Some couples experience a lot of discomfort, dissatisfaction and unhappiness in their relationship as the partners have a hard time syncing, seeing eye-to-eye, understanding each other and connecting. This is not just about hectic schedules or intense life styles, different communication styles, gender or other differences for as these are addressed the dejection remains…
There is a human fundamental need that is not met for the partners in these couples. The need of being Accepted – to know that they are OK, that they exist, that they matter.
Partners struggle to be heard, seen, validated, recognized, praised, acknowledged, and cherished for who and what they are. In their struggle they go to any lengths to achieve this and in the process lose sight of their partner. They fail to recognize that their partner has the same need and is seeking the very same thing.
They both go about relating and interacting with each other in hurtful ways, denying each others’ reality and very existence trying as hard as they can to show themselves up. And, show themselves up they do – in very unkind ways!
This is the easiest way for a relationship to disintegrate. Partners do not feel gotten and revered by their partner experiencing a loss that deadens their chemistry and wanes their interest for each other, and/or a rage that creates chaos and drama in their life. These partners are in a lot of pain.
They are too busy assigning motive or telling each other how to Be and/or working so hard at protecting themselves and getting trapped behind the wall they put up, that they make it impossible to relate and connect with each other in a satisfying and meaningful way.
When we work so hard at being seen, we end up not being ourselves anyway… and we miss out on actually truly beholding our partner! A real tragedy. How about we stop trying so hard to be seen, and just show up as we Are, and work really hard instead at seeing our partner? Seeing and Accepting our partner does not deny who we are…
Happy Beholding!!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Find a creative way to show your partner you see their True Self. Celebrate them.
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
