Piggybacking on last week’s issue about letting go, deconstructing, and continuing to streamline. No such venture is done well without setting proper effective boundaries…
It’s funny, whenever I cover this topic with clients or in discussion with people, they all seem to believe that setting boundaries means being a jerk. They think they have to be strict and tough, and make a statement to others about what’s tolerable and such…
But the effective way to set boundaries is to apply them to ourselves… Setting effective boundaries has to go with what we are willing or not willing to tolerate. It has to do with how we carry ourselves. What we are willing to take on. How we are willing to use our time. What we allow to come into our space and our sphere of influence. How we allow others to treat us. How we treat ourselves. How we meet our needs.
Boundaries apply to all areas of our life – they even apply to how we do food and other shopping, how we eat and what we put in our bodies, how we establish our sleep routine, how we do décor and accessories in our home, how we use our electronics, how we show up in our online and other social activities, how we stay connected with our friends and family, how affectionate we are, how generous, how forthcoming, how transparent and accountable, how we make and use our money, and so on.
Boundaries encapsulate the essence of us and everything that has to do with us and how we do our Life…
We need Boundaries to:
- Define us – What is me and not me, shows where I end and another begins provides proper sense of ownership [fenced in yard]
- Protect us – Keep nurturing in, harm out [have barb and gate on the fence]
- Empower us – Clarifies what to own, gives freedom [can do with yard as wish]
- Organize us – Responsible to others and for ourselves, carry our own load and can help others with theirs but it is still theirs [responsibilities with yard]
- Promote us – Taking responsibility opens up options! [can show off yard and entertain]
- Preserve us (purpose and mission) – Holds us true to our values [can create lifestyle we want]
- Affirm us – We get to authentically show up and shine [win best yard of the neighborhood award]
How are your boundaries? Is there chaos, overwhelm, drama, frustration, anxiety, and anger in your life? Is there stuckness, lack of progress, dissatisfaction, feeling lost or always behind the 8 ball, depression and sadness? Do you feel you are too nice and do too much? Do you feel alone, unsupported or a lack of belonging? Do you feel incompetent, unaccomplished or unimportant?
Learning to set effective boundaries and own yourself better makes a huge difference… When you learn these skills your life becomes a whole new experience… All of a sudden you are moving forward with ease, being more productive, getting better results, enjoying your life and all that’s in it a lot more, and enjoying your every moment.
Assignment: How about making setting more effective boundaries a priority in your life? Where will you start? Learn how to set effective boundaries and start setting them. Here is ALL you need to know!
Notice what comes up for you and around you as you embark on this life changing journey, and address it… Take charge of your life today!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Boundary Setting!
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.