When we are in a vulnerable place, triggered, overextended, overwhelmed, stressed, hormonal, whatever, we function from a less than resourceful state and therefore can very easily fall prey to negative thinking, victimization, sabotaging, undermining, deprecating, blaming, abuse, neglect, and rejection of self and others.
When in this state we cannot see the good, the beautiful, and what is working. We only focus on the bad, inviting more bad…
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that this is not a good way to live. Choosing to live this way is to choose to live in pain, and lots of it. Unfortunately, most of us don’t realize we are doing this to our own selves. We have a tendency to blame external factors when the reality is that it is all up to us to be happy.
We do not realize that we have control over our own thinking and what comes of it. Our thinking is mighty powerful, it creates what it thinks! Look for crap and you shall find it…
The opposite is obviously also true. Think positive, creative, competent, empowering, energetic, outgoing, warm, loving, nurturing, compassionate, understanding, and other beautiful thoughts and you will automatically feel much better. It is actually that simple to be happy.
I’m measuring happy as a state of feeling, not by measuring possessions, success and such… If you are waiting to have it all together to be happy, you will be waiting a long time. Nothing is ever perfect or done.
We are always in a state of evolution and growth. Our projects could always be done a little more quickly, a little more efficiently, a little more creatively, a little more something. In a state of control and perfectionism, happiness can’t exist. We have to let go.
Thinking we can control everything, including how others are, is a sure way to live an unhappy life. When we let go of the illusion of control and perfectionism, when we focus our thinking on how we can do things differently and take charge of our own self.
When we look at situations from a growth opportunity place, when we look to stretch and grow ourselves up, when we focus on the gifts in our lives, then we can be happy and then we can create the life and relationship we want.
Taking charge of our thinking and perception, choosing to think and be positive, empowers us. This allows us to be happy and to attract and create beauty in our life, including a loving and beautiful relationship. Go ahead, choose to think and be positive. Choose to be happy. Create an awesome life and relationship!
Happy Choosing!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Summon up all your energy. Go ahead, gather it all around you. Feel your strength. Hold on to it…, hold on to it…
From this energized place, make your choice to be happy – mean it. Hold it.
Maintain this state (come back to this state when it slips off…) by thinking positive thoughts, empowering thoughts, owning thoughts. Think positive, be happy – yes you can!
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Do you remember when you were a kid and wanted something really badly? Whether you nagged someone to death to get it, or tried, rehearsed, or practiced incessantly – you knew what it would take to get it and went for it. As kids we knew that repeating actions got results: learning to ride a bike, swim, dive, run faster or longer, speak another language, play an instrument, make baskets, ace tests, drive, beat a game, etc. Somehow as we got older we learned to expect quick results, or give up after a couple of tries. Long gone are the days of trial and error, persistence and perseverance. How did we outgrow these strengths?
Somewhere along the way, we developed our Ego… Which tells us that some things are beneath us, that what we want should be easy or it’s not meant to be…, that sticking through something is for chumps, that it shouldn’t be hard to get what we want, that we shouldn’t have to work so hard, etc. Even though there is some truth in these, how we frame them and apply them is what is important. For example, some things are beneath us. Being a jerk to less fortunate peeps is beneath us. At the end of the day we are all equal… Doing some tasks might be beneath us, but not because we are better than someone else but because we are wasting our talents and gifts… Get my drift?
The problem here is that we do not place these in the proper context and as a result we lose sight of our path and our innate strengths… It is time to reclaim our inner child’s characteristics and strengths and lead with them. It is time to play a bigger game. And, yes, this does mean being persistent, focused and obsessed. This is how things get accomplished… This is how we get results. Any highly successful person will attest to this…
Highly successful peeps don’t give up at the first sign of disappointment, when they think they’ve tried it all – they still find something else to try…, they create habits and structures that support them, they ask for help when needed, they surround themselves with a success team… Right? This applies to all areas of our life, not just our career or business. It’s just like when we were kids, we practiced doing cartwheels until we could do them effortlessly. Why should our relationship be any different? Why do peeps give up on their partner? Treat your relationship like a cartwheel, keep trying to get it until you do. For if you go at anything with that much enthusiasm, investment and commitment you will get it! How many times did Thomas Edison try before he succeeded in inventing the light bulb?
I know that this sentiment might feel outdated, naïve, unrealistic, codependent, etc. in today’s society… But I believe we give up way too easily on most things we want, especially our relationship. Now I’m not suggesting just staying in a relationship to say you had a long-term relationship… I’m whole-heartedly saying to make your relationship work. If you want your relationship to work, it will! If you go at it as if there is no option but for it to work, you’ll see the difference… This is my approach to my couples and it makes a massive difference…
Stop trying the same things, go at it from a different angle. Get support. Put a success team in place to assist you: house cleaner, sitter, therapist/coach, routine massages and other self-care, etc. Treat your relationship like a goal… Decide how you want your relationship to look and go for it. Break it down to actions, behaviors, and investments. For every characteristic you wish in your relationship, there is at least one behavior you can do consistently to create it… Check it out: Trust – transparency, commitment – dated plans, intimacy – sharing, passion – vulnerability, connection – touching base; you try…
Go for it in terms of how you want to be as a partner… Start being the partner you want to be by consistently carrying out actions to invest in your relationship bank. Make a deposit everyday. Create Relationship Success Habits…
The key is to stay focused, be persistent, and to make consistent targeted, relevant and concrete investments in your relating.
Focus on what YOU are investing and keep doing it… Complete the MetroRelationship™
Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life… Please share your takeaways on our Blog! Happy Investing! ~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Pick a Relationship Characteristic you’d like to experience and treat it like a goal… What skills, stretches, do you need to learn? What actions can you implement to become proficient? What concrete investments can you make? Integrate these consistently into your routine, daily interactions. Liken this to being an athlete and training. As an athlete you’d always invest in staying healthy, fit and on top of your game. Make the same kind of commitment in your relationship. Keep on investing, keep a consistent approach and always step it up a notch… Go for the gold! Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
In our society Freedom is one of our most valuable assets and one we tend to take for granted. How we perceive and define our freedom is directly correlated to our sense of power and our ability to design the relationship and life we want. When we get stuck looking at our situation with a murky set of glasses and limited parameters, it is inevitable that we’d feel stuck, boxed in, without options, and even controlled.
It is crucial to your wellbeing to explore your definition of freedom and expand your parameters. If you have a limited perspective, you’ll get a limited outcome!
One’s independence and ability to be oneself, assert oneself, have one’s own life, and do what one may with it is essential to the survival of one’s spirit. When these are, or we believe these are, compromised our human essence is crippled. Our very survival is at stake. We have to take care of our Self to survive.
The problem then arises that we forget (because we are triggered) that we are Free. We forget that we do have Power. We forget that we can make things happen, and Exist and Be Okay. In so doing we operate in survival mode and resort to primitive coping mechanisms of fight, flight or freeze. Our old brain kicks in and our modern brain shuts down.
What does this mean? This means that we do funny stuff! To our partner and others we look selfish, inconsiderate and even unloving. Even though we are trying to survive, our behaviors might be downright injurious. We might resort to over indulgences and other dangerous acts.
We might pick fights, run away, or become otherwise unavailable. We feel stuck and unable to affect in any way. We feel so powerless, confused and lost that we question everything and yet can’t do anything about anything – or so we think. Stop this nonsense now before you do some real damage!
Stop blaming your circumstances for your situation and your partner for your dynamics. This is codependent and very limiting. Don’t give your power away. Expand your perspective and become creative with your interpretations and perceptions. Stop playing the old record…
Own your independence, your freedom, your Self and you’ll see your choices and options. You can make changes. Start authoring your life and write your happy ending. You can design and live the relationship and life you want. And, you can do this now!
Happy Independence!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Your situation, relationship and life are a product of what you put in. What you put in depends on how you look at it all. You can choose what you see and how you interpret it. Choose wisely! Put in something different. Contribute from your individuality and uniqueness. Create space for your partner to put in something different if they so choose to. It is Ok to be independent individuals – we are all interconnected in the end anyway…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Unless we live in a cabin isolated from the world, grow our own veggies, and paint all day, we pretty much rely on our left brain (logical, technical, verbal brain) to live our lives, and even then we would still need our left brain to carry out life’s most basic functions.
It is when we predominantly use our left brain and shut out our right brain experience (instinctual, intuitive, empathic, feeling, creative brain) that our existence is out of balance and we don’t do so well…
Living life from a predominantly left brain approach robs us of the opportunity to be in touch with our wholeness, authentic self, brilliance, wisdom, and personal power and therefore from fully showing up to our life and our relationships!
When we allow ourselves to use our right brain, to be in touch with and develop its abilities, life becomes a richer and more meaningful experience. Allowing our right brain to have a more significant role in our approach to life helps us transcend the mundane, mechanical, obsessive, empty, isolated and task oriented world to an enlightened world of beauty, peace, mindfulness, elation, excitement, tenderness, love, connection and altruism.
Imagine bringing these abilities to your relationship on a daily basis! Imagine heeding your instincts, intuiting needs and wishes, feeling your full range of emotions, empathizing with your partner, feeling and getting each other, genuinely interacting with one another, creatively journeying through life together. What a magnificent relationship that would be!!
This magic is already a part of you. It is inherent in your humanness. It is your Aladdin’s Lamp waiting to be shined to make your dreams come true. This is where the essence of you lies patiently awaiting to be summoned into the game of life. Integrate your left and right brain functions. Call forth your right brain lore to your everyday ways and to participate in your relationship. Surprise your partner with an enlightened you!
Happy Summoning!!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
To integrate our right and left brains, we have to draw out our shy right brain and exercise its atrophied muscles. Here are some simple ideas and resources to assist you access your right brain and all it has to offer:
6) Get the energy flowing in your body with holistic work: Get body massages, see a chiropractor, visit an acupuncturist, consult a nutritionist (for proper nutrition, supplementing, cleansing and necessary fasting), etc…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Abundance in our life is experienced in direct proportion to the level of Self Love and Self Care we give ourselves… Take a moment to soak that in. When we are stingy with our Self, our energy vibrates at a lower frequency which attracts other low frequency people, situations and results in our experience…
This ranges from having your driver’s license suspended, to a tree falling on your house, to going bankrupt, to a family member becoming seriously ill, to you becoming seriously ill, and even death. Now, I’m not trying to be gruesome, but I’ve witnessed and have experienced this level of low vibrations. It’s not pretty.
When we operate from such a low vibrational level, we have the experience of everything going wrong, life being challenging, the world is against us, people are out to get us or bring us down, things break or just decide not to work, we get hurt, etc. There is an experience of being or witnessing a train wreck…
This shows up with varying intensity and manifestation throughout our lives. When it is obviously at play, it is an indication that a repeating pattern hasn’t yet been broken, a lesson still needs to be learned, a code needs to be cracked or a stretch is required to move to the next level in our Journey…
If we are able to frame disappointment, frustration, roadblocks, lack, headaches, heartaches, and the like as mere indicators of where proper and informed attention is needed, we’d realize that life is actually not so difficult and more akin to a game to be intentionally played and enjoyed. For the Journey itself is the Human Experience we are seeking… Our task here on Earth is to live well… To have Authentic lives that are in alignment with our Soul.
What does it mean to be in alignment with our Soul? This means embracing our Creator’s characteristics as we were created in HisHer likeness – positive, compassionate, forgiving, loving, magnificent. It means embracing our Purpose, what we came down to do and experience. It means honoring our Self.
Most of us go through life dismissing and discounting our Prime Directive. We don’t mind our vibrational energy. We revel in misery as if that is normal… We don’t intentionally attend to our mood and feelings. We let them run the show and worse, we let Ego inform them. We do not identify and own our Purpose. We do not respect nor honor our Selves. This is not living an Authentic Life, a Soulful Life.
I know this is daunting to those of you who are just opening up to the existential angle to creating the life and relationship you want. For some of you all this is a given are now fine tuning how you do your Journey.
For yet others, this might sound like a crock of s*** and don’t see the relevance at all to your relationship and are wondering why I’m writing about this… I’m with you all… I just want the skeptics to stretch a little and see how you can apply any of this to your current experience. I witness day in and day out that the skeptics struggle the most… So, please, stay open and find the sliver that is resonating with you today and embrace it…
Coming full circle and on the more practical side of things. A way to honor our Self, and give our Soul its Human Experience, is to practice Self Care. This is how we experience an Abundant Life. We all have different ideas about what Self Care entails and I encourage you to develop a Self Care Practice that is rich and diverse.
I also want to add to your repertoire by introducing, or reminding you, of a powerful Relational Self Care tactic, that of sharing your perspective and experience. This honors your Existence…
This does not mean to be stubborn, power struggle, nit pick at your partner, force your idea or world on them, seek agreement, demand your way, and such. This does mean to share your internal word (thoughts, feelings, perspective, experiences, memories, etc.) with your partner while being mindful and respectful of theirs. An Awesome Relationship is comprised of two partners that get to fully show up and be accepted…
As I’ve written in the past, our job is to mind our Selves not our Partner… Be the boss of you, and only you. Step up the Self Care to raise your energy’s vibrational frequency and enrich your way of Being. Watch Abundance increase in all areas of your life…
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life… Please share your takeaways on our Blog!
Happy Self Caring!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Invite your Partner to a game of “Getting to Know Each Other More” (it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together!!). You each get to write a list of 100 items about yourselves that your partner might not know, that you want to showcase, dreams, wishes, preferences, bucket list, anything you want. Then schedule a Reveal Date where you get to share items on your lists. Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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