I find that most couples do not have a vision of their future in place. They do not know where they are going in life. They deal with things as they come up, live pay-check-to-pay-check or floating their lives on credit cards, putting out fires, and mechanically going through their days.
They cannot benefit from their inherent synergy and gifts because they do not have a vision of how they want their future to be, never mind a plan for getting there.Going through life without a plan is like going on a road trip without a map, you will not enjoy the ride!
This is a complete waste of a perfect partnership! And yes, you are a perfect partnership even if it doesn’t seem like it at the moment… You are a perfect partnership in that you complement each other, you trigger each other creating opportunities for growth, and have a vested interest in seeing each other (your “team”) succeed. No other partnerships meet these criteria to their full extent.
Not utilizing the partnership with your lovie to its full potential is such a crime! Everything you need is already built in. Your job is to learn how to use it for maximum results. And, the first step is to know how you want things to be. Have a very clear picture of this for now and for the future.
I know that this may seem unbelievable when you are struggling in your relationship. This might seem far-fetched and unrealistic. But, the way to go about this is to take a look at your relationship by being removed from it by looking AT it and not from within it. This enables you to see the bigger picture.
This allows you to see what is holding you back from your vision… Why is there a struggle in the relationship? If your struggle could talk, what would it say it is trying to teach you? What are the lessons in the struggle? What is the stretch? How does it push you to grow up, own yourself, learn new skills, address unresolved issues, change patterns, etc.?
For you see your relationship is a path to becoming your Authentic Self. When you start addressing, learning, resolving, growing, healing, etc. you become ready for creating your vision. You achieve the means for manifesting your Authentic Life
I understand how challenging this is for those of you who can’t even see a future with your partner. I implore you to not worry about deciding on the status of your relationship, nor to worry about the possibility of this. Instead, put that in a box on a shelf to be addressed at a later time.
In the mean time, as long as you are still with your partner… I want you to focus on Being with your partner… Give it your all! This is the only way – you will either create an awesome relationship or know sooner than later that this is no longer a viable path for you. So, don’t torture yourself “deciding”, you will know…
What does it mean to give it your all? It means you do targeted investing in your relationship – not “crooked trying”. I hear all the time how partners “have tried it all”… When exploring this – the partners did the same old over and over, stuck with their ego, waited for their partner to change, and in a nutshell didn’t really do much investing but wasted time and resources… No wonder they are tired and feel hopeless!
I want you to go at this from a different place. Stop your usual and give to your partner how they prefer to be given, how they like to receive… Focus on what you contribute, what you need to change and improve. Give this your full attention. Tweak and tweak. Do a “Groundhog Day” on your approach to your relating. You will crack the code.
You have the opportunity and all you need right now to go at this for ultimate results,manifesting your vision – creating your Authentic Relationship and Life. Don’t over think it! Just go for it!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life… Please share your takeaways on our Blog!
Happy Tweaking!
~Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
If you are questioning your commitment: Stop it! Go at your relationship as if you are committed… Give it your all. If you are struggling: Take a moment to look AT your relationship, and look for how you need to be in it differently… If you want to make things even better: Create a relationship vision and a plan of action for investing in and nurturing it, and your Life… Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
I read a while ago, and found it applicable to many areas of our life, that we can handle as much as the span of your wings… I’m sure you’ve heard the saying that God, the Universe, doesn’t bestow (good or bad) onto you more than you can handle? We can use this concept well in our growth, healing and thriving Journey.
A way to use this is to “grow our wings”. This means doing whatever it takes to become a better version of ourselves: heal any past trauma or emotional wounds, pass your stuck development stage (grow yourself up), re-parent yourself, learn any lacking or improve any weak skill that you wish to have, break any debilitating habits, wrap any unfinished business, close any exits leaking energy, stop or remove any excuses or reasons holding you back.
Embrace your stretch to break your patterns, figure out what makes you the better person and go that route…
Once you’ve tackled growing your wings as mentioned above, the next level of this is to “grow your wings” by leveraging – using others’ wings, systems, and structures to expand your reach. We can only go so far by ourselves. We need leverage to create our World Class Life, for life not to be a struggle but a joy.
We want our life to be a true reflection of our Core Self. We want to own and honor our Authentic Self and live accordingly… We tend to live such small lives… We drown in a glass of water… We miss the forest for the tree…
I have come to know, the hard way unfortunately, that we cannot leverage unless we grow our own wings first… I’ve seen this in my own life, and see this day in and out in my work with clients… Doing our own growing is challenging, some fight even this, so imagine how challenging it is to embrace the higher level of growing by leveraging.
I find that we hold ourselves back in all areas of our lives. If we pursued our becoming our best Self with gusto, then the Universe becomes the limit…
I’m sure this can seem daunting right about now, but don’t let it overwhelm you. This is a special area where your relationship becomes indispensable and the gift it’s meant to be… You have untapped resources inherent to your relationship:
What is a recurring hurt in your relationship with your partner? What is the theme that keeps playing out?
What are things that keep coming up in your relationship that alert you to a growth place?
What is a way in which you hurt your partner that indicates a stretch for you…?
View yourself through your partner’s eyes (this can be painful!)…
Identify how you sabotage your relating and make a parallel to the rest of your life, for how we do anything is how we do everything…
What do you love about your partner that you can emulate? What is an awesome characteristic that makes your partner stand out that you can learn from?
How are you rejecting exactly what you are asking for? How are you shooting yourself on the foot?
What is your partner’s unique gift that you keep squashing?
How can you support your partner’s growth, healing and thriving? (Practically and by working through the questions above…)
How are you dishonoring your Souls’ Contract…?
Did you know that your relationship is a lot more than just a place for fun, paying bills and having children? It’s time you give it is due reverence! Your relationship is the key to your World Class Life… Give it a whirl. Embrace this concept, apply it, work it, invest in it, live by it, honor it with gusto and watch your wings grow… Watch your life become a World Class Life. Live your Authentic Life!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life… Please share your takeaways on our Blog!
Happy Growing!
~Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Pay very close attention to how your partner actually does support your Souls’ Contract and stop taking them for granted. Pay attention to how your partner colludes with you for your growth… Call it what it is and appreciate your partner for their gift. Approach challenges with this new take in mind… Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Do you remember when you were a kid and wanted something really badly? Whether you nagged someone to death to get it, or tried, rehearsed, or practiced incessantly – you knew what it would take to get it and went for it. As kids we knew that repeating actions got results: learning to ride a bike, swim, dive, run faster or longer, speak another language, play an instrument, make baskets, ace tests, drive, beat a game, etc. Somehow as we got older we learned to expect quick results, or give up after a couple of tries. Long gone are the days of trial and error, persistence and perseverance. How did we outgrow these strengths?
Somewhere along the way, we developed our Ego… Which tells us that some things are beneath us, that what we want should be easy or it’s not meant to be…, that sticking through something is for chumps, that it shouldn’t be hard to get what we want, that we shouldn’t have to work so hard, etc. Even though there is some truth in these, how we frame them and apply them is what is important. For example, some things are beneath us. Being a jerk to less fortunate peeps is beneath us. At the end of the day we are all equal… Doing some tasks might be beneath us, but not because we are better than someone else but because we are wasting our talents and gifts… Get my drift?
The problem here is that we do not place these in the proper context and as a result we lose sight of our path and our innate strengths… It is time to reclaim our inner child’s characteristics and strengths and lead with them. It is time to play a bigger game. And, yes, this does mean being persistent, focused and obsessed. This is how things get accomplished… This is how we get results. Any highly successful person will attest to this…
Highly successful peeps don’t give up at the first sign of disappointment, when they think they’ve tried it all – they still find something else to try…, they create habits and structures that support them, they ask for help when needed, they surround themselves with a success team… Right? This applies to all areas of our life, not just our career or business. It’s just like when we were kids, we practiced doing cartwheels until we could do them effortlessly. Why should our relationship be any different? Why do peeps give up on their partner? Treat your relationship like a cartwheel, keep trying to get it until you do. For if you go at anything with that much enthusiasm, investment and commitment you will get it! How many times did Thomas Edison try before he succeeded in inventing the light bulb?
I know that this sentiment might feel outdated, naïve, unrealistic, codependent, etc. in today’s society… But I believe we give up way too easily on most things we want, especially our relationship. Now I’m not suggesting just staying in a relationship to say you had a long-term relationship… I’m whole-heartedly saying to make your relationship work. If you want your relationship to work, it will! If you go at it as if there is no option but for it to work, you’ll see the difference… This is my approach to my couples and it makes a massive difference…
Stop trying the same things, go at it from a different angle. Get support. Put a success team in place to assist you: house cleaner, sitter, therapist/coach, routine massages and other self-care, etc. Treat your relationship like a goal… Decide how you want your relationship to look and go for it. Break it down to actions, behaviors, and investments. For every characteristic you wish in your relationship, there is at least one behavior you can do consistently to create it… Check it out: Trust – transparency, commitment – dated plans, intimacy – sharing, passion – vulnerability, connection – touching base; you try…
Go for it in terms of how you want to be as a partner… Start being the partner you want to be by consistently carrying out actions to invest in your relationship bank. Make a deposit everyday. Create Relationship Success Habits…
The key is to stay focused, be persistent, and to make consistent targeted, relevant and concrete investments in your relating.
Focus on what YOU are investing and keep doing it… Complete the MetroRelationship™
Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life… Please share your takeaways on our Blog! Happy Investing! ~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Pick a Relationship Characteristic you’d like to experience and treat it like a goal… What skills, stretches, do you need to learn? What actions can you implement to become proficient? What concrete investments can you make? Integrate these consistently into your routine, daily interactions. Liken this to being an athlete and training. As an athlete you’d always invest in staying healthy, fit and on top of your game. Make the same kind of commitment in your relationship. Keep on investing, keep a consistent approach and always step it up a notch… Go for the gold! Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Abundance in our life is experienced in direct proportion to the level of Self Love and Self Care we give ourselves… Take a moment to soak that in. When we are stingy with our Self, our energy vibrates at a lower frequency which attracts other low frequency people, situations and results in our experience…
This ranges from having your driver’s license suspended, to a tree falling on your house, to going bankrupt, to a family member becoming seriously ill, to you becoming seriously ill, and even death. Now, I’m not trying to be gruesome, but I’ve witnessed and have experienced this level of low vibrations. It’s not pretty.
When we operate from such a low vibrational level, we have the experience of everything going wrong, life being challenging, the world is against us, people are out to get us or bring us down, things break or just decide not to work, we get hurt, etc. There is an experience of being or witnessing a train wreck…
This shows up with varying intensity and manifestation throughout our lives. When it is obviously at play, it is an indication that a repeating pattern hasn’t yet been broken, a lesson still needs to be learned, a code needs to be cracked or a stretch is required to move to the next level in our Journey…
If we are able to frame disappointment, frustration, roadblocks, lack, headaches, heartaches, and the like as mere indicators of where proper and informed attention is needed, we’d realize that life is actually not so difficult and more akin to a game to be intentionally played and enjoyed. For the Journey itself is the Human Experience we are seeking… Our task here on Earth is to live well… To have Authentic lives that are in alignment with our Soul.
What does it mean to be in alignment with our Soul? This means embracing our Creator’s characteristics as we were created in HisHer likeness – positive, compassionate, forgiving, loving, magnificent. It means embracing our Purpose, what we came down to do and experience. It means honoring our Self.
Most of us go through life dismissing and discounting our Prime Directive. We don’t mind our vibrational energy. We revel in misery as if that is normal… We don’t intentionally attend to our mood and feelings. We let them run the show and worse, we let Ego inform them. We do not identify and own our Purpose. We do not respect nor honor our Selves. This is not living an Authentic Life, a Soulful Life.
I know this is daunting to those of you who are just opening up to the existential angle to creating the life and relationship you want. For some of you all this is a given are now fine tuning how you do your Journey.
For yet others, this might sound like a crock of s*** and don’t see the relevance at all to your relationship and are wondering why I’m writing about this… I’m with you all… I just want the skeptics to stretch a little and see how you can apply any of this to your current experience. I witness day in and day out that the skeptics struggle the most… So, please, stay open and find the sliver that is resonating with you today and embrace it…
Coming full circle and on the more practical side of things. A way to honor our Self, and give our Soul its Human Experience, is to practice Self Care. This is how we experience an Abundant Life. We all have different ideas about what Self Care entails and I encourage you to develop a Self Care Practice that is rich and diverse.
I also want to add to your repertoire by introducing, or reminding you, of a powerful Relational Self Care tactic, that of sharing your perspective and experience. This honors your Existence…
This does not mean to be stubborn, power struggle, nit pick at your partner, force your idea or world on them, seek agreement, demand your way, and such. This does mean to share your internal word (thoughts, feelings, perspective, experiences, memories, etc.) with your partner while being mindful and respectful of theirs. An Awesome Relationship is comprised of two partners that get to fully show up and be accepted…
As I’ve written in the past, our job is to mind our Selves not our Partner… Be the boss of you, and only you. Step up the Self Care to raise your energy’s vibrational frequency and enrich your way of Being. Watch Abundance increase in all areas of your life…
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life… Please share your takeaways on our Blog!
Happy Self Caring!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Invite your Partner to a game of “Getting to Know Each Other More” (it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together!!). You each get to write a list of 100 items about yourselves that your partner might not know, that you want to showcase, dreams, wishes, preferences, bucket list, anything you want. Then schedule a Reveal Date where you get to share items on your lists. Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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