We can fill our tank by being in connection

We can fill our tank by being in connection

Sometimes we might get cranky, moody, impatient, and easily annoyed, and want to bite someone’s head off. Have you ever stopped to consider what is happening for you when you feel this way? You can probably guess that you are not well resourced, that you are running on empty. Therefore, you don’t have much bandwidth to be tolerant, patient, understanding, flexible, compassionate, giving, nurturing, and loving. But did you know that we can fill our tank by being in Connection?

At my last yoga class, the instructor was so tuned in… She actually made reference to this concept. She said something to the effect of, We get cranky when we need connection. 🤯 I was so excited to hear this and other beautiful golden nuggets she had to offer. Inspiration and affirmation come in all shapes and when least expect it.

I teach this concept to our couples:

We don’t get annoyed with our partner’s imperfections when we feel connected.

When partners report their partner is really getting on their nerves, or that becomes apparent simply by how they share about how they are doing, it becomes obvious how disconnected they might be feeling…

Partners that are feeling connected get along much better. The little things don’t annoy them, they are more able to give grace, to focus on the positive, and to be more compassionate and generous.

But it is challenging to feel connected to our partner when we choose to look at them in a negative light, when we get in their circle (and become codependent), and our focus is “what about me?”

It is challenging to connect with our partner when we are being messy in how we show up to our interactions, and the rest of our lives…

So, this might seem like a Catch22.  We need to feel connected to let go of annoyances, but we can’t connect because there are annoyances… Putting this concept together in this way, or having this logic or mindset, doesn’t serve us.

There is a better way of putting this together. We have the power to choose how we interpret things, what meaning we assign things, how we respond, how we show up, how we feel, what we focus on, and so on…

The empowered state allows us to see our partner with imperfections and all, and still think they are awesome. And still want to be with them. And still feel connected…

I get that this is difficult to do when we are running on empty… The littlest of things can grate on us. Some partners expect to get all their needs met through their partner. This is really a toll order and an unrealistic expectation… Something to be revisited immediately…

Therefore, it’s super important to replenish ourselves, to fill our tank, outside of our partner…

When we are resourced, we have more bandwidth that allow us the ability to choose to look at our partner in a much more positive light. When we choose our focus better, we are better able to overlook imperfections and see the Essence of our partner.

It is then much easier to connect with our partner when we don’t focus on their faults but focus on their awesomeness instead… AND, when we are connected it becomes easier to ignore their imperfections and not get annoyed. A beautiful Catch22 after all.

 

Connection to Ourselves

 

How do we resource ourselves to be able to do this? The answer still lies in being in Connection… But being in Connection with ourselves, with our Higher Self… The part of us that is one with the Universe, or our Higher Power.

This is the easiest and simplest way to recharge ourselves and fill up our tank! When we are in Connection with our Higher Self, we are plugged in, we are Charged. And, then we can easily connect with our Partner. Voila!

 

Mindfulness Practice

 

Our Mindfulness Practice can take on any flavor we desire. Mindfulness is a moment-to-moment awareness of one’s experience without judgement.

The key is to go within and be still. To quiet our mind. To not engage with our usual thoughts and scripts, but just notice them and let them go.

To focus on Being with ourselves – to hear surrounding noises, to feel body sensations, to notice our breathing, to go further within.

To connect with our Core, our Self. To connect with our Essence…

This can be done through meditation and movement like yoga, tai chi, qi gong, walking, cleaning, coloring, knitting, and other repetitive activities where we can transcend our thinking, ego, fear…

 

APPLICATION: Connect with your Self, connect with your Partner, note a deeper Connection…

  • Make a commitment to Connect with yourself daily…
  • Embrace a Mindfulness Practice that fits your lifestyle and integrate it into your daily routine.
  • Take note of how differently you feel when you practice
  • Take note of how differently you show up when you practice
  • Take note of how much easier it is to let go of annoyances when you practice
  • Take note of how much easier it is to connect with your partner when you practice
  • Take note of how you don’t even notice annoyances when you feel connected with your partner…

 

Connection is a goal to strive for daily…

Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Excellent communication also helps increase our bonding

Excellent communication also helps increase our bonding

Communication skills and tools are not just necessary for getting on the same page, making joint decisions and problem solving effectively. They are also indispensable for more deeply understanding each other and warmly flowing in our interactions with our partner. Excellent communication also helps increase our bonding.

Feeling understood is an existential human need… In feeling that the other “gets” us, we feel Known and that we exist… Feeling understood engenders feelings of belonging, being accepted, and safety. This is pretty much at the core of things! This is why it’s super important to use our skills and tools to make sure we get our partner, and others, when we are in our interactions with them.

And, with that it goes without saying how super important it is to show them that we got them… This is where the validation step in the Intentional Dialogue comes in. This is the step that partners forget in interactions that crashes the conversation and possibly even leads to a fight.

Equally important is to communicate so our partner can understand us, and to seek confirmation that we were understood.

Interactions don’t have to go south… Most of the time when couples refer to communication problems, they are actually referring to emotionally charged issues and conversations. They can’t communicate well when they are triggered… Which makes complete sense! Employing communication tools and skills has a lot to do with managing ourselves and being mindful to not trigger our partner… Removing roadblocks to communication goes a long way.

And most importantly, when we are mindful of how we show up and how we communicate we are investing in protecting, nurturing, and strengthening our bond

 

Strengthening Our Bond

Therefore, it is imperative that we are very intentional and mindful about how we communicate with our partner and what the focus of our conversations are. For who doesn’t want a lovely and strong bond with their Lovey? Right?

I invite you to add having Meaningful Conversations to your Couple TimeLet’s not use couple time for just more binging on Netflix.

Awareness and consciousness about yourself

Do you know what triggers you and why? Do you know what core wound and defense mechanisms you keep playing out, what you contribute to your repeating patterns? Do you know what your needs are and how to meet them? Do you know your Love Language? Getting a deeper understanding of yourself in this way is enlightening and a great investment in your personal development…

Then, sharing this with your partner and integrating your new awareness into your interactions is truly transformative…

Awesomeness and uniqueness about yourself

How well do you know yourself? Your personal strengths and characteristics, values, and dreams? Exploring these for a fuller awareness and knowing of yourself is a beautiful undertaking to enrich your personal experience.

Then, you can share your understandings, discoveries, and what you make of them with your partner. Isn’t this a gorgeous conversation?

Aspirations and passions about yourself

Have you identified your Purpose, what drives you? Are you focused on that purpose daily? Do you have a vision of your future and your life? Do you have clear goals and milestones? What are you working on? Are your projects, tasks and routines in alignment with your Vision? Getting some clarity around these and aligning your life accordingly makes life so much easier and pleasurable…

Then, share what you are up to, your desires, fears, and possible roadblocks with your partner for additional alignment and meaning…

Aren’t these delicious? Imaging these are the topics of your conversations most of the time… This is what gives our interactions depth and meaning. These interactions are what strengthen our bond, bring us closer and guide our relationship and life. This is how we create radiance and meaning in our relationship.

 

APPLICATION: Select the area about you that you want to explore, gain a deeper understand, more clarity and direction to play with… Set some time aside to indulge in this exploration, and then bring your discoveries, insights, and desires to your Couple Time

  • Awareness and consciousness about yourself
  • Awesomeness and uniqueness about yourself
  • Aspirations and passions about yourself

 

In developing ourselves and owning our sparkle, with bring more radiance to our relationship…

Be curious, be playful, be vulnerable, be available…

Share yourself more in your interactions and communication, strengthen you bond!

Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Does it feel like you Love TOO Much?

Does it feel like you Love TOO Much?

Do you think that you love your partner more than they love you? That you care more? That you do more for the home, the family, and the relationship? That if it weren’t for you, things would fall apart? You are not alone in this. It is very common for one partner to do more nurturing, caring, and making sure everything is ok. Does this sound like you? Do you do the caretaking for the family and the relationship? Does it feel like you Love TOO Much?

If we care more and love too much, then by implication it feels like the other cares less… Nobody wants to feel like their loved one doesn’t care as much… It doesn’t feel good to feel less cared about… It doesn’t feel good to love too much…

When we love too much, we lose ourselves in the caring and caretaking… Everything we do is for the other/s, with the other/s in mind, and we don’t even think about our needs, preferences, and wishes. We don’t even figure in the equation.

What happens next is that our whole routine revolves around our loved one/s, our whole week and lifestyle revolve around our loved one/s, our whole life revolves around our loved one/s… We lose sight of who we are, what we are meant to do, of our growth, of where we want to go and who we want to become, and of our actual Journey…

We become myopic, we miss the forest for the tree. We focus on the minutiae of the everyday. We get distracted by others’ whims and agendas and by bright shiny objects. We bang around without purpose.

We fill our days with crap – a bunch of meaningless tasks and a lot of running around. Our tasks are not related to projects. Our projects are not related to goals. Our goals are not related to our vision. We are just wasting are precious time, our precious limited Life Energy…

Some don’t even have outlined tasks, clear projects, established goals or a driving vision… So, you see how easy it is to get lost in the everyday. To focus on what our partner is doing or not doing. To micromanage our home and our loved one/s. To get overly involved in other people’s business. To care about the concern of others. To take over other people’s responsibilities. To take it all on because it’s easier to fill in our void with others’ stuff…

Then we wonder why we feel overwhelmed, anxious, lost, blah, bored, resentful, exhausted, taken for granted, lonely, alone and the like.

It’s easy to distract ourselves from ourselves by loving too much… This is easy to do when we don’t fully own ourselves, for what else are we supposed to do… If we don’t have ourselves, at least we have others…

We have nothing else to care about so we put all our care on them… But then we feel bad because we care more than they do… Then we don’t feel cared about enough…

We create a super hurtful and harmful cycle… We neglect ourselves and our lives. We feel stuck, empty and unhappy. We wonder what’s the meaning of it all… We are missing the forest for the tree!

If we were to just stand still, be present, and look inside ourselves, we would find the answers. We would feel safe, connected, inspired, abundant and see the purpose of our life…

So…

    • Stop doing for your loved one/s what they can do for themselves.
    • Stop micromanaging.
    • Stop obsessively checking in and on everything.
    • Stop redundantly tracking everything.
    • Stop doing stuff for the sake of doing stuff.
    • Stop filling your life with junk.
    • Stop doing stuff that doesn’t serve you.
    • Stop saying yes to other people’s agendas.
    • Stop __________________.

Stop wasting your precious Life Energy on pursuits that don’t enhance your Journey in some way… Minimize the chaos, the mundane, the minutia, the redundant, the excess, the spinning, the grind…

Stop loving too much, for when you do you also enable others to not do for themselves… This is actually not helpful, you cheat them of the possibility of them figuring it out… Being too helpful is not helpful… Just stop.

Focus on what brings you joy and helps you create your Best Relationship and Life. On what moves the needle forward in your Journey. What enriches your life and the life of the people you love… Not by fishing for them but by teaching them how to fish and by collaborating… 

Loving TOO Much is not a great quality, it’s not a character strengthIt is actually a sign of codependence, a quality that holds back the people involved…

When we love too much, we become codependent where the members of the relationship/s are held back from their full potential by the dynamics they create. The helped person can’t learn and have self-agency. The helper becomes obsessed with the other at their expense. Neither side wins. This contributes to stuckness in relationships…

 

APPLICATION: Find three behaviors/tasks you do on a daily basis that are Life Energy sucking and Signs that You Love TOO Much… Figure out how to stop engaging in those behaviors by replacing them with healthy, effective and productive ones, for example:

    • Have a system for doing food and other shopping so you don’t run out of things
    • Prep food and snacks
    • Teach children how to make their bed and make it their responsibility
    • Teach children / discuss with partner how to pick up their stuff and put dirty clothes in hampers
    • Agree on who puts the dishes in the dish washer and who empties it
    • Design lunchboxes duty and agree on who is responsible for putting them together
    • Create a morning routine where everyone is responsible for getting themselves ready and ready to go
    • Have a place for backpacks, lunchboxes, school papers, school activities supplies/equipment, etc. (to have been packed up or prepped the day before!)
    • Have a place for coats, gloves, scarves, shoes and such
    • Don’t run stuff your children forget to school
    • Prioritize money producing tasks at work or completing your important project’s tasks
    • Block off time to do focus work
    • Don’t have a million errands to run after work
    • Have a streamlined afterschool, evening and bedtime routine
    • Block off selfcare time, couple time, social media engagement time, etc.
    • Have a system for doing laundry a couple of times a week only
    • Select a recurring time to do home admin tasks and synchronize with your partner

Loving too much is not the way to go. To create a radiant and successful relationship, and meaningful life, we are to fully own ourselves and empower others to do the same… We are to shoot for Interdependence in our relationship/s with extreme personal ownership, reciprocity and collaboration.

We want to love compassionately and passionately and give our relationship/s our best, not our worst by loving too much…

Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…

 

Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Overwhelmed, how is your support and collaboration? (PT5)

Overwhelmed, how is your support and collaboration? (PT5)

It is not easy to live a successful and meaningful life. It takes intentionality, focus and dedication to stay the course. Our life Journey has ups and downs, and at times it can feel like an obstacle course. With the many demands of today’s modern life and specially recently as we’ve weathered a global pandemic, things can be challenging. It can be overwhelming to manage all the demands and responsibilities. This is why it’s so important to uplevel your support and collaboration.

Imagine having world-class support and collaboration protocol to help create your Best Life. Then the Universe becomes the limit…

It is no fun going it alone. And most importantly when we don’t have the proper support, we hold ourselves back from creating the life (and relationship!) we desire… For you see, when we try to do everything by ourselves in a vacuum, it shows in our results…

When we go it alone:

  • We are limited by how much we can do, by our knowledge base and by our skill set
  • We are focused on doing and forget Being
  • We elude our creativity and our knowing
  • We are flooded by the minutiae of life and miss the forest for the tree
  • We miss savoring life experiences, the simple pleasures and amazing people 
  • We cheat ourselves of connection and intimacy
  • We hold ourselves back from the potential that leveraging and connectivity can afford us…

These limitations have a massive impact:

  • We hold ourselves back from our true potential and from living our full Human Experience
  • We settle for less and can’t even imagine having something special to contribute
  • We erode our connection and bond and jeopardize the essence of our relationship
  • We subscribe to subpar parenting tactics
  • We neglect, abandon and even abuse ourselves

We end up:

  • Settling for a job we hate and merely getting a paycheck to live from month to month
  • Creating a mediocre relationship, tolerating our partner, missing out on our epic love
  • Missing out on the synergy inherent in our partnership
  • Misparenting our children to the point that they become ill, symptomatic, misbehaved, maladjusted
  • Damaging our body, mind, and spirit

For those that are still carrying the badge of honor for: Sacrificing themselves, exploiting their every ounce of living, and running themselves into the ground – I implore you to reconsider your approach!

It behooves partners to crack the code on how to better support each other and implement a Collaboration Protocol into their lifestyle to create the life of their dreams. They can easily accomplish this through the Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle™.

What does support and collaboration look like in a relationship? Every relationship has their own flavor of this, but the essence is to have a divide and conquer approach. Where one partner picks up where the other leaves off. And, where both partners are in the loop and current on everything that’s going on in their joint lives. But, most importantly where the partners are working together to achieve a common goal.

The partners designing and working together towards a Joint Life Vision is the key towards creating your Best Life and having your fullest Human Experience…

Check out this super inspiring video: Taking Visioning to the next level!

 

Create a Strong Partnership

 

Ok, so how do we create a fabulous life and epic love relationship when we are already stretched thin and overwhelmed? You set yourself up for having better support and collaboration, you create a Strong Partnership.

 

Setting Up for Success

Success and creating awesomeness doesn’t happen by accident. We have to be intentional and proactive about it.

FIRST – Clear: Decommit, eliminate distractions, outsource, declutter, streamline, simplify, automate

SECOND – Envision: Design your Joint Life Vision that flows from your values and has clear goals

THIRD – Structure: Create your Ideal Day (daily routine) that you’ll follow as a template

FOURTH – Systematize: Set up systems for sharing responsibilities, completing tasks, building Habits

FIFTH – Flow: Include buffers and transitions into your routines

This formula helps reduce the overwhelm and set yourself up for a productive, meaningful and joyful life. It:

    1. Creates space to operate differently
    2. Identifies your North Star to guide your aspirations
    3. Provides a structure to contain your endeavors
    4. Promotes an effortless approach to managing your days and the business of life
    5. Supports operating with ease and joy

What’s important to note here is that our ability to implement this depends heavily on: Our mindset, communication skills, how we meet needs, and bond with our partner. Partners who jump into problem solving and changing up their lives have a hard go of it if the other relationship Elements are not robust

FEELING STUCK, HOW IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP MINDSET? (PT1)

BICKERING AND FIGHTING, HOW ARE YOUR COMMUNICATION SKILLS? (PT2)

REPEATING ARGUMENTS, HOW ARE YOUR RELATIONSHIP DYNAMICS? (PT3)

MISSING LOVE, HOW IS YOUR CONNECTION AND INTIMACY? (PT4)

If it was easy to create a fabulous life and epic love relationship, then everybody would have these things. Our job is to invest in ourselves and our relationship so that we are in good shape to create our Best Life. And so that we have an amazing Human Experience.

 

ASSIGNMENT: Identify where the weak link is in your life and relationship right now. It can be within one of the Elements, or in one of the steps in the Success Formula.

Decide how you will go about addressing your weak link… Take an immediate action to get the ball rolling in creating your radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life… 

 

As with anything, when you bring consciousness, focus and attention to something, Awesomeness happens. I wish this for you in your life and your relationship.

Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

PS – Related Posts:
Tired of feeling stuck in your relationship?
Tired of fighting without resolution?
Tired of the same old issue?
Tired of feeling disconnected?
Tired of feeling overwhelmed?

 

Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Missing love, how is your connection and intimacy? (PT4)

Missing love, how is your connection and intimacy? (PT4)

Nobody likes to feel disconnected from their partner. Partners might like to have time to themselves and do their own thing. But they like to have that while still feeling connected. Feeling disconnected, not in a good place, not on the same page, not in alignment, not together or not close, intimate and special – doesn’t feel good. Missing love, how is your connection and intimacy?

We’ve already established that we have not only been in a Pandemic but also undergoing, and this is not just during the pandemic, a low desire and lack of intimacy Epidemic

After the Infatuation and honeymoon period of a relationship, couples then enter a Power Struggle. While in the honeymoon period the partners are all about pleasing and wooing their partner. In the Power Struggle stage, the partners are all about making sure they themselves are pleased, their needs are met, and they get what they want.

As you can imagine as partners are usually opposite in their relationship, their needs are usually also opposite… This leads to a power struggle as to who gets what they need and want… The partners get stuck in trying to meet their opposing needs…

This is exhausting as this is the nature of their dynamics and they keep looping in this never-ending cycle. Unless of course they bring intentionality into their relating…

As if this is not challenging enough, during this time the relationship is usually also a bit more mature where the demands just keep piling up. A home needs tending. Children come along. Jobs become more demanding. Community and other commitments are added to the mix. There is a lot going on.

This state of affairs is so draining and stressful that it takes a toll on the partners’ mood, energy, desire, libido, intimacy, and fun. The couples start to run on empty.

It behooves partners to become more intentional in their relationship and their lives to minimize the impact of stress and demands on their connection and intimacy. They can easily accomplish this through the Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle™.

The key to having a rich, loving, caring, connected and loving relationship is focusing on minimizing the culprits impacting desire and intimacy, and embracing a Relationship Nurturing approach in their relationship.

 

Relationship Nurturing

 

A Relationship Nurturing approach to your relationship means you prioritize your relationship and your partner. It means you are super intentional at safeguarding and strengthening your bond. And it means you are proactive about caring, connecting, having fun, and being intimate.

We don’t leave feeling good in our relationship and with our partner up to chance!

 

Safeguarding and Strengthening Your Bond

Regardless of how strong our love is for our partner, the bond between us is still delicate. It is vulnerable, sensitive and susceptible. Our job is to protect this bond at all costs and to foster it if we are to create the relationship we want.

We are to safeguard our bond in our:

1- Thoughts and how we choose to see our partner – minding to keep a Relationship Enrichment Mindset activated to keep our Partner in our highest regard in our mind.

2- Communication and interactions – minding to avoid the Dirty Dozen of Communication and using enriching communication skills and tools

3- Approach to meeting needs – minding sensitivities and triggers and appropriately addressing them to meet needs

4- Balance between togetherness and separateness – minding how we pursue our individuality while remaining a solid unit

5- Choices for doing our lives – minding how we set up our Ideal Day, routines, habits and collaboration systems to fully support each other and our dreams

We are to strengthen our bond by:

  • Cherishing our Partner for who they are
  • Being present, being vulnerable, and Being with our partner
  • Sharing our internal world and our experience
  • Holding a safe space for our partner to share their internal world and their experience
  • Having dedicated and protected time for our partner

 

Proactively Cultivating Love

Love doesn’t last if it’s not cultivated… It can actually be eroded by how we tend to do our lives and how we approach our partner and our relationship. It requires mindfulness, intentionality and caring for it to thrive.

A garden gets overrun if it is not tended. A plant dies if it is not watered.

We are to be proactive about caring, connecting, having fun, and being intimate in our relationship:

Caring – Sprinkling TLC, loving gestures, courtesies, little gifts, thoughtfulness and giving love in our partner’s love language.

Connecting – Building in Connection Habits into your daily routine. Implementing a Delight Partner Habit.

Having Fun – Planning fun of all kinds – couple time, outings, trips, experiences and such and embrace Dating Your Partner.

Enhancing Intimacy – Planning and embracing Sexy Time & 3Gs: Grace-full, Grateful and Generous… Seduce your partner. Be open, explore, expand your repertoire.

Nurturing your relationship is a huge part of creating a radiant and successful relationship. You can do a lot of other work on yourself and your relationship but if you don’t cultivate your love, it gets stagnant, it shrivels and it dies… Make this a top priority in your relationship!

 

ASSIGNMENT: If you are feeling like you would like to feel and enjoy your Love more, decide if you first need to address the 5 Culprits to Low Desire, and then dive into Nurturing Your Relationship!

  • Safeguard & Strengthen Your Bond – Create and protect couple time. Attune to your partner, be present…
  • Cultivate Your Love – Whole heartedly embrace one of these at a time: Caring, Connecting, Having Fun, Enhancing Intimacy. Play full out!

 

As with anything, when you bring consciousness, focus and attention to something, Awesomeness happens. I wish this for you in your life and your relationship.

Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

PS – Related Posts:
Tired of feeling stuck in your relationship?
Tired of fighting without resolution?
Tired of the same old issue?
Tired of feeling disconnected?
Tired of feeling overwhelmed?

 

Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Importance of personal and partner character strengths

Importance of personal and partner character strengths

It is uncommon to speak in terms of Mothering and Fathering in the context of our relationship… Unless of course we are talking about raising our children. But I’ve been presenting this concept as a way to continue to heal and grow ourselves. As a personal development tool, and more recently as a relationship enrichment tool… Today I’m expanding the Fathering repertoire by sharing the importance of personal and partner’s character strengths.

Remember, we all have female and male energy and can embrace characteristics and embody attributes from both. When I’m presenting on Mothering and Fathering, and Female and Male Energy, I’m not talking about gender or sexuality… I’m referring to our inherent energies… Our job is to balance how we embrace, activate and utilize them…

Mothering flows from female energy and Fathering flows from male energy, and they can both be done by women and men… There is no judgement as to which is better or preferred, and this is not a form of sexism, genderism, or such. This just is. Anything else is a social construct we’ve unknowingly accepted…

But please note, I’m not denying the oppression of female energy and women over millennia… If nothing else, I’m actually highlighting the importance of undoing this oppression. I’m doing it through what I know best, which is personal development and relationship enrichment…

      • Mothering has to do with nurturing and caring.
      • Fathering has to do with structuring and disciplining.

When we embrace providing these characteristics to ourselves, we reparent ourselves… I refer you to the book Healing Your Emotional Self, for top notch work on reparenting ourselves…

Reparenting ourselves means giving ourselves what we needed and didn’t get growing up. How we were hurt and not met growing up created wounds, limiting believes and other goodies that have permeated how we organized ourselves and cope with life. Including how we show up in relationship, get triggered and create our stuck dynamics… Reparenting ourselves is a way of healing and releasing ourselves from that stronghold…

Then, bring this to the context of our relationship and we have an exponential impact… Now, I’m not talking about being a mother or a father to your partner and vice versa. That’s the worst thing we can do… I’m talking about being Mothering and Fathering. I’m talking about your interactions and how you approach your partner and the relationship using more:

      • Nurturing, compassion, softness, flexibility, and such (Mothering) for engendering feelings of belonging, worthiness, and acceptance.
      • RoleModeling/guiding, routines, structure, systems and such (Fathering) for engendering feelings of safety, security, and stability.

You see how these can be salve to core wounds?

The key here is to sprinkle the Mothering characteristics into your interactions with yourself and your partner. And the Fathering characteristics to how you do your relationship and your life.

This means be nice to yourself (self-care) and your partner (other-care) and embrace a Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle™Voila!

 

Work Your Character Strengths

So, where do Character Strengths come in? Working on developing our Character Strengths is a Fathering tactic as it involves learning, honing, applying. Mothering is feminine with being, expanding, flowing… The active and directed part of this endeavor is masculine and therefore Fathering…

Working on developing our Character Strengths helps us become more of who we are, more integrated and robust. It helps us have a richer human experience, and it helps us bring a better self to our relationship and our partner…

Having strong Character Strengths helps partners avoid the many pitfalls they would otherwise encounter in their relationship…

Our personal and our partner’s character strengths influence the character of our relationship with things like a love, kindness, gratitude, honesty, forgiveness, perspective, self-regulation, teamwork, etc.

The VIA Institute of Character created a Character Strengths Survey to measure the good qualities in people and to counterbalance the Disorder Statistical Manual (DSM) used to diagnose mental disorders…

They identified 24 Character Strengths that were classified into 6 categories:

      • Wisdom – Creativity, curiosity, judgment, love of learning, perspective
      • Courage – Bravery, honesty, perseverance, zest
      • Humanity – Kindness, love, social intelligence
      • Justice – Fairness, leadership, teamwork
      • Temperance – Forgiveness, humility, prudence, self-regulation
      • Transcendence – Appreciation of beaty & excellence, gratitude, hope, humor, spirituality

Doesn’t it make sense that to develop this further in ourselves would only but enrich our relationship?

As we continue to expand our Fathering repertoire, we are polishing the use of our male energy for more security, stability, productivity, efficiency, and results in our life. Let’s continue to create our Best Self, Best Relationship and Best Life!

ASSIGNMENT: Intentionally integrate your Character Strengths into your life and your relationship…

      • Take the survey to identify your current strengths and where you can stand to invest in some more development.
      • The easiest way to work on developing a characteristic is by creating a Habit to help you practice it… Choose 3 Character Strengths you are looking to develop and create Habits for them into your daily routine: Doing a behavior or activity that would help you practice the strength. And, keep working this method until you feel you’ve made progress developing the Character Strengths you desire.

 

As with anything, when you bring consciousness, focus and attention to something, Awesomeness happens. I wish this for you in your life and your relationship.

Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

PS – Related Posts:
Spring into a new level in your relationship and life
Feeling stuck in your relationship?
How you perpetuate your stuckness
Keep having the same old fight?
Your partner not meeting your needs? 
Is the dance of connection and disconnection driving you insane? 
Implement pleasure and delight habits (video)
Caring is not just for mothers
Need fathering in your life?

How to reprogram yourself
Are you a strong partnership?
Do you support each other?
The key is collaboration

The key is embracing a relationship enrichment lifestyle (video)
Intentional habits to glide into the new year with ease

The power of having Intentional Habits™

 

 

Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

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