Are You Using Your Three Minds?


I can tell my couples how to do things till I’m blue in the face, but unless we play deeper change is not possible… I find that we have a tendency to look for immediate gratification, the quick fix, the easy way out, and the shortest path to the Promised Land. If this approach worked we would already be an amazingly evolved species… Unfortunately, this is not the case. This approach does not work. We have to be in it to win… We have to have skin in the game to get the desired outcome. We have to have our two feet in to walk and enjoy the Journey. Investing anything less guarantees we won’t thrive, that we won’t create our Authentic Life and Awesome Relationship.

What I see happen is that we jump in with blinders to create what we desire. We think we know where we want to go and start going in that general direction, with our fingers crossed that we’ll find the way. Haphazardly we go in without a plan or a map. We do this with our life, and with our relationship… We have no idea what we are doing or where we are going, and get upset when we get lost or go in the wrong direction… This is an absurd way to do our life and relationship. We train, study, research, plan and set goals, and get support with other things we do… Actually, some don’t do this at all, and then they wonder how come nothing is working… We have to set ourselves up for success to create what we Desire…

How do we do that? There are three areas of focus to really get ourselves in order:

Consciously – We usually don’t know where we are going and how to get there. We have general ideas but don’t bother to create a clear destination, have a map and plan for getting there. At this level we need to have a clear vision of what we desire – what we want our human experience to be, which can be further developed and tweaked as we go. And, we have to have a plan and support in place to get there. We need a vehicle with a full tank of gas, an itinerary and a map.

Subconsciously (or preconsciously) – We have a core set of beliefs that infiltrate and drive our behavior and approach to Life. We are usually blind to these unless we’ve invested in unearthing them. These are fear driven as a protective mechanism and operate as the break pedal on anything that appears “dangerous”… These beliefs are usually not in alignment with our “scary” desires and therefore manifest as sabotage… At this level, we have to tune in, address and clean out our fears and limiting beliefs… We need to reprogram ourselves so our conscious and subconscious minds are congruent and in alignment. This clears up the traffic jams on our way to our destination.

Unconsciously – We have primitive, instinctual and built-in systems that are not directly or easily accessible. These include our embodied brain, our affective biological program, and our energetic molecular make up… This is our embodied Soul impacted by our human experience. At this level, we have to change our blueprint, our very wiring, brain structure, biology, and energy integrating ourselves for higher Wellbeing. This enables us to fully own our Self and our Mission… We need to make repairs to our vehicle and service it along the way.

We struggle and create mediocre Lives because we fail to properly tend to our conscious, subconscious and unconscious minds… These comprise our operating system that we neglect to update and optimize… Trying and efforting to create the life and relationship we desire with an antiquated, short-circuiting, and malfunctioning system is a doomed quest right off the bat. Our approach to our Life is inconsistent, haphazard, uninformed, unskilled, unsupported, unguided, and with limited resources. This is us inebriated at the wheel of malfunctioning vehicle without a GPS and trying to reach our destination with our feet both on the break and gas pedals… How in the world can we possibly lead Authentic Lives in this state and with this approach?

To top it off, our energetic vibrational frequency is low when we are “discombobulated”. We give mixed messages to the Universe (give me, don’t give me) as what we say we desire is energetically incongruent with our energy and approach. This contributes to the experienced stuckness and lack of forward movement… We compound the situation by attracting other low-vibe-frequency experiences adding to the drama and chaos in our life.

Our desires, abundance, love, service, philanthropy and the like, have high vibrational frequencies. It is our human responsibility to get to and maintain ourselves operating in high vibrational frequencies to be in alignment with our Desires and therefore able to accomplish our Mission…

Our Relationship is a tool, a vehicle, a mechanism, and a gift to assist us with all of the above… Anyway you look at it, our relationship serves a purpose… Put your relationship in its rightful place and get cranking on creating your Awesome Relationship, and Authentic Life!

Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…

Happy Minding!


~ Your MetroRelationship Assignment

Assess your current level of attention and investment you are putting into optimizing the functioning of your three minds (Conscious, Subconscious and Unconscious) to enable your Self to create your Awesome Relationship and Authentic Life.

Select one to shower with more attention, and take an action today to start investing in it. Starting points for each:

Conscious Mind – Have a visualization session where you see your future and how you desire it to be. Break down your vision into measurable goals. Set milestones and tasks to achieve your goals. Schedule your tasks. Enlist support to build skills, expand your tool kit and create systems to accomplish your tasks.

Subconscious Mind – Have a getting-in-tune session where you identify your limiting beliefs and messages, narrow scripts, ego driven attitudes, and fears. Expand and challenge your narrow range, repertoire, and distortions. Enlist support to upgrade your Mindset…

Unconscious Mind – Have a healing and growing-up session where you connect to your affect program and fragmented, fragile Self. Learn to easily bring this to consciousness, effectively address your feelings and meet your needs. Enlist support to mindfully, gracefully and appropriately approach integrating your Self…

Add this to your Tool Kit…


   Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.


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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit:


About Emma

Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health field in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. We help couples create a radiant and authentic relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™.
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