Connection is one of the main experiences we seek and need as humans… When we feel disconnected, we don’t feel so good… The thing is that we go about connection in the wrong places, in the wrong way, and for the wrong reasons… In essence we are shooting ourselves on the foot and end up even more disconnected and not feeling well. Are you wondering about how to connect with your partner? Deep connection depends on us fully showing up.
We might seek connection through social media, through shallow friendships and acquaintances, and by putting a noose around our partner’s neck. Can you see how this could be extremely dissatisfying, further disconnecting, and even painful?
Did you know that social media interactions give you instant gratification and register only through your frontal cortex- the rest of your brain thinks you haven’t had an interaction? And that’s only one of the disregulating impacts of being on social media.
How about relationships that are built on gossiping, complaining, commiserating, and whining about life and everything in it? What about relationships that are focused on superficiality, materialism, and one-upmanship? And what about those laced with manipulation or focus on getting something from one another?
And even worse, within our own home when we try to force connection with our partner and end up doing things that sabotage our connection…
How to Connect with Your Partner
We live in such a phrenetic culture, that we live outside ourselves. We live on the go, on our devices, and in our heads. Thank goodness for the covid-19 pandemic for showing us how to slow down… We just need to hang on to that learning and cultivate it further.
Now, this cultivation doesn’t mean the silent resignation or quiet quitting, even though this is where people are taking it… It is actually quite the opposite. It is about fully engaging with our lives…
~ It has to do with actually showing up to our lives, by being attuned and fully present…
~ It has to do with living inside ourselves, with being in touch with our body, our breathing, our heart…
~ It has to do with embracing our life force, reveling in it, and flowing from it…
What if instead of scheduling a gazillion-million activities to do with your partner so you can connect, what if you just show up to an exchange? What if you show up with no agenda? What if you show up with just your energy? What if you show up with eye contact and openness? What if you just Be with your partner?
When was the last time you just interacted with your partner? Where you felt them? Where you took them in? Where you understood and accepted them? Where you just relished them? Even when they were showing up with their obvious imperfect perfect selves. We don’t much do this, even when our partner is being their most awesome…
We are all up in our heads with our agendas, expectations, to-dos, judgments, and constricted selves. We operate and try to connect from our fear-led-ego/head… This is impossible to do!
Not for nothing most partners feel disconnected and experience all the repercussions of that… What if instead we were to operate and offer connection from our love-led-radiance/heart?
~ What if instead of showing up like a tornado, you just slow down so your partner can feel you and you them?
~ What if instead of trying to prove yourself right, and your partner wrong, you just witness your partner?
~ What if instead of trying to knock out all your to-dos, you just spend a few minutes chatting and being with your partner?
For you see, creating/allowing, connection and a successful and radiant relationship doesn’t have to be work, challenging, or a struggle…
It is as simple as Being with your partner…
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APPLICATION: Decide you will simplify and equalize your life to allow for joy, harmony, connection, and overall abundance…
~ Start by cutting out commitments, miscellaneous responsibilities, and tasks that don’t add value to your life
~ Remove overindulgences, excess, clutter, noise, and distractions as much as possible
~ Add quiet/silent time, being in nature, breathing sessions and the like
~ Cultivate Being with yourself, and Being with your partner…
When we slow down and remove the noise of life from our life, we can connect with ourselves, our partner and our life… Then we actually feel Connected…
For those wondering how to connect with your partner,
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
