Do you feel like life is a struggle? Are you having a hard time in your relationship? Do you find that you can’t seem to get along with your partner? That no matter how hard you try, you just can’t seem to get on the same page?
That you can’t create and sustain connection? That you can’t make headways in creating the life you want? Do you feel stagnant, stuck, hopeless? If so, you are not alone. Unfortunately, wanting to fix your relationship is a common desire. Things might not be working right now, but they can…
You want to have an amazing life but even thinking of pursuing a Life Vision feels foreign and overwhelming. You have no clue as to where to start. And thinking about living your best life feels ridiculous when your life is a struggle every day.
When you are constantly at odds with your partner. How can you possibly think of a dream life, a dream future? You don’t even know what would be in it- it is so far removed. And if you had an inkling it really just lives in dream land…
You can’t even consider going for it as you are in mostly survival mode. Yes, you have some good days and some fun times, but in all you are just grinding and surviving. You are not alive. You are not living your best life.
You are not on the same page, feeling deeply connected and having a flowing collaboration with your partner. You are not creating your joint Life Vision every day. The concept of manifesting it together is extraterrestrial talk.
When you pause to think about your life and your relationship, it feels like life is passing you by. It feels like you are incompatible with your partner- that they don’t get you and that you don’t care to get their ridiculousness.
You deeply want to fix your relationship because every conversation and interaction ends up in a disagreement, escalation, or at minimum both feel really bad- not heard, understood, gotten, valued or cherished. You keep triggering and annoying each other, you are constantly walking on eggshells, and are running on empty.
You can count on one hand how many times you were intimate in the past couple of months or had real fun together. So then, how can you possibly have bandwidth and energy for collaborating on a joint Life Vision…
I get it – even considering a joint Life Vision is the furthest thing from your mind…
What if I told you that you can come back from this disillusioned grim place? And that the way is actually quite simple, not easy but simple?
Fixing Your Relationship
The reason it’s not easy is because we love to blame our partner for what’s wrong. We focus on who they are, how they are, what they do, and not do, and so on. This is really an epidemic. When the couples we work with are stuck, it is partially because they refuse to not focus on their partner and how they supposedly ruin things…
You see focusing on your partner and how they should change- how they should stop lying, or start apologizing, or stop yelling, or start being nice, or stop being compulsive, or start being more compassionate, and so on- is not the answer.
We can’t make people do anything, we are not inside their brain and body to make them do the things we want. We can’t demand respect, understanding and niceness. This is not how we create our radiant and successful relationship…
But what I can tell you with certainty, is that you do have control over yourself and what you do… And, that when you do something different or show up differently that your partner automatically responds in kind… A different approach invites, inspires, a different response…
This is how you create change- this is how you help your partner change… This is how you create a different relationship that is the cornerstone of creating your best life. From this place you can envision and create your joint Life Vision… Voila!
Hey, I know that this is super hard to do for different reasons. It is especially hard to make our own changes and to show up differently, when our partner is doing what they do that so hurt or annoy us… But if you want to create your best life, it needs to start with you!
You can’t keep waiting for your partner to change or to do something different. You can be waiting a very long time, and that is if you even make is as a couple… You have the power, all the power, to change your relationship for you have control over what you do and what you do creates change…
It’s up to you. Do you want this relationship to work? Do you want to create an epic love affair with your partner? Do you want to create your best life? Do you want to strive for your Life Vison jointly? Well, let’s go- you can do it!
APPLICATION: How can you possibly change your relationship by yourself? The key is in fully owning all of you and showing up with your best self, as much as you can, as often as you can…
When you do this, your awesomeness will inspire your partner (and others!) to show up better themselves– and so in actuality you are both working it at the end of the day…
But when you wait for your partner as supposed to inspiring your partner, that’s when things move super slow and they are more painful than they have to be…
So, where do you start? Start as simply as possible and that is by having awareness of your self- your triggers, your sensitivities, your scripts, your stories, your wounds, your defenses, your shadows, how you show up and what you put out, your patterns, what you love, what you desire, what gives you joy, what’s fun and exciting for you, etc. Become more aware of you and learn yourself better!
How? Start with simple mindfulness practices, journaling, being with yourself, staying open and receptive… Strengthen yourself from within…
If you are at a loss for how to do this and stay the course for better taking care of and learning yourself, and how to inspire your partner- we can help.
Take one action today to get you moving on your new track: Get a meditation app, get a new journal, schedule a Self Date, schedule an appointment with a couples therapist or other professional support, anything towards investing in yourself… Have fun!
You can do it! You can fix your relationship! Become your most radiant self and invite your partner to shine with you…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Have you embraced that there is no such thing as work-life balance? Striving for this is just crazy making. But there is a better way, that of work-life integration. Where work is just as a satisfying part of your life when we fully engage in it, as it is purpose and value driven…
The dilemma still remains how do we get all the business of life done when we spend so much time at work and enjoying our personal time… The solution is in Relationship Collaboration. How you and your partner share in taking care of the business of life is the key…
For some, there might be more to all this. Where they don’t enjoy their work, don’t have a satisfying personal life, and spin their wheels managing their business of life without making much head way to boot… Yikes!
In that instance there is so much work to be done, but for this writing I’m focusing on the managing the business of life… I’ve seen couples take different approaches to sharing in the taking care of their business of life.
I have found that when couples insist on doing everything together or in one partner taking care of all their business, that they slow down their progress in creating their life vision. Worse yet, they don’t even enjoy their current life and might even have relationship issues because the relationship dynamics are skewed.
Either they are “too together” all the time where there isn’t enough healthy separateness, individuality, and independence. Or, one partner is overfunctioning and feeling overwhelmed, stretched thin, alone and resentful, and the other feels left out, intimidated, incompetent, disempowered, and not valued.
In both scenarios the partners are not tapping into the inherent synergy built into the relationship nor capitalizing on their individual strengths. They are not making the most of their partnership in life, and the relationship suffers as a result as well…
The key is to take on a divide-and-conquer and collaborative approach. Where the partners are invested in everything going on, share responsibilities by strengths, interest, and resources, have an empowering system for being in the know and staying current, and where they get to each contribute as they desire.
This approach benefits from the partners’ differences, which are usually opposite in nature giving a fuller range of strengths to the partnership as a whole. And it engages the partners fully in creating their Vision bringing more resources- bandwidth, time, focus, energy, and such to their quest.
When the partners focus on a common vision and goals, work together to achieve them using their gifts and strengths, and stay focused while having each other’s back, the result can’t be anything other than creating their best relationship and best life…
Start better dividing-and-conquering and collaborating with your partner to make your dreams come true. Upgrade your approach with a simple yet powerful Relationship Collaboration System and seamlessly create your Life Vision…
APPLICATION: Are you ready to create your Best Relationship, Best Life, and your Life Vision? This can sound daunting, but in really it can be super simple:
First – Decide you are going for it, for real… Don’t hedge. Make a decision to start going for it.
Second – Decide what you are going for and get on the same page with your Partner about it- explore and combine your Life Visions…
Third – Decide what you want to create within the next 3 – 5 years, and then narrow it down to what you want to have created within the next year.
Fourth – Start aligning everything towards that- how you spend your energy, time, bandwidth/focus, and money.
Fifth – Implement a simple Relationship Collaboration System where you embrace a divide-and-conquer approach, seamlessly share responsibilities, and have each other’s back…
Note that even though this seems easy, you might get stuck in any of the steps if you and/or your partner: Have a wobbly mindset or self-esteem, have poor communication skills and tools, have unresolved issues and patterns playing out, are not feeling so hot about each other, and your lives are a bit messy or behind in some areas…
This doesn’t mean you can’t create the relationship or life you desire. It just means that you have a little more work to do that’s all. Don’t give up before you even start. Get the support you need to keep you moving- your life depends on it…
Let’s go for our best life ever, shall we?
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
As we move into another hectic season, some are worried about picking up the pace again and juggling changing work expectations with other preferences in their lives. Life just has a different flavor now… What was once an acceptable way of life, no longer serves us. We got a taste of freedom and now we want to embrace that more.
The problem is that we don’t know how and think the answer is in work-life balance, embracing a “quiet resignation” position… Sorry to break it to you, but that’s not it. Stop striving for work-life balance.
Work-life balance is an illusion, there is no such thing. Imagine being on a seesaw and you strike a balance- how long does that balance last? It’s a constant pursuit to be enjoyed fleetingly. We can put our energy to better use…
We think that striking that balance will allow us to have a better life, to enjoy more free time to pursue endeavors that make our heart sing. We want to put in our time and get out to enjoy our life. But isn’t our work a part of our life? We are wasting all that time if we just look at it as a black hole. If we don’t enjoy and bring our gifts to our work…
What if we were to approach this topic from, how do I create my best life and enjoy all of it? Why do we separate work from the rest of our life? It doesn’t make sense…
With industrialization and other world phenomenon we’ve learned to clock in and out. Where our work is no longer a part of our life. We consider our life to be outside of work…
But what if we were to claim our whole human experience, all our time?
What if we were to expect that our work be just as fulfilling and fun as our time not working? What if we were to expect that we could show up to our life, to any part of it, and enjoy what we were doing in the moment?
What if we were to expect that we could design how we use our time in any way we like and loved all of it? Such as working and playing whenever we want and as much as we want? What if there were little distinction between the two? What if we designed how we use our time and workflow in terms of energy flow?
I remember when I used to work for foster care agencies and feeling that I was trapped- that I had to put in time because I was hired to be there from 9-5… I got paid for being there… I got paid the same amount regardless of if my work ethic, caseload, and success rates were higher than others’…
At least some other jobs or professions provide incentives so one gets compensated for what they produce and how much value they provide. The same goes for business owners if they leverage their business model and work from their unique brilliance. Otherwise, they create a j.o.b for themselves and are in the same predicament of being tied up…
I want to offer you something different than striving for work-life balance. Please, just throw that pursuit out the window. I implore you to upgrade your mindset here so you can shift into creating your best life ever.
I’m offering you instead the concept of Integration… Where you operate from Flow, where you dedicate your time to meaningful pursuits that engage your passion, skills, and brilliance. Where you use your time as you wish. Work more or less, for it doesn’t matter. There’d be little distinction in how you feel pursuing work or non-work activities. They all feel great, and you produce more than enough with minimal effort to create your best life.
Before you come up with reasons (excuses) as to why you can’t or get hang up on the how of it, focus on first things first.
The first thing to do is to embrace this concept as a possibility… Continuing to view and do things as usual doesn’t work for creating our better life. To truly live our best life and have our best human experience, we are to fully own our life. We are to use our gifts and brilliance to its fullest potential. We are to fully engage in our life in all we do…
For when we fully show up to our life and live in the flow, we generate the amazing energy of love to then enjoy and share with our partner, loved ones and the whole world…
APPLICATION: There is no need for the silent resignation in a pursuit of work-life balance… Instead strive for Integration where you access your awesomeness and show up with it in all you do… Then work and play become interchangeable… They both feel amazing and you can do them to any degree you choose…
KEY1 – Connect with yourself every day to access your gifts, talents, brilliance, intuition, creativity, guidance and expansiveness…
KEY2 – Set up your work situation so that you get to contribute with your awesomeness and doing things that light up your heart
KEY3 – Set up your personal situation so that you care of yourself, pursue personal interests, and share your radiance with your loved ones
Note, following these keys might require changing our priorities, focus, habits, routines, scheduling, responsibilities, workflows, commitments, and the like…
It takes courage to go after the life we want. It takes courage engaging our partner in collaboration to create our best joint life…
Let’s set ourselves up for a rocking upcoming season and for the rest of the year!
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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