Do you love Valentine’s Day? Some obviously don’t. And, some would totally love to love it but because of their circumstances it is just a painful holiday for them. Which one are you? If you fall in the don’t love it (actually hate it) or in the painful category, I hope you can still find nuggets in here to apply to your life and relationship/s outside of Valentine’s Day… So, here is what to do with Valentine’s Day…
Yes, it has been a very challenging past year. What this past year has done for relationships is not actually what people predicted and anticipated at the beginning of the Pandemic. It has not brought on a Baby Boom. And, it has not brought on a surge in divorce rates.
What does this mean? This means that couples are actually in a paralyzed state. They are stagnant, they are stuck, they are numb. They are surviving the onslaught of additional demands and the impact of these scary and uncertain times and the tension they create.
Partners are enduring more friction, they are experiencing more fighting, and they are hanging in there with less attention, nurturing and compassion. They are putting their heads down and just drudging on… They are resigned to their current state and are on survival mode. They seem frozen in time… They are not taking enough action to address their situation. They are just grinning and bearing it. A real sad state of affairs and really not sustainable…
Then, comes Valentine’s Day time…
Valentine’s Day can be used as a saving grace… This can be used to set things right…
I implore you, regardless of what camp you are in on VDay, to heed what’s offered here not to follow a shallow holiday but to use it as a tool…
This Valentine’s Day is Different
This Valentine’s Day is different this year, Partners:
- Are not in the mood given their current state…
- Find it frivolous to splurge on a silly holiday when funds are tight.
- Might not have the financials to allocate to the holiday even they want to.
- Feel at a loss for how to celebrate as options are very limited with the current restrictions.
- Have inadequate support if they have small children making it harder to make time to celebrate.
- Are preoccupied with more important things.
Well, I say all that is bogus:
- You don’t need money to celebrate if that is your excuse…
- Yes, we have restrictions, that can be worked around…
- Stop using your children as an excuse to neglect your relationship…
Don’t shoot the messenger. I know it’s not easy having small children and that they affect intimacy and desire… But, don’t use it as an excuse, let’s work around it. Where there is a will, there is a way.
And if you don’t have the will, I encourage you to challenge that for your own and your relationship’s wellbeing… Choose to transcend the minutia, the monotony, the numbness, the apathy and to show up… It is a choice!
Celebrating Valentine’s Day Amidst a Pandemic
Hey, nobody has ever said life is easy. It so happens that part of our journey includes weathering a Global Pandemic. Aren’t we lucky to have this additional extra experience to contend with? We can’t say our time on earth was boring. Thriving during this pandemic is our code to crack… So, let’s please do that…
You can celebrate as simply or as intricately as you like. If you are up for intricate you are on the right track on your own, but can still borrow from these to additionally enrich your relationship:
- You don’t have to go out to dinner or worry that you have limited options for fun activities. You can do these at home. Cook a different and special meal. Add candles and soft ambient music. Put the devices away. Have a special fun dessert. Plan a fun at home activity…
- You don’t have to have an event for it. You can just acknowledge the day with special treatment of your partner and gestures.
- You can gift a thoughtful bought or homemade card, or video.
- You can celebrate with as simple a gesture as a Love Letter or Love Poem or Love Art Piece…
- You can set time for a few minutes of sharing appreciations.
- You can have a dance off, a pillow or tickle fight, or chase around the house for a more energetic exchange.
- You can choose to interact with or give Love Promissory Notes in your partner’s Love Language.
The sky is the limit, really. Let your imagination run wild. You make this what you want it to be….
Why even bother? WHY NOT?! This is a built-in opportunity to snap out of the numbness, to gain and give comfort and security, to synchronize energetically with your partner, to share a fun, nurturing and loving moment, to nurture your relationship, to acknowledge your love, to celebrate your love, to get back on track, to recharge and to reignite.
Don’t waste this opportunity to invest in your relationship!
And while you are at it, why not do something that you can use to start a new Relationship Tradition. I shared about Rituals and Traditions in a Facebook Live: Check out the recording!
Again, you don’t have to be all sappy about it if that is not your style but do use this opportunity to generate more relationship energy, cohesiveness and satisfaction. Let your radiance shine through!
ASSIGNMENT: Watch this webinar!
3 Key Ingredients for Rekindling Love & Desire-
Learn how to increase your connection, intimacy and fun
Get it Here!
Wishing you much joy, fun, connection and love and the loveliest of Valentine’s Days…
PS – Related Posts:
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Are you being nice to your partner?
Do you have dirty thoughts about your partner?
Follow the path to passion and synergy
How to get more love from your partner
Yes, you can love too much…
How focusing can save your relationship
How to save your relationship
Start a new relationship, with your partner
Resource yourself, uplevel your marriage
Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com