Deconstruct to allow for a new reality


Certain times of the year are great for letting go and clearing. Now is one of those times. We can declutter and detox and do other letting go practices and activities. The key is to surrender the old, the grip on our potential, and allow ourselves the opportunity to create something new. Better yet, with the spaciousness and restructuring we allow for newness to automatically emerge… Let’s deconstruct to allow for a new reality…  

We are focused this month on refreshing to allow for this newness, so far we covered:

Decluttering and Detoxing

You can get the Refresh for Newness Checklist to track your progress… 

Today we are focusing on Deconstructing… We want to shake up the belief systems, narratives and stories we hold about who we are, our relationship and our life…

We like to believe that we live in a solid and static reality, that what we see and measure is what Is… But scientists have proven this ideology wrong, and that the observer influences what is observed… We live in a fluid reality (actually, we live in a multiverse/reality, but that’s beyond this writing! LOL). Feel free to do your own research if this is a new concept for you…

Our reality is what we make of it as it is what we observe… Additionally, what we observe is influenced by who we are, or rather what lens we put on…

~We have a choice on how we look at things, what we choose to see and how we interpret them

~We have a choice on how we think about things, how we spin them and the meaning we give them

~We have a choice on how we proceed with what we think and how we allow it to dictate the rest

What is fascinating about this is that there is choice everywhere, even the lens we put on…

Everything is constructed… There is no real true reality!

What does this mean for us? It means freedom, that’s what it means. It means we don’t have to be beholding to the habit of being ourselves… 

  • We don’t have to be stuck with the hand we believe we were dealt…
  • We don’t have to be who we think we are.
  • We don’t have to be in the relationship we think we are in.
  • We don’t have to have the partner we believe we have.
  • And so on, for all this is constructed!

Everything in our life is the repetition of the observation, the thought, the feeling and the behavior. These are all habits (patterns)!

You can decide to be a different person, and be it. You can decide to have a different partner, and have a different partner (without exchanging them for a new person). You can decide to have a different relationship, and have it. You can decide to have a different life, and so it is…

I’m sure this feels really farfetched if you are not used to this fluidity… and looking at things this way… But give it a try nonetheless.

It is extremely liberating to surrender the constraints of what we think Is


A New Reality…

We can create whatever reality we want… Once you are open to this possibility, anything is possible (pun intended!).  

Self – What character strengths would you like to have? What kind of person do you want to be? How do you want to show up in the world?

Start cultivating these strengths, show up as the person you want to be… Keep course correcting when you go back to being your usual self. It takes a while to create a new habit…

Relationship – What kind of partner do you want to be? What kind of relationship do you want to create? How do you want to show up to your relationship?

Start showing up as this partner, responding as this partner and nurturing as this partner… Keep course correcting when you go back to interacting with your usual self (when your partner supposedly instigated something from you [purposeful sarcasm]). It takes a while to create a new habit…

Life – What kind of life do you want to have? How abundant is your life? What experiences do you want to have? How is your life meaningful?

Start noticing more all the awesomeness in your life, being more grateful for everything in it, setting intentions for experiencing your amazing life, and upgrading the meaning you give it… Keep course correcting when you go back to your usual witnessing self. It takes a while to create a new habit…

Pay attention to your belief systems, your narratives and your stories – all these can be dismantled and reassembled in any way you’d like… You can make any case you want… Make beautiful and empowering ones!

You can connect dots however you like to make up whatever picture you want…

You can interpret data however you like to make whatever case you want…

Your reality is just a construction… Construct what you want!

This is your starting point, deconstruct and reconstruct what you already have… See the freshness emerging already!?


MONTHLY THEME GUIDE: Refresh for Newness Checklist

APPLICATION: Select what area you want to focus on shifting immediately: Self, Relationship, Life

~ Set time aside to play with your reality

~ Review how you look at your selected area- what is your usual experience and how would you describe it

~ Then look for what other ways you can choose to experience your reality- what if you were to look at it from a 180 degree perspective, what if you were to make the opposite case of what you normally make, what if you were to make a case from your partner’s perspective (or someone else), what if you were to make a case from your therapist’s perspective, what if you were to make a case from your higher self’s perspective, what if- keep going…

Sit with the spaciousness and freshness created… From here anything is possible…


Embracing this concept liberates us from constraints, self-sabotage and self-imposed limitations. This creates a surge of energy that brings freshness and newness. And with them the possibility for new beginnings…

Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!


PS: Masterclasses

‍💐 If you missed our recent Masterclasses, you can still get them through our Member Center:

~ Creating a Self-Love Practice – Designing and implementing your personalized practice

~ Relationship Enrichment Mini Retreat – Reprogramming and shifting for connecting more deeply

They include gorgeous workbooks of transformational processes

Access HERE


💐 Not a member? No worries, join us with a Lifestyle Membership. This Membership includes access to our private community, full access to our Member Center and previous content, and access to upcoming Masterclasses at no additional cost, all for only $29 per month.

Enroll HERE


Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.


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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

About Emma

Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health field in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of MetroRelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. We help couples create a radiant and authentic relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™.
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