It’s amazing how many partners know their partner loves them, but they still don’t feel loved… This is actually kind of an epidemic… Couples struggle because they get stuck in power struggles. They let their Ego get in the way. They approach their situation from a reactive and self-preservation place that only puts their partner in the defensive or offensive. Not allowing them to be open, responsive, or caring and able to meet their needs as desired.
This plays out on a repeating loop for partners. Where both partners are trying to be seen, heard, understood, accepted and taken cared-of but where neither is at the end of their interactions. Neither partner ends up feeling heard, understood, accepted and never mind loved.
This is the result of poor exchanges that are laden with unresolved past hurts and unclean belief systems and thought processes… The repeating loop becomes pervasive. Creating a general feeling of dissatisfaction for the partners even though they have everything it takes to have an awesome relationship!
I want you to get in touch with your Knowing that your partner Loves you. Go ahead, take a few deep breaths and get in touch with that. It shouldn’t be too difficult, like I mentioned this is usually a given for most. After, you have that easily accessible, I want you to think about a typical scenario where you end up not feeling loved… Take a moment to conjure this up.
Now, this is the tricky part… I want you to become the observer of that moment… Remove your self as the protagonist and just observe the interaction… I want you to use your Heart lens as you process what you see… Leave your Ego, logic, protection, expectations, judgment, and any scripts out of it…
Just take a look at the moment as if you were a third party looking in… Heck, let’s do a little experiment… Look at the exchange as if you were Me, Emma, looking at it (how tricky is that?!)… Sit with that…
What do you think I would see? How would I see each of you? How would I interpret, assess, translate what is happening in the moment? Would I say you are each right about? What would I point out you are each actually trying to do in your interaction…? Take a deep breath… Sit with that…
[If you are not sure about my take because you are not too familiar with my work yet, then use a best friend in my place above. Select a friend that is able to be neutral, nonjudgmental and wise…]
Now, look at it again and see if you can see that for yourself… Please put your Ego in check, and keep looking at this with your Heart. Do you see what your partner is doing, their intention? Sometimes their intention is not as honorable as I’m leading with here… Sometimes their intention is only to protect themselves… But, see if you can see that… And, stop looking at it as if your partner is trying to extinguish you…
Remember, the 80/20 rule – 80% of the interaction is about us and only 20% about our partner, and vise versa… This means, that when your partner is being their most jerky self – it’s because they are in pain or in self preservation mode… It’s not about you!
Once, you are in touch with all this, if you had a hard time keep trying ‘till you get this…, then look at the exchange again and see what you could have done differently… What would have given you different results? What would have kept your partner engaged and responsive?
How could you have gone about this differently? What would have gotten your needs met? This is your Stretch. This is your growth place. This applies to all your situations… This is how you crack your code… This is how you get to Feel the Love…
It’s time to take a risk. It’s time to be all in. It’s time to crack the code. I know you can do it. I’m with you in Spirit. Go for it. Give it a try! Feel the Love!!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…
Happy Loving!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment Take your calendar out. Pick two hours you can devote to your partner… Use that time to plan a magnificent date with your partner… Use this time to brainstorm, do research, check out things, place orders, make reservations, choose an outfit, whatever it takes.
Go all out to show your partner you think about them, cherish them and want to show them a great time. This is your chance to use your Relationship Enrichment Skills and Resources! Be Passionate, Be Romantic, Be Loving! Have a fabulous date!! Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
There is more to us than meets the eyes… We have an internal world operating at all times that we are vaguely aware of. Some people are totally out of touch with theirs… The more we become acquainted with our own Self and all it’s aspects, needs and desires the more we can be our Authentic Self and create our Authentic Life and Awesome Relationship.
Because we might not be very aware or proactive about the health and wellbeing of our internal world, we might not be in the best shape to actually create the Life we desire. When we are clueless or in the know but not proactive, we neglect aspects of our care, maintenance and sustenance that eventually lead to breakdown.
Just like we clean house, go to the dentist, and do oil changes our inner world also needs routine care and attention. When we don’t invest in learning about our Self and our inner world, upkeeping and upleveling its functioning, and implementing best ways to show up in the outside world, we are leaving things to chance, bad habits and mishaps.
Lack of intention, attention, planning and implementation leads to malfunctioning cars, cavities, dirty houses, toxin laden bodies prone to illness and poor aging, and relationship dissatisfaction and break-ups. This is what living an unintentional and winging-it style to life gives you.
This is actually not living life, life is happening to you… You are not its Master and Designer. This is the way to go through life struggling because you are not in charge. If you are not the driver, you will never get to your desired destination. Being the driver includes choosing the destination, acquiring a well functioning mode of transportation and a road map. Now, that’s the Trip!
In this case the vehicle is our body and mind… It is our absolute responsibility to make sure that both are in optimal shape!!! It is up to us to ensure our Trip is awesome and that we make our destination. Now is the time to detox both your mind and your body of any unwanted toxicity lingering from foods and other ingested substances, poor mindset and mental hygiene, and unaddressed emotional pain.
Detox Your Body: Most things we ingest are not good for us. We are killing ourselves with food… Unless of course you are really mindful and intentional of what you eat and otherwise consume. But even still the body develops a deposit of toxins that get more and more sludgy and burden the body.
The more burdened the body is the less optimal it’s digestion, cleansing, rejuvenation and other functions. This is how we become ill and age poorly. If you don’t already have a cleansing regimen, now is the time to look into this. Explore your options. Decide to clean your body and make it beautiful from the inside out. Here is a book, philosophy, approach I live by:Clean.
Detox Your Mind: When left to its own devices, our mind is our worst enemy! Its conscious, subconscious and unconscious mechanisms can wreck havoc in our life if we don’t take charge of them. It is our job to mind our internal mental world, upgrade its programs, and rewire its functioning.
Our triggers, wounds and emotional baggage clog our unconscious mind with unresolved emotional issues, our belief system litters our subconscious mind with unintentional debilitating programming, and our Ego, negative thoughts, and poor mindset undermine our conscious approach to life and our relationship. If you want to be the Master of your Universe you need to align your 3 minds, actively manage them and put them on course to serve you.
Here is work by a colleague that is amazing at rewiring the brain…: Dan Siegel – Brain Lesson on YouTube. When you are “clean” you ensure your most optimal performance level and ability to create to your Heart’s content. Make a Commitment to having an awesome Trip and reaching your Destination.
Set the intention to lead a Clean life. Decide what you need to do to make sure you get and stay Clean. Invest on this now, invest in your Self now, to make sure this happens!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…
Happy Cleaning!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment Establish a Cleansing Practice™. Body: Select times of year when you want to do a “cleanse / detox” program. Schedule them into your calendar. After Holidays it’s a good time… Select two foods / substances that are not clean that you will eliminate from your diet. Keep eliminating bad things until you are ingesting primarily clean substances most of the time.
Mind: Select a new tool to implement to help you declutter, clean and rewire your brain: meditation, affirmations, vision board, prayer, visualization, self-hypnosis, appreciations, stop-thought-technique, rewriting dirty thoughts, sending others loving vibes, etc. Integrate this tool into your daily routine. Integrate others over time for a full on amazing brain. Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
I have noticed that we have a tendency to have difficulties Receiving. And, that this is especially true for people who appear entitled, arrogant, demanding, critical, picky, choosy and such for in that approach they are actually rejecting… They have an underlying unconscious operating program of undeservingness.
They sabotage what is coming to them, reject the good, and are blind to the Gifts. They actually create a self-fulfilling prophecy where they don’t get, they get taken from, they are undermined, and even invisible as a possible viable recipient. These are the peeps that look and appear not to need anything or anyone…
I see this person in the partners of relationships that are struggling. They don’t allow the good in. They have a difficult time recognizing the good intentions of their partner and the gift their partner is. They actually take the gift and turn it around.
They rip it apart, find fault and ugliness in it and throw it in the garbage. They invite others not to give to them pushing them away. They revel in their misery, loneliness, victimhood, and martyrdom. They don’t realize how this creates negative energy that attracts more negativity…
Take a moment to identify the people in your life who do this. Who encounter nonsense everywhere they go. Who have bad things constantly happen to them. Who appear stuck and spinning their wheels. Who are always overwhelmed and can’t move forward. Whose lives are filled with drama and pain.
Find all these peeps, make a list of them. What is common about them? How does their “negativity” show up in their life? How does it impact their life? What kind of life have they been able to create? Are they happy, inspiring, and owning their magnificence? How does this affect you? Did your partner make it to your list? Are you on your list…?
Hold everyone in your mind’s eye. Feel each and every one of them in your heart, including yourself if you made it to your list (put yourself there if you didn’t…). Hold everyone really close and tight. Muster all the positive, compassionate, nurturing, accepting, and loving energy you can and bathe all in it. Surround your peeps and your Self with this brilliant Light. You have it in you. Harness it. Bring it forth. Put it to use…
Envision this Light permeating your very molecular structure, sipping into your core, blasting the blackness and the encasement around your Soul out of existence… Behold your Radiant Self! This is the real You. Lead with your Beauty. Bring this forth in your interactions. Be your magnificent magnetic Self and start attracting awesomeness in your life and relationship. Embrace the Gifts around you… Receive the Love you deserve!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…
Happy Receiving!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
For the next week, make it your business to look for all the gifts, blessings, beauty and awesomeness in your life. Stay focused on this task and don’t let anything escape you. Become masterful at finding the Good. To make this task easier, imagine your Self a magnet of good Fortune… Stay alert as to what you attract… Find all the Goodness life has to offer you… Stay in positive expectation… Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
It never ceases to amaze me that what we believe and think we create… I recently had the pleasure of connecting with a fabulous person who shared, “I started having the Good Things falling out of the sky…” What a lovely, powerful and faithful statement! I want this for you. I want you to have a life of ease and beauty. I want your Journey to be out of this world…
All it takes is to have positive believes, to align our values, and to clean our thinking and expectations for what we expect we get… This prescription is easer written than sold. There are many who are resistant to this concept and appear to choose a life of hardship instead. I’m witness to this in my work with couples everyday.
Partners expect their partner to be selfish, unsupportive, unfaithful, greedy, self-absorbed, needy, demanding, critical, uninvolved and many other unloving ways. Isn’t this crazy?! Of course this is not what they say they want in their relationship and from their partner, but they operate and have an ingrained belief system that this is how relationships and partners work. And, so it is for them.
This is tied-in with our feelings of Self worth and value. At a deeper level, we don’t believe we deserve better, to be treated well, to be cherished. If we don’t value ourselves how can we deserve. This is painful and devastating. Our Ego jumps in to protect us from this pain. The result is more shields, defenses and walls that further hide us from our selves, our loved ones and the world. The result is that we lose our Self.
Unknowingly we perpetuate this self-sabotage, defeating, and annihilating approach. We end up being unfaithful, dishonoring our purpose, and cheating those we are meant to be a hero to out of their Hero! This is completely unacceptable. We get an F in the course of life. We fail our mission to earth…
We have been blessed with the Gift of our Partner. We are contracted to assist each other on our Journey. Through our relationship we get to learn (remember) our Self worth and value, to own our Self, to embrace our magnificence, to stretch and become whole (again), to bring our best Self forward – to Be our Self.
This is the goal of our relationship. This is the reason for our Partnership. I know that when I settle in my Journey, lose faith, and sit by the side of the road for a moment that my relationship suffers.
My husband and I have not contracted for a “mediocre”, purposeless, life. When I break our contract we suffer… This has only become obvious to me in the recent past. I know now that I have to stay in the game for the highest good of all concerned… I can’t forfeit. Not embracing my magnificence is not an option.
Unfortunately, sometimes I’m not as much of a quick-learn as I’d like to believe. I’m still learning that when I’m tired I need to do more Self Care, have more Fun, and Recharge, and that being tired does not mean being on the wrong path… I’m learning to read my relationship queues better and really capitalize on this Gift and Blessing. I’m learning how to better Leverage this Partnership.
This is my Guide, my Compass. My husband is my Angel. He is my Gift. He provides the lessons I have to learn… The more I accept and embrace the lessons with courage and determination the more fulfilling, joyful, peaceful, empowering, loving, rewarding and down right awesome my Relationship and Journey become…
My relationship is my classroom and school is in session. I show up everyday ready to learn and pass with flying colors. This is how I create awesomeness. I highly recommend this approach to your relationship to remember your worth, get what you deserve, Be your best Self and have an awesome relationship and life! Receive the Great Stuff falling out of the sky…
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…
Happy Receiving!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Make a Sitting Date™ with yourself. Get comfy. Get grounded. Open up to see clearly and be open to receive… Take stock of your relationship and interactions. Do a review of what you love and enjoy, of what recharges and uplifts you. Rejoice. Do a review of where tension happens, of what can use sprucing up, and any impasses. Step back and observe these.
What’s their common denominator? What’s the theme? What’s the repeating Script? What is the lesson you have to learn, the code you have to crack, the stretch to Be your whole Self? Sit with this. Think of your next move, make it specific and concrete, to practice and demonstrate new competence in your area of growth… Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
The Holidays do all kinds of things to people. They provide a year-in-review, showcase our progress and success, spotlight our communion and belongingness, highlight our relationship dynamics, and nudge our very Soul for wakefulness. Add to this all the demands, expectations and hassle and bustle, and it is no wonder that the Holidays are rough for some.
The Holidays create stress, anxiety, depression, paralysis, withdrawal, mania, shame, overindulgence, overwhelm, crashing, loneliness, and other goodies. How do the Holidays affect you? If you generally fair well, still take note however minor the impact.
The Holidays can be treated as an opportunity for growth and healing… This is definitely fertile ground to work with! Why not take advantage of the opportunity available for the taking? When anything is framed as opportunity, its energy, meaning, impact and potential change. Now the situation is a gift and not a nuisance.
There is positivity built-in the reframe bearing optimism, strength, courage, hope, compassion, love, understanding, ownership, authenticity and awesomeness… Let’s shoot for getting more than just presents this Holiday Season!
Let’s go back to how the Holidays highlight our relationship dynamics. Whatever our dynamics they get amplified during this time. It’s as if our dynamics are on steroids. What you see, witness, experience is your usual dynamics to a heightened level.
This gives you an opportunity to better understand what usually bothers you and what doesn’t work that might have been difficult to pinpoint before. Before we knew interactions annoyed or hurt us. We knew are needs were not met. We complained, fought or sucked it up in hopelessness.
But now we have the chance at a magnified experience where we can see the crack. We have the chance to look at the crack up close and personal, and study it. We get the chance to see how it needs mending. The trick is to know what to look for: The theme, the broken record, and your script. What keeps replaying?
What is the lesson you are to learn? What is the code you need to crack? How are you to stretch to grow and heal, to break the impasse? This is the driver behind the dissatisfaction. Your call to action is to do something different for that in and of itself is Change…
It’s time to shake things up. It’s time to take a risk.It’s time to have better expectations. It’s time to raise the bar. It’s time to honor your Self, to Be your Authentic Self, and to bring it to your interactions. It’s time to be courageous and not be afraid of what could be. It’s time to go for it. It’s time for the next book in the series.
What does this look like? How do you go about it? It’s actually quite marvelous and simple. All you have to do is have a different response than your usual in your interaction. And, to do this for your Self without any outcome, expectation or intention of changing your partner in mind… So if you usually complain, call things out, whine or other some such in your interactions, your different response could be not say anything or to focus on the positive.
If your usual way is to suck it up, keep the peace, avoid conflict, and cave in, then your difference response could be standing up for your Self, speaking up, sharing what you are experiencing, or setting a limit or consequence.
The point here is not to go about changing your whole relationship, getting better results, inviting your partner to respond differently, and the rest of our usual intentions. This one is the mother load. This one goes for the jugular. This approach is for Us. Can you imagine? For Us… It is to build the muscle that has been dormant and which upon awakening saves the day…
Give it a try. Be gentle. Be courageous. Bring out the part of your Self that has been screaming to come out. Make space for it. Create safety for it. Nurture it. And take a leap of Faith, use it in your interactions. Go for it. Give it a try. The pay off is unimaginable…
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…
Happy Awakening!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Take a look at the weeks ahead. What significant events or plans are coming up? How will you be celebrating? What traditions will you follow? What rituals will you enjoy? Sit with the plans and the answers above… Hold them in your heart. Suspend judgment.
Are your plans in alignment with your core beliefs? Does your celebrating honor your Authentic Self? Do your traditions transmit your values? Do your rituals strengthen your identity, sense of Self, connections and bonds. Do they impart love, acceptance and adoration? Do they embrace our Human Experience…?
Connect with what comes up for you as you explore this. Where do you need to show up differently? What concrete change will you make for your next event or plans? Put it in action now… Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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