When your life feels like it’s not working, when your relationship feels like it’s not working – have you pondered why? I’m sure you have!
The problem with this pondering that you might be doing is that you are probably focusing on the wrong things and that is why you either can’t make changes or the changes are happening SUPER slow that you can’t even tell things are changing …
Fixing your life and your relationship is not a logical exercise to be puzzled out. That approach is futile… Life and relationships don’t reside in a logical realm – they reside in an experiential realm. What is missing from your life and relationship is not a nicer car, or better treatment from your partner, or whatever you claim you are missing. What is missing from your life and relationship is YOU!
Once you start showing up to your life and relationship, things change instantaneously. Decisions are easier to make, doors open up, serendipity happens, grace is bestowed upon you. Things are easy. Can you imagine that!? Things are easier…
Stop blaming your past mistakes and deficiencies, your parents, your boss, your partner. It is time that You show up!
- Getting in touch with and understanding your feelings (not your thoughts!) -your emotions… And, sharing them
- Tracing back your emotions to unmet needs and responsibly, appropriately, responsively, mindfully, intentionally addressing them
- Diligently working on getting needs met by making small, quantifiable, behavior change requests or nurturing gestures of significant others, especially your partner, to touch hurt feelings
- Focus on getting emotional needs met… Practical needs follow…
- Getting support and assistance in this journey – it is a challenge to get in touch with our Authentic Self and bringing it out to play
- Expanding your circle of loved, or at least liked, ones
- Sharing your opinion even if it’s unpopular
- Showing your quirkiness and idiosyncrasies even in the face of possible rejection
- Showing up to interactions and being present – increasing opportunities for interacting
- Exploring interests and actively pursuing, incorporating, them into your lifestyle
- Taking measured risks and consistent action to create the life and relationship you want
If you don’t show up to your life and relationship – you don’t really have a life or relationship to complain about!! Take a risk – start showing up – I’m sure you’ll be liked, approved of, and you’ll be at least good enough …
Photo Credit: halseike
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.