What positive and healthy tactics have you embraced recently that are having a good impact on you? That are allowing you to be your Best Self?
As you might know, when we show up with the best version of ourselves, we can conquer anything… This includes creating our radiant, authentic and successful relationship.
What does showing-up with our Best Self mean? It means we embrace a Relationship Enrichment approach, we:
- Set empowering effective boundaries so we honor ourselves and don’t get in each other’s way
- Fully own ourselves in all we do so we build trust with ourselves and our partner
- Mind our lens and perspectives so we look at our partner as our ally and not the enemy
- Rewrite old running scripts so we don’t enact self-fulfilling prophecies and confirmation biases
- Address limiting believes so we Become, individually and together, all we desire
- Embrace a growth mindset so we consistently evolve toward our full potential
- Are life learners so we consistently upgrade our skills, tactics, tools, resources and know-how
- Use the skills and tools we have so we get along with our partner and properly shower them with love
- Moderate our feelings, self-regulate, and self-soothe so we remain available for positive interactions
- Meet our needs and address unresolved past issues so we prevent power struggles and recurring dissatisfying patterns
- Be mindful of meeting our partner’s needs and giving them love in their love language so we touch their heart
- Operate purposefully and intentionally so we properly take care of ourselves and care for our partner
- Participate in a rich self-care practice so we consistently connect with ourselves and don’t depend on receiving attention from others
- Build courage and vulnerability so we are able to pursue deep connection and intimacy
- Apply relationship nurturing tactics on an ongoing basis so we stay fresh and crisis free
- Exercise understanding, compassion, giving grace, and letting go so we can have smoother, more rewarding and more meaningful interactions
- Close any exits and change unhealthy habits so we protect our bond and energy and tap into our synergy
- Create proactive routines and rituals so we create a harmonious and joyful home
- Establish efficient systems so we can easily collaborate and our home runs like a well-oiled machine
- Dream our big dream and pursue it with gusto so we ongoingly show up with vibrancy, enthusiasm, and passion
This is personal-relational work you can do to enrich your relationship and create the relationship you desire. This is work you can do by yourself or you can invite your partner to do with you. But note, you both do your own work regardless, alone or together…
There is immense beauty in doing it together as you see how the pieces of the puzzle fit together, you see the synchronicity around the patterns, and you can see your dynamics more clearly. You also get to experience deeper levels of understanding, compassion, connection and intimacy. But, when one partner is resistant or more laidback about the work, the other can totally do their side and still create a shift in the relationship…
So, no more excuses. If you want an amazing relationship, you do the work! If your partner joins in even better, but not required…
ASSIGNMENT: Select a personal-relational tactic to embrace and integrate into your life to start creating the relationship you desire.
The Tactics can be sorted into 3 types:
Note, they also flow from the 5 Elements of our Successful Couple Strategy™:
Context / Mindset – Getting Unstuck, breaking the impasse (effective boundaries, personal ownership, personal empowerment) – Tired of feeling stuck in your relationship?
Communication / Alignment – Improving communication and getting on the same page (deescalating fights, resolving conflict, detailed communication protocols) – Tired of fighting without resolution?
Clarity / Dynamics – Changing patterns, getting needs met, resolving recurring issues (self-healing and growing, self-reprogramming, self-regulating) – Tired of the same old issue?
Connection / Intimacy – Increasing connection, intimacy and fun (feeling connected, rekindling desire, dating each other) – Tired of feeling disconnected?
Collaboration / Partnership – Creating a strong partnership (synchronizing, sharing the load, creating your dream home, relationship and life) – Tired of feeling overwhelmed?
Step 1 – Select the type or element that resonates the most, identify the related tactics and choose one to focus on
Step 2 – Play with that tactic till it feels like second nature. You can create a Habit (repeatable behavior) of it to more easily integrate into your repertoire…
As you can see you are not at the mercy of your partner and their wish to improve the relationship or not. You have all the control and power needed to create the changes you want…
The choice is yours. You can continue to put up with dissatisfactions, annoyances, triggers and a mediocre relationship, or you can create the relationship you desire, alone or together. Regardless, it can be done!
Here is to creating your radiant, authentic and successful relationship!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.