Have you ever stopped to think about what your ideal relationship with your partner would look like? If you had your dream relationship today, with your partner, what would be different?
Think about this from the stand point of how you would feel differently, what you would be doing differently, how you would be responding differently, how you would approach your partner differently, how you would look differently, how your routine, lifestyle, home, activities, foods, would be different… What else might be different? If you waved a magic wand and things were as you desire them, what would things be like?
Have you ever stopped to think about what your ideal life, with your partner, would look like? If you had your ideal life today, what would be different?
Think about this from the stand point of how you would feel differently, what you would be doing differently, how you would be responding differently to life events and daily minutia, how you would approach people and situations differently, how you would look differently, how your routine, lifestyle, home, activities, foods, would be different…
What else might be different? If you waved a magic wand and things were as you desire them, what would things be like?
What is coming up for you as you envision these? If you are feeling hopeless and depressed, know that you are not alone. If you are feeling worried and anxious, know that you are not alone. This kind of pondering kicks up fear… Sit for a moment and identify what kind of fear comes up for you: of not being good enough, measuring up, deserving, being accepted, or of being left, succeeding, failing, what?
What would you say if I told you that everything you identified in your ideal relationship and life, you can have… And, that you can have it right now… No, I’m not crazy. No, I’m not dreaming. And, no, I’m not naïve… I know that everything you need to have your awesome relationship and authentic life, you have right now… I know that you can make your vision a reality. It ALL starts with YOU…
Please remember the secret. It is all a state of mind… And, using our mind well… We create our reality with our mind… We can actually rewire ourselves and change our molecular structure… Yes, we are that powerful! Address your fears… All our experiences are there for a reason; they have a purpose. Your job is to use all the triggers, messages, teachings, resources, insights, intuition, and guidance for your and everyone’s highest good.
When you use everything you got, really own yourself, embrace the highest level of Personal Accountability (for real, no lip service…) your vision becomes instantaneously your reality… Believe me I understand this is difficult to imagine, when you are on the other side… But when you come over and start owning and embracing this full personal accountability concept, the world is a different place… I promise…
It is this easy, and it is this challenging. The concept is easy (if you are open, anyway…). The application takes a bit more investing because we get in our own way. We let our ego and mindset, lack of ownership and personal accountability, hold us back.
We don’t throw everything at it. We are arrogant. We know best. Well, how is that working out for you? I know that I have made the biggest strides in all areas of my life when I “surrendered”. When I let go of my Ego and accepted assistance. When I decided to invest in my Self. And, holy moly is it paying off!
I want you to look at every single interaction, thought, action, behavior, choice, decision, and all the rest from the angle of, what can I do different to get a better outcome? If you find that your answer is, nothing. Try again, and again, and again. You are not perfect, therefore you can always do something different or better for a better outcome… It’s a given. When you say, “nothing”, you are not being fully accountable…
Use this rule of thumb going forward and see what a difference this makes. Be prepared to be stretched… Once, you get over the hump and break this habit, or rather embrace the having full Personal Accountability habit, you will automatically be in a different place…
So, if this is not enough to start turning your world upside down, in a good way, here is an additional take on this for those of you looking for a bigger challenge. Go back to your vision and take a look at who you “Are” in your vision. Take a moment to sit with the vision, the feeling of it, of “who you are”. Reaaally feel it. This is your new Identify… This is the new you. Own it…
Then, have EVERYTHING in your life flow from this new identify, from the new you… This is an unbelievable exercise. You’ll be surprised at the nuances that are different as you do life from a different angle… It’s quite amazing.
And, if you are struggling with any of this, here is a short cut: Act-As-If. Maybe you are beginning to get all this, but are having difficulties implementing and creating changes, or taking things to the next level. It’s OK. While you continue to process, feel, stretch, own, become more accountable and such, with this tool you can still get the benefits of a different experience even if you haven’t completely come to the other side yet…
It’s all-good as long as you are intentional and keep investing. Keep the momentum going, create new outcomes. See you on the other side!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life… Please share your takeaways on our Blog!
Happy Accounting!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
You are the Master of your Life. You are the author of your story. You are the creator of your masterpiece. You are the CEO of mylife.com. You are the King / Queen of your Castle. If you were to own this identify, what are two things you would implement immediately to ensure a Thriving Kingdom and Royal Treatment. Go ahead and implement them now! Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Have you gotten over yourself, evicted your Ego, yet? Are you full steam ahead? Are you all in?Are you fully committed to really giving it your all, to throwing your whole Self in? Are you fully committed to kicking some serious butt, to creating an extraordinary life and awesomest relationship? Do these questions scare you?
Do you feel a wave of terror cursing through your body? Do you feel your insides shaking? Do you feel frozen or paralyzed? Do you feel like a protagonist in a film playing in slow motion, or like you are walking in molasses?
It’s ok. This fear comes up when we aspire to reach our full potential, when we get a glimpse of the possibilities. We are quick to remember our limitations and scripts, and to choose the status quo and playing it safe… We are scared of our own splendor. We impose our limiting lens on our experience, process and decisions to-do-over. We give up too easily without giving ourselves the full groundhog-day benefit.
Keep investing and tweaking till you are %99.9999 perfect…, till you have mastered doing your life and your relationship… There is so much beauty and magic in this. This is what Life is about… I want you ALL in. It makes a massive difference in the quality of all you do and the awesomeness you are able to create…
Here is how to get yourself all in and creating your extraordinary life and awesome relationship:
Step back and take stock of all areas of your life. Is this what your picture of your most awesomest life and relationship looks like? Where are the discrepancies? Notice the gaps. Notice what comes up for you as you think about this…
Pay attention to your scripts, your self limiting believes, the lack of ownership and accountability, the fear… I want you to take notice of all this and don’t judge, criticize or beat yourself up, or anyone else… I want you instead to give yourself understanding (not excuses, but validation), compassion and love.
I want you to soothe the shame monster. You are OK. There is nothing wrong with you. You are exactly where and how you need to be right now, to be where and how you need to be next… This is your journey… And, it’s beautiful. There is a reason for everything… Let’s use what you got!
What are you getting from your pic? What is your lesson? I want you to go deeper and figure out what it is you are to be learning? What is the code you need to crack? What is your stretch? Take your time and GET THIS. Now, imagine you cracked this. Imagine you rewired yourself.
Imagine you changed your molecular structure, your energy… Imagine you have a brand new ninja OS. Imagine you no longer have limiting scripts or believes. Whoa… Do you see where I’m going? Humor me.
Please take a moment to imagine this… Imagine you fully own your Self, have mastered self-management, and have embraced your magnificence. Can you see what this would do for your life and your relationship? You would ROCK!
Do you see how you hold your Self back? It is time to stop. It is time to do something. It’s time to take action. Insight is not enough. Once you get it, you have to take massive action to get massive results. What does this mean for you? Think about what you need to do, what actions you need to take. If you are stuck, let me help you: Go back to the code you need to crack.
Here is where your massive action needs to be… Here is where you push yourself, where you stretch. Here is where you put all the support in the world in place to help you crack this and get moving. Here is where you invest. Here is where you hang out. Here is your sweet spot. Push through this and the ceiling is gone!
Do whatever it takes to Get It, and reach for the Stars. Play with your strengths, get assistance with your weaknesses. Put support in place to keep you accountable, and to stretch, teach, and guide you. Put support in place to celebrate your successes, hold you up when you fall down, and cheer you on when you feel like giving up.
Give yourself every chance and opportunity to succeed. What does that look for you? Where do you need the support? What would free up resources allowing you to invest better where it really counts?
Make a commitment now to go for it, to be all in, to have an extraordinary life, starting today! Take an action RIGHT NOW to put the wheels in motion, on the right path… Go for it, you have my support; my energy is with you. Go kick butt!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…
Happy Actioning!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Take stock of where you have been wishy-washy in your relationship and your life (i.e., planning, cooking, cleaning, bill-paying, exercising, dating, intimacy & connection, parenting, gardening, writing, invoicing clients, whatever.). Make a list of all the things you do half heartedly, without conviction and commitment, with reservation and disinterest, with one foot in and the other out, and with a minimum of effort and investment.
Next, categorize each item with: to Ditch, Reassign (delegate, contract out, automate, etc.), or Reinvest (leave only what you truly care about and are uniquely talented at).
Pick one from each category to tackle this week. Use your support system… This creates new energy and energy flow in your life…
I want you to turn your special attention to your chosen Reinvesting item. REALLY invest… Give it your all…
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Do you find that hard as you try you seem to be stuck in the same place? That it seems like you’ve tried it all, work hard at it, are pooped and yet nothing is different? Unfortunately, this is the story of most partners, the ones that give a hoot anyway. The rest have resigned themselves to living contentedly in ignorant bliss missing out on the potential inherent in their partnership. Either one of these suck in my book.
I don’t concern myself with the peeps that are content. It’s their choice to live mediocre lives and survive their relationship. To each their own. I do concern myself with the other lot. They are my peeps. They are the partners I live and work for. They are the partners I’m on this earth to assist, guide and inspire. I know those peeps intimately… I know it is a struggle day-in and day-out to Be our Authentic Self and Be in Relationship.
I know what it’s like to grow and heal in relationship. I know what it’s like to make difficult choices, to live outside the box, to explore new frontiers and push the envelop all in the name of owning our Selves and creating an awesome life and relationship.
So, I ask that you hang in there. There is a reason you are in this place. There is something you are supposed to be learning. Some part that still needs healing. Some code that still needs cracking.
Mine has been being vulnerable, trusting, letting go and allowing help… I know I can’t do it alone… I know it takes two Partners to have a relationship… (don’t laugh, or judge). I now Know a lot more… I’m a therapist and relationship expert, but I’m still human… It takes courage to own not being perfect, and to remove the perfection mask… It’s actually pretty liberating…
What is your mask? What is your lesson? What is your code to crack? What is really going on for you? Dig deep and see if you can see it? What is your vulnerability? What is your week spot? What is the trigger, wound? What are you protecting against?
What is the message about your Self, alone and in relationship, that has been renting space in your head? It’s time to stop all this. It’s time to evict the fear monster and victim mentality, mindset. Are you with me??
I understand if you are hesitant and scared. It makes sense to me that it’s difficult to imagine something different that doesn’t include quitting and starting over. Believe me I get it. Leaving in this place makes it difficult to see what is beyond, to see the possibilities. I ask that you have little faith, courage, patience, open-mindedness and willingness to go the extra mile, on foot! Yes, you’d be out of your comfort zone.
Yes, without a doubt you will question if you are on the right path. Yes, there will be moments when you want to throw out the baby with the bath water. But through all this, I ask that you stay in faith and open for it is here that the magic takes place… I know what lies on the other side. And, it is pretty awesome… We can get there together. I can show you the way, if you let me.
Here is how we get started: Take a risk… (hold the sighing, or huffing and puffing!) Push through the fear… This can take many forms: Deciding not to leave the relationship, even if just for now. Deciding to continue to invest wholeheartedly regardless of what you get in return, for now.
Showing your partner you are all in, that you believe in them. Staying strong even when your partner wavers, not jumping on the misery and reactivity wagon. Extending clean invitations for connection. Doing loving and nurturing gestures. Creating and enjoying fun moments.
Pending on the status of your relationship and stage of investment, you will have different reactions to the above. Regardless, take what resonates and take one immediate related action today. When you start pushing the envelop, pushing through fear, taking a risk, interactions and dynamics start realigning, the relationship starts to shift, you feel awesome… For some this experience is slow in coming (because they are still very guarded).
For most initially, it’s up and down until this is their new norm. I ask that you trust the process and Be in it. The more you allow your energy to flow, the more fluid, flexible and open-minded you are (not guarded, defended, and full of Ego), the smoother this is and the quicker you’ll find yourself on the other side…
Take that risk, mindfully push through the door of fear, and you’ll find yourself on the other side… It is that simple to start getting results… Try it today!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…
Happy Risking!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Choose an item that has been a sore spot between you and your partner. One where you don’t see eye-to-eye, have a difference of opinion, haven’t been able to compromise on, has been taboo to bring up, has you walking on eggshells, or has resulted in fights.
Think about what would happen if you let go of your position, if you get your Ego out of the way… What would happen if you weren’t so invested in your position? For what is our position anyway…? What would happen if you detached from the meaning of letting go of your position…? For this is Ego driven and a protection… What would happen if we took this risk, and just let go…? Think about it… How will you be different…? How will you be free…?
How will you be empowered…? How will you become available…? What would happen if you got and honored your partner’s perspective? What would happen if you genuinely showed this to your partner…? Can you muster the courage and take the risk? Can you deal with being out of your comfort zone? Can you receive the awesomeness that follows…? Put safety and support in place, then go for it! Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
You have a loooong to-do list. You have others to attend to. You have projects on the burners. You are busy, you juggle, you push to the limit to get to it all. You might be sleep deprived. Sometimes you might forget to eat, even though you generally go for nutritious and clean food. Heck, you might even try to stick to an exercise routine.
At the end of the day everything else but you comes first… You are in the throes of demands and might feel like you are running out of steam, pulling your hair out, screaming at the top of your lungs, hiding under a rock, or all of the above. Wait, this sounds like the Holiday Season! Some live in this mode the rest of the year as well… But you don’t have to be in this place now or during the Holidays…
What is this place any way? Why do we create this frenetic pace? Why do we create this way of operating? Why does our life feel out of control? We live in this space to get things done and to take care of others because it we think it makes us feel good and in control… Wait, what?! That’s right.
The way we go about life is actually counterproductive. It’s actually creating the opposite from our desired outcome… This place is called lack of ownership… This place is called lack of boundaries… This place is called being codependent… Ouch!
I know this place intimately; I still operate this way sometimes. I recognize this place in other’s from a mile away… These peeps are in pain, and sometimes they don’t even know it! Instead what they know is that their relationship doesn’t work. That they are not compensated enough at work or that their business is suffering.
That their children are not doing well. That their health is deteriorating. Or, they just plain feel unhappy and dissatisfied… Do any of these resonate with you?
Please don’t be afraid of the word codependent. It used to be associated with the partner of a substance abuser. Now, it has a much larger meaning. It’s Interdependence gone array… Remember, we do not want to be codependent, dependent or independent… We want to strive for Interdependence – where we are healthily, mindfully and lovingly connected to others while being our Authentic Self.
When we mute, neglect, abandon and even abuse our Self to cope and in the name of another we are being codependent… So, don’t get stuck on the terminology. I’ve seen this also called being Enmeshed, Undifferentiated, Symbiotic, etc. Just hold on to the concept instead and let’s strive for being Interdependent and our Authentic Self. Deal?
So, what do we do? First things first, and that is to start owning our Self. This means staying within our immediate circle of influence and not in our partner’s circle. This means taking ownership of things that are ours… I routinely see partners drop the ball here.
Actually, they keep passing the ball to each other… They look like they are playing a game of hot potato… “You are it!”, they say and wait for the other to change… Not taking ownership of how we contribute to our situation and changing our contribution to it guarantees staying in the same ugly place… I promise!
How do we know what is ours? How do we know what we can change? How do we empower ourselves? Actually, this is quite simple believe it or not. I see immediate and profound changes as soon as partners start implementing this, without fail! The big reveal is: Minding your own thinking, feeling and doing and not your partner’s… This does not mean being obnoxious, inconsiderate, callous or uncaring… to the contrary.
When we own our Self we also embrace our thoughtful, understanding, compassionate, and loving parts of our Self… When we clean our mindset, invest in naturally feeling good, and take responsibility for our all our decisions and actions (including setting proper boundaries, meeting our needs and doing self care) our world starts to change… I promise!
Some might think that setting boundaries is giving our partner the middle finger. If that is you, stop that! Setting boundaries does not mean being mean… It does mean taking care of our Self while minding the other’s best interest…
Start owning your Self, start changing your world. Your world becomes a piece of cake when you start operating from this empowered state… It’s quiet an unbelievable experience… Trust and let go… Start living your Authentic Life and enjoying your Awesome Relationship!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
What are some things that you find yourself complaining about in your life? In your relationship? How do you contribute to the issue, situation, experience, status quo…? Find a different angle, perspective, approach to address this… The secret is to use your Self differently… Take an immediate action to address your concern today. Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Have you ever wondered how some people create successful lives and others settle for mediocre ones? Have you taken this a step further and wondered how some people create successful relationships and others settle for mediocre ones? I have.
This is my life’s purpose… It’s a constant wonder and question for me. My every breath, thought, and action revolve around this. I’m obsessed with this. There is a common theme to my musings, research, and work driven by the question of how we can Be our Best Self… Reach our Highest Potential…
What’s really amazing to even me is that I don’t get tired of this and I’m not kidding, I’m obsessed. I build my days around these concepts. They drive my every intervention in session with my clients and are the drivers behind everything I create.
How can we do this better? How can we build on our strengths? How can we invest, contribute, nurture, related, etc. better? All driven by a desired to see people accomplished in life and in their relationship… I want us to have our best Human Experience…
As I continue on my search to assist others, and myself, in this endeavor I have found a common denominator underlying an awesome life and relationship. I have found that to be Self Love and Self Acceptance… I’ve written about this before maybe not in these exact terms, but the theme has been pervasive. It is ringing loud in my head.
As if I’m to go to the top of a mountain and yell this down for those that still don’t get it to get on board… I’m reading works on high achievement and performance, peak potential, conscious living and the like. I’m fine-tuning my language and context… I’m learning that even more specifically, the key is Self Mastery.
It exhilarates me to explore and research this, to connect the dots in different ways, to integrate concepts, fields and schools in new ways, to translate them into accessible frameworks, to devise practical mechanisms for ready consumption for improving our quality of life and relationship.
The marrying of Self Mastery to creating our Authentic Life and Awesome Relationship is paramount. I am now understanding more and more my purpose…, how I’m the translator and integrator of these concepts and conduit for implementation. At first glance, this might all seem obvious and others are already on this wagon. But if this is so obvious and accessible, why aren’t we all extremely successful in all areas of our life?
I know that we are our own worst enemy. We for sure get in our own way. I see this day in and day out in my practice, and dare I share, in my own life. I know we are not perfect. But I know most of us can do much better than we do… Therefore, the challenge of the day is how can we improve our Self Mastery? How can we take charge of ALL aspects of our lives in a way that create massive results for us?
We have a tendency to play victim, point fingers, blame circumstances, and find excuses for things that don’t go as we wish in our lives. What we fail to see over and over is that we are creating our life either intentionally or unintentionally. Either by design, or by accident and lack of ownership, we are creating it…
It is imperative that we start taking charge, that we set out to intentionally create what we desire, that we make sure we function at our most optimal level, that we do not leave anything to chance. Why wouldn’t we go about creating a Magnificent Life and Relationship intentionally, rather than leaving it to chance and trial and error? Doesn’t that seem silly to you not to do so?
So for today, I want us to first take a pledge to take our life seriously and to decide to create a Master Piece – obviously including our relationship… Then, I want us to focus on developing Self Mastery.
This means: — Learning Healthy Self Soothing and Self Management Techniques — Working Through Fear and Limiting Mindset — Breaking Bad Habits and Creating Healthy Ones — Developing, Implementing and Sticking to our Self Care Plan — Generating Naturally Unlimited Energy — Harnessing the Power of Focus — Creating a Personal Brand — Embracing Your Purpose
I know that Being our Best Self invites our Partner’s Best Self to come out and play with us… I know that when we bring our Best Self forward, we create and attract awesomeness in our life and relationship. I know that when we bring our Best Self forward that we live our Authentic Life. I know that when we rock, we Rock!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…
Happy Rocking!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Rate your level of Self Mastery in the areas listed below (1 lowest – 10 highest):
___ Learning Healthy Self Soothing and Self Management Techniques
___ Working Through Fear and Limiting Mindset
___ Breaking Bad Habits and Creating Healthy Ones
___ Developing, Implementing and Sticking to our Self Care Plan
___ Generating Naturally Unlimited Energy
___ Harnessing the Power of Focus
___ Creating a Personal Brand
___ Embracing Your Purpose
Note your top 3 lowest ratings. Pick one of these. This requires your immediate attention to get you moving further along your path of High Achievement, Accomplishment and Success in your life AND relationship. Determine how you will invest in enhancing your Self Mastery in your chosen area. Determine your first actionable step towards implementation, and get to it! Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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