I know there are ebbs and flows to how we feel, as there are seasons in our lives (not just weather wise!). The trick is to hang in there during the lows and focus on snapping ourselves out of it, and to enjoy the highs while they last and focus on sustaining them the best we can.
I’ve gotten pretty darn good at this, where I can easily (naturally) create the highs and sustain them. Do I have tough days? Yes. Do I get upset, triggered, affected by life and all in it? Yes. But I do not let myself be taken or kept down, I’m in charge of me. How are you with this? Don’t feel bad if you haven’t mastered this yet, it does take practice. But know that it is possible for you as well!
The simple, but not necessarily easy, way to start being the master of your life, is to Own It All… As long as it’s yours, obviously. The problem is that people get enmeshed with others to the point that they don’t know what’s theirs… And, then go about life not owning their stuff and trying to own others’…
This creates a real mess in relationships, and it’s the easiest way to not get along, fight, and not get needs met. This is not how we create a Successful Relationship. And, this is certainly not the way you become the master of your life. LOL
Are you familiar with the Boundaries Circles concept yet? Here is a quick overview: Imagine there is an invisible string around you, at the height of your waist, at arm’s length, making a Circle around you. This is the Boundary of you.
Inside your circle is everything about you… Your:
-Scripts, mindset, thoughts, beliefs, attitude, preferences
-Feelings, emotions, mood, triggers, energy
-Behavior, actions, responses, accountability, follow-through, habits, discipline
-Body, health, appearance, grooming, style
-Lifestyle, routines, environments, interests, goals, dreams
-Gifts, Talents, Passion
-Vision, Mission, Purpose
-And anything and everything else about you…
Our job is to mind our circle and make the most of it to have our best Human Experience… Our job is to Own everything in it, all the time, to the best of our ability, and to keep working at getting better at it… When we don’t Own our stuff, we are at the mercy of others, circumstances, and the whim of the wind… This is the surest way to victimize ourselves…
When we don’t Own our stuff, we disempower ourselves. We are not in charge. We are not the CEO of our Life, the Author of our Story, the Artist of our Creation, the Master of our Universe… Actually, we are but we are sleeping on the job… If we did any other job this way, we’d be fired…
And, if you are doing your personal life like this, chances are you are also doing it in your employment, career or business… Hence, the poor income, raises, acknowledgement, promotions, achievement, accomplishments, revenue and the like… Just saying, don’t shoot the messenger…
I’m sure it’s obvious to you as well when in conversation with another if they have their s**t together. If they are their own boss. If they are designing and creating their own life, or if they are at the mercy of how the wind blows… If they are the Master of their Universe.
How about you? How in charge are you of your Experience? Are you fully Owning your Life? Are you fully owning everything in your circle? Or, do you still explain and make excuses? Blame others? Feel wronged? Look for answers outside yourself? Don’t know what to do? Feel stuck? Feel hopeless? Feel overwhelmed? Feel lost? Are at odds with your partner?
Which brings me to the next piece of this. When we don’t own our stuff, we love to own others’ specially our partner’s (sarcasm). We love going into their circle and telling them who they are, what they think, how they feel, what their intentions are, what they should do, when they should brush their teeth and the rest of it.
And, then you wonder how come your partner controls or shuts down… They are trying to survive you while they try to figure out their circle… When a partner feels insecure and lacking connection, they control, nag, criticize, judge and the like. When a partner feels suffocated and inadequate, they shutdown, withdraw, dismiss, stonewall and the like. How are you contributing to what you are getting in your relationship?
Yeah, right… You see, you create your reality…
ASSIGNMENT: Make a commitment to yourself right now that you will Fully Own your life going forward. Go for it, do it.
I know that feels exhilarating and also petrifying… You are not alone!
It is not easy to take responsibility for everything that goes right and wrong in your life. Hey, watch that – if you just balked… Yes, you are responsible for ALL of it.. You’ll have to get used to this idea… Be gently and compassionate with yourself about this. No need to beat yourself up. Also, don’t coward, stay the course. This is the most challenging yet rewarding work you will ever do in your personal development, and relationship enrichment as well, I promise…
Pick an area of your life that seems unruly and in charge of you. What is kicking your butt? This is where you need to take responsibility and step up. This is where you need to start owning how you look at it, how you feel, and what you do about it… Don’t pout, throw your hands up, or shoot the messenger. This is it, if not now when?
Start small. Watch how you leave your circle, get into anther’s, and are not fully accountable for your own stuff. Bring yourself back, take charge of your own stuff. Address making changes, concerns and needs from your own circle, not from another’s (you have no power there!).
In your circle you are powerful… Embrace it, Own it! You can do it!
If you are looking to make changes in your life, this is the simplest concept to easily integrate. It helps you take charge of everything and create what you want… You can immediately empower yourself and start feeling great!
Own your circle today!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.