Sometimes things don’t seem to be working out the way we’d prefer in our life and our relationship. We don’t lose the weight. We don’t get the promotion or hit our sales target. We haven’t gotten engaged yet. We keep having the same fight. There is a reason for this. The reason is that we are getting in our own way…
Now, I say with lots of love and compassion, for who wants to hear it’s their fault they are having a hard time. Right?
But the reality is that we are carrying on in a way that doesn’t allow us to create our best relationship and best life. Here are a few things that are getting in our way…
1 – A victim and powerless mentality, a negativity bias, poor boundaries and lack of personal ownership
2 – Lacking communication skills, inability to apologize or apologize well, no repair know-how and how to make amends
3 – Unresolved wounds and repeating patterns, poor self-regulation, no self-care practice
4 – A guarded heart, low connection and intimacy ability, lack of relationship prioritization
5 – Distractions, over commitment, disorganization, no collaboration system
When we don’t attend to our own healing, growth, development and evolution, we get in our own way of having the relationship and life we want. We are only able to create as far as how we are operating allows us to go…
We can only create as far as we have with how we currently are.
To continue to create our best relationship and our best life, we need to continue to create our best selves…
We can’t change our world if we don’t change first, it’s impossible:
1 – We can’t see the beauty that is our Partner if we continue to blame everything on them and lack personal ownership…
2 – We can’t communicate better if we don’t improve our communication skills.
3 – We can’t stay steady in the face of a trigger or a fight if we can’t self-regulate, if we lack resilience.
4 – We can’t connect and have intimacy, passion and fun if we don’t make time for our partner and relationship and have a guarded heart.
5 – We can’t have a joyful, peaceful, harmonious and lovely home if we can’t collaborate in running our joint life…
So, you see whatever is troubling you, whatever you haven’t been able to achieve yet, it’s because you are getting in your own way… Sorry, don’t shoot the messenger. LOL
But you can create what you want after all. You just have to go about it a bit differently than you have been…
When you keep having the same fight…
You keep having the same fight because:
1 – You keep looking at your partner the same way. You keep doing the same things that bother your partner.
2 – You keep addressing their disappointment or complaint the same way.
3- You chase them or push them away as usual.
4 – You don’t consistently give them love in their love language.
5 – And, your ego gets in the way about how things should be done.
Well? You see what predicament you get yourself in?
Do you see that any change in any of these areas would give you a different outcome? How you actually have control over how things play out…?
You are super powerful. When you decide that you’ll show up differently and set that intention, you do. And, when you do, so does your partner… Voila!
Of course, I don’t want to oversimplify this. I know that the best of intentions don’t always stick… But therein lays information for your use as well, to help you continue to heal, grow and develop.
The more you work your intentions and learn from what doesn’t work, the more you can change, and the more you change, the more you can address your world and your partner differently…
And that is all it takes to create something different, to create the relationship and life you want.
ASSIGNMENT: Decide that you mean business and that you will change so you can create change in your relationship and your life…
I – Take note that the items in the lists above are related the 5 Elements of the Successful Couple Strategy™:
1 – Context & Mindset
2 – Communication & Alignment
3 – Clarity & Dynamics
4 – Connection & Intimacy
5 – Collaboration & Partnership
II – Identify the Element that needs most of your attention
III – Play with that Element until you acquire some mastery, for example:
1 – Embrace a Relationship Enrichment Mindset (your partner is your Partner with a couple P…)
2 – Improve communication, apology and repair skills
3 – Identify your wounds and triggers, change your response to your partner’s, implement a rich self-care practice
4 – Set up Connection Habits, implement a Dating Partner Protocol, safe-guard couple time
5 – Simplify your life and cut down on commitments, establish a Collaboration System
IV – Move on to the other Elements that also need attention, keep cycling through them till you see your Transformation…
As with anything, when you bring consciousness, focus and attention to something, Awesomeness happens. I wish this for you in your life and your relationship.
Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS – Related Posts:
Feeling stuck in your relationship?
How you perpetuate your stuckness
Keep having the same old fight?
Your partner not meeting your needs?
Is the dance of connection and disconnection driving you insane?
Treat yourself, please your partner…
Experience the healing of a self-care practice
Use self-care as your way to Higher Abundance
Caring is not just for mothers
How to reprogram yourself
Are you a strong partnership?
Do you support each other?
Staying motivated with your new year’s intentions
New habits, routines and motivation
The power of having Intentional Habits™
Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com