Do you find that your interactions with your partner include some of the following?
- Poor or no eye-contact
- Giving of the back or talking to the back
- Talking to the air
- Not responding, acknowledging or answering questions
- Dismissing
- Shutting down, ignoring
- Withholding
- Lying
- Rejecting
- Forgetting
- Denying
- Shrugging of shoulders
- Rolling of eyes, giving the evil eye or staring down, huffing and puffing, sighing, sucking teeth
- Leaving, walking/turning away, or truncating discussions
- Cutting the other off, interrupting
- Bickering
- Tit-for-tat, score keeping
- Challenging for the sake of being right
- Changing the subject, refusing to discuss topics
- Criticizing, controlling, owning, demanding, picking
- Trying to change the other’s mind, perspective or view
- Persuading, cajoling, nagging
- Third degree interrogations
- Wanting to know everything that is on the other’s mind
- Not respecting privacy or personal “space”
- Smothering
- Taking over
- Insulting, cursing
- Yelling
- Throwing, hitting or breaking things and/or hitting each other
- Involving others
If you identified with the list and find that some or a lot of these are present in your relationship, then – STOP IT! This form of communicating and interacting is hugely detrimental to the relationship and each of your wellbeing. It disrupts your attunement and ruptures your connection.
It disregulates you. It re- injures, traumatizes and wounds you. It makes you feel crazy. It creates a vicious negative cycle of interaction that is hurtful, harmful and dissatisfying. It holds you back from your personal and relational potential. It holds you back from Being You, being alive, living your authentic successful relationship and life.
Research indicates that relationships that are plagued with negative interactions are doomed to fail. Do not let this be your relationship! Instead create the loving, nurturing, supportive, and wonderful relationship you dream of and deserve.
Start by noticing how often you employ this negative form of communication and its outcome. Notice how you feel disconnected, disrupted and discontent… Catch yourself reacting and interacting this way. Gently remind yourself this is not how you want your relating to be and how this does not meet your needs.
Give yourself permission to try something different. Be kind and attuned, respectful. Interact from your authentic self (not your defense mechanisms). Stop reacting and start responding – stop the negative vicious cycle today!
Happy Responding!!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Share the list above with your partner and invite them to also become aware of how you each employ negative forms of communication and interaction. Make a deal to each mind your own reactions and start becoming more responsive.
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
