I’ve been hearing so much of partners experiencing their partners as just roommates. And, sometimes barely that, or bad roommates to boot! This is actually just another take on the theme of not feeling Connected to our partner… These partners feel challenged to experience their partner as their Romantic Significant Other (RSO).
The partners complain that they:
- don’t have much time to spend with each other
- don’t have any interests in common
- like or enjoy different things
- are no longer attracted to their partner
- are no longer in love with their partner
- don’t enjoy intimacy
- don’t feel close
- don’t know who their partner is anymore, or don’t understand their partner
- believe their partner has no interest in them
- believe their partner doesn’t understand or get them
- believe their partner doesn’t care about them
- can’t get along
- can’t enjoy each other’s company or have fun together
Do any of these resonate for you? You don’t necessarily need to experience your partner as your roommate or be disconnected to be acquainted with some of these…
For you see, unfortunately, these are part of being in relationship at one point or another… Relationships are not perfect or bullet proof. It is not easy to synchronize, feel connected and sustain connection post the infatuation phase of a relationship… Once we are committed to each other and our joint life becomes more complex, it is easy for the relationship to become less of a priority and to fall to the wayside.
Most assume that love and a commitment are good enough to create a great relationship. They are disappointed later when they realize that not investing in the relationship, giving it TLC or nurturing, has a major impact on its quality. The result? First, the list above. Second, breakup or divorce.
And, to make matters worse, this is not the only factor playing a role in the status quo. What is even more significant, is that most partners bring unresolved past issues, poor habits, lack of relationship building know-how, and inadequate personal development to their relationship mindset and interactions. This plays a huge role on how partners got here, and in their ability to turn things around.
But, there is no need to panic or throw in the towel. It is never too late in my book! No matter how much of the list above feels true for you, you can turn this around. All of the above can be changed… I’m often asked, What happens if we are not in love anymore? Or, he/she says they are not in love with me anymore, shouldn’t I leave? Or, I’m not in love with him/her anymore doesn’t that mean it’s over?
It could mean those things, if that is what you want it to mean… I’ve seen couples come back from the unimaginable though. We are pretty powerful, influenceable, likeable, attractive and lovable when we own and operate from our Awesomeness (core-self, inner-being, authentic-self, higher-self)… When we are connected to our Self, we can more easily connect and stay Connected with our partner… This is the key… There is no need to give up…
If we are not Connected, in touch with our Self, how can we possibly use our self to connect with another? And, if we are not using our Self to connect with another, we are using our defenses and our noise in our interactions and in our attempts to connect. Well, then not for nothing those go south or don’t exist…
Our focus in our quest to create a successful relationship and feel the connection with our partner, needs to be connecting with our Self first. And, to own and flaunt our Awesomeness. Not cockiness, just our pure Light.
So? What’s your takeaway? Get grounded, Connect to your Self. Then, look at your “roommate” and feel the Love…
Remember to complete the MetroRelationsip™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start creating your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life…
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~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.