Growing and developing as a couple is no easy feat. It requires intention, consciousness, commitment, dedication, and effort. Being in tune with signs that change is needed is a good way of promoting growth for the couple.
Signs that indicate room for growth and development include one or both partners feeling restless, edgy and impatient with their partner, bickering and fighting, boredom and staleness, impasses, indecision, intolerance and judgment, criticism and spitefulness, unresolved conflict, and lack of intimacy and connection.
When partners experience one or more of these signs, a red flag should go up indicating it is time for them to tune-in to their relating and make some changes. This is an opportunity for growing as a couple.
Here is when the partners need to step away from the tree (content, details, symptoms, signs, tit-for-tat perspectives, blaming, waiting for the other to change) so they can see the forest (context, wounds, patterns, potential, healing, taking responsibility for one’s behavior). Partners could spend a lifetime examining the bark on the tree in front of them and never get to experience the exquisiteness of the whole forest.
It is difficult to stop staring at the bark and take a step back to see the forest. The bark is enchanting and alluring. It takes a lot of willpower and determination to pull away from its spell. The partners need to draw from their own strength and resources and rip themselves away so they can finally get a glimpse of their forest. And, oh, what nirvana!
The trick is staying away from that bark! This is accomplished by targeting our strength and resources to changing our worldview, our meaning system. We need to change our perspective on how we interpret our situation and interactions to include taking responsibility for ourselves as opposed to feeling victimized.
From this new perspective it is easier to give our partner different reactions and outcomes to the usual disagreements and impasses. This in turn invites them to treat us differently and therefore meet our needs. When both partners are doing this, they are on their way to being delighted in their forest.
Liberate yourself from old views and allow yourself the gift of exploring the forest and enjoying its wondrous surprises!
Happy Liberating!!!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Practice changing the way you look at things. A tip to make this work is to own your thoughts, feelings, and actions and not take on those of others. Learning to let go of making assumptions, mind reading and attributing factors to others helps this along.
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
