When our relationship and life get challenging, we might wonder what we are doing wrong or what we need to do to fix them… What I’ve found to be true not only with our clients but in my own life is that it’s not necessarily what we do out there that makes the difference.
It’s really what we do in the inside that does. When we tend our inner world and are intentional about who we are, that’s when our external world becomes more magnificent… This is a simple way to change your programming…
Tending our inner world has to do with minding what thoughts we allow ourselves to think, what scripts and narratives we entertain, what mindset we subscribe to, and what kind of information we consume.
Tending our inner world has to do with minding our feelings, emotions and states, and honoring and meeting our needs.
The Challenge
Our brain and mind are the helm of our vessel if you may- they generate the thoughts, feelings and states, and give instructions for our actions. If we don’t take charge of them, by being intentional and deliberate about how they operate and let them run rampant, it shows in our output and what kind of relationship/s and life we create!
We can try as hard as we’d like to change our habits and force the good in our lives but if our internal world is messy, we’ll find that the changes we try to do not hold. We can’t stick with our commitments if they are just coming from our mouth and hands, and are not driven by a stronger purpose and program…
Oftentimes we are not in touch with our purpose and oftentimes we haven’t upgraded our programming…
This means that we are banging around life creating drama and sabotaging ourselves.
This means we are creating our life by default.
This means we are not living our full potential…
When we let our outdated programming run the show, we are easily triggered, we show up with chips on our shoulder, we are reactive with our defensiveness, and we just operate from the low-road, with our Lower Self… We operate from victimization, blame, and symptomatology- not our best look.
The Solution
The key is to tend our inner world so we reprogram and upgrade ourselves… So we don’t walk around like a ticking bomb or wasting our life away or having a real hard time of it…
How do we reprogram and upgrade ourselves?
In a lot of different ways… But for the purpose of this writing let me offer that a great approach is to pay attention to your feelings because they carry messages and then to attend to those messages…
This is where your partner comes in handy. They are the most important person in your life, your Life Partner, and the one that has the ability to trigger you really good. LOL Your partner is like a mirror, they get to reflect to you all the places that need tending… When they trigger you, that’s a sensitive area that needs attention…
Remember that our experience is 80% about us, and only %20 about what they are doing… This is a good thing as it serves as a guide of sorts for the internal work we have to do…
So when you get triggered, identify what the trigger is about. What emotions and feelings are coming up. Expand on these feelings, don’t settle for just the reactive and protective feelings- anger, frustration, annoyed… Do deeper.
What is coming up for you- neglected, ignored, rejected, unwanted, alone, abandoned, dismissed. Or, small, criticized, controlled, not good enough, inadequate, unappreciated, devalued. These are just a small sampling. Pick out your flavor. Find your theme. Your wound…
Pay attention going forward, that every time you have a fight or conflict with your partner, that your wound got triggered… Find these vulnerable feelings in those moments. Those moments are not about making your partner wrong, being right or winning! Those moments carry information for your own healing. Tend to the feelings that come up.
When you tend the feelings and address what is causing them is when the healing happens and the reprogramming… You’ll become less and less sensitive to the usual triggers and they will no longer influence how you go about your relationship and your life…
This is how you take charge and really fully honor and take care of yourself. This is how you then create your radiant relationship and meaningful life…
WATCH RELATED VIDEOS: Successful Relationship on YouTube
GET THE RELATED FREE 1-PG DOWNLOADABLE: CoDependence Quiz
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Interested in Couple Therapy, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Coaching, Individual Therapy or Support Sessions?
We can help with our private and group memberships:
Sessions Membership
Lifestyle Membership
Look forward to seeing you inside!
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
