It is a wonder that couples figure out how to get along and create a joint life together. Partners usually experience love, attention, intimacy, communication, conflict, money, holidays, time, space, and everything else differently. They bring to their experience their history, upbringing, culture, spirituality and many other influences. Yet, they still have one very important thing in common, their need to feel loved, valued and accepted.
The kicker is that even though this is one of our prime directives, and a main objective of our human experience, we manage to botch this. We want love, attention, affection and connection, but we do everything in our power to actually not get this… We sabotage our relationship satisfaction, our happiness, and the success of our Experience every chance we get. We walk around with blinders on oblivious to our brilliance, oblivious to the gift that is our partner and to all the opportunities for growth, healing and creating that are thrown our way. If only we could just wake up. Oh wait, we can!
Unfortunately, I’ve been acquainted with those that want to stay asleep and love blaming their misfortune on everything and everybody else. The pity is that they are not aware that they are sleeping and refuse to see anything remotely telling… They sit in their self-righteousness, entitlement, ignorance, and arrogance. They love their box. Oh, do they love their box! These are the partners that do really funny stuff in their interactions and do all kinds of funky behaviors in the name of “normalcy” and “self-care”… These partners cross boundaries, dishonor themselves, have poor accountability and live as victims…
All it takes is to say – NO MORE! Make a commitment to opening your eyes, to embracing your full Authentic Self, to partnering with your Partner…
Do you want to connect more deeply and intimately with your partner? The strategy around this is to remain flexible. Often times we control the plan, event, situation, interaction, routine, and ritual in order to supposedly get what we want. And wanting we’ll remain… The trouble with this approach is that it guarantees just the opposite for in rigidness we can’t show up and be our Authentic Self. To boot, there is no space for our partner to show up either. We set up this perfect conundrum over and over, and then wonder how come our relationship and our life are not working.
So, in flexibility there is opportunity for slowing down, syncing up, seeing each other, witnessing the other’s brilliance, receiving our Partner, enjoying the beauty of the moment, getting grounded, Being present. This is what makes up all the little moments that create our relationship. This is what allows for larger and more meaningful moments to take place. This is what allows for spontaneity to happen and therefore Life. When we are flexible our energy flows, we are Alive.
The opportunities to be flexible are endless. Our job is to make sure we are flexible where it counts. Most of the time we are flexible in areas that harm us and are inflexible in areas that enrich us. We’d have no problem eating an extra cookie, but should our partner ask to spend time with us when we are busy we are quick to deny the request. We love being busy. We believe that if we Do we Exist, so we do more. We derive our worth from our “busyness” all but forgetting to Be. In our Doing we become rigid getting ourselves stuck and disconnected. Being flexible allows us to Be, to Live, to Love and to Be in Connection.
The next time your partner approaches you trying to connect, stay open and flexible. Slow down. Allow yourself the luxury of Being with your Partner. Enjoy your Gift. Enjoy your Connection!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Flexibility enables connection. Strengthen your flexibility muscle by considering different options when opportunities arise. Choose outside of your usual repertoire. Try this in all areas of your life for a fuller experience and expedited development. Be extra generous when entertaining the options in relation to your partner’s attempts at connection… Add this to your Tool Kit…
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Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.