Whoever said that Halloween is just for kids and trick-or-treating? Yes, adults have fun too with the decorating, costumes, and parties. But I’d like to also suggest taking this a step further by using Halloween as a relationship-building tool. Why not? Why waste a perfectly set up situation with built in opportunities for awesomeness?
Depending on the current status of your relationship and your relationship’s needs, there are different ways to take advantage of this holiday. I’ve come to recognize three levels of “involvement” in couples: Closeness, Intimacy and Passion, what I’ve termed the CIP Principal™. These levels are not necessarily mutually exclusive, progressive in nature, contingent on each other, or otherwise reliably related in anyway…
I have found that couples move between these, have them all, have none or have different combinations of them at different times… There is no normal or preferred way, there are pros and cons to everything, and relating is never perfect. It is what it is, and it is for a reason… We can’t force what isn’t nor give up on our desires… Our job is to determine where we are and what we need right now, and to go from there…
Determine which level you are in this week and what Stretch you are willing to make to move into the level of your current desire. Please note, that if you are struggling in your relationship that you might not even register in CIP. Don’t let this disturb you. This is where you are, and that’s OK. Choose the level in which you’d feel comfortably out of your comfort zone…, and go for that. If you are still not sure of where to start, go with Closeness.
I’ve tailored suggestions on how to use the holiday for relationship building and enriching according to “involvement” levels:
Closeness –Planning to partake in the holiday to varying degrees. Being aware of the holiday and discussing with your partner how to celebrate. This might include decorating the outdoors, setting up for and receiving trick-or-treaters, going trick-or-treating, going to a Halloween party or other related event. I
ntimacy –Planning to enjoy the holiday to varying degrees. Inviting your partner to join in the fun. This might include dressing up, dressing up that plays off each other’s costumes, playing pranks, hosting a Halloween party, hosting pre event gatherings or after parties…
Passion – Planning to savor the holiday to varying degrees. Seducing your partner into more private fun… This might include more provocative and insinuating dressing up, attending more adult – “flirtatious and enticing” events or venues, hosting a masquerade party, hosting a seductive spooky dinner party, hosting your own “live-out your fantasy” private party…
These are guidelines to spark more specific ideas fitting your situation, relationship and desires. They can be extrapolated for use in other holidays and celebrations as well. Remember you can do whatever you want. Your imagination is the limit. Don’t let fear, ego, insecurities, and the like hold you back from having fun in your Life and Relationship, enjoying your Self, and Being with your Partner…
The more you invest in the interactions at each Level the more you’ll enjoy your involvement, and the more awesomeness you create. Go for it. Take a risk. Push the envelope. Get out of your comfort zone. And enjoy unnerving, provoking, exhilarating, and elating fun!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…
Happy Enjoying!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Identify what level of “involvement” you desire to Stretch into in your relationship this week: Closeness – Partaking Intimacy – Enjoying Passion – Savoring Approach your partner about Halloween Plans and Relationship Fun related to your desired level. Invite them to codesign a befitting activity or outing for some spooky and thrilling relationship fun! Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Having fun in our relationship is paramount to its survival. Relationships are challenging. We have to integrate two completely different lives, usually with different gender, brains and biology, upbringing, histories, ethnicity, religion, worldviews, expectations, and many others, to create a joint life.
There is so much room for disagreements, confusion, and impasses contributing to the already stuck dynamics and power struggle created by unconscious mechanisms… Fun is an easy way to build in reserves necessary to persevere through the challenges. The problem is that couples “forget” along the way to have fun…
Additionally, partners have different definitions of fun, what fun is, how to go about having fun, finding similar interest and mutually enjoyed ventures. And, to top this off, partners get into domestic routines and roles that prevent them from spontaneity, exploring, wooing and surprising each other, and from Being their Authentic individual Selves. All this is a formula for disaster…
Here are several ways to add, keep, or bring back Fun into your relationship:Basics – There has to be an underlying thread of lightheartedness, sharing inside jokes, playfulness, teasing, flirting and such built into your daily interactions.
Celebrations – Anything and everything is worth acknowledging and celebrating with special focus on birthdays, anniversaries, accomplishments and holidays. Expand your repertoire of what and how you celebrate. Create inspiring traditions and rituals.
Vacations and Time Off – Use this time to learn the world and cultures, have stimulating experiences, pamper your Selves, and enjoy each other outside the restrictions of daily routines and responsibilities.
Dating – Build in a Dating mechanism. Put a system in place to be tweaked as necessary but otherwise automated so you can’t “forget” to keep dating each other… Hold on to your feminine and masculine energies during this time. This is what keeps the chemistry and attraction alive… Get creative and invest in having great experiences. Be with each other. Share your internal worlds when on your dates. This builds intimacy and bonding.
Adventure – Expand your range of experiences. Stimulate your senses. Get your adrenaline pumping. Do something unusual. Feel Alive together. Create memories and stories.
Journey Building – Invest in self-growth and improvement, relationship enrichment, and other learning. Take on meaningful ventures, projects, or undertakings that impact your quality of life and create opportunities for commonality, relatedness and togetherness. Capitalize on your complementary strengths. Focus on what works and appreciate each other’s contributions. Enjoy your process.
Community and Philanthropy – Socialize with other couples. Do community projects. Be of service to the less fortunate. Take on or participate in a cause. Bring your Purposes to life; implement your Missions. Inspire each other. Support each other. Be your partner’s sounding board. Have fun brainstorming and implement.
When you systematize and automate having fun, to ensure you don’t “forget” to have fun in your relationship, you are implementing a fail-safe plan. This is your Relationship Insurance Policy. You are investing in its sustenance. This fuels the relationship through its ups-and-downs, times of transitions and when life deals you a rough hand.
If you have been struggling having fun together, make sure you immediately address this from a different angle to get a different result. You have to have Fun. You need to have this built-in to feed your goodwill and awesomeness reserve for times of famine! Get moving and have some fun!!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…
Happy Feeding!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Take a moment to think about the level of Fun in your relationship. Review the Fun Categories below and assess how much fun you have in each…
Daily Interactions Celebrations Vacations and Time Off Dating Adventure Journey Building Community and Philanthropy What category is calling you for more attention?
Discuss with your Partner how you can spice up this area. Create a plan for integrating this into your life where you are automatically pulled into the Fun (i.e., block time off and vacations, set reminders to send your partner a joke everyday, make one weekend day a Date Day, pick one day per month to do something outside-the-box, etc).
Add this to your Tool Kit…
~ Share Your Thoughts & Successes in the comment box at the end!
Take a moment now to share below any thoughts, comments, take away, tips, and successes! PLEASE post a comment now – we grow in community!
Thanks for connecting with the MetroRelationship™ Family!
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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