Valentines’ Day is just around the corner. Whether you are into Valentine’s Day or not is irrelevant. The point of this and the upcoming issues is to focus on: How you do Love… For remember, that where we focus our attention our energy goes, and what we focus on grows… So, let’s make sure we Focus on Love and Relationship Enrichment, shall we?
This is the first issue of a 3-Part Series on Enhancing Love in Your Relationship:
Part1: If you can dream it, you can create it…
I’m sure you’ve heard the saying that, If you can dream it you can achieve it (do it)… I’m a super proponent of this concept as it is supported by brain science… Brain scientists report that when we dream something that the neural pathways within the prefrontal cortex get activated.
This part of the brain is the executive, taking action, part of the brain. In very simple terms, this activation serves as instructions for action… If you can see it in your mind’s eye, you can create it…
This is a key component of high-performance and achievement no matter what industry or context… We are more familiar with this concept within the sports arena, where we hear top athletes recount how they do mental imagery or rehearsal in order to improve their performance.
In the personal development and success circles this is referred to as Visualizing, where we see ourselves in our mind’s eye achieving our desired outcome… Another version of dreaming is Visioning, where we envision/capture a future desired outcome, usually through Inspiration…
For example, a football player might Visualize playing an amazing game prior to the big game because he has a Vision of winning the Super Bowl.
Visioning produces a Vision, a static output, a picture of a desired future outcome.
Visualizing produces a Process, a dynamic output, an ongoing rehearsal of attaining the desired future outcome.
When we integrate these tools into our repertoire, we increase our chances of success, of achieving our goals, of creating what we desire… This way we can create our successful relationship and meaningful life… We can have our world class life, our best Human Experience…
So, the first step is to create your Vision… If you haven’t done this as part of your New Year Strategizing, here is another opportunity to step-up your game… And, in staying with this Series’ Love Theme, focus on the Relationship Visioning part… Envision what kind of relationship you want to have, ponder these and whatever else is important to you:
- What does your relationship look and feel like on a daily basis?
- What are its characteristics? What’s its Brand? How would others describe it?
- How do you do closeness, intimacy, passion and desire?
- How do you do fun, adventure, and keep things fresh?
- How do you enjoy each other and each other’s company?
- How do you support each other and create unwavering trust?
- How do you make decisions and cocreate a smooth strong partnership?
- What kind of home and family life do you create?
- What are your children learning about creating a successful relationship?
- What would others want to emulate about your relationship? How do you inspire other couples?
The second step is to Visualize you doing your amazing relationship. Walk through your Vision and see yourself showing up with the best version of you, you as the best partner you want to be, You 2.0:
- What is the best version of you? What character strengths are you showing up with more? What character flaws are you retiring?
- What items tend to create tension or friction with your partner? How are you getting ahead of them?
- What instances tend to get you that are not that important in the whole scheme of things where you are giving grace, latitude, margin, taking-the-high-road?
- What skills or tools do you need to attain to address growth areas, break impasses, and get unstuck? What action are you taking to attain this?
- How are you removing roadblocks? How are you showing up differently when roadblocks are removed?
- What nurturing and caretaking behaviors are you integrating into your daily, weekly and monthly routine?
- What playful, flirting, wooing behavior are you integrating into your daily, weekly and monthly routine?
- What are you doing to keep things inviting, exciting, spicy?
- How are you showing your partner they are a priority?
- How are you stretching to take the relationship to the next level…?
You see how the mere dreaming, imagining of what you’d like and how you can start creating it gets the juices flowing? Notice, that there is not one mention of what your partner is doing. Notice, how the focus is on what you do. Notice, that you have power to be who/how you want to be and create the relationship you want? Isn’t this exciting?!
ASSIGNMENT: Make a date with yourself to sit in contemplation, without distractions, and create your Relationship Vision and what to Visualize about it.
Place your Vision where you can review it frequently.
Integrate a habit of Visualization into your Daily Routine to really prime your brain into integrating You 2.0 into how you show up to your relationship.
These will give your brain the instructions to create the relationship you desire…
Take this a step further, take two actions to address any of your Visualization items…
Great relationships definitely don’t just happen! They take intentionality and mindfulness from the partners to consistently nurture and enrich it… Focus on what you do only…
Give yours a nice dose of attention this Love Season!
Stay tuned for next week’s issue, Part2 of this 3-Part Series on Enhancing Love in Your Relationship!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Visioning!
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
