Upgrading our programs and reprogramming ourselves has been all the rage… And it makes sense as we are waking up to the fact that we create our own reality… We want to create what we want after all, not something driven by our outdated and misguided programming…
Our programming constitutes of emotional and mental defenses meant to protect us. The problem is that they end up sabotaging our attempts at creating the relationship and life we desire… There are simple ways to change your programming…
Our programming simply developed as we grew up through interactions with our caregivers and the world. We learned what’s acceptable, how to be, how to think, how to look at the world, how to experience love, how to deal with disappointment and so much more through these interactions with our loved ones and by adapting to social norms…
These created patterns in our way of being and how we do our life… They inform everything about us. What we make of our ethnicity, our religion, our gender, and the like including our beliefs, our habits, and all the rest of it. But these are all constructions, We are a construction… This is not who we are…
All the patterns and habits that make up who we are as we usually know ourselves, are all but layers of muck covering the true Essence of who we are. Covering our innocence, our radiance, our joy… This is our true self, our authentic self.
Everything else can be deconstructed and reconstructed… We can reprogram everything…
What to Reprogram
And this is the good news! Because if we feel stuck, if we can’t make the changes we want, if we keep having the same old issues, if we can’t get to the next level and so on, it’s because we have a program that is keeping things just as they are presumably for our own safety…
This means that we can get unstuck and create what we desire by changing our programming…
When it comes to our relationship, we might have all kinds of programs going on about love, affection, intimacy, trust, support, worthiness, and so on… We have belief systems and expectations about these that are deeply ingrained.
There are also programs around who we believe we are, who others are, who our partner is, why we are together, how we should be in relationship, and so on…
And all this impacts how we look at ourselves, at our partner and our interactions- what kind of relationship, and life, we are able to create at the end of the day.
There are a multitude of ways in which we can reprogram ourselves, but I’d like to focus here on one that utilizes our relationship and that helps the relationship in turn. This has to do with Stretching…
We Stretch the spectrum of our characteristics, abilities, strengths, and such to be more inclusive and exhaustive… In other words, we reprogram ourselves for Becoming more whole…
How to Reprogram
We all know that opposites attract. That’s why partners always seem so opposite… One is neat, the other is messy. One likes to save, the other likes to spend. One is outgoing, the other is shy. And so on…
The oppositeness in couples doesn’t just stop at personal characteristics. It also impacts needs and coping and defense mechanisms…
Which in the surface might seem like a formula for disaster, and it can be- ask the many couples that didn’t create their successful relationship. But this is also a blessing, a way for partners to support each other’s evolution…
When partner’s get stuck in their power struggle trying to get their own needs met, and having a challenge also meeting their partner’s seemingly opposing needs, they have to stretch to get there…
It is in that stretching that we have to own other characteristics and strengths, that we might not have known we had, or that we have to develop. It is in that stretching that that we draw from our internal resources. It is in that stretching that we transcend the having to be right for being more compassionate, the micro for the macro, the minutiae for the connection, and such.
When we Stretch in our relationship to meet our partner’s needs, we are actually also growing and evolving ourselves… It’s a Win-Win.
This is the beauty of being in relationship. Our partner is our Life Partner, our Journey Partner. Them and the relationship are a Gift…
Hanging on to how this makes our relationship beautiful as part of our relationship mindset makes all the trials and tribulations actually exciting. Anytime you hit a bump it’s an opportunity for further growth. It’s an opportunity for evolving and becoming more our true Essence… And isn’t this what life is all about? If that’s not a Blessing, I don’t know what is.
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Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
