How to Create Memorable Times
Why do couples struggle enjoying downtime and having fun together? As we know, opposites attract. This phenomenon is also found in couples which means that usually partners have opposite personalities, needs, wishes and preferences – including what they consider relaxing, enjoyable and fun.
This does not mean that your leisure time, your Summers or vacations are doomed. This does mean a need to intentionally plan your time together so you create a win-win experiences.
Being intentional in your relationship, no matter the topic or situation, is a key component of a successful relationship. When partners mindfully create efficient routines, conscientious budgets, accepting exchanges, fun interactions, loving moments, etc. they are investing in creating an awesome relationship.
The different areas work because intention and thoughtfulness was used. When partners haphazardly go about their life and relationship, they have a “haphazard” experience…
Here is your plan for intentionally enjoying downtime, having fun and creating memorable experiences:
Dream: Have a brainstorming session with your partner about leisure time, vacationing, outings, activities, experiences and the like that each of you would like to have. Make it a “Wish List” thus becoming about each of your own wishes and not about your partnership… This removes the pressure or threat you might each experience at having to endure your partner’s pleasures… Have fun with it, go nuts.
Have a range of wishes from the most practical and simple to the most extravagant and outrageous. Make sure to include specific details, behaviors, and desired feelings for each. Have a date conducive to the exercise to go along with the session. Be thorough, take it seriously, make it light, add humor, think outside the box, and be as creative and open as you can.
Plan: Have a planning session, date, with your partner about having fun together. This might sound counter intuitive, but spontaneity doesn’t always work specially if you have a hard time getting on the same page in general… Decide what you are planning: daily leisure or downtime, weekly dates, monthly outings, quarterly staycations, vacations, holidays or other celebrations, etc.
Then, go back to each of your lists and highlight items related to your choice.
Decide from whose list you will choose an item (take turns going forward…). If you can’t agree, put your names in a hat and do a draw… If you chose to use Partner B’s list, Partner A picks a highlighted item from the list… This provides the buy-in… Now for the icing on the cake, Partner A also gets to add a “little touch” to the choice to make it more their own – without trumping or nullifying the original item! Whoala!
Enjoy: The key to enjoying time together is to let go… Partners get hang up on whether their needs are being met that they forget about being with their partner… They put on the “ego/critical” lens and have high expectations that are bound to sabotage the moment. Not for nothing fun time is not fun… Letting go of expectations, control, me-focus, and the like ensures your enjoyment in the end.
And, the key trick is to go at this to please your partner – with gusto, no resentment or grudges please… Make a real investment here. If you chose an item from your partner’s list – make this about them… If your partner chose an item from your list, go out of your way to have your partner enjoy your item… This approach automatically changes the energy flow giving you a better version of your partner in return! Win-Win!
This is a preventative and intentional tool that teaches envisioning, strategizing, and investing skills essential for creating your awesome relationship. Don’t skimp – the more you put in, the more you get out… Embrace this tool and integrate it into your Took Kit.
This is applicable to all kinds of time spent together, and you can even extrapolate and apply it to other contexts. This is a dynamic must use tool! Go ahead give it a try for the next fun together time you are trying to plan. Create a memorable time!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…
Happy Creating!
~Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Decide on a Memorable Experience you want to pursue from your “Wish-Lists”, and go for it: Calendar it, schedule it or book it, flesh it out, and prepare for it – don’t leave any details unaddressed… Have a thorough plan and attitude check in place… Have Fun! Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
