It’s interested that I’ve been finding myself saying to my daughter and husband, To get the right answer (answer to what we really want to know), we have to ask the right question. This has come up in situations in our personal life.
But, as I heard myself say this for the nth time, I realized there was actually something more meaningful and deeper going on for me than addressing a mundane activity or fact in relationship with my family.
I observed that working in supporting people create the relationship and life they desire, that we usually start in a place that is not feeling so good for them. They come see us because they are struggling, they are stuck, they are feeling hopeless, or simply not feeling well. There is Gap between where they are, and where they would like to be…
Actually, there is a gap between how they are Being and experiencing themselves and their world, and who they really are and the blessings they already in their world… There is a gap between themselves as they know themselves and their Higher-Self, Authentic Self… They are not really owning their brilliance, gifts, power, worthiness and such. They are usually victimizing themselves and operating from ego and defenses… I call this being dirty. LOL
When we operate from a clean and fully owned sense of self, our life becomes instantaneously amazing…
So, this brings me back to the asking of the right questions…
What’s the problem?
What’s bothering you?
What’s the matter with you?
Why did you do that?
Don’t you love me anymore?
Why are you so lazy?
To mention a few.
These questions are terrible! They imply brokenness, lack of resources, blame and criticism, and more. If we were to answer these questions, we’d answer with disempowerment, defensives, and such…
In my having my moment with this, I further embraced proper questioning as a therapeutic and general life changing approach, as this can be done outside the therapy room by and with anyone.
What aspects of you would you like me to see more?
What part of you is trying to come out and play?
How can I create safety for how you are trying to be yourself more?
How can I support your Authentic Self?
What topics can we talk about that highlight who we really are?
What can we put in place that pleases our Higher Self?
If we were operating from our Higher Self, how might we see this differently?
If we were operating from our Higher Self, what would we do differently?
If we have a higher-road approach to this, how would we respond?
If we consider the larger impact, how might we tackle this differently?
If I put my ego aside and used my heart right now, I would see that…
Eh? Isn’t that much better?? This is your H.W. Play with this concept. Ask everybody higher level questions… For in the asking something different, we create something different… In the better answers, we instantaneously experience something better… You’ll be surprised how well people respond and what inspiration ensues…
Remember to complete the MetroRelationsip™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start creating your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life…
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P.S. It is not easy to create a successful relationship. It is not easy to approach our relationship and our partner in a productive, loving and enriching approach… We can help with this! I’d be honored to speak with you about how we can help You. Schedule a get acquainted call to connect and discuss how we can help and how to get started. Look forward to Connecting with you!
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.