Are You Passionate in Your Relationship?

by Emma Viglucci

How hot are you in your relationship? Do you allow your Self to be hot? Are you in touch with your hotness? Does your hotness come out and play? If you are like most partners in a long-term committed relationship, the answer to these questions might not very positive which does not bear well for the passion quotient in your relationship.

What is passion? Do you need it in your relationship? Do you want it? You might be thinking that you can do without it and what’s the big deal anyway.

For some of you this is obvious and the answers are something like, I have a hard time being hot and yes, I want the, or more, passion in my relationship. But, for others this might be a foreign concept to even consider … 

The fact is we all want to be Hot and have Passion – however you want to define these for your Self. For in being “hot” we Are ourselves and for in being “passionate” we are Alive … And, what better place is there than our intimate relationship for this playground of life?

But, hotness and passion go out the window, or can’t even enter it, when partners start adopting the socially prescribed notions of being androgynous, egalitarian and independent (worse, become codependent!) in their committed relationship. 

These make everything a blur, muted, dull. The relationship becomes an undifferentiated energy mass of sameness, neutrality, PC attitude, and “togetherness” … Yet, partners don’t feel intimacy or connection, never mind passion, Aliveness, as in fact they are choosing not to exist, not to fully show up … 

Now, don’t misunderstand me. There is nothing wrong with partners embracing stereotypically non-gender specific behaviors, roles, expectations, and attitudes; and, for partners to be equal in their relationship. This is not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about pursuing egalitarianism to the point where we lose ourselves, we become something unrecognizable in the pursuit of fairness, equality and justice.

We mute ourselves to squelch stereotypes, disowning what might make us unique and special. And, in our pursuit for independence, to avoid dependence and being “needy”, we live parallel lives not showing up in our relationship and for our partner. Yet, this breeds codependence, stuckness and dissatisfaction.

Let’s get back to the basics. We are Energy. We have a unique vibrational frequency and “flavor”. This uniqueness comes in part from how we balance our male and female energies and own the different aspects of our Selves. The more out of balance, disintegrated and disowning we are, the lower our vibrational frequency and therefore the more muted and dead we are … This is obviously not attractive, never mind Hot!

So, an initial prescription is to own your inherent predominant femininity or masculinity for in this oppositeness is where the magnetism, the attraction, happens. And, own your uniqueness, the characteristics that define you, not your characterological defenses or defense mechanisms, but the Authentic you. This is what makes you Hot.

Explore your energy identity. What does it mean to be masculine or feminine? What does that look like? What does that feel like? How might that come out? How can you expand, enrich, how that shows up? How can you invite your partner’s opposite energy to come out and play? What would be Attractive to your partner? What would draw your partner out? What would excite your partner?

But, before you go focusing on your partner, remember that you are energetically as Attractive and Hot as you feel … Hence, focus on your Self …

Feel your femininity or masculinity. Feel your Self in your body. Feel your body. Take care of your body, and appearance. Pamper your senses. Connect with Nature. Enliven and enrich your environment. Surround your Self with beauty. See the beauty around you.

Connect with your uniqueness, gifts, talents, magic. Let the Light shine through. Honor, gift, your partner with your Presence. Share of your Self – your experience, observations, learnings, dreams, vision, mission.

Welcome your partner witnessing your journey … Allow their influence and support … Let them show up for you … They are your cosmic partner. There is a reason for their being in your life. Revel in the partnership. Let it flourish and fulfill its purpose …

This is where you become Alive. This is where your Partner becomes Alive. This is where Passion resides. This is where there is Meaning and All makes sense … Remember to look for the MetroRelationship ™ Assignment below to assist you effortlessly make changes and immediately start experiencing the relationship you want!

Happy Passioning!!

~ Your MetroRelationship ™ Assignment

Shine. Sparkle. Nurture your inherent predominant Feminine or Masculine Energy … Own it, live it: Sway or sturdy your body, undulate or embolden your voice, soften or invigorate your approach. Enliven your presence: Amplify your mannerisms, embellish your language, bolster your appearance and wardrobe, expand your repertoire of behaviors, broaden your preferences, tantalize the senses. Embrace the moment, flirt with it …

   Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.