Are you using the parts you love about yourself in your relationship? Do you bring the best out in each other? Do you complement and learn from each other? Are you a team working towards a common goal? Do you stimulate each other? What is the underlying theme to your interactions with your partner? Is your essence present in your relationship? Or do you hide behind funny coping? Do You get lost in the shuffle?
If you find that you are constantly struggling to get your needs met and to feel your partner, it might be that your partner is not really Seeing you. They can’t feel you. It might be that you are not really available to your partner from your core self. The person your partner fell in love with is hiding behind all the demands, criticisms, and complaints.
Your partner can no longer see the beauty, mysticism, courage, motivation, energy, drive, interest, softness, caring that made you alive and available when you first met. Your partner can only see what you now show them. How are you showing up to your relationship?
Are you constantly frazzled, stressed out, bored, down, disinterested, distant, mean, critical or judgmental? How else do you show up to your relationship that keeps you from your partner? Do you show your vulnerable side and your needs?
Let go of that defensive and offensive role and just show up for the game! When you bring your self to your relationship amazing things can happen. When you put forth You, you are inviting your partner to be available and present. It is safe for them to show up as well. We too often put up protective walls and defense mechanisms that keep us from being fully engageable and make our partners do the same.
I recently saw a couple in which one of the partners was complaining about the other’s unavailability, lack of support and under-accomplishments. The message to their partner, the husband, was you are an idiot. The husband heard this loud and clear, and was not able to see the woman he had married. In the wife’s attempts to get her needs met, she was very critical, demanding, cutting and undermining.
She could not see how her approach was not allowing her husband to be there for her the way she needed him. I said to the wife, it is very difficult for him to come massage the feet of a dragon when it is breathing fire down his neck.
In bringing our self to our relating without our armor and our biased lenses, we allow for a genuine interaction where both partners can really see and be with each other. This is at the heart of a satisfying relationship. From here partners can truly enjoy each other and have their needs met.
When you bring your essence to an interaction and stamp it with your unique signature, you are utilizing your creativity. Creativity is You showing up wherever you are and in whatever you do. Your ingenuity and vision are the driving forces in your relating make your dreams come true, create the relationship you want,use Yourself in your relationship!
Let your Essence step up to the plate and hit a home run in the game of love!!
Happy Stepping Up!!!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
How can you show your partner acceptance, adoration, unconditional love, trust, empathy, interest, compassion, mysteriousness, exhilaration, faith, eagerness, enthusiasm, liveliness, animation, strength, softness, nurturing. What else was there when you first met your partner that has now been dampened by routine, power struggles, and everyday minutiae?? Peel your layer of defense off and come out and play like old times!
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
