Partners protect themselves because of the inherent vulnerable position in their intimate primary relationship… It is not uncommon for partners to protect themselves by using forms of control. Control provides a sense of security, safety, preservation, asylum and even freedom.
But these are elusive, they are like sand running through fingers, and hence control is pervasive… Control provides a false sense of being OK, promoting disconnect, pain and dissatisfaction. When partners use control they are actually creating more space between each other. Obviously this isn’t the way to go.
Control can take on many forms. Some common ones include: Anticipating, assuming, mindreading, projecting, using logic and rhetoric, fact-finding, and assigning motive. All which have a negative impact on the relationship…
In anticipating, partners love to think they know what the other will do, how they will respond, what they will choose, how they will feel and such. Yes, because historically our partner has been a certain way and because we know our partner, we can anticipate what might happen…
When we operate from a place of already knowing the outcome, we are not allowing something different to happen. We are not allowing our partner, and even ourselves, from being or doing something different, which is what would create the change we are seeking…
We can make all kinds of assumptions for the same reasons. We might be historically informed, but we are cheating the relationship from evolving. When partners relate through assuming they are creating circumstances for things to go wrong and to be disenfranchised. They are short-changing themselves of an opportunity to connect by checking-in, getting on the same page and synchronizing.
Mindreading is a real arrogant way of being in relationship. Who are we to know what’s in someone else’s mind? Yes, we can make educated guesses, but this is extremely intrusive and disrespectful. We are going in our partner’s mind with our own filters… There is nothing trustworthy of the information coming from this tactic. Talk about really setting ourselves up to fail. Note, this does not refer to imagining how somebody could feel, using compassion…
Projecting is how things get really interesting… Partners start going around and around on topics and experiences losing track of whose issue, feeling, or need it is… This is crazy making in interactions…
Logic, rhetoric, and fact- and truth- finding are all ego-driven. These are ways to prove ourselves right and to make our partner wrong creating a lose-lose situation. And, what’s the benefit in that?
Assigning motives is a sure way to shoot ourselves on the foot. Partners going through a rough patch rarely assign positive motives, give their partner the benefit of the doubt, or extend grace. They are usually convinced their partner did what they did on purpose to hurt or because they don’t care… They assign intentionally and assume the worse.
While these are common, they are not exclusive. Partners have all kinds of tricks up their sleeves to survive their relationship… Imagine employing several of these and others in your interactions. This is the surest way to create bizarre and messy situations.
When you can’t follow what is happening in an interaction or get anywhere, it’s because a lot of these are going on… Make sure you don’t create more damage… Clean this up, and fast! The life of your relationship depends on it, literally!
> Boundary setting and getting needs met:
All of the control tactics are actually boundary injuries… If you find yourself doing the above, or other control tactics, then you are owning your partner and not owning yourself…
If you just had the thought that your partner is controlling, this applies to you as well as you are still “other-focused” and that’s part of a lack of ownership approach… What are you doing or not doing that is inviting your partner to be controlling…? Identify how the way you are carrying on is controlling in and of itself…
Any boundary injurious tactic constitutes putting a knife to the bond between you… This is a most painful, dissatisfying, and hopeless approach to our relationship. Mind how you can clean up your side… Be super diligent about this. The better the boundaries, the better the relationship!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome and radiant relationship, and authentic and meaningful life…
Happy Cleaning!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Identify where you cross boundaries in your relationship.
If in doubt, ask your partner… Be ready to receive the feedback, and be grateful for it. Don’t take it as a criticism, it’s just feedback to help you in your evolution…
Do NOT give your partner unsolicited direct or indirect feedback. It is not your job to be their teacher… Your job is to learn from the feedback you get…
Understand how you are crossing boundaries, and what need you are trying to meet. Clean up how you show up, and try a different approach to get your needs met.
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
I frequently witness partners’ devastation when feeling stuck in their relationship. They share about their pain and hopelessness. They believe things are as good as they are going to get, and think there is nothing that can be done to change them.
The pain is great because if this is as good as it’s going to get, then they think they shouldn’t be in it. And, with that come feelings of failure, betrayal, resentment, anger, loss, sadness and such. In this dooms day perspective they perpetuate their pain…
What’s interesting is that this happens when they are triggered. If asked at other times how things are going, it’s usually far from dooms day. But, when we are triggered it is very easy to miss the forest for the tree. Partners put on blinders and only see the episode that hurt them or threw them off track, and all the previous similar ones.
They are great historians and skilled at threading this negative pattern… They focus on this one dimension of their relationship and refuse to see the rest that’s good, or even amazing.
When partners focus on what is not working as a theme and really harp on what goes wrong, they are setting up a self-fulfilling prophecy. They are looking for things that don’t work. They are looking for their partner’s mistakes. They are looking for things that bother them. And, find they will because nobody is perfect.
They are hyper-vigilant and on alert against their partner… Donning this lens is nothing but self-and-other-defeating, relationship sabotaging, limiting and down right abusive of our Self and our Partner.
The ruminating on the events and interactions that hurt us just serve to retraumatize ourselves. It keeps us stuck in a negative thinking loop, that generates hurtful feelings and that keeps us from acting from our Authentic and Highest Self… This promotes nasty behavior towards our partner and neglectful behavior towards our Self. It is very difficult to set effective loving boundaries and maintain our self-care practice when we are in this place.
We are reactive, and sometimes don’t even realize it… If we continue to nurture our grouch, our lens gets dirtier and dirtier to the point where we lose our sight period. We lose our perspective completely. Then of course it’s hard to imagine there is coming back from the current experience or that something different is possible…
The first item of business here is to suspend all judgment, slow down the recursive thinking, and put ourselves on a time-out. Imagine you can hit a pause button where the movie can stop playing, do that… Do whatever it takes to stop ruminating, analyzing, fact-finding and the like…
This squirrely activity is just like you drinking the poising and expecting your target to die. Stop poisoning yourself! Do any activity that releases positive chemistry in your brain and helps you change your state. You are responsible for how you feel…
From this place you are more resourced and are now able to address your trigger. But don’t go at it until you are able to see your partner’s experience. If you can’t or as soon as you start thinking about it you get retriggered, then you are not ready to address this with your partner. Keep at this until you are ready. Otherwise, you’ll keep hacking at your bond and creating more damage that becomes harder and harder to repair.
Do whatever it takes to see things from your partner’s viewpoint and experience. Understand what is happening for them and the pain they are also in. Access your compassion for their side. Then you’d be ready to effectively and productively address the initial trigger.
Your job is to keep yourself in a resourced state as much as possible, or more and more, for your relationship to work. If you are intent on being right, being resentful for how you’ve been wronged, and upset then there is little chance to make changes in your relationship. Might as well quit now and save yourself a lot of aggravation. But, please know that this does not have to be your outcome! You CAN push through this veil and enjoy the Light on the other side…
> Boundary setting and getting needs met:
The boundary in this instance is of containing yourself. If we refuse to take the hook our partner is casting and if we refuse to take ourselves on a ride, we minimize the damage we usually do. When a trigger happens, take a moment to regroup, change your state, gather what’s happening for you and for your partner, put it all in perspective and then you are ready to go back.
From a less escalated, regrouped, and resourced place you can more easily repair, get back on the same page, and move on. A key element here is that when you take your leave from the situation, that you still remain connected… Otherwise, the triggering continues…
How do you usually keep retraumatizing your Self? Make a commitment now to stop that! Give your Self a lot of love and compassion.
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome and radiant relationship, and authentic and meaningful life…
Happy Regrouping!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Escalation-proof your relationship to prevent stuckness and hopelessness:
Make an agreement with your partner on how to implement time-outs to prevent escalations, and discuss how to reentry.
Identify items that easily put you in a positive state and integrate them into your routine.
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Feeling disconnected from our partner and at a loss for how to change this, are very disempowering and painful feelings. Couples in this predicament struggle in all aspects of their relationship.
The relationship in general feels unsteady, questionable, elusive, untrustworthy, unsafe, scary or threatening. When we are disconnected we can’t tell up from down in the relationship. We struggle making decisions. We move slow in achieving goals, getting things done or getting anywhere.
We have the experience of being in a fog and of going around in circles. We feel exhausted, disenchanted, hopeless. This state impacts our self-esteem as we feel rejected, unwanted, unworthy, not good enough, not capable. This is even more poignant and obvious for the partner that’s the connector in the relationship…
At some level we wonder, How is it possible to not be able to Connect to the most important person in our life? This is painful. This is torture. This is hell on earth!
This is troubling because it doesn’t feel good to be alone in our relationship, and because life is more challenging when doing it alone. This is painful because in our humanness we are meant to be in connection, our brain is wired for connection. Not having connection is not meeting a basic human need.
And, I’ll go further and say that this is so painful because we are not meeting a basic Higher need. We are not meeting the need to be in our Partnership… In disconnection, we are not in Partnership… If we are not honoring our Partnership, we are missing out on its inherent gifts needed to live our Purpose…
But, it is not all lost. The reasons for the disconnect and how the disconnect manifests are part of the Journey in and of themselves… When we are connected the focus is on tapping into our synergy and doing amazing things. When we are disconnected the focus is on cracking the code on how to connect. In the cracking of the code we heal, grow and evolve preparing us for the next phase of our Life…
So, if you are feeling disconnected all is not lost. Reframe your situation and see the Gift in this. Be mindful to not engage your usual defenses for they keep you blind… Sit tight and take care of yourself. From a more resourced state you can approach your situation and relationship differently creating the conditions for change to happen.
Have compassion for yourself and your partner in all this. This is just a part of the Journey. When you get that, all this is MUCH easier…
> Boundary setting and getting needs met:
When we feel disconnected two things are usually happening. One, one of the partners is trying really hard to connect but is going about it in such a way that it invites the opposite outcome than what’s desired. Two, the other partner is so busy protecting themselves and holding on to their independence that they disappear from the relationship. This invites the first partner to try harder to connect… And, so the cycle continues.
The key here is for both partners not to focus on what their partner is or isn’t doing, but on how they themselves are showing up… This is one of the most important concepts to wrap our mind around if our relationship is going to work, and work well…
Stop focusing on whether your partner is being nice, doing what they said they’d do, using the right techniques or skills, and such. And, most importantly stop keeping score and doing the tit-for-tat thing. Relationship math doesn’t add up! Instead focus on what you are doing to maintain the status quo:
– How do you continue to pursue, demand, criticize, attack, teach, suggest, control, be the boss of the other? It’s time you cut that out. You might think you’ve come a long way not pursuing, but if you are feeling disconnected in your relationship chances are you are still pursuing in some kind of shape or form… It’s time you really clean how you are operating. Get out of your partner’s circle! Your invading their space does not allow them to show up.
Instead work on meeting your own needs, and having compassion and understanding for your partner. No cajoling or helping them do their side, this is codependence… They need to do it. This does not mean not being supportive though. Some take this to an extreme creating other problems… You need to sit tight and appropriately address your needs…
– How do you continue to distance, withdraw, protect, disappear, be unavailable, shutdown, leave, dismiss, minimize? It’s time you cut that out.
You might think you’ve come a long way not distancing, but if you are feeling disconnected, or your partner is feeling disconnected [use this measuring for you might even be shutdown from your own feelings and needs…], chances are you are still distancing in some kind of shape or form… It’s time you really clean how you are operating. Get in your circle! All the protection you are doing is a temporary fix.
You are just postponing the work (healing, growing, evolving) that you need to do. It’s time to stop playing it safe. Life can’t happen if you don’t show up. And remember, showing up doesn’t mean forcing your side. Part of showing up means getting the other person’s experience and giving them compassion for it… This is the heart-led approach that moves mountains…
What will it be? Will you start really Living your life? To do so, keep cleaning how you are operating. You’ll be glad you did!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome and radiant relationship, and authentic and meaningful life…
Happy Connecting!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Take a look at how your weeks go, how your days go, and how your daily routines go. What are your chances of crossing paths on a daily basis? I bet not that large unless you both stay home, work from home together or work in the same place.
This means that the opportunities to cross paths need to be created, and guarded. Being in the same place at the same time or touching base electronically does not necessary mean you create connection. Sometimes these interceptions actually create conflict and make things worse.
Some would take this as a sign to stay away. Don’t be tempted to that as that makes things even worse yet. Granted you might not be fighting but the distance is the same as not having a relationship, so what’s the point?
You are tasked with two things:
Teak the flow of your day and routine so you can have predictable and spontaneous interceptions.
Bring your nicest self, operating from a heart-led approach, to your interactions. Talk to your partner’s heart.
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
I’m sure it hasn’t escaped you that we are generally living a very hurried and packed-day lifestyle. The ever-increasing connectivity platforms, flow of information, and demands for our attention are just immense compared to even just 5 years ago. The amount of stuff we attend to, and the immediate expected response time to boot, tax our internal resources beyond ways we even recognize.
I’m acutely aware of this syndrome not only as it impacts myself, my wellbeing and productivity, but also as it is evident in the symptomology and collateral damage clients report. When we are so inundated with things to do and with information overload. When we rush from one meeting to the next, or one activity to the next. When we take on more clients that fit our schedule or projects that fit our work hours.
When we double and triple book our time with professional and personal commitments that we partially attend one to make another, or are constantly playing the choosing game. When we barely have time to grab a bite to eat and go to the restroom.
When we take on more commitments and responsibilities than we have the mental bandwidth to hold, process and work. When we don’t make any time for self care. What happens? Well, speaking from experience, the *s—t hits the fan, that’s what happens.
When we constantly operate from this taxed place, we are actually taxing other areas of our life… When we are not operating optimally, we don’t have the brain capacity to process information appropriately, to access our genius, to tap our creativity, to respond vs react, to connect to love, to feel compassion, to have a zest for life.
We are actually living on life support… We are barely Alive! What is the point of all this? We might say, we do these things to live a fuller life. But are we? Who are we kidding? All this is to what end? We drive ourselves into the ground. For what?
And, what is worse, we are teaching our children to do this. It is nauseating for me to watch the overscheduled household… When parents are running children from activity to activity, from event to event. I know someone who was once boasting that they had 7 parties they were attending in one weekend.
Really? That sounds like a lot of rushing around to me… Where is the fun? Where is the pleasure? What’s the point? I see parents pulling children out of sport games or practices to go to band practices, other sports practices, or something else. What?
Don’t get me wrong, if you’ve met me, you know I GO. So all this coming from me… There is no judgment here, just concern and compassion for those who still have this as their primary way of doing their life.
I witness people meaning well but hurting themselves and their loved ones without even realizing it. When we do all this rushing around and binging we miss the opportunity to Be with each other, to feel each other, to get each other, to be intimate. We miss the opportunity to Connect. We miss the opportunity of being touched by an interaction and enjoying the beauty in the moment. We miss the Meaningful.
When we do all this rushing around and binging, we are more stressed, we have more fights, we have more accidents, we hurt ourselves, we hurt others, we form poor habits, we get sick more often, we don’t have the internal resources available to do our relationship and life well, we just don’t enjoy our lot. We find that the joy, peace, pleasure, connection, fun and other wonderful experiences we desire elude us.
This makes for a miserable existence where relationships and families breakdown. Let’s stop the nonsense. Do we really need to do all we do? Do we really need to do it the way we do it? Do we really need to spend so much time going from one place to another?
Do we really need to have so much screen time – on social media, surfing the net, streaming apps (or watching TV), gaming, checking email, or however else we use technology? Let’s stop all this noise. Let’s chill-out.
Let’s build in transition time. Let’s build in quite time. Let’s build in recharge, self-care, grounding, being in nature, inspirational and personal development time. Let’s build in time enjoy the relationships and life we have. Let’s build in time to Be with each other. Let’s Be.
> Boundary setting and getting needs met:
I know it’s hard to build in all these extra kinds of time when we are already operating with a time deficit… That’s the conundrum people think they have… But this is an erroneous perspective. We all have the same amount of time. Yet some of us get a lot more accomplished, and with more ease and enjoyment, than others…
This is another example of where setting effective boundaries pays off. To be able to build in the kinds of time that make life enjoyable and worth living, we first need to the create space. We obviously can’t allocate time we don’t have to allocate…
We create space by letting go of commitments, projects, activities, responsibilities, redundancies, etc. through saying no, giving back, reassigning, pulling out, delegating, hiring out, crossing off, etc. And, we set additional boundaries that protect our time, our energy, and other resources…
This spaciousness in and of it self allows us to be more resourced, while making for better time allocation so we do live our life more fully. Let’s trend not rushing and binging, but chilling and Being.
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome and radiant relationship, and authentic and meaningful life…
Happy Chilling!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Take a moment to review your upcoming week. Not only take in the appointments and time commitments you made, but take in your workload, responsibilities, to-dos, etc. …
Note how you feel as you think of each item. Do they give you joy, frustration, a sense of doom, other? List the items you don’t feel so hot about.
Brainstorm ways to get out of doing them. This is not a ploy like getting out of doing H.W. or going to school for a day. Figure out how to eliminate each item from your catchment area. This can be a work in progress… Keep this lens on to keep reclaiming your time.
Don’t rush to immediately refill the space made… Enjoy the spaciousness and leave some spaciousness as you reallocate your time…
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
We meet somebody, we like them, and we entertain their company more and more. Then, we decide we really like them and decide to go steady. Then, we decide we love them and start thinking of a life together. Then, we get wheels in motion to have a life together. And, all along the way we do this haphazardly and by-the-seat-of-our-pants. We think we are planning and deciding, but are we?
We use superficial reasons, using resume-like things, to decide if we should entertain someone, and eventually like them. When there actually are unconscious mechanisms at play deciding for us! Have you ever wondered what two people saw in each other?
Did you ever feel a pull to someone who was not your type? Have you wondered why you stayed in relationships that didn’t work and couldn’t understand why you did? Do you wonder now why you stay with your partner when you feel your relationship is not working?
The reason is because you are not really choosing, or you are choosing for some superficial reasons again… The unconscious glue is beyond the scope of this article, but suffice it to say that this is why we struggle in relationship.
What to do? Two things. One, delve into your unconscious and subconscious processes to understand what’s happening, and then to actively work on reprogramming yourself and accessing your Authentic Self… Two, be intentional about the relationship you want to create.
Being intentional about what you want to create first requires you to know what you want! This brings me back to the fact that we usually do our relationship by accident and not by design… So, let’s not do that anymore. Let’s start creating your radiant relationship.
Letting go of how you experience your present situation with your partner, think on what your ideal relationship (with your partner) would look like? Be careful not to think of how your partner would be different… This doesn’t work! You can’t change your partner.
Take a step back and think about what would it be like if you had the relationship you wanted? I know this is a difficult thing to do, but stay with me.
Pause how you are thinking about this in terms of logic, possibility, and the pragmatic side of things. Suspend logic for a second, which by the way is also Ego… Take a Higher perspective and look at the possibilities in your relationship.
Put your Self and your Partner in a bubble in your mind’s eye, completely detached from really, and see what you can see as possible? Imagine you visit an alternate reality where you have the relationship you want with your partner…
You get to observe this version of yourself and your partner in this world, and this couple can’t see you… You get to fully Witness their relationship… What do you see?
How do they wake up in the morning? What morning routine do they have? How do they nurture each other? How do they go about their day? How do they stay connected if they are not together? How do they transition into the evening, and then the night? How do they interact?
How do they deal with the business of life? How do they make decisions? How do they get things done? How do they set goals and go about achieving them? How do they have fun? What kind of lifestyle do they have? What kind of life are they living? How do they create a legacy? How do they inspire others?
This is where you remain open, curious, intrigued, accepting, receiving, understanding (don’t doubt, begrudge, judge, resent, etc…). Stay in the possibility. Stay fluid. Suspend rationality and observe with acceptance, compassion, heart, Love. See the partner. See their Authentic Self. Know that this is YOUR Partner… This is what’s possible if you allow it…
Know that the other person is you… This is what’s possible if you allow it…
Take a moment to note how you don’t allow these things now… For real, don’t blame your partner for you not being able to be who you want to be, who you are… Stop that now, and own your Self. Think about how you are getting in your way of not having the relationship you want… How are you not fully showing up? How are you still blaming your partner…? Detach from this and sit in Love and compassion for your Self. Accept your Self. Give your Self Love.
Operate from a place of Love, for your self, and your partner, going forward. Operate in the here and now as if you are the version of your Self in your alternate reality… Own the possibilities and make them true!
> Boundary setting and getting needs met:
When people think of boundaries, they think of boundaries they need to put in place for relating with other people… This is true, but there are more important boundaries that need to be addressed first if setting boundaries with others are to be effective…
The other set of boundaries are boundaries you set for yourself… Don’t balk, this is one of the most important things you’ll ever do in life… Aside from focusing on ever improving my own boundaries, I specialize in working with people who struggle with the concept and application of setting effective boundaries (whether they know it or not!). It is usually blatant when people are having difficulties with boundaries.
I’m sure you have seen this as well. But more importantly, I want you to be able to see this in your own relationship, and not only in your interactions but in your own thinking… For that’s where the rubber meets the road…
Most often when partners are frustrated with their partner it’s because they are owning them in some way… Meaning they are thinking how their partner should be, think, feel, behave, etc. They are measuring, judging and criticizing. When you do this, this means you are in your partner’s circle, and therefore owning them.
This disempowers them, and you… Explaining this further is beyond this article, but know that this is the surest way to be unhappy and create a yucky relationship.
The trick is to think and talk intentionally about how you feel and what you need, without telling your partner what to do and how to be (even in your own head!)… This is huge. If this is the only change you make in your life, your life would still be transformed! Give it a try. Clean your thinking and presentation. Own your Self, set effective boundaries on yourself…
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome and radiant relationship, and authentic and meaningful life…
Happy Self Owning!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Select a time to sit with your Self and dream… Make a date and safeguard this appointment.
Use this time to envision, see with your mind’s eye, your Alternate Reality™. Witness it. Explore it. Know it.
Describe and capture what you observe in a recording modality of your choice (journal, computer, other electronic device). Capture characteristics, behaviors, skills, environment, experiences, feelings, thoughts, etc. Capture how you are… What you contribute. How you set things up. How you respond. How you show up. Your brilliance…
Pull a theme that really talks to you from the above, and translate that into concrete behaviors you can introduce now into your relationship… Then just do them, regardless of what your partner is doing!
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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