How do we create a masterpiece life? How do create an awesome relationship? The answer is quite simple, we change (grow, heal, step it up a notch, etc)… How do we change? We change by taking action on new information (or old information if you sat on your a** with it thus far)… Insight, information, learning, reading do nothing for us unless we take some kind of related action, unless we implement something different.
I hear all the time, “I’ve tried it all”… No you have not! Stop deluding yourself and tricking yourself into complacency. To create your Authentic Life and Awesome relationship you have step out of your comfort zone and do what the next level requires. If you keep doing the same old, you’ll keep getting the same old. So stop it, and decide now that you are going for it. S** or get off the pot! What does this mean? How do we go for it?
Decide you are going for it
Make a commitment to not settle and stay the course (it’s easy to commit to not settling by leaving)
Learn everything you can about the next level and how to get there
Create a prescription, plan, structure, system, routine, practice, whatever out of the information
Put your implementation mechanism in place
Make sure it has a “drilling” characteristic built in (repetition is the key!!)
Trying something once is not trying something. Trying something a couple of times is not even trying. When you workout once, are you fit? When you workout a couple of times, are you fit? No. So, why when you try to connect with your partner and it goes awry you say, “I tried”? This is not good enough.
Trying a couple of times doesn’t cut it. We have to push through the disappointment, fear and hopelessness – the pain, as with exercising. We don’t stop at the sign of pain. We keep going, we push through. This is where the muscles get strong, where growth and change happens…
Your trying needs to be repeated. Do you type one word on your keyboard and decide you don’t know how to type? Do you shoot one hoop and decide your suck at basketball? Do you hit a couple of keys on the piano and decide you are not musically inclined?
No. You practice and repeat to get proficient and then amazing. You have to give it a chance for it to stick. You have to keep refining your approach. Tweak, tweak, tweak. Practice makes “perfect.” The drilling, tweaking, and practicing element of this is so huge and way underestimated.
This means you keep trying and refining your communication skills, your lovemaking, your dates planning, your repairing skills, your boundary setting, etc. The more you invest the better you get at it! Having an awesome relationship means creating an awesome relationship… It doesn’t happen by chance it requires laser focus, investing and intention.
And, we don’t keep the weight at the same weight amount, we keep increasing it for better results. The same goes for our relationship! Once the thrill of this level wears off, we are ready for the next level so we keep creating more awesomeness. If we allow ourselves to stay in the plateau and stagnate, we don’t keep the progress we made…
Part of being alive is to keep going for more. It’s part of our human condition. Don’t fight it. Honor it. Keep investing. You’ll create all you desire and more. You can’t even imagine the possibilities from the level you are at…
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life… What did you love about this article?
Happy Drilling!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
What is a characteristic, quality or behavior that you want to see more in your relationship? Break it down into a small actionable step that can be repeated. For example, affection – kissing and hugging, trust and honesty – transparency and sharing, ownership – making requests for tangible behaviors that meet your needs, connection – spending quality time together.
Now, devise an implementation system that includes “drilling” – kissing every hour, getting home a certain time everyday, making a clear and mindful request daily that addresses a need, having date night every Saturday. Put this in place for a determined period of time (a week or month depending on the drill frequency) and implement no matter what. Stay tuned for the awesome impact! Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
To succeed at anything a real commitment to do whatever it takes is needed… We all know of the “self made man”. People who grew up with nothing and are now multi-millionaires. We might be friends with them. We might be one of them. The same principles apply in Relationships! I have seen couples come back strong from the most awful of situations. All it takes is a real commitment to creating what you desire and full heartedly going for it…
The stumbling block I have come to recognize in couples is that the partners don’t really know what they desire. They are unhappy or settled with their status quo, but have no clue as to the alternative. Never mind actually taking action to change things, and on top of that they lack skills, know how and tools.
And, on top of that, they have “baggage” that gets in the way. They get in their own way. It’s practically an impossible situation to turn around and turn into awesomeness.
But fear not! I can show you the way. First things first, you have to decide that you want awesomeness… I’m serious. Really decide that you will no longer settle for mediocre… I’m asking you to go for it. I’m asking you to make a commitment to do what it takes to create your awesomeness.
It goes without saying that this does not include anything illegal, inappropriate, or harmful in anyway to all parties concern. It actually means exactly the opposite!
When we claim our Self. When we Commit to Awesomeness. When we decide to live our authentic life and create our awesome relationship from a Heart-centered place (no ego here…), we all benefit. We ALL win. This is the secret. From this place no harm can come to us… Only good things, blessings, abundance and much, much love comes to us…
I come across partners who are very guarded and protected. This concept is very difficult for them to understand and embrace. They do not know specifically, or even generally a lot of times, what they desire in relationship. They have no clue about the possibilities.
The concept of going all in and doing whatever it takes is scary as heck. They interpret this as a loss of Self… Doing whatever it takes to make something work never implies at your expense! For that wouldn’t work!! That logic is flawed…
If this resonates with you, I implore you to take a look at your beliefs, assumptions, expectations, and approach to your relationship and see if you can catch yourself pursuing happiness from a head-ego-centered place… This will ensure you will not be creating an awesome relationship. Address this for yourself immediately.
Attend to what the ego is protecting. Find the vulnerability and nurse it. Take care of your Self. I’m not saying to lock away your Self to protect it… I’m saying, to bring it out to play. Learn how to play safely, appropriately and with gusto. Learn to create connection, intimacy and good times.
Make your Commitment now.Put your system, structure, and support in place nowto assist you embrace and stick to your Commitment. Do whatever it takes to create awesomeness. Get to it now!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…
Happy Committing!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment Identify what is holding you back from going for it, from being all in. What is holding you back from doing whatever it takes to create your Awesome Relationship. Get in touch with the underlying fears… Do these fit? Getting squashed, or lost Loosing freedom Not being able to be one Self Not being good enough Not deserving Being a fraud Success Failure What else? …
Once you are in touch with your fears, acknowledge the Ego for protecting you and send it on vacation… Sit with the truth of these statements… Challenge them… Start feeling the shackles come undone… Get support to fully remove the shackles… Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
There is more to us than meets the eyes… We have an internal world operating at all times that we are vaguely aware of. Some people are totally out of touch with theirs… The more we become acquainted with our own Self and all it’s aspects, needs and desires the more we can be our Authentic Self and create our Authentic Life and Awesome Relationship.
Because we might not be very aware or proactive about the health and wellbeing of our internal world, we might not be in the best shape to actually create the Life we desire. When we are clueless or in the know but not proactive, we neglect aspects of our care, maintenance and sustenance that eventually lead to breakdown.
Just like we clean house, go to the dentist, and do oil changes our inner world also needs routine care and attention. When we don’t invest in learning about our Self and our inner world, upkeeping and upleveling its functioning, and implementing best ways to show up in the outside world, we are leaving things to chance, bad habits and mishaps.
Lack of intention, attention, planning and implementation leads to malfunctioning cars, cavities, dirty houses, toxin laden bodies prone to illness and poor aging, and relationship dissatisfaction and break-ups. This is what living an unintentional and winging-it style to life gives you.
This is actually not living life, life is happening to you… You are not its Master and Designer. This is the way to go through life struggling because you are not in charge. If you are not the driver, you will never get to your desired destination. Being the driver includes choosing the destination, acquiring a well functioning mode of transportation and a road map. Now, that’s the Trip!
In this case the vehicle is our body and mind… It is our absolute responsibility to make sure that both are in optimal shape!!! It is up to us to ensure our Trip is awesome and that we make our destination. Now is the time to detox both your mind and your body of any unwanted toxicity lingering from foods and other ingested substances, poor mindset and mental hygiene, and unaddressed emotional pain.
Detox Your Body: Most things we ingest are not good for us. We are killing ourselves with food… Unless of course you are really mindful and intentional of what you eat and otherwise consume. But even still the body develops a deposit of toxins that get more and more sludgy and burden the body.
The more burdened the body is the less optimal it’s digestion, cleansing, rejuvenation and other functions. This is how we become ill and age poorly. If you don’t already have a cleansing regimen, now is the time to look into this. Explore your options. Decide to clean your body and make it beautiful from the inside out. Here is a book, philosophy, approach I live by:Clean.
Detox Your Mind: When left to its own devices, our mind is our worst enemy! Its conscious, subconscious and unconscious mechanisms can wreck havoc in our life if we don’t take charge of them. It is our job to mind our internal mental world, upgrade its programs, and rewire its functioning.
Our triggers, wounds and emotional baggage clog our unconscious mind with unresolved emotional issues, our belief system litters our subconscious mind with unintentional debilitating programming, and our Ego, negative thoughts, and poor mindset undermine our conscious approach to life and our relationship. If you want to be the Master of your Universe you need to align your 3 minds, actively manage them and put them on course to serve you.
Here is work by a colleague that is amazing at rewiring the brain…: Dan Siegel – Brain Lesson on YouTube. When you are “clean” you ensure your most optimal performance level and ability to create to your Heart’s content. Make a Commitment to having an awesome Trip and reaching your Destination.
Set the intention to lead a Clean life. Decide what you need to do to make sure you get and stay Clean. Invest on this now, invest in your Self now, to make sure this happens!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…
Happy Cleaning!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment Establish a Cleansing Practice™. Body: Select times of year when you want to do a “cleanse / detox” program. Schedule them into your calendar. After Holidays it’s a good time… Select two foods / substances that are not clean that you will eliminate from your diet. Keep eliminating bad things until you are ingesting primarily clean substances most of the time.
Mind: Select a new tool to implement to help you declutter, clean and rewire your brain: meditation, affirmations, vision board, prayer, visualization, self-hypnosis, appreciations, stop-thought-technique, rewriting dirty thoughts, sending others loving vibes, etc. Integrate this tool into your daily routine. Integrate others over time for a full on amazing brain. Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Ok, so you’ve been together for a long time, or maybe not so long, and are feeling time just passing you by and your relationship not moving or progressing with it.
You find that you still have a lot of the same issues, unresolved concerns, repeating arguments, don’t feel connected, are living parallel lives, can’t seem to have fun together or enjoy each other’s company, are bored, and feel empty. You are just going through the motions and question your commitment to your relationship and your partner.
Unfortunately, this is a very common scenario. Couples get sucked in and chewed up in the power struggle and seem to be unable to get out of it. They go around and around in their cycle for what could be ever if nothing is done about it. Relationships don’t just get better or become enjoyable again on their own. The partners need to do something different to make this happen.
I know this is easier said than done when you are stuck in the cycle and your behavior and reactions appear to be on autopilot! This is the more reason to make a conscious effort to address your situation.
The hint to getting unstuck is to take a step back and do a perspective change. Look at your situation from your partner’s perspective: put yourself in their shoes with their mindset. How are they looking at the situation? How do their history, wounds, personality, wishes, expectations, etc. influence their view? From this place, what do they want and need? How do they see you? How are they experiencing you?
You might not like what you see. Our behavior, reactions and expectations make perfect sense from our perspective, but when looked at from another angle they are flawed, or better said, they don’t flow or make sense from that point of view. Not for nothing you and your partner are not seeing eye-to-eye and are disconnected.
When you look at your interactions from both your perspectives and the chasm between you is apparent but the views clearer, you have a chance to start closing the rift.
The usual inherent difficulty here is that it is very difficult to see our situation from our partner’s perspective and a tough pill to swallow at that. But once this is achieved, following the simple guidelines above, the reconnecting, and healing, can begin.
The first and most important part of this is to actually tell your partner how you see the situation from their perspective. You are hence validating their experience and bringing them back to life. They are no longer absent, invisible, detached, gone. You don’t have to agree with how they see things, but the mere fact that you are able to see how they see things allows them to come back into existence. They have a voice.
This is necessary to even the playing field and to be able to have a conversation. A partner without a voice can’t conversate and be present in a relationship.
Resurrecting your partner gives you a chance to give life to the relationship you want. With a live partner you can create a joint perspective from which change can flow. This perspective is created by mutually and consistently sharing each of your perspectives while validating the other.
From this place it is a lot easier to meat each other’s needs. It is a lot easier to tailor our behavior or reaction when we know how it hurts our partner than when we are feeling attacked, criticized, taken for granted and ignored!
Go ahead – give it a try. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes and start dancing to a new tune!!
Happy Dancing!!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Next time you feel getting sucked into your usual arguing listen for your partner’s hurts and disappointments hear their perspective. Put your reactions on hold and don’t listen for how this affects you, how you are hurt, what you need, etc. Put your stuff on HOLD!
Just listen to your partner and tell them what you are hearing them say (without making assumptions, interpretations or mind reading) and tell them how you understand their perspective and how they could be feeling as they do as a result (you don’t have to agree with it or see it the same way).
Now ask your partner what behavior change you can make to fix their complaint. Here you might need to coach them a bit on giving you very specific behavior change requests. For example, just be nicer to me, is too general, but, when I come home give me a kiss hello, and when I got to bed a goodnight kiss, is a lot more doable.
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
What we resist persists. What we focus on expands.
We are super powerful creating creatures…
Our mind is a honing device for creating, a GPS for getting places… We create what we think whether intentionally or not. Left to its own untrained devices it creates the chaos and unruly inner experience with or without our consent… That’s just how the mind works.
It is our responsibility to train our mind, to have a fabulous inner world that can be reflected in our outer world. If we have bad inner world habits, we have chaotic energy, send out conflicting messages, and therefore create inconsistent results in our life… And, this of course, applies to our relationship.
This is a very messy and dissatisfying way to go about having the relationship we want. As a matter of fact, this ensures that we do not create an awesome relationship. It behooves us to explore our scripts and underlying subconscious believes around relationships to identify how they serve us. Unless attended, we usually have a mess here…
It is imperative that we clean house. It is imperative that we align our beliefs to our values and desires. It is imperative that we rewrite our scripts and mind our thought patterns.
It is imperative that we instill good mental hygiene, that we refresh our thinking to focus on what we desire. If we do not take charge of our most valuable and powerful tool that is our brain-mind in the game of life, we won’t win. We won’t create our Authentic Life and Awesome Relationship. Indeed we’d create exactly the opposite of what we set out to create.
Proactively programming and rewiring our brain, establishing a healthy and successful mindset, and having supportive mental habits ensures we create the life and relationship we desire and deserve, for I know that we are all here to experience a magnificent relationship as part of our human experience… It is our duty to fully follow our human directive and do whatever it takes to meet this challenge.
Set the intention now to upgrade your relationship and to experience its inherent synergy and magnificence. Take a moment to envision it in its full glory. In your minds eye, play the tape of your awesome and magnificent relationship with your partner on a given day. What happens when you gain awareness first thing in the morning? What do you do before you get out of bed? What is your morning ritual? How do you get ready for the day?
What Self care measures do you do? How are you relating with our partner? How do you go your separate ways? How do you stay in connection? How is the rest of your day set up? What recharges and inspires you? When do you touch base with your partner? How does it feel? How do you plan for reconvening? What special ritual do you have? How does the rest of your day or evening look like?
How are you enjoying your partner? How do you feel? How do you retire for the night? What ritual do you have in place? How do you set yourself up for restful, recharging and healing sleep? How does the next day go? The rest of the week? Weekend? Month? Quarter? Seasons? Year?
Take your time to fully envision and feel each desire, creation… Feel it in your bones, as if it’s already happening. In your mind and desires it already is, and so it is…
Quite down any resistance by observing it and letting it go. Go back to each question and flesh it out to your heart’s content… Imagine it’s next year at this time and your relationship has been upgraded… Your vision is a reality… How do you feel? Really, your vision is a reality – how do you feel? Expand this feeling… Feel it… Your sit with this…
This is your intention for the next year for your relationship… Repeat this exercise DAILY… Do not slack off. Stick with this… Make a commitment to strive and create the elements of your vision. Think, feel and behave EVERYDAY as if your vision is already a reality… Do whatever it takes to make this happen. It is up to YOU to make your masterpiece… And so it is…
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…
Happy Intentioning!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
One way to ensure we stick with our goals, resolutions and intentions is to create a new habit.
To create a new habit we need to automate how we approach the task at hand.
The way to automate our approach is to set up a Relationship InvestmentPattern-Repetition™ (RIP) around it.
Set up a RIP™ around investing in your relationship. Here are some ticklers…
– Sunday morning sex, breakfast in bed, brunch in different settings
– Synchronizing schedules and plans for the week on Sunday evenings to ensure weeknight(s) couple time
– Monday night couples session (coaching / therapy)
– Tuesday and Thursday joint exercise or neighborhood, park, beach, other walk
– Wednesday night special couple dinner
– Wednesday night Chat™
– Friday movie, game, hobby, outing, other night
– Saturday date night
Agree to your RIP™ with your partner and set it up by rearranging your schedules, making ongoing reservations, purchasing related memberships or subscriptions, calendaring babysitting, etc.
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2014 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couples ™ programs and products that assist couples succeed at their relationship and life. To get your downloadable relationship enrichment insights and receive her weekly successful couples articles, nurturing nuggets (sm) and other resources visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
To get your downloadable relationship enrichment insights and receive our weekly successful couples articles, nurturing nuggets (sm) and other resources visit: www.metrorelationship.com
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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