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Relationship refresh and reset (Video)

Relationship refresh and reset (Video)

New beginnings are super exciting, and this new season promises nothing less. Not only is it a new season, but it is also Springtime when things come alive. And, this Spring is meaningful as it marks a one-year anniversary of the still ongoing global pandemic but with it hope as the vaccine is being distributed. Newness is in the air. This is the perfect time for a relationship refresh and reset.

What is a relationship refresh and reset? A relationship refresh and reset is a time for renewal. It’s a time for starting again with a shift from:

  • looking at your partner and relationship in the same old that is keeping things blah to seeing the possibilities…
  • feeling stuck, stagnant and bored to feeling excited and in love again…
  • neglecting or taking the relationship and partner for granted to moving them to the top of your priority list…

It’s a time for embracing newness by showering your partner with positive energy and approaching your relationship from a different angle…

The past of couple articles covered detoxing and spring cleaning to clear the way for new beginnings. And, envisioning your upleveled relationship and life to guide the way. Now we’ll cover how to create the newness…

We’ll cover how to shift your thoughts, your feelings and your behaviors.

Are you ready to refresh and reset your relationship? Are you ready to embrace and create newness? Are you ready for your new beginning?

Watch the Video to learn how and complete the Assignment below!

ASSIGNMENT:  Select the area that needs the most attention you want to focus on transforming:

    • Thoughts – Embracing a Relationship Enrichment (you are allies on a joint journey) mindset
    • Feelings – Embracing a gratitude, generous and compassionate heartset
    • Behaviors – Embracing a nurturing, attentive, and engaging actionset

Create 3 daily habits around your chosen area to get serious traction towards transforming your relationship.

As with anything, when you bring consciousness, focus and attention to something, Awesomeness happens. I wish this for you in your life and your relationship.

Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

PS1 – This month’s Themed Webinar is on March 29th, at 5 pm ET:

Spring Your Relationship to Life-
Embrace a New Beginning, Create the Relationship You Desire

It’s very easy to fall into a rut, numb out, shut down and disengage from your relationship… Especially nowadays with the crazy world we are living in…

Develop Your Vision
Enough with playing small and settling for a stale and mediocre relationship. You CAN have a radiant and successful relationship! Learn to dream it up. If you can imagine it, you can create it…

Change Your Approach
Enough with the drama, the judgment and the pointing fingers. Take charge of how you show up, what you contribute, and how you invest in your relationship. Bring your extraordinary and dazzling…

Uplevel Your Habits
Enough with the neglect, lack of focus, and minimal effort. Prioritize your partner and your relationship. If you want an amazing relationship, you have to create it. What you nourish, flourishes…

Start creating your Radiant & Successful Relationship!

Sign Up Here!

 

PS2 – As always, we are here for you! If you need more support creating your successful relationship and meaningful life, we are here to help. I’d be honored to speak with you about how we can help you. Schedule a Get Acquainted Call to connect, discuss how we can help you and how to get started. Look forward to Connecting with you!

 

PS3 – Related Posts:
Is your partner always late?
Are you controlling?
When your partner baits you
When do you get on your partner’s nerves?
How much do you get your partner?
Can you change your partner?
Can’t get your partner to do what you want?
How do you show your commitment?
What about compassion?
Are you tapping into your partnership synergy?
The 5 Elements of the Successful Couple Strategy™
Embrace a life-changing mindset
Enhance your life with better boundaries!
Step up your communication skills!
Change your repeating patterns and stuckness!
Are you mastering how to connect?
Create your strongest partnership possible

 

Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Spring to a new level in your relationship and life

Spring to a new level in your relationship and life

Springtime is a time for renewal and New Beginnings… It is an opportunity to start fresh again. It is a time to refresh, course correct and reset. All changes in season and any new start, provide the opportunity for New Beginnings… Spring is special in this endeavor as the newness is so obvious with nature springing back to life… There is momentum in this… This is your chance to spring to a new level in your relationship and life…

Does that sound scary, or empowering and motivating to you? Taking full ownership and being fully accountable for what we create in our life can be scary. It might seem easier to stick our head in the sand, to blame others or circumstances, and to settle than to play full out.

The truth is that when we live our life with lack of full ownership, our life is actually more challenging and more painful…

It is not easy to:

  • Constantly be blown with the wind and with the whim of others
  • Let others dictate our fate and live an unfulfilled life
  • Live inauthentically for fear of judgement, criticism and rejection
  • Commit, show up and engage only 99%,  allowing for waffling
  • Own our voice, our truth, our desires and our potential
  • Express all of ourselves
  • Shine our Radiance

I invite you to play full out! But to do that you need to know yourself, own yourself and apply yourself. Are you ready for that?

You might even be scared to say Yes… If this is you, no worries we are here to support you. We’ll go nice and easy, yet powerfully, so you can stick with us and honor your Journey…

The first thing to do is to start getting in touch with what you want your life to be like, truly… No hedging, no lip service, no settling, no excuses. If nothing mattered but to create the life you desired, what would it look like?

What would your life look like, if your life depended on it…?

This means really exploring your desires for the whole of your life… This means being curious, thinking deeply, visualizing and meditating on what is really in your heart and soul…

Make some time to be with yourself and to really play, explore and dream about these. We are taking this concept beyond identifying your Ideal Day and accumulating Ideal Days to create your Best Life. That is a hack to get you going and to get you on your right path…

Now, we are going for creating our Best Life 2.0!

 

The 8 Robust Life Areas™

Break down your life into specific Life Areas and flesh out what you desire in each.

  1. Spiritual – Spirituality/religion, mindfulness, Purpose, creativity
  2. Physical – Health including brain health, vitality, fitness
  3. Emotional – Resilience, self/co-regulation, managing states of being
  4. Mental – Mental health, mindset, intellect, character/virtues
  5. Relational – Love and romantic relationship, parenting, family
  6. Social – Friendships, community and networks
  7. Financial – Wealth, profession, business, contribution/legacy
  8. LifeStyle – Environments, routines, life engagement

 

The 3 Life Areas Hack™

I usually address the above in a condensed 3 Life Areas format with an overarching Self-care and Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle theme…

  1. Wellness – Spiritual, Physical, Emotional, Mental
  2. Connection – Relational, Social
  3. Success – Financial

Regardless of where you are in your Journey, the approach you choose to play with, and your relationship status, it behooves us to prioritize our relationship/s as this is indicated for our Best Life

If we are not ok as a couple, everything in our life suffers… If we create a radiant and successful relationship then everything else in our life is easier… Everything in our life depends on it…

 

Visioning Your Best Relationship…

The relationship with our partner is one of the most important relationships in our life. Unfortunately, we usually don’t view it and treat it as such.

Our partner is our Life Partner… They are a Gift to our Journey…

Together we are better than alone. Together we are better than one. Together we create something bigger than ourselves and can make a larger Impact… There is Synergy in our togetherness and what a waste not to tap into it…

To create your Best Relationship, you first have to know what your Best Relationship would look like… Then you can go about creating it.

Below is a guide for things to consider when envisioning and designing your Best Relationship. They are of course presented as the 5 Elements of the Successful Couple Strategy™ developed to assist couples create the relationship they desire…

Element1 – Context & Mindset

Here is where you explore what you believe about attracting your mate, being in a romantic relationship, the purpose of the relationship, commitment, trust, devotion and loyalty, priorities, partnership, expectations, interdependence, synergy, contribution, impact and anything else important to you.

What would a Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle look like for you? What would prioritizing your partner look like for you? What would being all in look like for you…?

Element2 – Communication & Alignment

Here is where you explore what being on the same page with your partner would look and feel like. You’d explore beliefs and preferences about communication and being aligned. And, on what topics you would want to get on the same page.

How would communication take place? How would you safeguard your bond and eliminate communication roadblocks? What communication skills and tools would you acquire?

Element3 – Clarity & Dynamics

Here is where you explore what you believe and understand about relationship dynamics, repeating patterns, and getting stuck. And what kind of relationship dynamics you’d prefer. You’d also explore your beliefs about feelings, emotions, and needs. Including thoughts about worthiness and self-esteem, vulnerability and shame, sympathy and compassion.

How would you build resilience and increase self-esteem? How would you increase your EQ? How would you meet your own and each other’s needs?

Element4 – Connection & Intimacy

Here is where you explore what you believe about and your preferences for togetherness vs separateness, connection, love, bond, masculinity and femininity, romance, sensuality, attraction, desire, passion, intimacy, sexuality, stimulation, play, fun, adventure, and friendship.

How would you increase your connection, intimacy and fun? How would you need to Be to experience a deep, synergistic long-lasting love? How do you need to stretch to allow the love you want?

Element5 – Collaboration & Partnership

Here is where you explore what Life Partnership, creating a Strong Partnership, and collaborating mean to you. You’ll explore what kind of family and life you want to create. How you’d want to be a strong partnership. How you want to design and approach creating the life you desire.

How do you want to run your business of life? What kind of parents do you want to be? How do you want to live your life? What kind of lifestyle do you want to have? What kind of legacy you want to leave?

By reading the above, you are already ahead of the game… You can’t unread it and unearth the seeds planted… Your brain already has the instructions to take stock of your life, and your relationship; and, to strive for more…

You’ll start picking up momentum and getting massive traction in your transformation by:

  • Exploring what’s informing your current experience in your relationship
  • Exploring what kind of relationship you desire
  • Consciously and intentionally choosing how to create your Best Relationship  

It all starts with a Vision. That’s what you are doing today. You are fleshing out and owning how you truly want your relationship to be. This is the first step in making it happen…

 

ASSIGNMENT:  Choose the approach that best resonates for you at this time, playing with:

  • The 8 Robust Life Areas™
  • The 3 Life Areas Hack™
  • Visioning Your Best Relationship™ using the 5 Elements of the Successful Couple Strategy™

The mere exercise of bringing light to these will start you on your transformation…

 

As with anything, when you bring consciousness, focus and attention to something, Awesomeness happens. I wish this for you in your life and your relationship.

Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

PS1 – This month’s Themed Webinar is on March 29th, at 5 pm ET:

Spring Your Relationship to Life-
Embrace a New Beginning, Create the Relationship You Desire

It’s very easy to fall into a rut, numb out, shut down and disengage from your relationship… Especially nowadays with the crazy world we are living in…

Develop Your Vision
Enough with playing small and settling for a stale and mediocre relationship. You CAN have a radiant and successful relationship! Learn to dream it up. If you can imagine it, you can create it…

Change Your Approach
Enough with the drama, the judgment and the pointing fingers. Take charge of how you show up, what you contribute, and how you invest in your relationship. Bring your extraordinary and dazzling…

Uplevel Your Habits
Enough with the neglect, lack of focus, and minimal effort. Prioritize your partner and your relationship. If you want an amazing relationship, you have to create it. What you nourish, flourishes…

Start creating your Radiant & Successful Relationship!

Sign Up Here!

 

PS2 – As always, we are here for you! If you need more support creating your successful relationship and meaningful life, we are here to help. I’d be honored to speak with you about how we can help you. Schedule a Get Acquainted Call to connect, discuss how we can help you and how to get started. Look forward to Connecting with you!

 

PS3 – Related Posts: 
Is your partner always late? 
Are you controlling? 
When your partner baits you 
When do you get on your partner’s nerves? 
How much do you get your partner?  
Can you change your partner? 
Can’t get your partner to do what you want? 
How do you show your commitment?   
What about compassion?  
Are you tapping into your partnership synergy? 
The 5 Elements of the Successful Couple Strategy™  
Embrace a life-changing mindset  
Enhance your life with better boundaries!  
Step up your communication skills!   
Change your repeating patterns and stuckness!  
Are you mastering how to connect?   
Create your strongest partnership possible

 

   Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? 

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: 
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Great communication skills and tools are a must

Great communication skills and tools are a must

One of the main roadblocks to creating a radiant and successful relationship is having poor communication skills and tools. Even if you believe you are a great communicator, you might not necessarily have the skills and tools needed to get on the same page with your partner… Great communication skills and tools are a must for succeeding at your relationship.

When I hear people say they are great communicators, a session from a long time ago come to mind. The wife was a self-proclaimed expert communicator. Her profession was Speech Pathology to boot. She believed she knew everything about communication and was the best at this skill.

What was really interesting is that in the session, she talked a mile-a-hour, barely took a breath, kept her husband quiet with her looks, and the massive amount of speaking wouldn’t let him get a word in edgewise… I even had a hard time getting anything in at first. And, this is common from self-proclaimed great communicators…

Being a great communicator doesn’t mean that you can talk a lot!

I share this story because this skill and related tools might get overlooked in their importance to the success of the relationship.

With great communication we are able to understand each other, show empathy and compassion, increase emotional intimacy, get on the same page, make decisions, resolve conflict, properly apologize, repair and make nice, and more.

Great communication allows us to Align in our humanness and in our partnership…

Communication skills is more than the words and tone we choose, our non-verbal communication, and showing interest in what the other has to say. Though some don’t even have this under their belt…

Communicating well goes beyond the actual exchange of words.

Communication Skills

You know you’ve communicated well with your partner when after a conversation you feel connected, on the same page and positive. Even if the topic discussed is a challenge.

Here are some communication skills:

Presence and Attentiveness

Being present in a conversation is huge. Don’t you hate when you are trying to share something with your partner and as you are talking, they keep doing what they were doing, they are moving around, and they even walk away? They don’t like it either when you do it.

It is imperative that some attunement be established during interactions to create the moments you are looking for in your relationship.

Attunement is about having awareness, turning towards the other, having tolerance or holding space for the other’s feelings, showing understanding, having non-defensive responses and having empathy. This is necessary for the partners to synchronize and align creating regulation, resonance, and connection…  

So, show up with your Best Self. Stop the fidgeting, the moving around, the doing, the leaving. Get involved in the interaction. Pay attention. Ignore distractions. Use eye-contact, touching and proximity. Attune…

Positive Non-Verbal Communication

 Our tone of voice, eye contact, gestures, facial expressions and body positioning send messages of their own. We might be trying to convey something, but at the same time we might be giving a completely different message non-verbally.

The key here is to be aware of how we are using the space we are in, how we carry our body and our face, and how we interact using our mouth and eyes…

Some basic things to consider:

  • Turn your body towards your partner when they are speaking and mind the space between you, don’t move away but don’t crowd either. Keep your upper body open and leaning forward. Don’t cross your arms and legs, and specially not away from your partner.
  • Be extremely mindful of your facial expressions. We can say so much with a smirk, a smile, a grin, a frown, a furrow, a pout and such. Our faces speak volumes.
  • Pay attention to your gestures. This has to do with how you move your hands, your head, and other body parts. You can use these to tilt towards your partner and make soothing and comforting motions. You can be graceful and accentuating. Be careful of showing agitation, impatience, aggression and such.
  • A super important aspect of non-verbal communication is the eye-contact. If you are trying to connect, get on the same page, and align, you have to have eye-contact… Without it, it is difficult to feel felt, to feel heard and to feel understood. And, by the same token, it is difficult to feel, hear and understand the other… It is challenging to build trust without it…
  • And, single handedly, tone of voice can throw off the whole thing. Partners get tricky in their communication. They might use pretty language, but their tone is literally speaking louder than words.

Master this skill by being intentional about presenting consistently with what you are trying to convey.  

Interest and Active Listening

Let’s say that you are not interested in what your partner is talking about. Let’s say they are talking about nutrition and all things wellness and you don’t give a hoot about that. How do you stay engaged in this kind of conversation?

Note, you don’ have to have the same interests, same views and agree on stuff to have a good conversation and to connect… This is a huge expectation and mistake partners make.

The key here is to be interested in your partner’s experience, feelings, perspective, preferences, what is happening for them, understanding their position or ideas and just being curious about your partner and their life…

It’s fascinating to be witness to how another person operates and what they are making of their human experience… Take your partner’s in! They are your Journey Partner. It behooves you to learn them…

With this mindset then it is much easier to be interested and show interest in a conversation. To ask questions, to genuinely wonder and want to understand and know. To get what’s being conveyed, and not just factually obviously. 

Listen more than you speak, don’t interrupt, and reflect back what you are hearing. You got this.

Empathy and Compassion

This is a challenging area for partners. Specially for the one that is not as expressive or in touch with their feelings. If they are used to being guarded and have a tendency for blame and shame… If they have difficulties being vulnerable and tolerating vulnerability… Their emotional range is limited.

Having empathy means understanding and sharing the feeling of another person. Really getting how they feel. The other’s suffering is felt. It’s an emotional response.

Having compassion means understanding the other’s feelings and wanting to alleviate them or help. It’s a cognitive response.

Empathy precedes compassion, and without compassion empathy is exhausting as there is no outlet or opportunity to process the feelings…

We want to be able to be there for our partner and for then to know that we are there… The key here is to become more versed in feeling our own feelings, understanding the feelings of the other, expanding our emotional lexicon, and navigating how to be supportive to the other’s feelings.

This does not mean we offer how to fix things and solutions unsolicited!

Clarity and Succinctness

This is where things get tricky as partners usually have opposite communication and information processing styles.

The “male partner” is usually more on the spectrum side of linear thinking and speaking, cognitively logical, and data and facts driven. They are more precise and concise.

The “female partner” is usually more on the spectrum side of circular thinking and speaking, emotionally logical, and creativity and intuition driven. They are more ambiguous and long-winded.

There are pros and cons to both styles, and it gets messy in interactions the more the partners tend to polarize.

The key here is to go into a conversation or exchange with an understanding for the other’s proclivity and with a mindset of tolerance, acceptance and patience for the difference. And, then to mitigate the difference to get on the same page. This is where communication tools come in very handy.

Respect and Mindfulness

Hey, nobody likes to be talked down to, condescended, criticized, undermined, interrupted, yelled at, cursed at and such…

Being respectful in general in our relationship is paramount, and this even includes honoring requests and agreements, being PC and clean, not making jokes at the partner’s expense, not throwing them under the bus or divulging confidences, to name a few.

But more specifically in terms of communication, conversations just need to be respectful. Even if they escalate into a fight. Nothing good comes from crossing lines, being nasty, hurting your partner, and cutting at the bond cord between you…

Create a set of rules of expectations for communicating respectfully… Communication tools come in very handy here as well.

In terms of mindfulness, this is where we enter all interactions with a heart-based approach. Where we are mindful of our partner’s sensitivities, needs and preferences. We go in being mindful of the other human in the room with us… And, of how we honor and support them. How we can gift them with our brilliance. How we can synergize in this Journey…

Clarifying and Summarizing

If you’ve done fairly well with the above in an interaction, then this one is pretty easy. And if you haven’t this can be your chance to regroup and reset…

Clarifying is about stating what you are getting from the other’s message, making sure you are getting it, and asking any questions to clarify anything that you are not getting. It is about getting a full understanding of what the other is trying to convey.

This is not about translating, making it about you, sneaking in your point or side, and such. This is about totally getting your partner. This has to do with your partner feeling felt, understood and accepted. You don’t have to agree or love anything they are saying. You just need to get it, you need to get them. That’s the point of the exchange.

Partners have different experiences in the same interaction, even different interpretation and recollection of interactions. That’s ok, the point is to get their side not to agree. Additional communication tools come in handy here to assist in addressing the differences.

Summarizing is about recapping what you’ve gotten and are taking away from your partner’s sharing. This is how you feel you got somewhere… It’s impossible to have a good summary if the communication didn’t flow well.

Additional Observations

Very often partners get stuck and start looping because they get hung up on the others’ language, what they assume they mean, and what motivates they believe the other might have… The person that’s supposed to be listening gets all prickly about how the other is talking and their message. This is actually not only a communication issue, but also a boundary breach.

NOTE: Your partner is not defending a dissertation, submitting a novel for the Pulitzer prize, or trying a federal case. Unless you are talking with the intention of making a decision about something, don’t get hang up on facts, data and precision. Experiences and feelings are not about that…

And definitely don’t correct grammar, language, pronunciation and the like unless there is an agreement between that it’s ok to do so for some reason… You are not the boss of how your partner speaks, communicates or shows up…

Now that you understand these basic, but not easy and yet very learnable skills, your job is to expand your repertoire and mastery of this area of communication. Then, pursue corresponding tools and voila, you are cruising with getting on the same page.

As soon as you start practicing these skills, you’ll notice a significant difference on how your interactions go and your ability to connect…

ASSIGNMENT:  Share and explore these Communication Skills with your partner. Invite them to improve communication in the relationship.

Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…

With Love & Light!

 

PS1 – Did you get the complimentary Themed Webinar yet?

You CAN Create a Radiant and Successful Relationship –
Break the Impasse, Get on the Same Page, and Create a Strong Partnership

  • Is there friction and conflict in your relationship?
  • Do you find that you are getting on each other’s nerves more and more?
  • Are you experiencing increased bickering and fighting?
  • Does it feel like you want different things in life and from your relationship?
  • Are you feeling disconnected, stuck, and frustrated?

You are not alone, as if couples don’t have a challenging time creating their authentic, nurturing and amazing relationship to begin with. Add the additional current stressors we are experiencing through this global pandemic and partners are having a real hard time.

Couples now have more complexity in their lives managing working from home and their children’s constantly changing school situation with compromised support and limited outlets.

In this webinar you’ll learn the 5 elements needed to create your Radiant & Successful Relationship regardless of your current status and challenges you are facing.

You’ll learn how to break the impasse, get on the same page and become a strong partnership by:

  1. Updating your Relationship Mindset
  2. Upgrading your Communication Skills
  3. Changing your Negative Recurring Patterns
  4. Increasing your Connection, Intimacy and Fun
  5. Creating a Collaboration System

Start creating your successful relationship! Sign up today!

Sign Up Here!

 

PS2 – As always, we are here for you! If you need more support creating your successful relationship and meaningful life, we are here to help. I’d be honored to speak with you about how we can help you. Schedule a Get Acquainted Call to connect, discuss how we can help you and how to get started. Look forward to Connecting with you!

 

PS3 – Related Posts: 
Is your partner always late? 
Are you controlling? 
When your partner baits you 
When do you get on your partner’s nerves? 
How much do you get your partner?  
Can you change your partner? 
Can’t get your partner to do what you want? 
How do you show your commitment?   
What about compassion?  
Are you tapping into your partnership synergy? 
The 5 Elements of the Successful Couple Strategy™  
Embrace a life-changing mindset  
Enhance your life with better boundaries!  
Step up your communication skills!   
Change your repeating patterns and stuckness!  
Are you mastering how to connect?   
Create your strongest partnership possible

 

   Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? 

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: 
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Post Valentine’s Day Blues are real…

Post Valentine’s Day Blues are real…

Post Valentine’s Day Blues are real… There is even a thing as “Anti Valentine’s Day Week”… This week is not just for those that don’t believe on the mushy holiday, but also for those who are disappointed by it. Regardless of what camp you are in on the holiday and your Valentine’s Day experience, you can use this week to enrich your relationship. I say you – do it again, do it over, or do it after all…

This idea has to do with not wasting any opportunities to be loving, nurturing, and generous. So, whether you don’t care about Valentine’s Day, had a phenomenal experience, or had a terrible experience here is another opportunity to celebrate and enjoy each other…

~ Now, I get that you really might not give a hoot about Valentine’s Day – to that I say forget the Valentine’s Day concept behind this suggestion. Instead focus on the message.

The message is to do something amazing for and with your partner. Yes, you can do that anytime you don’t need this holiday for that. True. So, again, ignore the holiday and take the prompt to do something special and enjoy each other. Partners are neglecting each other more than ever right about now. So, whatever it takes, feel the nudge. Why not take a nudge to be loving any time, even this time?

~ You might have had an amazing Valentine’s Day. You get a Gold Star! It is not easy to plan, make the time, nurture and give, and enjoy good things… Specially with our partner…

So, why not do it again? And again? And again…? The point in this scenario is not to keep doing Valentine’s Day, but to keep nurturing your relationship just as much and as well. If we only gave our relationship as much attention and nurturing as we give other things in our life… Can you see the possibilities for your relationship?!

~ Right now, I actually want to support those who didn’t have a great experience for Valentine’s Day. They wanted to. They tried. But it was still a flop and didn’t get what they desired.

If this is you, you are not alone.

Why You Didn’t Have a Great Valentine’s Day

You might have set out to have a great Valentine’s Day or you got the flowers and the sweets, yet it all felt mechanical, empty and flat.

Valentine’s Day, or Anniversaries, or Mother’s and Father’s Days, or Birthdays for that matter, don’t have to do with the doing and the buying… This is partly where partner’s go wrong. Partners get hang up on the hoopla, or lack thereof, and miss the point of these celebrations…

The point to any celebration is to celebrate the people involved.

These celebrations have to do with acknowledging a partner’s brilliance, uniqueness, commitment, devotion, loyalty, contributions, accomplishments and how they make a positive difference in our life.

When we have celebrations, we might not do a great job of acknowledging and celebrating the people, and the relationship.

Celebrations become about the stuff and not the experience of spotlighting the awesomeness… Therein lies the rub…

People usually have a strong negativity bias, unless they are from Mars. Just kidding. Unless they are in the minority who don’t, for varied reasons. Or, if they’ve worked on reprogramming themselves and continue to be very intentional about focusing on the positives vs. the negatives…

When a person has a strong negativity bias, they filter every experience with a fear-based lens as a survival mechanism. They live in a blind-like state missing out on the awesomeness and the possibilities…

They notice and focus on everything that’s out of place, everything that’s wrong, everything that can be improved, everything that can be different or better, and such… This is not coming from a desire to continually evolve. This is coming from lack and deprivation and as a survival tactic… Very different.

So, I’m sure you can see how this plays out in our relationship… If one or both partners are constantly negatively focused, they’ll have a tendency to complain, nitpick, criticize, control, nag, micromanage, and the like.

And do you know what happens when partner’s do this? The other dismisses, minimizes, shuts down, withdraws, or chooses not to contribute (intentionally or not…).

You might take turns showing up with these defenses. Or, more likely you have polarized into one or the other style.

What happens when partners polarize? Their dynamics get stuck. They keep having the same recurring arguments, the same way. They can’t seem to resolve concerns or issues. They have a hard time getting on the same page and collaborating.

And, most importantly, when partners polarize, they feel disconnected, unloved, taken for granted and the like… They don’t know how to connect, have fun together and enjoy each other…

Well then, doesn’t it make sense that if a partner, or both, have been in a funk of any kind pre-pandemic, and even more so now with our global situation, that they’d have their negativity bias running rampant? And, if that’s the case, that they’d create funky dynamics and feel stuck in their relationship?

Then how are they supposed to see and acknowledge the beauty in their partner? How are they to celebrate their partner when they barely see them?

And, how are they to celebrate their relationship when they might not feel there is anything great to celebrate?

Doesn’t it make sense then that Valentine’s Day was rough??

How to Get Back to Loving…

The key here is not to go at Valentine’s Day or any celebration with a traditional approach. The solution is to address the state of your relationship…

And this is not by talking about the relationship… This is by focusing on Enriching Your Relationship. It’s about turning up the dial on how you show up, what you put in, and how grace-full and gracious you are… It’s about:

  • Minding your minds
  • Working at communication
  • Addressing triggers and meeting needs
  • Creating and nurturing connection
  • Cracking collaboration

Then you see your partner. Then you see their beauty. Then you love the relationship.

When you mind your relationship, you can celebrate your partner and your relationship…

This is a work in progress, so in the meantime the simplest thing to do is not to run the other way and to ignore the disappointing Valentine’s Day.

The thing to do is to try a celebration again… You don’t have to do the pink and red, but rather set up time to spotlight any awesomeness you are able to see and share the love you know you have… You might not be feeling the love right about now, but you know it’s there…

Set up the opportunity to connect and enjoy.

Here is another chance at Love. Take a risk, take advantage. There is nothing to lose.   

ASSIGNMENT:  Invite your partner to a Date. Include all the elements you know they enjoy. And, show up with your Best Self and best of intentions to please and be pleased. Look for and bask in what’s great. Enjoy!

Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…

Happy Pleasing!

 

 

PS1 – This month’s Themed Webinar is on February 24th, at 5 pm ET:

You CAN Create a Radiant and Successful Relationship –
Break the Impasse, Get on the Same Page, and Create a Strong Partnership

  • Is there friction and conflict in your relationship?
  • Do you find that you are getting on each other’s nerves more and more?
  • Are you experiencing increased bickering and fighting?
  • Does it feel like you want different things in life and from your relationship?
  • Are you feeling disconnected, stuck, and frustrated?

You are not alone, as if couples don’t have a challenging time creating their authentic, nurturing and amazing relationship to begin with. Add the additional current stressors we are experiencing through this global pandemic and partners are having a real hard time.

Couples now have more complexity in their lives managing working from home and their children’s constantly changing school situation with compromised support and limited outlets.

In this webinar you’ll learn the 5 elements needed to create your Radiant & Successful Relationship regardless of your current status and challenges you are facing.

You’ll learn how to break the impasse, get on the same page and become a strong partnership by:

  1. Updating your Relationship Mindset
  2. Upgrading your Communication Skills
  3. Changing your Negative Recurring Patterns
  4. Increasing your Connection, Intimacy and Fun
  5. Creating a Collaboration System

Start creating your successful relationship! Sign up today!

Sign Up Here!

 

PS2 – As always, we are here for you! If you need more support creating your successful relationship and meaningful life, we are here to help. I’d be honored to speak with you about how we can help you. Schedule a Get Acquainted Call to connect, discuss how we can help you and how to get started. Look forward to Connecting with you!

 

PS3 – Related Posts: 
Are you ready for deeper connection with your spouse? 
Break the barrier to connection
Flexibility enables connection
Perception, mood and connection
Do you play with your partner?
Are you giving enough to your honey?
Are you being nice to your partner?
Do you have dirty thoughts about your partner?
Follow the path to passion and synergy
How to get more love from your partner
Yes, you can love too much…
How focusing can save your relationship
How to save your relationship
Start a new relationship, with your partner
Resource yourself, uplevel your marriage

 

   Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? 

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: 
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

What to do with Valentine’s Day…

What to do with Valentine’s Day…

Do you love Valentine’s Day? Some obviously don’t. And, some would totally love to love it but because of their circumstances it is just a painful holiday for them. Which one are you? If you fall in the don’t love it (actually hate it) or in the painful category, I hope you can still find nuggets in here to apply to your life and relationship/s outside of Valentine’s Day… So, here is what to do with Valentine’s Day…

Yes, it has been a very challenging past year. What this past year has done for relationships is not actually what people predicted and anticipated at the beginning of the Pandemic. It has not brought on a Baby Boom. And, it has not brought on a surge in divorce rates.

What does this mean? This means that couples are actually in a paralyzed state. They are stagnant, they are stuck, they are numb. They are surviving the onslaught of additional demands and the impact of these scary and uncertain times and the tension they create.

Partners are enduring more friction, they are experiencing more fighting, and they are hanging in there with less attention, nurturing and compassion. They are putting their heads down and just drudging on… They are resigned to their current state and are on survival mode. They seem frozen in time… They are not taking enough action to address their situation. They are just grinning and bearing it. A real sad state of affairs and really not sustainable…

Then, comes Valentine’s Day time…

Valentine’s Day can be used as a saving grace… This can be used to set things right…

I implore you, regardless of what camp you are in on VDay, to heed what’s offered here not to follow a shallow holiday but to use it as a tool…

 

This Valentine’s Day is Different

This Valentine’s Day is different this year, Partners:

  • Are not in the mood given their current state…
  • Find it frivolous to splurge on a silly holiday when funds are tight.
  • Might not have the financials to allocate to the holiday even they want to.
  • Feel at a loss for how to celebrate as options are very limited with the current restrictions.
  • Have inadequate support if they have small children making it harder to make time to celebrate.
  • Are preoccupied with more important things.

Well, I say all that is bogus:

  • You don’t need money to celebrate if that is your excuse…
  • Yes, we have restrictions, that can be worked around…
  • Stop using your children as an excuse to neglect your relationship…

Don’t shoot the messenger. I know it’s not easy having small children and that they affect intimacy and desire… But, don’t use it as an excuse, let’s work around it. Where there is a will, there is a way.

And if you don’t have the will, I encourage you to challenge that for your own and your relationship’s wellbeing… Choose to transcend the minutia, the monotony, the numbness, the apathy and to show up… It is a choice!

 

Celebrating Valentine’s Day Amidst a Pandemic

Hey, nobody has ever said life is easy. It so happens that part of our journey includes weathering a Global Pandemic. Aren’t we lucky to have this additional extra experience to contend with? We can’t say our time on earth was boring. Thriving during this pandemic is our code to crack… So, let’s please do that…

You can celebrate as simply or as intricately as you like. If you are up for intricate you are on the right track on your own, but can still borrow from these to additionally enrich your relationship:

  • You don’t have to go out to dinner or worry that you have limited options for fun activities. You can do these at home. Cook a different and special meal. Add candles and soft ambient music. Put the devices away. Have a special fun dessert. Plan a fun at home activity…
  • You don’t have to have an event for it. You can just acknowledge the day with special treatment of your partner and gestures.
  • You can gift a thoughtful bought or homemade card, or video.
  • You can celebrate with as simple a gesture as a Love Letter or Love Poem or Love Art Piece…
  • You can set time for a few minutes of sharing appreciations.
  • You can have a dance off, a pillow or tickle fight, or chase around the house for a more energetic exchange.
  • You can choose to interact with or give Love Promissory Notes in your partner’s Love Language.

The sky is the limit, really. Let your imagination run wild. You make this what you want it to be….

Why even bother? WHY NOT?! This is a built-in opportunity to snap out of the numbness, to gain and give comfort and security, to synchronize energetically with your partner, to share a fun, nurturing and loving moment, to nurture your relationship, to acknowledge your love, to celebrate your love, to get back on track, to recharge and to reignite.

Don’t waste this opportunity to invest in your relationship!

And while you are at it, why not do something that you can use to start a new Relationship Tradition. I shared about Rituals and Traditions in a Facebook Live: Check out the recording!

Again, you don’t have to be all sappy about it if that is not your style but do use this opportunity to generate more relationship energy, cohesiveness and satisfaction. Let your radiance shine through!

ASSIGNMENT: Watch this webinar!

3 Key Ingredients for Rekindling Love & Desire-
Learn how to increase your connection, intimacy and fun
Get it Here!

Wishing you much joy, fun, connection and love and the loveliest of Valentine’s Days…

Happy Celebrating!

 

PS1 – This month’s Themed Webinar is on February 24th, at 5 pm ET:

You CAN Create a Radiant and Successful Relationship –
Break the Impasse, Get on the Same Page, and Create a Strong Partnership

  • Is there friction and conflict in your relationship?
  • Do you find that you are getting on each other’s nerves more and more?
  • Are you experiencing increased bickering and fighting?
  • Does it feel like you want different things in life and from your relationship?
  • Are you feeling disconnected, stuck, and frustrated?

You are not alone, as if couples don’t have a challenging time creating their authentic, nurturing and amazing relationship to begin with. Add the additional current stressors we are experiencing through this global pandemic and partners are having a real hard time.

Couples now have more complexity in their lives managing working from home and their children’s constantly changing school situation with compromised support and limited outlets.

In this webinar you’ll learn the 5 elements needed to create your Radiant & Successful Relationship regardless of your current status and challenges you are facing.

You’ll learn how to break the impasse, get on the same page and become a strong partnership by:

  1. Updating your Relationship Mindset
  2. Upgrading your Communication Skills
  3. Changing your Negative Recurring Patterns
  4. Increasing your Connection, Intimacy and Fun
  5. Creating a Collaboration System

Start creating your successful relationship! Sign up today!
Sign Up Here!

 

PS2 – As always, we are here for you! If you need more support creating your successful relationship and meaningful life, we are here to help. I’d be honored to speak with you about how we can help you. Schedule a Get Acquainted Call to connect, discuss how we can help you and how to get started. Look forward to Connecting with you!

 

PS3 – Related Posts: 
Are you ready for deeper connection with your spouse? 
Break the barrier to connection
Flexibility enables connection
Perception, mood and connection
Do you play with your partner?
Are you giving enough to your honey?
Are you being nice to your partner?
Do you have dirty thoughts about your partner?
Follow the path to passion and synergy
How to get more love from your partner
Yes, you can love too much…
How focusing can save your relationship
How to save your relationship
Start a new relationship, with your partner
Resource yourself, uplevel your marriage

 

   Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? 

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: 
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Does your Couple Brand need upgrading?

Does your Couple Brand need upgrading?

Have you ever noticed that there are certain couples in your life that you love being around, and others that you dread or avoid? How do you think others experience your relationship? Do they want to be around you and your partner? Or, do you find that you each get invites to go solo? Is your Couple Brand™ what you want it to be? Does your Couple Brand™ need upgrading?

Your couple brand is the flavor of your relationship. It’s also how your relationship comes across to others, and how others think of you as a couple.

If your relationship were to be described by your friends and families, what would they say about it? Do you think this captures the essence of it? Do you feel it’s reflective of how you experience your relationship? What is congruent and what isn’t?

And, let’s say that they got it right on the button and that you agree with what they see. Is what’s captured the relationship you want to have? Is this your Best Relationship?

If you were to choose the couple brand from scratch, what would you want it to be? What kind of relationship flavor do you want? What does the relationship you desire, your Best Relationship, look and feel like?

Here are some Couple Brand™ characteristics:

  • Tumultuous
  • Train Wreck
  • Argumentative
  • Bickering
  • Lots of fighting
  • Drama
  • Sick
  • Dysfunctional
  • Disloyal
  • Unsupportive
  • Uncommitted
  • Ships passing in the night
  • Roommates
  • Parallel lives
  • Single parenting
  • Dual careers
  • Power couple
  • Supportive
  • Cooperative
  • Collaborative
  • Strong partnership
  • Solid
  • Committed
  • Loyal
  • Loving
  • Fun
  • Adventurous
  • Funny
  • Romantic
  • Playful
  • Service oriented
  • Growth oriented
  • Wellness oriented
  • Inspiring
  • Role model

What is the current relationship flavor you have created? Are you satisfied with it? Would you change or expand it? To what? Choose a flavor form the list or choose your own! What kind of Couple Brand™ do you want to have? Who do you want to be as a couple?

Upgrade your Couple Brand™

Just as with any branding, first you have to connect to or identify what you stand for, the values you embrace and how you express those values. What is the purpose, mission and vision, what’s unique and sets you apart, how you want to be known, how you embody and live by your beliefs, how you show up authentically, how you represent, how you embrace who you are becoming…

This is a tall order. Usually, the partners don’t even know the answer to the above for themselves and are not in touch with their own Personal Brand. They live their lives by default and cocreate a relationship dynamic, relationship flavor and couple brand by default as well…

So, first explore and develop these aspects personally and make sure your own personal brand is up to par… Make it your business to own yourself more every day and embrace your brilliance more and more each day.

Then integrate your individual brands to develop a joint version… This is where things get interesting.

You might each have amazing personal brands but might find a lot of disconnects and differences to develop a cohesive joint brand. Therein lies the challenge… This is part of your relationship work and development…

Hey, you might say, Why do I even need a couple brand? You don’t need one but note that you are creating one whether you know it or not. So why not create one that you can be proud of? That serves as a role model to your children, and/or others? Why not create an amazing legacy? Why not use your relationship to fully embrace your human experience…?

As you each become more known and more accepted by each other, you’ll create more connection, intimacy and flow… This in and of itself starts expanding and aligning your Couple Brand™… See what emerges and name it. This is not static so don’t worry about being accurate or precise in your naming.

Your brand is always evolving… Just be intentional about it…

And note that what you do with the differences is what matters in the end. For you will have plenty… This is what makes you unique.

How you make it work for you, how you get creative, proactive and progressive and create your own relationship flavor is in the end your Couple Brand™. Make it a good one!

ASSIGNMENT: Focusing on developing your Couple Brand™ will not only Align you to You, but also assist you more easily implement a Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle…

In other words, it’ll help you more easily create the relationship you desire, your radiant and successful relationship.

First, play with your Personal Branding. The more you own yourself the easier and more satisfying the relationship becomes…

Then, play with your Couple Branding. Identify what characteristics are part of your current brand that you want to change and what your ultimate Couple Brand™ would be. And, take an action toward those changes and additions.

Finally, add a Connection Habit™ to lubricate the way as you expand your repertoire and your flavor…

As Valentine’s Day is upon us, now is the perfect time to be intentional about upgrading your relationship. Embrace a relationship enrichment lifestyle. Embrace creating your Best Relationship ever.

Happy Branding!

 

PS1 – Did you get the complimentary Themed Webinar yet? 

3 Key Ingredients for Rekindling Love & Desire- Learn how to increase your connection, intimacy and fun

If you’ve been feeling disconnected, lonely, taken for granted, neglected, bored, boring and blah, and like roommates or ships passing in the night, this webinar is for you.

All relationships experience slumps where there is disconnect and low or lack of intimacy. Where the partners question their compatibility, their attraction, and even their commitment. In this webinar you’ll learn how to increase your connection, intimacy and fun for more love, spark and joy in your relationship.

  • Increase Connection – Learn how to create, protect and sustain your connection, establish reciprocal loving, and generate closeness
  • Increase Intimacy – Learn how to eliminate the blocks to desire, increase attraction and implement a Successful Date Night™ protocol
  • Increase Fun – Learn how to become more compatible, enjoy each other’s company, and have amazing experiences

You can create a radiant relationship!
Sign Up Here!

 

PS2 – As always, we are here for you! If you need more support creating your successful relationship and meaningful life, we are here to help. I’d be honored to speak with you about how we can help you. Schedule a Get Acquainted Call to connect, discuss how we can help you and how to get started. Look forward to Connecting with you!

 

PS3 – Related Posts: 
Are you ready for deeper connection with your spouse? 
Break the barrier to connection
Flexibility enables connection
Perception, mood and connection
Do you play with your partner?
Are you giving enough to your honey?
Are you being nice to your partner?
Do you have dirty thoughts about your partner?
Follow the path to passion and synergy
How to get more love from your partner
Yes, you can love too much…
How focusing can save your relationship
How to save your relationship
Start a new relationship, with your partner
Resource yourself, uplevel your marriage

 

   Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? 

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: 
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

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