Is our partner really separate from us, or are they a part of us? It is obvious that our partner is a separate entity from us. They have their own body, their own brain, their own most things… Yet, we treat them as if they are a part of us that we own… But maybe they are a part of us in a different way… And we just don’t know how to better relate to them from that perspective… Maybe the answer is to embrace your partner as a blessing…
It’s interesting what happens in relationships when the partners still have a codependency operating system… They lack boundaries and personal ownership. They suffocate their partner by entrapping them, and by spilling and projecting their stuff onto them. They control, manipulate, and coerce. They act as if the partner belongs to them, and they live in the other’s circle…
This is unfortunate as it mucks the beauty and gift inherent in their partner and the relationship…
When partners operate dirty like this, it’s very challenging to make heads or tails of what’s happening in the relationship. So, the first order of business is to establish some effective loving boundaries and increase personal ownership, so the spinning, looping, and drama can stop.
Embrace Your Partner
Once the partners have this under their belt, once they more fully own themselves, not the other, and can stand still, then they can witness their partner… They couldn’t see their partner before as they only saw projections of themselves and were only privy to the other’s resulting reactivity and sensitivities…
With cleaner interactions, the partners can start understanding their relating and dynamics better. They can also now better see their partner… And what a beautiful sight that is!
Now they can see the gift that their partner is– how they are a mirror that reflects us, how they provide the opportunities for growth and evolution, and how they provide a safe haven for exploration and practice…
This is a true Partner, beyond a partner with whom we create a practical daily life… With this Partner, expansion is possible…
Through this partnership, we are not separate… Through this partnership we commune at a higher level where we are One…
By owning our seemingly separateness we are able to experience our true togetherness, our Oneness…
When we can transcend the mundane, the triggers, the ego in our interactions with our partner, that’s when we can truly commune with them and witness our wholeness in our Oneness…
And this is how our partner is a Blessing in our life…
APPLICATION: Take a beat to reflect upon your relationship and your partner…
~ How do you entrap them? How do you control, manipulate, or coerce them- how do you jedi-mind-trick them? What do you project onto them? How do you invite them into the drama?
~ Where can you own yourself more and take full ownership of yourself?
~ How does the Blessing of your Partner, enable expansion in your life?
When we stop the spinning and looping, we have a cleaner experience with ourselves which allows us to have a clearer and more expansive experience with our Partner…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
It’s interesting that we seek “togetherness” in our relationship, but this is exactly what brings about its demise and our general unhappiness … As a culture, we are experiencing numbness, a lack of Desire in our Relationship … Monogamy, exclusivity, our partner-meeting-all-our-needs, marriage for love is a fairly new phenomenon in our society, a conundrum actually.
We set up the institution of marriage to fail by bringing our archaic Being into it. Our un-evolved, wounded, low frequency, disowned Self has the prime directive to feel safe through attachment, and therefore approaches “togetherness” with a reactive balancing act of clinging and distancing for self preservation …
This is an Ego approach to togetherness, relationship, and marriage which creates physical and energetic space, distance and disconnect.
All while remaining psychically fused, enmeshed, symbiotic, codependent, “together” … The death of actual intimacy, excitement and Aliveness …
Our culture’s obsession with individualism, independence and autonomy creates attachment rupture early in life and then tops this injury with inadequate launching of its young breeding the Ego approach to life and relationships and preserving the underdeveloped psyche, Self.
As a result, we buy into the illusion of being “separate” (individual) and attempting to be “together” (close) when the opposite is true. We are fused and distant perpetuating disconnect, detachment, indifference, paralyses, dissatisfaction, stuckness, ambivalence, and apathy. Definitely not Desire and Aliveness …
We mean well. We have the right idea, to pursue togetherness (intimacy, closeness) while remaining separate (individual) but we are going about this all wrong. Our unmet emotional needs prompt us to seek “togetherness” through the clinging and distancing pattern we all know too well eternalizing the status quo with its continuous recreation of rapture and disregulation.
Our psychic investment in getting our emotional needs met tromps our ability to be effectively separate creating a missing the forest for the tree syndrome …
This proximity prevents us from seeing our Partner, from knowing them for who they truly are and vise versa. This proximity prevents us from genuinely showing up, from being who we are … It robs us of the opportunity to see the Man or Woman behind the label (boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband, mother, father); to be the Man or Woman behind the label …
There is no faster way to kill Desire than by playing our everyday roles … They are familial, domestic, routine and restrictive. They are not sexy!
Further more, this level of “proximity,” trying to get our emotional intimacy needs met and following societal definitions of our prescribed roles, thwarts curiosity, mystery, and longing elemental to Desire. So, not only do we not get to see our partner, we also don’t get to miss our partner… And, we don’t even know what we might be missing! We just stew stubbornly in our unhappiness …
The key is to ride the uncomfortable edge, to straddle the line between closeness and space, with mindfulness, respectfulness, receptiveness, acceptance, openness, flexibility, compassion, forgiveness, humanity, responsiveness and progressiveness …
No longer be me- or other-focused, just Be. Bring your Self to the in-between … Expand the in-between, Play there … Now this is sexy! This unleashes Attraction, Desire, Passion, Aliveness … And, in this space you are One … Remember to look for the MetroRelationship ™ Assignment below to assist you effortlessly make changes and immediately start experiencing the relationship you want!
Happy Playing!!
~ Your MetroRelationship ™ Assignment
What makes you You? What is unique and beautiful about you? What are your interests? What grabs your attention? What’s your philosophy in life? How is your lens different? How does this manifest in your surroundings, opportunities, relationships and how you carry your Self? How do you show this to your partner? Do you show this to your partner? Does your partner get to see you? Make two “moves” that will allow your partner to see you …
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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