As with busyness comes neglect of things we care about, our partner is usually one of the first to go. This is very unfortunate as most would say that the relationship with their partner is one of the things they care about most in life. But, still they usually come in last on the priority list.
I see people trying to take care of everything but their partner. They worry about clean houses, gifts for relatives and friends, work, email, etc. By the time the end of the day arrives, they are too exhausted to have fun and connect with their partner. They claim they want to, but they are too tired… People are too tired for the good stuff!! Isn’t that something?
We worry about our quality of life, but we really do little to make sure we have the quality of life we want day-in and day-out. We believe that more money will provide a higher quality of life and so focus our energies on working more for our money. We end up overextended, stressed, and exhausted. This is hardly conducive to a “high quality of life.” When we are in this context, we can’t find pleasure in the little everyday things and interactions that make up our life.
The Fall and Winter are magnet month’s for staleness in relationships. We get caught up with the children’s school and extra curricular schedules, with meeting end of year deadlines, with the Holidays, etc. that we overbook and overextend ourselves to the point that we can’t handle anything or anyone else placing demands on us. We can’t even take pleasure on the things we are working for! So, how do we make sure we stay on our partner’s priority list, and them in ours? How do we keep our relationship from getting stale?
We take care to create a Couple Routine. A Couple Routine is an explicit plan that delineates when and how to have contact. This needs to include small daily connecting rituals, weekly dates, time set aside for joint projects, weekend trips, vacations, romantic dinners, gifts, etc.
The Couple Routine set up now for the next few months will ensure that when you are in go-go-go mode, and have no time or inclination to think about connecting and having fun with your partner, that is already taken cared of. All you have to do is follow your plan. Of course, your plan will be specific enough that it’ll have its details scheduled in your calendar. So, you’d have automated your relating taking the guesswork out of the equation and the chance for your partner not to make it to your priority list.
This task actually blocks out time from your calendar preventing you to overbook yourself and forget your partner and be too tire to interact with your partner. It takes out the staleness before it even manifests! And, because you’ve booked and committed yourself to interacting and connecting with your partner that will automatically get you on their priority list! Try it and see!!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Create your Couple Routine. Go through your calendar and book dates, outings, project times, weekend trips, dinners, joint down time, etc. If you follow a TimeMap, it already blocks out “social time” that includes couple time. Then all you have to do is put in activities in the allotted times of your calendar. You may also want to get “Time Management from the Inside Out“: It gives you a play by play on creating your “TimeMap.” Use this book to help you automate your Couple Routine. Let it guide your daily moves to create connection and fun with your partner!
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.