is a history of indiscretions, you are probably on hyperalert and picking up stuff, and something most likely is going on. Don’t shoot the messenger. Deeper healing needs to happen to change this pattern. But this is for another time. If this resonates for you, sending you love (you might want to get support with this).

Going back to regular mistrust, to mistrust on the everyday and the mundane. Note, I qualify this again because when it comes down to it most of us can usually trust that our partner will be there when it matters and for the important stuff. Though there are exceptions here as well of course.

Sometimes our partner can’t be there for us with the big and important stuff either if it goes against themselves in some way or triggers them in some way. This depends on your relationship dynamics and the emotional development of the partner/s.

One more qualifier… During times of tragedy, partner’s get thrown into a tizzy and go into survival mode for themselves, possibly not being able to be there for each other.

Nobody ever said relationships are easy! These are the meatier ways in that mistrust and betrayal happen. They are blows to the relationship and require more specific attention.

But for today’s topic, I’m focusing on mistrust as a pervasive feeling in your relationship (and outside of your relationship…). Mistrust in the everyday and the mundane. Why this focus? Because this is where the healing and transformation happens…

How you do your relationship and your life on a daily basis and in the little things, has a profound impact on what kind of relationship and life you create at the end of the day…

Safety, Security and Trust

We don’t automatically create safety, security and trust in our relationship. This has to be an intentional tactic in our approach to our relationship and our partner. And, we have to be intentional about how we do our everyday life to provide this to ourselves as well. This intentionality helps us heal any unfinished business and reprogram old belief systems still lingering that are informing how we perceive interactions and the people in our life…

Safety, security and trust have to do with Fathering… How we were Fathered growing up had an impact in our ability to feel safe and secure and be able to trust.

Did we have consistent caretaking and routines? Were boundaries respected? Was discipline authoritative (not authoritarian/controlling or lax/lacking)? Were we honored for who we are?

Or did we experience rigidity and/or chaos? Inconsistent attention, routines and rules? Ridicule and dismissal? Or even maybe verbal and other violence?

Do you start to see that how things played out growing up informed our ability to feel safe and secure, and therefore our ability to trust?

And, what if we haven’t done any healing or personal development, we are still walking around with the same perception of others and the world. That the world and people are dangerous or untrustworthy… We walk around with the belief that we can’t count on others or trust them, that others are out to get us, that bad things will happen, and such.

Hey, I’m not saying people and the world are perfect and that these things don’t ever happen all the same.

I’m referring to situations when we just see the worst possible scenario, when we make negative assumptions and when we assign malicious motives that are totally unfounded. When we can’t give the benefit of the doubt. Or worse, when good things are coming our way, but we can’t receive them for the same reasons!

If all this is resonating for you, you need some Fathering. No, you don’t need your Daddy or a Sugar Daddy. LOL And, Fathering is not just from fathers and men. Women do Fathering, just as men do Mothering… This has nothing to do with gender. This has to do with energy and characteristics that all humans have though might need to embrace more… You need more Fathering from yourself and in your relationship…

So, what does this look like? This looks like cleaning up our mindset and minding our negativity bias, setting effective boundaries, fully owning and being accountable for ourselves, having safe verbal and body language, improving communication skills and upleveling communication tools, implementing Intentional Habits™ and embracing a Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle™.

Thus, we show up properly and safely. We are accountable, consistent, and reliable. And therefore, we are trustworthy… We are trustworthy for ourselves and for our partner…

Kudos when you tackle this, for you’d be Fathering, re-parenting and re-programming, yourself… Intentionally showing up and setting up your life and your relationship allows you to create your radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life.

ASSIGNMENT: We’ve been living in a male dominated world, yet we haven’t cracked how to properly utilize our male characteristics, strengths and energy…

1) Take stock of how you show up in the world and what characteristics and strengths you use the most.

MALE – Analytical, strategic, systematic, planner, organizer, scheduler, logical, manager, strength, power, and such

FEMALE – Compassionate, caring, nurturing, flexible, flowy, spontaneous, creative, intuitive, emotional, soft, and such

2) How well are these working for you? Does it seem that you can improve in both areas? The key is own ourselves fully, integrate both aspects more, and be more intentional. Add intentionality to how you approach your day and your relationship using the inherent male characteristics and their related tools.

Create the container, the structure, with your male energy, e.i., your daily routine… This will create the safety, stability, and security we all so desperately seek…

3) BONUS – add Female characteristics within the structure for the integration and balance factor

As with anything, when you bring consciousness, focus and attention to something, Awesomeness happens. I wish this for you in your life and your relationship.

Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

PS1 – This month’s Themed Webinar is on May 24th, at 5 pm ET:

Fathering for Relationship Success-
An Empowering, Motivating & Enriching Approach to Uplevel Your Relationship

Ok, so we don’t usually throw the Fathering word or concept around much. For some reason, Mothering is more popular. LOL That point aside, Fathering is about power, security and discipline. And it’s not just for fathers or men!

Fathering is important as it’s what gives our life structure, organization, purpose and meaning, and what gives form to our relationship… This is the more practical and tactical side of our relationship and life.

Empower Yourself
Increase your personal power by setting effective boundaries, improving ownership and accountability, and shifting to a relationship enrichment mindset

Have Safe Interactions
Have safer interactions, increase your security and stability, and have more purposeful and reassuring conversations by upgrading your communication skills and tools

Enrich the Relationship
Increase your self-discipline, motivation and relationship enrichment by embracing a relationship enrichment lifestyle with targeted and upleveled daily routines and collaboration systems

Start creating your Radiant & Successful Relationship!

Sign Up Here!

PS2 – As always, we are here for you! If you need more support creating your successful relationship and meaningful life, we are here to help. I’d be honored to speak with you about how we can help you. Schedule a Get Acquainted Call to connect, discuss how we can help you and how to get started. Look forward to Connecting with you!

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Mothering Vs Fathering

by Emma Viglucci

Mothering Vs Fathering… This is not a competition! First off, wishing all the Moms a very Happy Mother’s Day. And here is an invitation for all of us to embrace more Mothering in our own lives, of ourselves and our loved us. We can all stand to be more compassionate, nurturing and loving… Second, the key is finding a balance for these two characteristics within ourselves for a more integrated Human Experience…

We are still living in a very male dominated world with a lot of masculine energy. We’ve repressed women and feminine energy for a very long time. All gender equality discussion aside, this is happening even within ourselves… We have repressed our own feminine energy… We shame and hide the softer and more vulnerable side of ourselves.

I’ve taken the opportunity in our last webinar to celebrate Mothering not just for Mother’s Day but as an invitation to join the shift. There a shift happening in the world for a more feminine, compassionate, heart-centered and more collaborative approach to life

Beware, if you are male energy dominant and are tipping your toes into embracing your more feminine energy, this might feel weird… LOL

For me, it felt like something was wrong. I felt lazy (Zen…), mellow, unmotivated, without a care in the world, floaty and other soft feelings… Now, if you know me or have experienced me, you know I can be intense and very energetic. So, these felt so foreign and out of character to the point where it didn’t feel right at first…

But then marvelous things started to happen, the experience drove home the point that more doing isn’t better… That more work doesn’t necessarily create more results, that being more intensity doesn’t necessarily influence others more, and that over functioning doesn’t necessarily mean getting needs met better… That way of being had actually created less of the desired outcome!

At the same time, we can’t go all feminine either – we’d never get anything done!

The answer is to work better not harder, to properly use our masculine energy as we explore and welcome our feminine energy more…

Hence, today’s topic on Fathering ourselves and our relationship…

Why Fathering?

Fathering has to do with protection, security, discipline, motivation, doing, structure, systems, and the like. So, when we are in our doing mode, which is most of the time, we are operating with mostly our male energy… For those of us that are super ambitious, motivated and like to get things done, we thrive in this energy.

The problem is that we are living unbalanced and out of whack, in this eventually catches up with us…. When we repress our female energy, we are shutting down our being mode, our creativity, inspiration, intuition, emotions, compassion, nurturing, and the like. We become super intense and almost robotic… The richer side of life gets lost on us!

And, yet with all the doing people are doing, they are still not very productive and haven’t been able to create the life they desire…

Why is this? Because they are not properly using their male energy. They are living through the energy without properly supporting themselves. They are not using skills and tools to manage themselves better to get more from their efforts.

A key concept to utilize to get all the benefits of fathering is operating our life with systems… What does this mean? System or protocol or procedure or process or approach – or way of doing things on a recurring basis… This is how we get the most bang from our investments. Whatever we do, we need a little process for it – this is how we do this thing…

What that does is take the guess work, required will power, inconsistency, ambivalence, lack of focus and such right of our experience helping us stay motivated, focused, consistent, productive, efficient and the like without killing ourselves.

What’s more when we operate this way, we are Fathering ourselves in that we are providing ourselves stability, consistency, dependability, reliability, solidity, strength and such… Which as you can imagine that generates feelings of trustworthiness, safety, and security… Much needed as part of our personal development and healing…

And what’s even more, when we create amazing daily routines that include Pleasure and Delight Habits and other Intentional Habits and we implement collaboration systems with our partner, we are able to easily and effortlessly embrace a Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle and create a lovely home life and family…

So, we are looking to do our Male Energy better and to embrace our Female Energy more…

Eventually, we’d notice we are Being while we are doing! As our systems, structures, routines and such create the container for us to play in…

When we are in a rat race and spinning our wheels doing, it’s very challenging for the feminine energy to make its appearance… When the male energy is focused and given purpose it’s soothed allowing space for the female energy to come out to play… Ah…

And that’s how we become more integrated and more who we are, more our Authentic Self enabling us to create our radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life. Voila!

ASSIGNMENT: What say you? Ready to add more systems into your life for more productivity, efficiency and focus? Ready to create your container to give you freedom for more Being…? Let’s do this!

1) Take stock of how your days usually go… How defined are your routines, your habits and how you approach your responsibilities? How do you manage your time? How do you take care of what’s important to you? Do your daily activities and tactics flow from your goals and life vision?

2) Start with a strategy that flows from your vision and goals, and informs your ideal day, daily routines, and habits to support your goals and trend towards your vision…

3) Become very mindful of what energy you are operating with by putting the masculine to good use working your strategy and creating space for your feminine to come out to play more. Enjoy!

As with anything, when you bring consciousness, focus and attention to something, Awesomeness happens. I wish this for you in your life and your relationship.

Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

PS1 – This month’s Themed Webinar is on May 24th, at 5 pm ET:

Fathering for Relationship Success
An Empowering, Motivating & Enriching Approach to Uplevel Your Relationship

Ok, so we don’t usually throw the Fathering word or concept around much. For some reason, Mothering is more popular. LOL That point aside, Fathering is about power, security and discipline. And it’s not just for fathers or men!

Fathering is important as it’s what gives our life structure, organization, purpose and meaning, and what gives form to our relationship… This is the more practical and tactical side of our relationship and life.

Empower Yourself
Increase your personal power by setting effective boundaries, improving ownership and accountability, and shifting to a relationship enrichment mindset

Have Safe Interactions
Have safer interactions, increase your security and stability, and have more purposeful and reassuring conversations by upgrading your communication skills and tools

Enrich the Relationship
Increase your self-discipline, motivation and relationship enrichment by embracing a relationship enrichment lifestyle with targeted and upleveled daily routines and collaboration systems

Sign Up Here!

PS2 – As always, we are here for you! If you need more support creating your successful relationship and meaningful life, we are here to help. I’d be honored to speak with you about how we can help you. Schedule a Get Acquainted Call to connect, discuss how we can help you and how to get started. Look forward to Connecting with you!

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Prevent drama with self-regulation and co-regulation

by Emma Viglucci

You know when you don’t feel so hot physically or emotionally, how you are more sensitive to most things? And, even more so with your partner and how they are being? The things that you would normally let go or that wouldn’t necessarily bother you, in this state they are actually experienced as micro aggressions. And, when this happens you are both thrown for a loop… You can prevent pain and drama with self-regulation and co-regulation.

What does that mean? Self-regulation is the ability to manage our thoughts, feelings and behaviors in our Journey. More specifically, emotional self-regulation is our ability to manage disruptive feelings and impulses in the face of a trigger. It means having a moderate and appropriate response commensurate to the perceived infraction or stressor.

Co-regulation then is the ability of a person to manage their own responses in an interaction so that they are supportive to the other in managing their feelings and impulses. When one remains calm and soothing, their nervous system calms the other’s producing a feedback loop that is soothing to both…

When managing responses to help alleviate a situation and support the other, we’d use non-verbal safety cues, warmth, soothing tone of voice, communication that acknowledges distress, supportive silence if indicated, and an openness to discuss the experience.

This is why it’s so important to avoid the Dirty Dozen of Communication, to use intentional Communication Skills and upleveled Communication Tools (If you work with us, check out Deep Dive 6: Stop the Fighting, Stop the Drama™). Great communication between partners can mitigate conflict, prevent triggers, and assist partners swiftly address any tension, intensity and such. It helps the partner self- and other-regulate as they interact…

More on Self-Regulation

Self-regulation is super important as a life skill… When we get good at self-regulating life becomes so much easier… We are not as triggerable and hypersensitive, we are more resilient, we are more steady and stronger… We feel solid, unshakable, and empowered… We feel good about ourselves and our abilities. It actually contributes to our self-esteem…

Most people usually don’t take this on as a personal project, unless they are into personal development, are in therapy or are a therapist. LOL

But this is not a bad thing to take seriously, and to take on as a personal development focus…

I can tell you, that the people that did the best this past year are the people who have done some personal development work and have increased their resilience level… I invite you to review posts from intense times during the pandemic for more on all this…

5 Insights for your physical and mental health
Focus on building stamina and resilience
Coping with healthy vs unhealthy habits
Summer of self-improvement
The secret to cultivating resilience
Master your mind, master your day
Embrace the art of self-care for increased self-regulation and resilience

When we are more solid and not as easily perturbed by the silly things in life and our partner’s imperfections, we just have a much easier go of it… It shows in our state of mind on a daily basis, in our interactions with others, in our relationship with our loved ones, in our work, and in our life in general.

When we increase our self-regulation and our resilience increases as a byproduct, we are no longer blown by the wind and don’t spend our resources on primarily dealing with ourselves and the drama we create!

This means that we have more internal resources for the things that are important to us in life, and for creating our Best Life.

Furthermore, this means that we are able to create a radiant and successful relationship, our Best Relationship, with our partner as we are showing up steadier and more authentically. We are not showing up with noise and defenses… Can you see the full impact of this?

Improving your self-regulation

Pursuing improving self-regulation doesn’t have to be intimidating… It’s actually quite simple. It’s as easy as implementing a Self-care Practice…

A self-care practice is about taking care of yourself, Mothering yourself… It is about giving yourself love and nurturing. And, it’s about meeting your needs. When you embrace a self-care practice, you embrace a self-love practice… This is the reprogramming your brain needs to rewire itself and facilitate self-regulation…

Hey, if you are saying, Who has time for Self-Care, I encourage you to revisit that limiting belief… Where there is a will there is a way. For example, my next door neighbor power walks up and down her driveway (as her children are home) while on work calls to fit in her daily exercise. Bam!

Now, I’m not suggesting or encouraging anyone to multitask this way. But, I am suggesting that you can figure it out if you want to. It’s all about building in habits into your daily routine to support your efforts. Building in habits into your routine is an effective way to self-manage, as you become more intentional about your day and preventative of chaos, stress and triggers…

Improving your self-management, improving your self-regulation, increasing your resilience, and increasing your self-esteem are all fabulous attributes to pursue as these significantly contribute to the quality of your relationship and your life…

When you are less triggerable and are able to stand still and not get blown by the wind, you are able to be available and present for your partner and your relationship… You are able to show up calmly, soothingly and compassionately to an interaction, and hence you are able to contribute to co-regulation as needed…

Additionally, when you show up better, you are less likely to trigger your partner in turn allowing them to show up properly for you and also contribute to co-regulation… Tada!

There is a built-in feedback-loop in the reciprocity of the interactions. This is how you change relationship patterns and dynamics…

I hope you get how powerful and impactful this concept is. And, that you can make a huge difference in your relationship and your life with as simple a tactic as implement a Self-Care Practice through (Wellness) Habits in your Daily Routine…

ASSIGNMENT: What say you? Ready now to implement a Self-Care Practice, or uplevel one you might already have? We can always stand to evolve more… (Wink!)

1) Take stock of activities in your life that are meant to give yourself care and love. Don’t judge or shame yourself. Whatever you are at, it’s ok. Remember, you are on a Journey…

2) Check out our blog for prior blog posts on Self-care and YouTube for inspiration and ideas of other activities that would replenish and enrich you. The idea is to appropriately give yourself more Love.

3) Choose 3 activities you’d like to implement, create Habit behaviors of them, and integrate them into your Daily Routine.

Before you know it, you’ll see a massive difference on how grounded, steady and strong you feel. And, you’ll notice what a difference it’s making in your days and in your relationship. Go at it and fun with it!

As with anything, when you bring consciousness, focus and attention to something, Awesomeness happens. I wish this for you in your life and your relationship.

Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

PS1 – Did you get the complimentary Themed Webinar yet?

Mothering for Relationship Success
A Grounding, Caring & Nurturing Approach to Uplevel Your Relationship

After the novelty wears off in a relationship, partners have a tendency to go back to business as usual. They go back to the business of doing their life where the relationship and their partner no longer are the primary focus.

In this webinar, we’ll cover Mothering ourselves and our partner. When we employ Mothering, we increase acceptance, belonging, connection, and love in our relationship. Crucial ingredients for a successful relationship.

Increase Self-Love
It is challenging to give and receive love when our own self-love is lacking… Learn how to better connect with yourself and grace yourself with gentleness, acceptance, and compassion.

Improve Self-Care
Too often we claim we don’t have time for self-care, or self-care is the first thing to go when things get hectic. Learn how to implement a rich and sustainable self-care practice.

Embrace Partner-Care
Our relationship and our partner usually don’t even make it to our priority list… Learn how to easily prioritize your partner and implement a partner-care practice and a nurturing approach.

Start creating your Radiant & Successful Relationship!

Sign Up Here!

PS2 – As always, we are here for you! If you need more support creating your successful relationship and meaningful life, we are here to help. I’d be honored to speak with you about how we can help you. Schedule a Get Acquainted Call to connect, discuss how we can help you and how to get started. Look forward to Connecting with you!

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

The key is embracing a relationship enrichment lifestyle… (Video)

by Emma Viglucci

Do you feel like you are spinning your wheels and getting nowhere fast in your life? Do you feel like your world got turned upside down and you don’t know what’s up or down? Do you feel exhausted and completely unmotivated? Do you feel like are banging around without purpose and alone? Do you feel disconnected from your partner and like you are both just floating around?

You are not alone. Imagine a gigantic hand grabbed the world this past year and shook it and shook it. Everything is rattled and out of place. We are just now beginning to get up and look around to see where everything landed… We are disoriented and shaken up… We might have a blurry vision, a ringing in our ears, a cloudy head, an upset stomach, shortness of breath, and some aches and pains… (metaphorically, and possibly quite literal as well…) We haven’t fully righted ourselves yet…

We have barely started to enter the aftermath of this unprecedented global phenomenon. We want to be done with it already, but there is no sense in rushing what is… There is good stuff here for us to take away, and I’m not sure the full message has been received yet… Hence, the continuation of this challenge…

Our job in all this is to figure out what it means for our own personal Human Experience and what we are to do with it…

What are the challenges that you are experiencing and what do they mean for you in the context of your Life…? See if you can step back from the everyday practical impact, and recognize what else is being spotlighted for you…

Let’s look at: What is our growth place? What do we need to heal? What do we need to integrate? How do we need to stretch? What do we need to learn? How do we need to grow, develop and evolve?

You might be throwing your hands up in the air right about now in frustration because you think you have no clue.

Or worse yet, you are suffering but are still rejecting all notions about personal development as the answer and are experiencing resistance… But I implore you to open your mind, ever so slightly, soothe that ego, and see if there isn’t the remote chance that this is the way out…

Look at what gets you. What repeating triggers, annoyances and patterns do you experience in your life? What is the usual and common feeling that you contend with day in and day out? What is the story you kept telling yourself is the issue in your life? Where do you feel stuck? Where do you want to be that you haven’t been able to get to yet? Do you even know where you want to be?

SO, I direct you to embracing a Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle™ to assist you with all this…

What is a Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle™ and how can it help?

The Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle™ is a new approach to our life… Where the answer is living consciously, intentionally, with an open heart, and in connection… These are core tenets of the Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle™ protocol…

The Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle™

The Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle™ is comprised of three parts:

I – The Joint Vision
II – The 5 Elements of the Successful Couple Strategy™ [a.k.a., The Strategy]

1- Context & Mindset
2- Communication & Alignment
3- Clarity & Dynamics
4- Connection & Intimacy
5- Collaboration & Partnership

III – Living your Intentional Ideal Day

Watch the Video to learn more and complete the Assignment below!

ASSIGNMENT: Make a commitment to embrace a Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle™:

I – The Joint Vision – Design Your Joint Vision: Envision your own and have your partner do the same (think what you want in each area of life, what you’d like your life to be in 1, 5, 10, 25 years from now). Share your visions with each other, iron out any discrepancies, and integrate new pieces to create your Joint Vision… This is what you are working towards…

II – The 5 Elements of the Successful Couple Strategy™ – Work The Strategy: Focusing on The Strategy Element that needs the most attention, make sure are intentional about your mindset, communication, self-regulation and reprogramming, connection and collaboration on a daily basis…

III – Living Your Intentional Ideal Day – Live with Gusto and Intention: Design your Ideal Day using TimeMapping and TimeChunking for more focus, efficiency and flow… Add in your repeating behaviors, your tactics and habits, to help you achieve your goals… Make sure you use Intentional Habits, Wellness, Connection & Success Habits.

As with anything, when you bring consciousness, focus and attention to something, Awesomeness happens. I wish this for you in your life and your relationship.

Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

PS1 – This month’s Themed Webinar is on April 26th, at 5 pm ET:

Mothering for Relationship Success
A Grounding, Caring & Nurturing Approach to Uplevel Your Relationship

After the novelty wears off in a relationship, partners have a tendency to go back to business as usual. They go back to the business of doing their life where the relationship and their partner no longer are the primary focus.

In this webinar, we’ll cover Mothering ourselves and our partner. When we employ Mothering, we increase acceptance, belonging, connection, and love in our relationship. Crucial ingredients for a successful relationship.

Increase Self-Love
It is challenging to give and receive love when our own self-love is lacking… Learn how to better connect with yourself and grace yourself with gentleness, acceptance, and compassion.

Improve Self-Care
Too often we claim we don’t have time for self-care, or self-care is the first thing to go when things get hectic. Learn how to implement a rich and sustainable self-care practice.

Embrace Partner-Care
Our relationship and our partner usually don’t even make it to our priority list… Learn how to easily prioritize your partner and implement a partner-care practice and a nurturing approach.

Start creating your Radiant & Successful Relationship!

Sign Up Here!

PS2 – As always, we are here for you! If you need more support creating your successful relationship and meaningful life, we are here to help. I’d be honored to speak with you about how we can help you. Schedule a Get Acquainted Call to connect, discuss how we can help you and how to get started. Look forward to Connecting with you!

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

When you keep having the same fight…

by Emma Viglucci

Sometimes things don’t seem to be working out the way we’d prefer in our life and our relationship. We don’t lose the weight. We don’t get the promotion or hit our sales target. We haven’t gotten engaged yet. We keep having the same fight. There is a reason for this. The reason is that we are getting in our own way…

Now, I say with lots of love and compassion, for who wants to hear it’s their fault they are having a hard time. Right?

But the reality is that we are carrying on in a way that doesn’t allow us to create our best relationship and best life. Here are a few things that are getting in our way…

We have:

1 – A victim and powerless mentality, a negativity bias, poor boundaries and lack of personal ownership

2 – Lacking communication skills, inability to apologize or apologize well, no repair know-how and how to make amends

3 – Unresolved wounds and repeating patterns, poor self-regulation, no self-care practice

4 – A guarded heart, low connection and intimacy ability, lack of relationship prioritization

5 – Distractions, over commitment, disorganization, no collaboration system

When we don’t attend to our own healing, growth, development and evolution, we get in our own way of having the relationship and life we want. We are only able to create as far as how we are operating allows us to go…

We can only create as far as we have with how we currently are.

To continue to create our best relationship and our best life, we need to continue to create our best selves…

We can’t change our world if we don’t change first, it’s impossible:

1 – We can’t see the beauty that is our Partner if we continue to blame everything on them and lack personal ownership…

2 – We can’t communicate better if we don’t improve our communication skills.

3 – We can’t stay steady in the face of a trigger or a fight if we can’t self-regulate, if we lack resilience.

4 – We can’t connect and have intimacy, passion and fun if we don’t make time for our partner and relationship and have a guarded heart.

5 – We can’t have a joyful, peaceful, harmonious and lovely home if we can’t collaborate in running our joint life…

So, you see whatever is troubling you, whatever you haven’t been able to achieve yet, it’s because you are getting in your own way… Sorry, don’t shoot the messenger. LOL

But you can create what you want after all. You just have to go about it a bit differently than you have been…

When you keep having the same fight…

You keep having the same fight because:

1 – You keep looking at your partner the same way. You keep doing the same things that bother your partner.

2 – You keep addressing their disappointment or complaint the same way.

3- You chase them or push them away as usual.

4 – You don’t consistently give them love in their love language.

5 – And, your ego gets in the way about how things should be done.

Well? You see what predicament you get yourself in?

Do you see that any change in any of these areas would give you a different outcome? How you actually have control over how things play out…?

You are super powerful. When you decide that you’ll show up differently and set that intention, you do. And, when you do, so does your partner… Voila!

Of course, I don’t want to oversimplify this. I know that the best of intentions don’t always stick… But therein lays information for your use as well, to help you continue to heal, grow and develop.

The more you work your intentions and learn from what doesn’t work, the more you can change, and the more you change, the more you can address your world and your partner differently…

And that is all it takes to create something different, to create the relationship and life you want.

ASSIGNMENT: Decide that you mean business and that you will change so you can create change in your relationship and your life…

I – Take note that the items in the lists above are related the 5 Elements of the Successful Couple Strategy™:

1 – Context & Mindset

2 – Communication & Alignment

3 – Clarity & Dynamics

4 – Connection & Intimacy

5 – Collaboration & Partnership

II – Identify the Element that needs most of your attention

III – Play with that Element until you acquire some mastery, for example:

1 – Embrace a Relationship Enrichment Mindset (your partner is your Partner with a couple P…)

2 – Improve communication, apology and repair skills

3 – Identify your wounds and triggers, change your response to your partner’s, implement a rich self-care practice

4 – Set up Connection Habits, implement a Dating Partner Protocol, safe-guard couple time

5 – Simplify your life and cut down on commitments, establish a Collaboration System

IV – Move on to the other Elements that also need attention, keep cycling through them till you see your Transformation…

As with anything, when you bring consciousness, focus and attention to something, Awesomeness happens. I wish this for you in your life and your relationship.

Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

PS1 – This month’s Themed Webinar is on April 26th, at 5 pm ET:

Mothering for Relationship Success
A Grounding, Caring & Nurturing Approach to Uplevel Your Relationship

After the novelty wears off in a relationship, partners have a tendency to go back to business as usual. They go back to the business of doing their life where the relationship and their partner no longer are the primary focus.

In this webinar, we’ll cover Mothering ourselves and our partner. When we employ Mothering, we increase acceptance, belonging, connection, and love in our relationship. Crucial ingredients for a successful relationship.

Increase Self-Love
It is challenging to give and receive love when our own self-love is lacking… Learn how to better connect with yourself and grace yourself with gentleness, acceptance, and compassion.

Improve Self-Care
Too often we claim we don’t have time for self-care, or self-care is the first thing to go when things get hectic. Learn how to implement a rich and sustainable self-care practice.

Embrace Partner-Care
Our relationship and our partner usually don’t even make it to our priority list… Learn how to easily prioritize your partner and implement a partner-care practice and a nurturing approach.

Start creating your Radiant & Successful Relationship!

Sign Up Here!

PS2 – As always, we are here for you! If you need more support creating your successful relationship and meaningful life, we are here to help. I’d be honored to speak with you about how we can help you. Schedule a Get Acquainted Call to connect, discuss how we can help you and how to get started. Look forward to Connecting with you!

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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

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