It seems that it is so easy to abuse ourselves if we are not being intentional about loving ourselves… Self-abuse can take on so many forms that we might be abusing ourselves and we don’t even know it… Self-abuse is anything we do that doesn’t serve us, and directly or indirectly harms us… Abusing yourself takes on many forms and sabotages your life…
Yes, I know the word abuse is very loaded. And it tends to easily get thrown around. I’m OK with that as it highlights the severity of the matter or the users experience…
The thing is that it is our responsibility to take care of ourselves so that we actually live the life we are meant to live. We are on this earth to have a Human Experience and to evolve into the best version of ourselves, expanding our consciousness…
But the way we go about our life is in resistance to this… It creates friction, and dis-ease, and stuckness, and physical illness, and mental illness, and broken homes, and other suffering…
What is the kicker here is that we are carrying on with this unbeknownst to ourselves. Yikes!
So here is list of ways we abuse ourselves to get you started identifying how you might be being mean to yourself without even knowing it…
- You drink alcohol or have other substances most evenings
- You go to sleep too late
- You watch TV or have other blue screen time till the moment you fall asleep
- You sleep plugged into your devices or with them running in the background
- Your room is not set up for a restorative night sleep
- You hit snooze several times or beat yourself up to get out of bed to get your day started
- You barely have enough time to get ready in the morning before getting your children off to school, getting to or starting work
- You start your day by pumping yourself full of caffeine and eating a sugary/carb-loaded something
- If you happen to be fasting, you don’t properly break your fast and might be overdoing your fasting
- You grab what you can for lunch and eat at your desk while working, scrolling on social media, or surfing the web, you barely hydrate, and don’t really see the sun
- You go from meeting to meeting or staring at a screen for hours
- You have some more caffeine and a sugary treat in the afternoon to keep you going till the end of the workday
- You rush to get your kids from school and get them to some activity, to figure out dinner, and to get them to bed
- You crash on the couch to do some Netflix binging, your partner might be sitting there with you, and start the whole cycle again
And this is just what happens on the outside…
On the inside:
- You beat yourself up for being exhausted and for not having figured out a better evening routine- actually for haven’t figured out how to live your meaningful and joyous life
- You complain to yourself about how your partner sucks because they don’t do half as much as you do, and they whine about and want a star for the little they do to boot
- You give free reign to all your scripts and limiting believes about your body, your self, your partner, your finances, the government, the world and the rest of it
- You live in your head, from the neck up
- You criticize, judge, condemn, control, manipulate and other tactics inside your head (and outside) to manage your world
- You live in other people’s circles and barely mind your own
- You don’t take care of yourself or meet your needs, you might not even know what your needs are or how to meet them
- You don’t feel or express your feelings
- You put on a mask and live with it on, you don’t even know yourself
- You have programs running your life that you are barely aware of, you just know you do because you feel stuck, dissatisfied or keep repeating unwanted patterns
Now, not all of the above might fit for you, and you might have your own to add to the lists. The point is that how we are doing our life is not how we are supposed to do our life!
We think that all that doing and pushing is going to create our Best Self, our Best Relationship and our Best Life. Well, I got news for you- it ain’t.
There are lots that can be done with all the above:
- Designing and implementing your Ideal Day
- Embracing cultivating a Self-Love Practice
- Embracing a Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle
But the key is to do these not from doing more, from working on improving ourselves, from trying to get somewhere else and the like. All that efforting has the same energy as all the items on the list… It is driven from judgement, from lack, from not deservingness and such…
It is driven from not being good enough, from not accepting ourselves, from not honoring ourselves. The activities are much better intentioned but all that doing won’t make that much of difference if it is still done from the head up, from fear and reactivity…
How about we just chill out for a bit?
- How about we pause all the noise we usually make, and go about our life by living our life? How about we just Live?
- How about we breathe? How about we feel? How about we experience?
- How about we honor, and express, and forgive, and let go, and accept, and love, and savor?
What if we actually show up to our life? To our body? And unplug from the Matrix?
What if we no longer buy into all the constructions we’ve been fed? What if we just show up and enjoy?
What if by just showing up we actually create/allow our Better Self, Better Relationship, and Better Life?
What if we Allow the most magnificent expression of our Human Experience…
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APPLICATION: Choose to start being kinder to yourself… In a couple of minutes upon waking:
~ Start your day by bringing your shoulders to your ears with a big inhale and release with a big ahh exhale
~ Then visualize taking a shower of white radiant light cascading over you and around you
~ Then identify a few things you are grateful for- such as having breath, having running water- don’t over complicate it
~ Finally set an intention for what you’d like to feel this day and cultivate that feeling as you go
~ Observe anytime when you might not be being kind to yourself and change the moment as possible
Remember life is about Being, not doing…
By being kinder to yourself, showing up to your life and allowing flow, you’d shift any funky energy and patterns you have running you… It’s time to create/Allow a life of overall abundance…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
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- Change your patterns and better meet your and your partner’s needs
- Enrich your connection, enhance your intimacy and truly enjoy being with each other
- Strengthen your partnership, strive towards your Joint Life Vision, role model a radiant and successful relationship
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
