Often times partners don’t know how to nurture their relationship… They are at a loss for how to show love, how to create connection, how to sustain and deepen connection. But though challenging, stimulating and ever so rewarding, creating the relationship we desire doesn’t have to be difficult. In fact, it can be quite simple… The key is to action love… We know that love is a feeling and a noun, but we might forget that it is also a verb…
We have to show up with our love in our thoughts, in our choices and decisions, in our speech, in our responses, and in our actions and habits. And, of course we have to invest in doing loving and nurturing gestures.
Our lives are so hectic that when we look at this it might feel like a lot of work… You might find yourself thinking, Who has the time to put in this much into a relationship?
The thing is, this is the wrong way to look at things. Nurturing and enriching our relationship is not work. This is the tending and watering it needs to flourish…
It’s funny how we have all of our maintenance schedules to run our lives- like oil changes, teeth cleaning, replacing filters and such, but we consider giving our partner attention and love “work”, too much effort, and too time consuming… Talk about having our priorities backwards and a messed-up mindset!
Loving Thoughts, Choices, and Decisions
By now, I’m sure you know that we are electro-magnetic individuals, spirit beings living in a human body… This simply means that we are actually primarily energy, beyond the meat suit or bag of bones we observe…
This also means, that as energetic beings we are impacted by energy and impact with energy. And, this means that the electric current generated by our nervous system, impacts our heart beat, which in turn impacts the magnetic field generated by our heart… Then, this field in turn impacts everything around us and beyond…
Getting to the point, all this means that what you think, creates a current in your brain that has a cascading effect to manifest your relationship and your life.
Your thoughts, generate feelings and your estate. You can choose how you look at something, what meaning you assign it, how you interpret it, what you make of it… You can choose to have loving and understanding thoughts, and give grace and compassion, or you can choose to pass judgement and blame, and to criticize and control…
You can make decisions that are considerate, thoughtful, generous, nurturing… You can choose what kind of partner you want to be and show up with your Loving Self…
Loving Speech and Responses
It is hard for us to have wonderful and productive conversations if we don’t use our communication tools and skills, if we go in with a messy mindset, and if we are trying to win and be right. We can have much better conversations when we show up with love and compassion. When we try to understand the other not make them wrong…
We get much further, increase connection and intimacy when we are mindful of how we show up to interactions, how we choose to address things, and how we choose to respond.
I know it’s more difficult to do when we are triggered, or get triggered mid interaction, but this is where the tools and skills come in to mitigate and support you in doing all this much better.
There is never a good reason to just let our partner have it. Or to unleash our wrath on them. Or to go for the jugular. Why on earth would we want to treat the most important person in our lives, our Life Partner, this way? It truly makes no sense…
Even when they have done something wrong, hurtful and the like. It still behooves us to show up with our Best Self, so we can properly address the wrongdoing, our feelings and our needs…
Nothing good ever comes from adding insult to injury… If we are triggered, then we soothe and take care of ourselves first, then we properly and effectively address the thing… Everybody wins…
Loving Actions and Habits
As you might be able to infer, when we operate from a higher estate, when we take the high-road, life is truly much easier and more magnificent… This allows us to stay operate from our Higher Self, our Loving Self, our True Essence… No longer from our little, victim, symptomatic, ego driven self… This is massive!
When we choose to flow from our awesomeness, all the relationship work is fun, exciting, rewarding, easy, desired… It is no longer “work”, it is just being in a relationship and playing with our partner…
From this place is easy to be nice, to do loving behaviors, to show up warmly, to be supportive, to do things for our partner, to build in Connection Habits. To prioritize the relationship and our partner.
This is where we show our partner that they are important to us and we value them…
Lovingness and Nurturing Gestures
And then we get to step it up! Then we truly Action Love… Then we sprinkle all the nice gestures, we woo, we flirt, we date, we play, we spoil, we cherish and so on…
This is where we create the brand of us. This is what makes us special. This is where we treat our partner us our King or Queen. This is where we go all out. This is where we show up with our love and Being Love…
For then, everything we say or do comes from love and is loving…
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Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
