You know, we tend to over complicate things when we can easily be in love… We have this ideal of how we want our partner to be that we constantly measure them against… Our partner is also on a Journey and they are perfectly imperfect. For us to measure them against some ideal is totally unfair, not to mention that it also sabotages the success of the relationship… It’s so silly to do this when it is so simple to create your best relationship.
You’d think that because it is so simple that most relationships would be successful- amazing and long lasting… Unfortunately, as we very well know, this couldn’t be further from the truth.
Our negativity bias and other programming, our lack of role models and relationship skills, and our wounds and sensitivities among other things, just get in our way… Even though it’s simple to create our best relationship, it is not easy…
But what if we were to focus on the simplicity instead of how challenging things are…
What if instead of analyzing everything, dissecting everything, talking about everything and such, what if we were instead to take the simple path?
This can be the danger of doing a ton of certain therapies and doing tons of certain programs- we get lost in the weeds…
I remember this one couple we worked with, they managed to turn all the tools and different approaches into weapons… Over analyzing and dissecting everything ad nauseum, policing each other as to who is doing things right, and trying to gain favor with their therapist… There was not redirecting them when they got on that train…
Being in relationship means we don’t try to win against our partner! If our partner loses, we lose and vice versa…
~ What if we were to just show up with our Essence, no scripts, no expectations, no judgements, no control or rigidity, no other fear and ego-based concoction?
~ What if we were to allow our partner to have their experience without making it about us?
~ What if we were to have our partner’s back and accept them fully?
~ What if we were to be well intentioned, be gracious, be compassionate, be curious, be open?
~ What if we were just to Be in our relationship without white-knuckling it, controlling it and being attached to outcomes?
What if we were to relate to our partner as if they ARE our Ideal Partner? Instead of measuring them against our ideal partner, treating them as if they are our ideal partner…
When we let go and show up with Transcendence like this, opening to the present moment, to what is, to who we are, and to who are partner is, that’s when we are in real connection, that’s when we Become One, and that’s when the magic happens…
Stop working so hard at making your relationship work… Invest in your relationship, by Being in your relationship…
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APPLICATION: In your time of quiet, ponder, meditate, journal on defining your Ideal Partner-
~ Capture their characteristics, mannerisms, habits, strengths, growth areas, and so on
~ Capture how they’d behave towards you, how they’d treat you, how they’d connect with you
~ Capture how you’d feel about them, about being with them, and being with them
~ What kinds of feelings would you be feeling? How would you show up to your days? What kinds of things would you be doing? How would you be in your relationship? How would you be towards your partner?
Great- now generate those feelings for yourself, show up those ways, and be those ways…
We think our relationship awesomeness depends on doing all kinds of relationship stuff and on our partner being all kinds of specific ways… We have it all wrong…
Our relationship awesomeness, depends on us being our awesome selves and being awesome to our partner… It’s actually quite simple…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
