Parenting tactics, neurodivergence, and attachment styles [Video]


It’s interesting how the way we are raised has a pretty significant impact on how we turn out as people… There are other factors at play as well of course captured by the big debate on nature vs nurture… Regardless of which side gets more points on that debate, the way we are parented and our relationship with our caregivers during our formative years do play a major role on how we develop and who we become… They inform our programming, our patterns, and even our personality which can all boil down to the habit of being ourselves… 

Just how we were parented impacted us, how we parent impacts our children… 

There are a few key things to be on the lookout that impact their resilience, programming, and what kind of relationship they have with themselves and others as they grow up and as they settle down with a future partner… 

These are the same things we can think back on and deprogram, depattern and decondition in ourselves for our own healing, development, wellbeing, and happiness… And for creating our Best Relationship and our Best Life… 

Let’s take a look at how parenting / caregiving plays a role on our make up through some specific parenting styles and tactics:

Regulation – Is the child assisted in regulating and taught how to self-soothe and self-regulate through safe, consistent, and nurturing interactions during tough moments, hard feelings, and triggers

~ If the adult is or gets dysregulated themselves, if they get agitated, angry, or triggered, they can’t assist the child with their own regulation. This means more agitation for everyone and escalation of the situation… The child doesn’t learn how to feel and own their own feelings, self-regulate, and use effective boundaries, and experience delayed emotional and other development…

Messaging – What types of messages are giving for example about feelings, personal characteristics, abilities, appearance, body, affection, sexuality, connection, independence, accomplishing, success

~ If the adult judges, criticizes, discourages and the like any particular aspect of the child’s make up or behavior, they are giving messages that have a negative impact the child’s self-esteem and personality development… The child subscribes to limiting belief systems, ideas about themselves, others and the world… 

Acceptance and Belonging – Is the bond between parent and child safeguarded and unconditional- is the child shown that they are accepted and loved no matter what 

~ If the adult uses shaming, control, rigidness, time outs, and other punitive tactics to get the child to behave and comply, they are making their emotional safety, belonging and love conditional… The child takes on disempowering ideas about themselves, their self-worth, and how to be in relationship…

These are key parenting aspects to consider as we parent to raise health, resilient and happy children. 

And, to consider how they applied to how we were parented so we can better understand ourselves and what we might need today to undo any negative impact from how we were raised.

In today’s episode I have a super-rich conversation with Polina Shkadron, a Play Therapist, about parenting neurodivergent children, which apply to all parenting also… Our conversation was so informative that are turning it into a 2-part episode to share all the wisdom with you. In today’s part, we cover the importance of play for the child’s growth, development and wellbeing and how understanding the dynamics involved in play is beneficial for the parent-child relationship. We also cover why children have tantrums and how to manage them, and the importance of self-regulation.  The key aspects mentioned above are illustrated in our conversation. You are in for a treat!



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Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!


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About Emma

Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of MetroRelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.

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