I say stay openminded to the beauty of this month. I know most people don’t appreciate March for its length, lack of holidays, and as it makes winter linger around these parts. But what if we were to take full advantage of everything this month has to offer? For starters, for me it feels like I have more time! I just feel more abundance- warmer weather, more sunlight, more sunshine, more weeks, more weekends, more newness… To experience the newness, we also have to let go of the old… Detox to surrender the old and allow the new…
When we think of detoxing, we usually think of eating clean and giving up other substances to clean up our bodies. We might take it a step further and detox or give up some other things like: cursing, binging on Netflix, screen time, and social media. If this is you, high five!
I’d like to offer expanding your detox practice. Aside from detoxing and giving up the usual during this season, how about embracing a Refreshing Springtime Ritual that really gets rid of the old, and creates space for the new and new beginnings… This includes Decluttering as well, as we covered last week…
What does Detoxing beyond the usual look like? It means detoxing from the things we ingest, partake in, and habits in all areas of our life that don’t support our Best Self, Best Relationship and Best Life… It includes us stopping behaviors that don’t support us personally and our relationship…
Detoxing what doesn’t serve us personally, catapults us into shifting and generating newness in all areas of our life… But let’s take this a step further and let’s directly detox how we show up to our relationship if this is where we are looking to create change…
Detox Your Relationship
Unless we are mindful and stay intentional about how we show up to our relationship day-in-and-day-out, we tend to get a build-up of dullness, bad manners, cringy behaviors and might even revert to old habits.
In a past blog post, I had pointed out things that could be detoxed in our relationship to create space for new interactions and for creating the relationship we desire:
1 ~ Bad Habits – Poor hygiene or self-care, cutting the other off when speaking or finishing their sentences, endlessly speaking about oneself and showing no interest in the other’s world, allowing distractions during meals or talks, taking other people’s sides in stories, running late, not keeping promises, not making timely plans and keeping them, not cleaning up after oneself, not showing common courtesies (a call when running late, offering food when getting oneself something, saying thank you, not making noise when the other is sleeping, not leaving dishes in the sink, not leaving hair in the shower or wet towels on the bed, etc.)
2 ~ Chaos – Not having a consistent place for things and putting things away, not having a consistent agreed upon routine, calling insistently and leaving disgruntled messages, reacting to petty things and blowing things out of proportion, not finishing tasks or conversations, juggling a lot of things simultaneously and operating with constant stress, not saying no and allowing multiple demands to tug at you, not setting clear expectations and limits, not having support, now working as a team, undermining each other, operating from own agendas
3 ~ Enmeshment – Doing everything together, not having own interests or personal time, telling each other how to be, behave, think, feel and having a running commentary in one’s mind about this, not allowing for individuality and uniqueness, putting own needs aside consistently for the other, not identifying own needs and being overly caring of the other, worrying about what the other is or is not doing, not having own voice, pushing for “We” at expense of “I”
4 ~ Disconnect – Having a limited repertoire of joint activities, not eating meals together, going to bed at different times, having only personal pursuits, having too much alone or with own group time, not sharing inner world (feelings, thoughts, wishes, dreams, concerns), not sharing one’s activities / world, having more separate plans than joint, not having joint goals, not sharing a calendar, paying bills separately
5 ~ Neglect – Lack of TLC, having a limited repertoire of intimate moves or approach to intimacy, having “sex” less than one time per week, not showing appreciation or acknowledgment, not checking in throughout the day, not greeting each other hello or goodbye and having that include touching, not sharing affection, not being on each other’s priority list, not being thoughtful with little things (getting partner a drink when getting oneself one, using all the hot water, doing only one’s laundry, not picking up the cleaners, not putting in gas in the car, eating the last of a favorite dish or dessert, etc.)
6 ~ Toxic Interactions – Disrespect with yelling, cursing, interrupting, or digging at the other, not supporting activities, wishes, or the other’s uniqueness and needs, undermining by not keeping agreements, setting up interactions not conducive to the task at hand, controlling by “owning” the other, manipulation to get own way or not allow the other to get theirs, passive-aggressiveness in not showing up and being accountable, criticism, banter and jokes at the other’s expense, constant complaining and whining, gossiping about others and leaking energy out of the relationship, lies, cover ups and secrets, resentment, anger and lack of resolution to concerns, not allowing each other to express feelings, not allowing each other to be their own person, being self-absorbed
Aren’t these powerful? We can certainly have a build-up of toxicity in our relationship if we are not mindful about how we show up on an ongoing basis. But additionally, it doesn’t hurt to take stock every so often and make sure we reset and catch anything that slip through…
Springtime is a perfect time for this assessment and to take a concerted approach about clearing all the gunk that has build-up.
Watch the video for on these relationship detoxing areas… Enjoy!
MONTHLY THEME GUIDE: Refresh for Newness Checklist
APPLICATION: Select a detoxing area that seems the most bogged down in your relationship. You can continue onto the others as you need.
~ List all the ways you are not proud of how you show up to your relationship in the area you identified
~ Sort the items in your list by themes: Manners, responses, habits, TLC, time, and such
~ Focusing on one theme at a time, go to town cleaning up your act and stepping up how you show up
~ Share your observation and intention with your partner and invite them to join the detox
~ You might even want to gamify this for kicks
Bring lightness to your approach and have fun!
There are different ways to refresh your relationship, but a good scrub and detox is so easy and fun.
Don’t pass up this simple way to generate spaciousness for new beginnings…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com