How to Rock in Your Relationship!

How to Rock in Your Relationship!

Have you ever wondered how some people create successful lives and others settle for mediocre ones? Have you taken this a step further and wondered how some people create successful relationships and others settle for mediocre ones? I have.

This is my life’s purpose… It’s a constant wonder and question for me. My every breath, thought, and action revolve around this. I’m obsessed with this. There is a common theme to my musings, research, and work driven by the question of how we can Be our Best Self… Reach our Highest Potential…

What’s really amazing to even me is that I don’t get tired of this and I’m not kidding, I’m obsessed. I build my days around these concepts. They drive my every intervention in session with my clients and are the drivers behind everything I create.

How can we do this better? How can we build on our strengths? How can we invest, contribute, nurture, related, etc. better? All driven by a desired to see people accomplished in life and in their relationship… I want us to have our best Human Experience…

As I continue on my search to assist others, and myself, in this endeavor I have found a common denominator underlying an awesome life and relationship. I have found that to be Self Love and Self Acceptance… I’ve written about this before maybe not in these exact terms, but the theme has been pervasive. It is ringing loud in my head.

As if I’m to go to the top of a mountain and yell this down for those that still don’t get it to get on board… I’m reading works on high achievement and performance, peak potential, conscious living and the like. I’m fine-tuning my language and context… I’m learning that even more specifically, the key is Self Mastery.

It exhilarates me to explore and research this, to connect the dots in different ways, to integrate concepts, fields and schools in new ways, to translate them into accessible frameworks, to devise practical mechanisms for ready consumption for improving our quality of life and relationship.

The marrying of Self Mastery to creating our Authentic Life and Awesome Relationship is paramount. I am now understanding more and more my purpose…, how I’m the translator and integrator of these concepts and conduit for implementation. At first glance, this might all seem obvious and others are already on this wagon. But if this is so obvious and accessible, why aren’t we all extremely successful in all areas of our life?

I know that we are our own worst enemy. We for sure get in our own way. I see this day in and day out in my practice, and dare I share, in my own life. I know we are not perfect. But I know most of us can do much better than we do… Therefore, the challenge of the day is how can we improve our Self Mastery? How can we take charge of ALL aspects of our lives in a way that create massive results for us?

We have a tendency to play victim, point fingers, blame circumstances, and find excuses for things that don’t go as we wish in our lives. What we fail to see over and over is that we are creating our life either intentionally or unintentionally. Either by design, or by accident and lack of ownership, we are creating it…

It is imperative that we start taking charge, that we set out to intentionally create what we desire, that we make sure we function at our most optimal level, that we do not leave anything to chance. Why wouldn’t we go about creating a Magnificent Life and Relationship intentionally, rather than leaving it to chance and trial and error? Doesn’t that seem silly to you not to do so?

So for today, I want us to first take a pledge to take our life seriously and to decide to create a Master Piece – obviously including our relationship… Then, I want us to focus on developing Self Mastery.

This means: — Learning Healthy Self Soothing and Self Management Techniques — Working Through Fear and Limiting Mindset — Breaking Bad Habits and Creating Healthy Ones — Developing, Implementing and Sticking to our Self Care Plan — Generating Naturally Unlimited Energy — Harnessing the Power of Focus — Creating a Personal Brand — Embracing Your Purpose

I know that Being our Best Self invites our Partner’s Best Self to come out and play with us… I know that when we bring our Best Self forward, we create and attract awesomeness in our life and relationship. I know that when we bring our Best Self forward that we live our Authentic Life. I know that when we rock, we Rock!

Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…

Happy Rocking! 

 

~ Your MetroRelationship Assignment

Rate your level of Self Mastery in the areas listed below (1 lowest – 10 highest):

___ Learning Healthy Self Soothing and Self Management Techniques

___ Working Through Fear and Limiting Mindset

___ Breaking Bad Habits and Creating Healthy Ones

___ Developing, Implementing and Sticking to our Self Care Plan

___ Generating Naturally Unlimited Energy

___ Harnessing the Power of Focus

___ Creating a Personal Brand

___ Embracing Your Purpose

Note your top 3 lowest ratings. Pick one of these. This requires your immediate attention to get you moving further along your path of High Achievement, Accomplishment and Success in your life AND relationship. Determine how you will invest in enhancing your Self Mastery in your chosen area. Determine your first actionable step towards implementation, and get to it! Add this to your Tool Kit…

 

   Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? 

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: 
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

 

How to Crush Transitions

How to Crush Transitions

Oh boy, it’s that time of year when transitions are most prevalent. How do you manage transitions? How do you gear up for new phases, stages, developments, plans, routines, opportunities, seasons, and such? These show up in all areas of our life.

Some of us do better than others at managing transitions well. Leaving something we know, or love, for something new is not always easy. Peeps who experience ADD have specially challenging times with this – switching gears is not easy.

Here are two ways to go about any transition with smashing results and wonderful feelings: Coordinate the Color of Your Underwear – I know some peeps are not fans of picking-up, putting away, decluttering, sorting, organizing, and the big P word – Planning… There are certain personality types that love this kind of thing, others not so much. Planning cannot be overly emphasized when it comes to transitions.

Knowing why, what, how, when, and next moves crates safety, security, ease, control and empowerment. When we know what to expect, our anxiety level goes down and we are able to have a better experience. This is also a sure way to minimize drama, surprises, things going wrong, not being prepared or not having what is needed, and so on. So, go ahead and plan to your heart’s content. Go nuts. You’ll be happy you did later.

Hint – Why not go In with a bang by being super duper organized and prepared? Have a birth plan and nursery set up before your third trimester. Have everything packed, movers and organizers, utilities, and deliveries set up before move-in day. Have back to school clothes, supplies, routines, and activities set up before the end of the summer. Have the first quarter products and launches developed and scheduled before the end of the year. Get my drift?

Get Out the Sparklers – Sometimes we have a hard time transitioning because we can’t let go. We enjoy the current status, situation, location, activity, moment, season, and anything else too much that the thought of no longer having it is unbearable. We can’t think of the next thing because we don’t want to let go of the current thing. Because we worry about it ending, we don’t get to enjoy it… We are neither here nor there. What a waste.

The best antidote for this is to go out with a bang! What would make enduring the end worthwhile? What would make a memorable closure? How can you REALLY enjoy the last of it? What ritual can you put in place to let go and say goodbye? How can you celebrate or acknowledge the change? Having a rocking last experience assists the wrapping up process.

It helps cut the cord. It helps to let go. So, go ahead and set up a feast of an experience to start moving on. Go nuts. You’ll be happy you did later

Hint – Why not go Out with a bang by absolutely devouring, enjoying, living and celebrating every last morsel of your present? Make the last day at the job a pranks day. Move on to your promoted position by taking out your current team for decadent gourmet desserts.

Celebrate completing a training program or higher education with a themed dinner party with classmates. Throw a block bash before moving to your new home. Have a rocking New Year’s Eve masquerade party. Give your family a philanthropic, adventurous, luxurious, creative, you name it unique experience to wrap up their summer. Get my drift?

Whether you choose to mastermind what’s coming, orchestrate a closure bash, or both, you will be ahead of the game in managing any transition you are currently facing. This level of intentionality is the meat and potatoes of creating a meaningful life. This allows for living and enjoying. No efforting. No noise. No drama. No nonsense.

When we invest in actualizing and celebrating through transitions, we manifest what we desire with ease, calm, peace, tranquility, security, satisfaction, gratification, strength, joy, and bliss. This is how things should be. This is what it means to live Authentically, to actually Live our life. This is the point…

Don’t miss out on the point… Have your full human experience by noticing, proactively creating, and living your life… At every turn you have a chance to create the life experiences your desire. At every turn you have the opportunity to enjoy the experiences you create. Enjoy them all… Live Authentically…

Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…

Happy Transitioning!

 

 ~ Your MetroRelationship Assignment

Identify a transition you are currently facing that you would like to crush. Invite your partner to be your crushing partner! Decide if you’ll mastermind what’s coming, orchestrate a closure bash, or both. Get really organized, thorough, resourceful, creative, and innovative. Really go for it. Invest in actualizing and celebrating in a big way.  Pull out all the plugs. Enjoy the partnering process and the smashing outcome… Add this to your Tool Kit…

 

   Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? 

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: 
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

 

Connecting and Getting More Intimate

Connecting and Getting More Intimate

A common complaint in relationships is partners feeling disconnected from each other. I hear this as one of the primary concerns couples present with in my practice, aside from fighting a lot and not communicating.

As a couple is composed of two different individuals who have different histories, upbringings, personalities, ways of looking at things and processing information, styles of communication and many other individual characteristics, it is easy to get disconnected. This gets even further compounded with current dynamics and contexts if an effort to stay connected is not made.

As partners are different from each other in all these areas, it comes as no surprise that they are different in what they need to feel connected and to connect as well. I have come across three different styles of connecting:

ACTIVE (doing)- The partner wants to do fun activities, projects, or other endeavors together. They look to feel like a partnership, a unit, or a team. They seek to have a common sense of purpose, a shared destination. They want approaches, goals, tasks spelled out. These partners are on the go and are busy.

PASSIVE (being)– The passive partner enjoys being around the other regardless of whether they interact. They can sit together doing individual activities or a joint one that does not require interaction (i.e., watching T.V.). They feel connected as long as they are physically close to one another. I’ve even heard this type of partner feeling connected by just carrying the thought of the other with them.

EXPRESSIVE (talking) – These types of partners need to explore and share feelings and thoughts. They need to analyze and process their interactions, relationship, vision, needs, wishes, etc. These partners are very emotionally expressive and usually very verbal. Issues, concerns or ideas need to get discussed.

What I often see happening with couples is that the partners have different connecting needs and styles and are not really aware of it or have not figured out how to work out this kink.

When partners remain entrenched in their different styles they have difficulties connecting, meeting each other’s needs, getting on the same page, achieving joint goals, and feeling satisfied in the relationship. These partners also have a hard time being more intimate both emotionally and physically as they constantly miss each other.

The task of the partners, to ensure this kink does not cause havoc in their relationship and future together, is to first become aware that they have different styles of connecting, and different needs, and then to try connecting in their partner’s style and meeting their partner’s needs.

As I’ve written before, one partner always needs to start first taking responsibility for changing the status quo (or situation at hand) and getting things moving in a better direction. If both partners continue to wait for the other to start making changes, they’ll be both waiting a long time.

Once, the ball starts rolling, it picks up momentum: the other partner follows suit. Believe me it is true. I’ve seen this happen more often than not. Granted, the other partner might need some guidance, but because they are being showed love and interest they are willing to learn and stretch themselves. Give it a try and watch your bond flourish!

Happy Flourishing!!!  

 

~ Your MetroRelationship Assignment

Think on your connecting styles and identify how these promote your missing each other. Come up with specific examples for when you appeared to be out of sync. Approach your partner with this understanding and have a discussion about how to take turns using each of your styles, incorporating a new one, or in some other way compromising, so that you do get to connect and have your needs met. 

 

   Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? 

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: 
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

 

How to Get to the Best from Your Partner

How to Get to the Best from Your Partner

It never ceases to amaze me what couples can accomplish and how they are able to turn their relationship around when they set their mind to it! I have literally seen miracles happen… I have seen couples come back from real horrible places. It is a formidable phenomenon to witness.

I have, unfortunately, also seen partners give up on their relationship without fully investing in creating changes. They get too hang up on what their partner is doing or not doing and how they are being or not being. This is a train wreck in the making… Very unfortunate indeed 

If you find that you are struggling in your relationship, a little or a lot, I beg you to stop looking at your partner for answers or changes. This is only ingraining and maintaining your status quo. You can’t do anything about what your partner is doing or how they are… You were actually attracted to how your partner is…

Granted, how they show up nowadays might be different, but this is only a protection on their part… Their True Self, the person you fell in love with, is still there! I want you to remember this and engage your partner as if you can see their True Self… Ignore their nonsense and engage their True Self, Core Self, Authentic Self, Pure Self, Soul… When you engage Soul to Soul, miracles happen…

Your approach needs to be: to Be as you want to Be. Be the partner you want to be. Treat your Partner as if you are in love… Treat your Partner as if they are your dream come true… Treat your Partner as if they are the best thing in your life… Treat your Partner as if they deserve to be treated with the utmost love and care… Does this feel like too much? Exactly… Treat your Partner as an equal human being…

(Ouch!) We don’t generally invest in having an Awesome Relationship… Isn’t this crazy? We invest with all our might in other things, but not in our relationship and then we wonder how come it suffers. Then we wonder how come we are not treated well. Then we wonder how come it fails. We get what we put in!

I’ve been pushing my clients in this regard with CRAZY AMAZING results! I know it can be done. I know you can do it too. The trick is to focus on ourselves, not on what we don’t get and how we are wronged, but on what WE put in and what WE contribute.

When we focus on our stretches, how we communicate, on soothing ourselves when triggered, mindfully and respectfully going about getting our needs met, understanding our partner and having compassion for their experience, sprinkling our interactions with loving and caring gestures, setting things up for cooperation, etc. the tending pays off.

Sometimes this approach is challenging to embrace. I know this too… This is difficult because we are insecure, our Ego gets the best of us, we are holding on to resentments (the past), we might be projecting (putting things on our partner that’s not theirs…) or owning our partner (we know best how they should be and what they should do…), or we are not being accountable for our own Self – we are not being honorable and virtuous…

These get in the way. This is sucky. We do not want to go through life and our relationship like this. This is a sure way to being unhappy…

Instead, we want to invest with all our might, to really go for it. Now, I’m not talking about smothering or stalking your partner, being disingenuous, etc. I’m talking about really contributing the way your partner and relationship call for… As I’ve written before, partners share that “they’ve tried it all” and that “they do everything for the relationship” – but is what they have tried what is needed the way it is needed?

Usually it is not… Herein is the secret: tailored and targeted investing – not till you drop dead and at your expense investing, but just the right investment that meets both your needs… I’ve seen it done. I know you can do it as well!

So, figure out what is the right investment and go for it. It has to touch the right places, at the right times, in the right way while meeting both your needs. This might seem tricky but it is TOTALLY doable. Just put on your open minded lens and you’ll see… Invest the best, get the best…

Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…

Happy Investing!

 

~Your MetroRelationship Assignment

Stop thinking about how your Partner stinks – stop thinking about how they could look better, do better, be better… Stop owning them! Start thinking about how You can invest better!! Focus on what You contribute and what You can do better… Add this to your Tool Kit…

 

   Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? 

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: 
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

 

How to Create Memorable Times

How to Create Memorable Times

Why do couples struggle enjoying downtime and having fun together? As we know, opposites attract. This phenomenon is also found in couples which means that usually partners have opposite personalities, needs, wishes and preferences – including what they consider relaxing, enjoyable and fun.

This does not mean that your leisure time, your Summers or vacations are doomed. This does mean a need to intentionally plan your time together so you create a win-win experiences.

Being intentional in your relationship, no matter the topic or situation, is a key component of a successful relationship. When partners mindfully create efficient routines, conscientious budgets, accepting exchanges, fun interactions, loving moments, etc. they are investing in creating an awesome relationship.

The different areas work because intention and thoughtfulness was used. When partners haphazardly go about their life and relationship, they have a “haphazard” experience…

Here is your plan for intentionally enjoying downtime, having fun and creating memorable experiences: 

Dream: Have a brainstorming session with your partner about leisure time, vacationing, outings, activities, experiences and the like that each of you would like to have. Make it a “Wish List” thus becoming about each of your own wishes and not about your partnership… This removes the pressure or threat you might each experience at having to endure your partner’s pleasures… Have fun with it, go nuts.

Have a range of wishes from the most practical and simple to the most extravagant and outrageous. Make sure to include specific details, behaviors, and desired feelings for each. Have a date conducive to the exercise to go along with the session. Be thorough, take it seriously, make it light, add humor, think outside the box, and be as creative and open as you can.  

Plan: Have a planning session, date, with your partner about having fun together. This might sound counter intuitive, but spontaneity doesn’t always work specially if you have a hard time getting on the same page in general… Decide what you are planning: daily leisure or downtime, weekly dates, monthly outings, quarterly staycations, vacations, holidays or other celebrations, etc.

Then, go back to each of your lists and highlight items related to your choice.

Decide from whose list you will choose an item (take turns going forward…). If you can’t agree, put your names in a hat and do a draw… If you chose to use Partner B’s list, Partner A picks a highlighted item from the list… This provides the buy-in…  Now for the icing on the cake, Partner A also gets to add a “little touch” to the choice to make it more their own – without trumping or nullifying the original item! Whoala!

Enjoy: The key to enjoying time together is to let go… Partners get hang up on whether their needs are being met that they forget about being with their partner… They put on the “ego/critical” lens and have high expectations that are bound to sabotage the moment. Not for nothing fun time is not fun… Letting go of expectations, control, me-focus, and the like ensures your enjoyment in the end.

And, the key trick is to go at this to please your partner – with gusto, no resentment or grudges please… Make a real investment here. If you chose an item from your partner’s list – make this about them… If your partner chose an item from your list, go out of your way to have your partner enjoy your item… This approach automatically changes the energy flow giving you a better version of your partner in return! Win-Win!

This is a preventative and intentional tool that teaches envisioning, strategizing, and investing skills essential for creating your awesome relationship. Don’t skimp – the more you put in, the more you get out… Embrace this tool and integrate it into your Took Kit.

This is applicable to all kinds of time spent together, and you can even extrapolate and apply it to other contexts. This is a dynamic must use tool! Go ahead give it a try for the next fun together time you are trying to plan. Create a memorable time!

Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…

Happy Creating!  

 

~Your MetroRelationship Assignment

Decide on a Memorable Experience you want to pursue from your “Wish-Lists”, and go for it: Calendar it, schedule it or book it, flesh it out, and prepare for it – don’t leave any details unaddressed… Have a thorough plan and attitude check in place… Have Fun! Add this to your Tool Kit…

 

   Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? 

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: 
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

 

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