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When you keep having the same fight…

When you keep having the same fight…

Sometimes things don’t seem to be working out the way we’d prefer in our life and our relationship. We don’t lose the weight. We don’t get the promotion or hit our sales target. We haven’t gotten engaged yet. We keep having the same fight. There is a reason for this. The reason is that we are getting in our own way…

Now, I say with lots of love and compassion, for who wants to hear it’s their fault they are having a hard time. Right?

But the reality is that we are carrying on in a way that doesn’t allow us to create our best relationship and best life. Here are a few things that are getting in our way…

We have:

1 – A victim and powerless mentality, a negativity bias, poor boundaries and lack of personal ownership

2 – Lacking communication skills, inability to apologize or apologize well, no repair know-how and how to make amends

3 – Unresolved wounds and repeating patterns, poor self-regulation, no self-care practice

4 – A guarded heart, low connection and intimacy ability, lack of relationship prioritization

5 – Distractions, over commitment, disorganization, no collaboration system

When we don’t attend to our own healing, growth, development and evolution, we get in our own way of having the relationship and life we want. We are only able to create as far as how we are operating allows us to go…

We can only create as far as we have with how we currently are.

To continue to create our best relationship and our best life, we need to continue to create our best selves…

We can’t change our world if we don’t change first, it’s impossible:

1 – We can’t see the beauty that is our Partner if we continue to blame everything on them and lack personal ownership…

2 – We can’t communicate better if we don’t improve our communication skills.

3 – We can’t stay steady in the face of a trigger or a fight if we can’t self-regulate, if we lack resilience.

4 – We can’t connect and have intimacy, passion and fun if we don’t make time for our partner and relationship and have a guarded heart.

5 – We can’t have a joyful, peaceful, harmonious and lovely home if we can’t collaborate in running our joint life…

So, you see whatever is troubling you, whatever you haven’t been able to achieve yet, it’s because you are getting in your own way… Sorry, don’t shoot the messenger. LOL

But you can create what you want after all. You just have to go about it a bit differently than you have been…

 

When you keep having the same fight…

You keep having the same fight because:

1 – You keep looking at your partner the same way. You keep doing the same things that bother your partner.

2 – You keep addressing their disappointment or complaint the same way.

3- You chase them or push them away as usual.

4 – You don’t consistently give them love in their love language.

5 – And, your ego gets in the way about how things should be done.

Well? You see what predicament you get yourself in?

Do you see that any change in any of these areas would give you a different outcome? How you actually have control over how things play out…?

You are super powerful. When you decide that you’ll show up differently and set that intention, you do. And, when you do, so does your partner… Voila!

Of course, I don’t want to oversimplify this. I know that the best of intentions don’t always stick… But therein lays information for your use as well, to help you continue to heal, grow and develop.

The more you work your intentions and learn from what doesn’t work, the more you can change, and the more you change, the more you can address your world and your partner differently…

And that is all it takes to create something different, to create the relationship and life you want.

ASSIGNMENT: Decide that you mean business and that you will change so you can create change in your relationship and your life… 

I – Take note that the items in the lists above are related the 5 Elements of the Successful Couple Strategy™:

1 – Context & Mindset

2 – Communication & Alignment

3 – Clarity & Dynamics

4 – Connection & Intimacy

5 – Collaboration & Partnership

II – Identify the Element that needs most of your attention

III – Play with that Element until you acquire some mastery, for example:

1 – Embrace a Relationship Enrichment Mindset (your partner is your Partner with a couple P…)

2 – Improve communication, apology and repair skills

3 – Identify your wounds and triggers, change your response to your partner’s, implement a rich self-care practice

4 – Set up Connection Habits, implement a Dating Partner Protocol, safe-guard couple time

5 – Simplify your life and cut down on commitments, establish a Collaboration System

IV – Move on to the other Elements that also need attention, keep cycling through them till you see your Transformation…

 

As with anything, when you bring consciousness, focus and attention to something, Awesomeness happens. I wish this for you in your life and your relationship.

Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

PS1 – This month’s Themed Webinar is on April 26th, at 5 pm ET:

Mothering for Relationship Success
A Grounding, Caring & Nurturing Approach to Uplevel Your Relationship

After the novelty wears off in a relationship, partners have a tendency to go back to business as usual. They go back to the business of doing their life where the relationship and their partner no longer are the primary focus.

In this webinar, we’ll cover Mothering ourselves and our partner. When we employ Mothering, we increase acceptance, belonging, connection, and love in our relationship. Crucial ingredients for a successful relationship.

Increase Self-Love
It is challenging to give and receive love when our own self-love is lacking… Learn how to better connect with yourself and grace yourself with gentleness, acceptance, and compassion.

Improve Self-Care
Too often we claim we don’t have time for self-care, or self-care is the first thing to go when things get hectic. Learn how to implement a rich and sustainable self-care practice.

Embrace Partner-Care
Our relationship and our partner usually don’t even make it to our priority list… Learn how to easily prioritize your partner and implement a partner-care practice and a nurturing approach.

Start creating your Radiant & Successful Relationship!

Sign Up Here!

 

PS2 – As always, we are here for you! If you need more support creating your successful relationship and meaningful life, we are here to help. I’d be honored to speak with you about how we can help you. Schedule a Get Acquainted Call to connect, discuss how we can help you and how to get started. Look forward to Connecting with you!

 

PS3 – Related Posts:
Feeling stuck in your relationship?
How you perpetuate your stuckness
Keep having the same old fight?
Your partner not meeting your needs?
Is the dance of connection and disconnection driving you insane?
Treat yourself, please your partner…
Experience the healing of a self-care practice
Use self-care as your way to Higher Abundance
Caring is not just for mothers
How to reprogram yourself
Are you a strong partnership?
Do you support each other?
Staying motivated with your new year’s intentions
New habits, routines and motivation
The power of having Intentional Habits™

 

 

Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Your new beginning needs a communication cleanse

Your new beginning needs a communication cleanse

The conversation continues on having a refresh and reset, a renewal, on creating a new beginning, and on getting traction on our relationship and life transformation… Are you ready for newness? Let’s do it! To get traction with the new, we have to get rid of the old… Your new beginning needs a communication cleanse to set the right tone for the awesomeness that’s to come.

Today we’ll focus on how to clean up how you communicate in your relationship. I recently wrote about Communication Roadblocks that get in the way of your Radiant and Successful Relationship.

Let’s make it our business to remove these from our interactions. Let’s do a communication cleanse. But let’s make sure this is not just a quick cleanse but a new way of showing up to our relationship and interactions with our partner (and other loves ones!) going forward.

Here is the list of The Dirty Dozen of Communication. These are roadblocks to communication, to getting on the same page and aligning in your relationship.

  • Addressing needs or concerns when triggered
  • Using electronic devices as modes of communication
  • Addressing issues on the fly
  • Starting conversations when not in a good state
  • Disregarding good communication skills and tools
  • Forcing conversations
  • Not really listening, paying attention or taking in the other
  • Not having personal accountability and ownership
  • Track-jumping and messy content
  • Making a federal case
  • Being aggressive in speech, attitude or behavior
  • Patronizing in some form…

When we are not mindful and intentional of how we show up and how we interact with our partner, and others, we are bound to be messy in that exchange. We might be going about our business and just being ourselves, when we realize that an exchange is not going well. That we are showing up with The Dirty Dozen of Communication.

At that point the damage has been done and now the rest of the exchange needs to tend to it. What happens a lot of times is that partners are not even aware that the exchange is starting to go south, and they keep on going. They end up doing more damage.

Or they are stubborn. They realize the exchange is not going well, and they try to regroup without changing their approach! In this case they also end up doing more damage.

This observation doesn’t mean that we can’t let our hair down, be spontaneous or be ourselves… In the contrary, this observation points out that we are showing up with our messy, unintentional, defense ridden, not conscious self… We are showing up with our Small Self…

Instead, when we connect first with our Big Self, our Authentic Self, our Higher Self, we then automatically go into an interaction with more grace, mindfulness, intentionality, respect, acceptance, understanding, and other good stuff.

Communicating well doesn’t have to be that challenging:

  1. The first order of business is to connect and align with ourselves first… From here the rest is much easier…
  2. The next order of business is to avoid doing The Dirty Dozen of Communication.
  3. Then you get to use great communication skills and tools.

This 3-Step Approach to Great Communication is the key for preventing fights, easily getting on the same page and for aligning with each other.

To honor our current refresh, reset and renew theme let’s target Step 2 and be super proactive about removing Communication Roadblocks still present in our interactions.

Your new beginning needs a communication cleanse to set the right tone for the awesomeness that’s to come. Cleanse your communication of the pesky behaviors that undermine your relationship.

ASSIGNMENT: Let’s make a dent in cleansing your communication style!

  • Select 5 Communication Roadblocks from The Dirty Dozen of Communication list to target and purge from your interactions.
  • Set a weekly reminder on your phone to check yourself on these so they don’t make their way back…
  • Keep targeting the other Dirty Dozen until they are all gone…
  • Stay intentional about not allowing them back!

As with anything, when you bring consciousness, focus and attention to something, Awesomeness happens. I wish this for you in your life and your relationship.

Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

PS1 – Did you get the complimentary Themed Webinar yet?

Spring Your Relationship to Life-
Embrace a New Beginning, Create the Relationship You Desire

It’s very easy to fall into a rut, numb out, shut down and disengage from your relationship… Especially nowadays with the crazy world we are living in…

Develop Your Vision
Enough with playing small and settling for a stale and mediocre relationship. You CAN have a radiant and successful relationship! Learn to dream it up. If you can imagine it, you can create it…

Change Your Approach
Enough with the drama, the judgment and the pointing fingers. Take charge of how you show up, what you contribute, and how you invest in your relationship. Bring your extraordinary and dazzling…

Uplevel Your Habits
Enough with the neglect, lack of focus, and minimal effort. Prioritize your partner and your relationship. If you want an amazing relationship, you have to create it. What you nourish, flourishes…

Start creating your Radiant & Successful Relationship!

Sign Up Here!

 

PS2 – As always, we are here for you! If you need more support creating your successful relationship and meaningful life, we are here to help. I’d be honored to speak with you about how we can help you. Schedule a Get Acquainted Call to connect, discuss how we can help you and how to get started. Look forward to Connecting with you!

 

PS3 – Related Posts:
Is your partner always late?
Are you controlling?
When your partner baits you
When do you get on your partner’s nerves?
How much do you get your partner?
Can you change your partner?
Can’t get your partner to do what you want?
How do you show your commitment?
What about compassion?
Are you tapping into your partnership synergy?
The 5 Elements of the Successful Couple Strategy™
Embrace a life-changing mindset
Enhance your life with better boundaries!
Step up your communication skills!
Change your repeating patterns and stuckness!
Are you mastering how to connect?
Create your strongest partnership possible

 

Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Spring to a new level in your relationship and life

Spring to a new level in your relationship and life

Springtime is a time for renewal and New Beginnings… It is an opportunity to start fresh again. It is a time to refresh, course correct and reset. All changes in season and any new start, provide the opportunity for New Beginnings… Spring is special in this endeavor as the newness is so obvious with nature springing back to life… There is momentum in this… This is your chance to spring to a new level in your relationship and life…

Does that sound scary, or empowering and motivating to you? Taking full ownership and being fully accountable for what we create in our life can be scary. It might seem easier to stick our head in the sand, to blame others or circumstances, and to settle than to play full out.

The truth is that when we live our life with lack of full ownership, our life is actually more challenging and more painful…

It is not easy to:

  • Constantly be blown with the wind and with the whim of others
  • Let others dictate our fate and live an unfulfilled life
  • Live inauthentically for fear of judgement, criticism and rejection
  • Commit, show up and engage only 99%,  allowing for waffling
  • Own our voice, our truth, our desires and our potential
  • Express all of ourselves
  • Shine our Radiance

I invite you to play full out! But to do that you need to know yourself, own yourself and apply yourself. Are you ready for that?

You might even be scared to say Yes… If this is you, no worries we are here to support you. We’ll go nice and easy, yet powerfully, so you can stick with us and honor your Journey…

The first thing to do is to start getting in touch with what you want your life to be like, truly… No hedging, no lip service, no settling, no excuses. If nothing mattered but to create the life you desired, what would it look like?

What would your life look like, if your life depended on it…?

This means really exploring your desires for the whole of your life… This means being curious, thinking deeply, visualizing and meditating on what is really in your heart and soul…

Make some time to be with yourself and to really play, explore and dream about these. We are taking this concept beyond identifying your Ideal Day and accumulating Ideal Days to create your Best Life. That is a hack to get you going and to get you on your right path…

Now, we are going for creating our Best Life 2.0!

 

The 8 Robust Life Areas™

Break down your life into specific Life Areas and flesh out what you desire in each.

  1. Spiritual – Spirituality/religion, mindfulness, Purpose, creativity
  2. Physical – Health including brain health, vitality, fitness
  3. Emotional – Resilience, self/co-regulation, managing states of being
  4. Mental – Mental health, mindset, intellect, character/virtues
  5. Relational – Love and romantic relationship, parenting, family
  6. Social – Friendships, community and networks
  7. Financial – Wealth, profession, business, contribution/legacy
  8. LifeStyle – Environments, routines, life engagement

 

The 3 Life Areas Hack™

I usually address the above in a condensed 3 Life Areas format with an overarching Self-care and Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle theme…

  1. Wellness – Spiritual, Physical, Emotional, Mental
  2. Connection – Relational, Social
  3. Success – Financial

Regardless of where you are in your Journey, the approach you choose to play with, and your relationship status, it behooves us to prioritize our relationship/s as this is indicated for our Best Life

If we are not ok as a couple, everything in our life suffers… If we create a radiant and successful relationship then everything else in our life is easier… Everything in our life depends on it…

 

Visioning Your Best Relationship…

The relationship with our partner is one of the most important relationships in our life. Unfortunately, we usually don’t view it and treat it as such.

Our partner is our Life Partner… They are a Gift to our Journey…

Together we are better than alone. Together we are better than one. Together we create something bigger than ourselves and can make a larger Impact… There is Synergy in our togetherness and what a waste not to tap into it…

To create your Best Relationship, you first have to know what your Best Relationship would look like… Then you can go about creating it.

Below is a guide for things to consider when envisioning and designing your Best Relationship. They are of course presented as the 5 Elements of the Successful Couple Strategy™ developed to assist couples create the relationship they desire…

Element1 – Context & Mindset

Here is where you explore what you believe about attracting your mate, being in a romantic relationship, the purpose of the relationship, commitment, trust, devotion and loyalty, priorities, partnership, expectations, interdependence, synergy, contribution, impact and anything else important to you.

What would a Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle look like for you? What would prioritizing your partner look like for you? What would being all in look like for you…?

Element2 – Communication & Alignment

Here is where you explore what being on the same page with your partner would look and feel like. You’d explore beliefs and preferences about communication and being aligned. And, on what topics you would want to get on the same page.

How would communication take place? How would you safeguard your bond and eliminate communication roadblocks? What communication skills and tools would you acquire?

Element3 – Clarity & Dynamics

Here is where you explore what you believe and understand about relationship dynamics, repeating patterns, and getting stuck. And what kind of relationship dynamics you’d prefer. You’d also explore your beliefs about feelings, emotions, and needs. Including thoughts about worthiness and self-esteem, vulnerability and shame, sympathy and compassion.

How would you build resilience and increase self-esteem? How would you increase your EQ? How would you meet your own and each other’s needs?

Element4 – Connection & Intimacy

Here is where you explore what you believe about and your preferences for togetherness vs separateness, connection, love, bond, masculinity and femininity, romance, sensuality, attraction, desire, passion, intimacy, sexuality, stimulation, play, fun, adventure, and friendship.

How would you increase your connection, intimacy and fun? How would you need to Be to experience a deep, synergistic long-lasting love? How do you need to stretch to allow the love you want?

Element5 – Collaboration & Partnership

Here is where you explore what Life Partnership, creating a Strong Partnership, and collaborating mean to you. You’ll explore what kind of family and life you want to create. How you’d want to be a strong partnership. How you want to design and approach creating the life you desire.

How do you want to run your business of life? What kind of parents do you want to be? How do you want to live your life? What kind of lifestyle do you want to have? What kind of legacy you want to leave?

By reading the above, you are already ahead of the game… You can’t unread it and unearth the seeds planted… Your brain already has the instructions to take stock of your life, and your relationship; and, to strive for more…

You’ll start picking up momentum and getting massive traction in your transformation by:

  • Exploring what’s informing your current experience in your relationship
  • Exploring what kind of relationship you desire
  • Consciously and intentionally choosing how to create your Best Relationship  

It all starts with a Vision. That’s what you are doing today. You are fleshing out and owning how you truly want your relationship to be. This is the first step in making it happen…

 

ASSIGNMENT:  Choose the approach that best resonates for you at this time, playing with:

  • The 8 Robust Life Areas™
  • The 3 Life Areas Hack™
  • Visioning Your Best Relationship™ using the 5 Elements of the Successful Couple Strategy™

The mere exercise of bringing light to these will start you on your transformation…

 

As with anything, when you bring consciousness, focus and attention to something, Awesomeness happens. I wish this for you in your life and your relationship.

Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

PS1 – This month’s Themed Webinar is on March 29th, at 5 pm ET:

Spring Your Relationship to Life-
Embrace a New Beginning, Create the Relationship You Desire

It’s very easy to fall into a rut, numb out, shut down and disengage from your relationship… Especially nowadays with the crazy world we are living in…

Develop Your Vision
Enough with playing small and settling for a stale and mediocre relationship. You CAN have a radiant and successful relationship! Learn to dream it up. If you can imagine it, you can create it…

Change Your Approach
Enough with the drama, the judgment and the pointing fingers. Take charge of how you show up, what you contribute, and how you invest in your relationship. Bring your extraordinary and dazzling…

Uplevel Your Habits
Enough with the neglect, lack of focus, and minimal effort. Prioritize your partner and your relationship. If you want an amazing relationship, you have to create it. What you nourish, flourishes…

Start creating your Radiant & Successful Relationship!

Sign Up Here!

 

PS2 – As always, we are here for you! If you need more support creating your successful relationship and meaningful life, we are here to help. I’d be honored to speak with you about how we can help you. Schedule a Get Acquainted Call to connect, discuss how we can help you and how to get started. Look forward to Connecting with you!

 

PS3 – Related Posts: 
Is your partner always late? 
Are you controlling? 
When your partner baits you 
When do you get on your partner’s nerves? 
How much do you get your partner?  
Can you change your partner? 
Can’t get your partner to do what you want? 
How do you show your commitment?   
What about compassion?  
Are you tapping into your partnership synergy? 
The 5 Elements of the Successful Couple Strategy™  
Embrace a life-changing mindset  
Enhance your life with better boundaries!  
Step up your communication skills!   
Change your repeating patterns and stuckness!  
Are you mastering how to connect?   
Create your strongest partnership possible

 

   Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? 

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: 
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Remove roadblocks to great communication

Remove roadblocks to great communication

Great communication has to do with smoothing things out and feeling Aligned. It has to do with getting on the same page, feeling understood and accepted, and getting traction towards a vision in common. Unfortunately, partners get in their own way when interacting with each other which prevents the flow of joy, harmony and love that is possible when doing this well. Let’s remove the roadblocks to great communication. Shall we?

First off, be extremely careful not to employ what John Gottman calls the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse in your communication and approach to your partner: Criticism, Defensiveness, Stonewalling and Contempt.

Gottman is a researcher who has a research-based approach to relationships. If you are struggling in your relationship, you might be already acquainted with the 4 Horseman… Once Contempt shows up, the relationship is in trouble. This creates painful and damaging exchanges. Contempt is a strong predictor of divorce!

The easiest way to avoid these is to be preventative in your communication approach to begin with. If you employ great communication skills and tools, you won’t be finding the 4 Housemen at your doorsteps.

And hey, I’m not one to give up or let others give up easily… So even if these are currently present in your relationship, I encourage you to work your side to stop doing these and to invite something else from your partner…

Here is where Relationship Mindset, personal ownership and effective boundaries come in very handy. These are important for you to change how you choose to look at and experience your partner and your relationship… For once you do so, you can show up differently and invite something different from your partner…

In any case, aside from keeping the 4 Horseman away, you also need to avoid the Dirty Dozen of Communication in your interactions.

The Dirty Dozen of Communication

1 – Addressing needs or concerns when triggered

When we are in a triggered state, our brain is marinating in emotional juices that prevent us from fully accessing the executive, logical and problem-solving part of our brain. This means that no matter how hard you try to get on the same page it’s virtually impossible to stay sensible and productive.

This is not a judgment against feelings. Feelings have their place, but when rampant and heightened they don’t support productive communication.

2 – Using electronic devices as modes of communication

It is so interesting that partners choose to address concerns on social media and other platforms, via email, and specially via text. I realize that we live in an age of electronic communication, but so much gets lost via this medium…

A communication approach needs to include visual, audio and physical presence so you can feel the energy better and include touch as you see fit. This ensures you are able to pick up all the nuances of the communication and align with more than just words. And so that the words are not taken out of context or misinterpreted.

3 – Addressing issues on the fly

It is unproductive to throw issues out into the air and expect our partner to catch them and play nice with them. It’s unfair to expect them to catch them at all, and then to be ready on a whim to give the topic the proper attention it needs.

Nothing serious should be tackled this way as the context might not be conducive for a deep and productive conversation, and our partner might not be receptive for whatever reason. A productive conversation happens when the partners are ready to have a productive conversation. Setting up time and the proper context goes a huge way.

4 – Starting conversations when not in a good state

If you or your partner is not in a good state, it doesn’t make sense to have the conversation. This is true even if the conversation was set up properly ahead of time. If either of you is hungry, tired, still triggered, and such, you are not resourced enough and won’t have what it takes to do the conversation justice.

In this case it is best to reschedule or postpone the conversation and address other needs first.

5 – Disregarding good communication skills and tools

You might start a conversation with the best of intentions but as soon as things get a little hot, all the skills and tools go out the window. This is why it’s very important to be resourced, so a little heat doesn’t throw you off.

Also, setting up the conversation properly ensures you bring your skills and tools with you. A less intentional approach might miss this important detail…

Using your skills and tools is a decision. Make it wisely and honor it. Don’t get lazy. If you find that you feel like disregarding the skills and tools or that you can’t access them, then it’s not a good time to have a meaningful conversation…

6 – Forcing conversations

Remember you both have to be in the right place, and stay in the right place, for a meaningful conversation to take place and continue. If this is not true for either of you, or if things change as the conversation is underway, then it’s time to call it. Either postpone the conversation or pause it…

Do set up another time to pick up where you left off and make sure you do so. This sets up a precedent to be able to not push to have conversations that are not likely to go well in the moment… It creates trust allowing for a necessary cooling off or resetting period.

7 – Not really listening, paying attention or taking in the other

What’s the point of having a conversation if you are not listening, paying attention or taking in your partner? The point of having a conversation is to understand and get each other. To get on the same page. To resolve concerns. To collaborate. To dream. To share love.

If you are not present, if you are listening to combat what you are hearing, if you just want to talk about your side, you are missing the point of having the conversation… In this instance, you might as well forego the talk as you are actually creating more damage by not mindfully showing up…

8 – Not having personal accountability and ownership

You’ll find it insightful and eye-opening to revisit in your mind’s eye a past interaction with your partner that didn’t go well.

When you revisit, make believe you are an invisible stranger observing the exchange. This stranger is a relationship expert and has successful relationship tactics know-how…

See how the stranger sees you and how you are interacting… Does the stranger think you are being accountable for yourself, showing up with your best self, and fully owning yourself?

The stranger is not there to observe your partner, they are only able to see you… What do they see? Do they think you are doing the best job you can? What might they offer you as feedback?

Take this feedback to heart and make the necessary changes going forward…

9 – Track-jumping and messy content

Decide before hand what the topic of discussion is and the intention for the conversation. The quickest way to lose each other, trigger each other, and to shift from the possibility of a great conversation to one that crashes is to be messy in what you bring up…

Avoid jumping from topic to topic or example to example, going off on lengthy tangents, not fully finishing your thought or sentences before changing to something else, and such…

And avoid using sensitive information or already addressed and resolved issues to make your points! There is nothing more hurtful than to use your partner’s sensitivities, especially things shared in confidence or during vulnerable moments.

Take the time to organize your thoughts, your message, your point and stick with it as you go. Stay mindful of not hurting your partner unnecessarily, and especially not intentionally.

10 – Making a federal case

The point of a conversation with your partner is not to win. That’s right, there is no winning in a relationship… If you “win” that means your partner “loses”, right? And, if that’s the case, did you actually “win”?

When you go about a conversation as if you are trying a federal case, everybody loses. There is no logic or empirical data that’s relevant to getting on the same page… Everything about a relationship is subjective, emotional and personal…

Therefore, stop with trying to prove how things really happened, and who is right and who is wrong, and keeping a scorecard!

Tactics like analyzing, interpreting, diagnosing, questioning, probing, and arguing have no place in a conversation where you are holding space for your partner to show up and for you to really get them…

Conversations are not about me vs you. Conversations are about me getting you…

11 – Being aggressive in speech, attitude or behavior

The simplest way to create friction, misalignment, and invite poor reactions from our partner is to show up protecting ourselves, trying to win or one-up our partner. When we try to force our way in some way, it is destructive.

This can take a lot of different forms, but the not-so-obvious ones include: Ordering, directing, commanding, warning, threatening, admonishing, and the like…

12 – Patronizing in some form…

Believe it or not, some things that we might consider positive in interactions are actually not great forms of communication… These include things like: Praising, agreeing, supporting, reassuring, sympathizing, consoling, advising, giving solutions, suggesting and such. The reason for this is that we are infusing ourselves in the interaction with these tactics…

A conversation has two parts, being there for our partner and our partner being there for us. Being there for our partner means absolutely and fully getting their side without infusing anything from ours into it… It means not corrupting their experience with ours…

This is a huge concept, as most of us use the above to be supportive, understanding and such not realizing that we actually undermine, minimize and dismiss the other’s experience when we interject ourselves into it… Just hold space for your partner’s experience and their truth…

Let’s say that you don’t have great communication skills and tools yet. Being mindful of avoiding the above will take you a long way as you expand your great communication skills and tools repertoire.

The key is to bring as much mindfulness and positive intentions to your interactions as possible.

ASSIGNMENT:  Make a list of all the poor communication habits and undermining tactics you tend to employ in your communication and interactions with your partner, and others for that matter! Select the two that are the most pervasive, and commit to eradicating them from approach.

Being an intentional and mindful communicator is a gift to your partner and your relationship. And, to you, as upgrading how you communicate will definitely bring your relationship to the next level. You CAN create the relationship you desire…

Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…

With Love & Light!

 

PS1 – This month’s Themed Webinar is on March 29th, at 5 pm ET:

Spring Your Relationship to Life-
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PS2 – As always, we are here for you! If you need more support creating your successful relationship and meaningful life, we are here to help. I’d be honored to speak with you about how we can help you. Schedule a Get Acquainted Call to connect, discuss how we can help you and how to get started. Look forward to Connecting with you!

 

PS3 – Related Posts: 
Is your partner always late? 
Are you controlling? 
When your partner baits you 
When do you get on your partner’s nerves? 
How much do you get your partner?  
Can you change your partner? 
Can’t get your partner to do what you want? 
How do you show your commitment?   
What about compassion?  
Are you tapping into your partnership synergy? 
The 5 Elements of the Successful Couple Strategy™  
Embrace a life-changing mindset  
Enhance your life with better boundaries!  
Step up your communication skills!   
Change your repeating patterns and stuckness!  
Are you mastering how to connect?   
Create your strongest partnership possible

 

   Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? 

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: 
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Great communication skills and tools are a must

Great communication skills and tools are a must

One of the main roadblocks to creating a radiant and successful relationship is having poor communication skills and tools. Even if you believe you are a great communicator, you might not necessarily have the skills and tools needed to get on the same page with your partner… Great communication skills and tools are a must for succeeding at your relationship.

When I hear people say they are great communicators, a session from a long time ago come to mind. The wife was a self-proclaimed expert communicator. Her profession was Speech Pathology to boot. She believed she knew everything about communication and was the best at this skill.

What was really interesting is that in the session, she talked a mile-a-hour, barely took a breath, kept her husband quiet with her looks, and the massive amount of speaking wouldn’t let him get a word in edgewise… I even had a hard time getting anything in at first. And, this is common from self-proclaimed great communicators…

Being a great communicator doesn’t mean that you can talk a lot!

I share this story because this skill and related tools might get overlooked in their importance to the success of the relationship.

With great communication we are able to understand each other, show empathy and compassion, increase emotional intimacy, get on the same page, make decisions, resolve conflict, properly apologize, repair and make nice, and more.

Great communication allows us to Align in our humanness and in our partnership…

Communication skills is more than the words and tone we choose, our non-verbal communication, and showing interest in what the other has to say. Though some don’t even have this under their belt…

Communicating well goes beyond the actual exchange of words.

Communication Skills

You know you’ve communicated well with your partner when after a conversation you feel connected, on the same page and positive. Even if the topic discussed is a challenge.

Here are some communication skills:

Presence and Attentiveness

Being present in a conversation is huge. Don’t you hate when you are trying to share something with your partner and as you are talking, they keep doing what they were doing, they are moving around, and they even walk away? They don’t like it either when you do it.

It is imperative that some attunement be established during interactions to create the moments you are looking for in your relationship.

Attunement is about having awareness, turning towards the other, having tolerance or holding space for the other’s feelings, showing understanding, having non-defensive responses and having empathy. This is necessary for the partners to synchronize and align creating regulation, resonance, and connection…  

So, show up with your Best Self. Stop the fidgeting, the moving around, the doing, the leaving. Get involved in the interaction. Pay attention. Ignore distractions. Use eye-contact, touching and proximity. Attune…

Positive Non-Verbal Communication

 Our tone of voice, eye contact, gestures, facial expressions and body positioning send messages of their own. We might be trying to convey something, but at the same time we might be giving a completely different message non-verbally.

The key here is to be aware of how we are using the space we are in, how we carry our body and our face, and how we interact using our mouth and eyes…

Some basic things to consider:

  • Turn your body towards your partner when they are speaking and mind the space between you, don’t move away but don’t crowd either. Keep your upper body open and leaning forward. Don’t cross your arms and legs, and specially not away from your partner.
  • Be extremely mindful of your facial expressions. We can say so much with a smirk, a smile, a grin, a frown, a furrow, a pout and such. Our faces speak volumes.
  • Pay attention to your gestures. This has to do with how you move your hands, your head, and other body parts. You can use these to tilt towards your partner and make soothing and comforting motions. You can be graceful and accentuating. Be careful of showing agitation, impatience, aggression and such.
  • A super important aspect of non-verbal communication is the eye-contact. If you are trying to connect, get on the same page, and align, you have to have eye-contact… Without it, it is difficult to feel felt, to feel heard and to feel understood. And, by the same token, it is difficult to feel, hear and understand the other… It is challenging to build trust without it…
  • And, single handedly, tone of voice can throw off the whole thing. Partners get tricky in their communication. They might use pretty language, but their tone is literally speaking louder than words.

Master this skill by being intentional about presenting consistently with what you are trying to convey.  

Interest and Active Listening

Let’s say that you are not interested in what your partner is talking about. Let’s say they are talking about nutrition and all things wellness and you don’t give a hoot about that. How do you stay engaged in this kind of conversation?

Note, you don’ have to have the same interests, same views and agree on stuff to have a good conversation and to connect… This is a huge expectation and mistake partners make.

The key here is to be interested in your partner’s experience, feelings, perspective, preferences, what is happening for them, understanding their position or ideas and just being curious about your partner and their life…

It’s fascinating to be witness to how another person operates and what they are making of their human experience… Take your partner’s in! They are your Journey Partner. It behooves you to learn them…

With this mindset then it is much easier to be interested and show interest in a conversation. To ask questions, to genuinely wonder and want to understand and know. To get what’s being conveyed, and not just factually obviously. 

Listen more than you speak, don’t interrupt, and reflect back what you are hearing. You got this.

Empathy and Compassion

This is a challenging area for partners. Specially for the one that is not as expressive or in touch with their feelings. If they are used to being guarded and have a tendency for blame and shame… If they have difficulties being vulnerable and tolerating vulnerability… Their emotional range is limited.

Having empathy means understanding and sharing the feeling of another person. Really getting how they feel. The other’s suffering is felt. It’s an emotional response.

Having compassion means understanding the other’s feelings and wanting to alleviate them or help. It’s a cognitive response.

Empathy precedes compassion, and without compassion empathy is exhausting as there is no outlet or opportunity to process the feelings…

We want to be able to be there for our partner and for then to know that we are there… The key here is to become more versed in feeling our own feelings, understanding the feelings of the other, expanding our emotional lexicon, and navigating how to be supportive to the other’s feelings.

This does not mean we offer how to fix things and solutions unsolicited!

Clarity and Succinctness

This is where things get tricky as partners usually have opposite communication and information processing styles.

The “male partner” is usually more on the spectrum side of linear thinking and speaking, cognitively logical, and data and facts driven. They are more precise and concise.

The “female partner” is usually more on the spectrum side of circular thinking and speaking, emotionally logical, and creativity and intuition driven. They are more ambiguous and long-winded.

There are pros and cons to both styles, and it gets messy in interactions the more the partners tend to polarize.

The key here is to go into a conversation or exchange with an understanding for the other’s proclivity and with a mindset of tolerance, acceptance and patience for the difference. And, then to mitigate the difference to get on the same page. This is where communication tools come in very handy.

Respect and Mindfulness

Hey, nobody likes to be talked down to, condescended, criticized, undermined, interrupted, yelled at, cursed at and such…

Being respectful in general in our relationship is paramount, and this even includes honoring requests and agreements, being PC and clean, not making jokes at the partner’s expense, not throwing them under the bus or divulging confidences, to name a few.

But more specifically in terms of communication, conversations just need to be respectful. Even if they escalate into a fight. Nothing good comes from crossing lines, being nasty, hurting your partner, and cutting at the bond cord between you…

Create a set of rules of expectations for communicating respectfully… Communication tools come in very handy here as well.

In terms of mindfulness, this is where we enter all interactions with a heart-based approach. Where we are mindful of our partner’s sensitivities, needs and preferences. We go in being mindful of the other human in the room with us… And, of how we honor and support them. How we can gift them with our brilliance. How we can synergize in this Journey…

Clarifying and Summarizing

If you’ve done fairly well with the above in an interaction, then this one is pretty easy. And if you haven’t this can be your chance to regroup and reset…

Clarifying is about stating what you are getting from the other’s message, making sure you are getting it, and asking any questions to clarify anything that you are not getting. It is about getting a full understanding of what the other is trying to convey.

This is not about translating, making it about you, sneaking in your point or side, and such. This is about totally getting your partner. This has to do with your partner feeling felt, understood and accepted. You don’t have to agree or love anything they are saying. You just need to get it, you need to get them. That’s the point of the exchange.

Partners have different experiences in the same interaction, even different interpretation and recollection of interactions. That’s ok, the point is to get their side not to agree. Additional communication tools come in handy here to assist in addressing the differences.

Summarizing is about recapping what you’ve gotten and are taking away from your partner’s sharing. This is how you feel you got somewhere… It’s impossible to have a good summary if the communication didn’t flow well.

Additional Observations

Very often partners get stuck and start looping because they get hung up on the others’ language, what they assume they mean, and what motivates they believe the other might have… The person that’s supposed to be listening gets all prickly about how the other is talking and their message. This is actually not only a communication issue, but also a boundary breach.

NOTE: Your partner is not defending a dissertation, submitting a novel for the Pulitzer prize, or trying a federal case. Unless you are talking with the intention of making a decision about something, don’t get hang up on facts, data and precision. Experiences and feelings are not about that…

And definitely don’t correct grammar, language, pronunciation and the like unless there is an agreement between that it’s ok to do so for some reason… You are not the boss of how your partner speaks, communicates or shows up…

Now that you understand these basic, but not easy and yet very learnable skills, your job is to expand your repertoire and mastery of this area of communication. Then, pursue corresponding tools and voila, you are cruising with getting on the same page.

As soon as you start practicing these skills, you’ll notice a significant difference on how your interactions go and your ability to connect…

ASSIGNMENT:  Share and explore these Communication Skills with your partner. Invite them to improve communication in the relationship.

Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…

With Love & Light!

 

PS1 – Did you get the complimentary Themed Webinar yet?

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  • Is there friction and conflict in your relationship?
  • Do you find that you are getting on each other’s nerves more and more?
  • Are you experiencing increased bickering and fighting?
  • Does it feel like you want different things in life and from your relationship?
  • Are you feeling disconnected, stuck, and frustrated?

You are not alone, as if couples don’t have a challenging time creating their authentic, nurturing and amazing relationship to begin with. Add the additional current stressors we are experiencing through this global pandemic and partners are having a real hard time.

Couples now have more complexity in their lives managing working from home and their children’s constantly changing school situation with compromised support and limited outlets.

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  5. Creating a Collaboration System

Start creating your successful relationship! Sign up today!

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PS2 – As always, we are here for you! If you need more support creating your successful relationship and meaningful life, we are here to help. I’d be honored to speak with you about how we can help you. Schedule a Get Acquainted Call to connect, discuss how we can help you and how to get started. Look forward to Connecting with you!

 

PS3 – Related Posts: 
Is your partner always late? 
Are you controlling? 
When your partner baits you 
When do you get on your partner’s nerves? 
How much do you get your partner?  
Can you change your partner? 
Can’t get your partner to do what you want? 
How do you show your commitment?   
What about compassion?  
Are you tapping into your partnership synergy? 
The 5 Elements of the Successful Couple Strategy™  
Embrace a life-changing mindset  
Enhance your life with better boundaries!  
Step up your communication skills!   
Change your repeating patterns and stuckness!  
Are you mastering how to connect?   
Create your strongest partnership possible

 

   Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? 

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: 
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Get along, get on the same page, get things done

Get along, get on the same page, get things done

Unfortunately, the feeling of being stuck and feeling hopeless in one’s relationship is not uncommon. Many partner’s feel they are not compatible, they don’t enjoy each other’s company, and can’t see a future together… A sad state of affairs. Partners get to this point because they get entrenched in their own perspective losing sight of the other and the relationship, and the gorgeous potential… Once this is recaptured, they get along, get on the same page and get things done… They move forward creating their successful and radiant relationship!

Are you feeling stuck? You don’t have to be!

Here are 3 Tactics to help you start moving forward:

Learn to get along

Getting along doesn’t mean agreeing on everything or denying and swallowing your preference and desires. Getting along means understanding what you each want, why and finding a way of honoring both sides…

Couples usually get this all wrong. Partners dig in their heals on their side and look at their partner as the enemy for not giving up their own preference for them. They become extremely egocentric. Everything that is going on is filtered through the lens of did they got what they wanted. And if they didn’t, they compute a notch against their partner. Yuck!

This is definitely not a relationship enrichment approach, nor an emotionally safe approach of being in relationship. This cuts at the bond between the partners, disrupts their attachment. This breaches boundaries and undermines the other. This erodes self-esteem and confidence. This creates doubt and stuckness in the relationship.

We can be very good at making a federal case against our partner. We can be very good at connecting all the dots to prove ourselves right, for making the case of how we’ve been wronged in some way. We can be very good at presenting the logic behind how our partner let us down, again.

But, when we approach our relationship this way, we are just cheating ourselves out of the synergy and the gift inherent in our relationship… Gone are the days of finding a partner for contractual reasons. Now we choose each other and there is meaning in our choice. We forget to honor and benefit from that…

Getting along has to do with understanding each other, getting our partner and validating what’s true for them (showing them we get them), having their back, having their best interest at heart, approaching them from our heart and not our head (ego). It has to do with honoring that we are different people and working at figuring out how to make our differences work for us instead of against us…

So, for starters – stop looking at yourself as the victim in your relationship. Stop looking at your partner as the villain, the enemy, the bad guy. Stop looking at the relationship as dissatisfying and hopeless.

Instead take a step back and see the gift that is your partner and relationship. See how your partner does contribute, has your back, is committed… See the intentions, attempts, and willingness. However small these might be at this juncture… Remember, your partner is hanging in there as well…

Look at your partner with your heart and with compassion, not with your head and with criticism… See them, see their essence. Look beyond the noise, defenses, and imperfections… Once you shifted, then approach them…

Get on the same page

Being on the same page does not mean agreeing on a topic or situation, looking at an issue the same way, loving your partner’s perspective or approach and the like.

It does mean understanding where you are each coming from, what is significant about their experiences and why, how that fits with who the individuals are and what is going on for them, what’s the purpose and motive behind their actions, what are just defenses and not ill intentioned behaviors, what are attempts at pleasing and connection but just with poor delivery…

Getting a clear understanding of what is happening by giving the partner the benefit of the doubt, some grace, and compassion helps break impasses… Partners get stuck because they refuse to see the other side. They get stuck by trying to be right by making the other wrong… They get stuck because their perspective becomes very cloudy with their own position, circumstance and wishes.

Getting on the same page means finding a common ground, happy medium, or way of agreeing to move forward… It’s ok for your partner to get their way on what is really important to them. It’s ok for you to get your way on what is really important to you. When there is a mutual topic that is really important to both, know that there are usually degrees of how important something is to someone and hardly ever do people feel exactly the same way… Therefore, the discrepancy can be used to break impasses…

Now, don’t be stubborn and find this to be the thing you both agree on 100%! If you find that you are doing this, you are still very much entrenched in your own side… Then, this a YOU problem, not a partner problem… Remember the 80/20 rule. That any situation that is troubling you, is 80% about you, and 20% about what your partner is doing or now doing… Giving your 80% attention should keep you busy enough to have any desire to focus on your partner’s 20…

Getting on the same page is YOUR inside job. It’s is not your partner’s job. Now, if your partner were reading this, the same applies to them… So you see, you both work on your own in-sides…

Please bear in mind that you each have your own style, pace and ability for working on your side. If you are focusing on how much your partner is doing or not doing, how they are doing it, and how fast – again, you are focusing on the wrong side…

Focus on you and you’ll see how fast things actually change! For when we show up differently, we invite (co-create) different stuff…

So for starters – invite your partner into a conversation where the focus in on how you get their side… How you get them, get their point of view, perspective or experience, understand what is happening for them and what they desire and why, etc.

Seriously, keep this ONLY about them… Once your partner feels gotten, they un-dig their heals… Stop the conversation while you are ahead, don’t turn it back to you or try to address any issues at this time. Select another time to come back to the rest… In the meantime, watch the different energy and dynamics that come from your investment…

Get things done

You’ll notice that once you start shifting and showing up differently, agreeing on courses of action and staying synchronized becomes much easier!

A mistake that partners make is trying to control what their partner does, how they do it and when they do it – micromanaging so it gets done on their timetable. Who wants to live like this? Not for nothing the partner is shutting down, not showing up, disappearing or doing a crappy job…

When we control and micromanage, we ensure that the other doesn’t show up with their genius and internal resources. We end up creating a self-fulling prophecy that the other is not there, we are alone and unsupported, and we have to take care of everything… Right? We are just validating our scripts and repeating our patterns…

Now, you might be saying – Yeah, but when I put my partner in charge of such and such, or remove myself from something, or let this go or that go, they are still dropping the ball…

 To that I say that the “delegation”, collaboration, wasn’t set up properly… You dumped the task on your partner without buy-in, guidelines, and the like. You gave up a task and your partner has no idea that it’s theirs now. You claim something is no longer a task, but still want the results of having a related task completed. And, a host of other funny business that sets you up to not be properly and genuinely supported…

If you are not getting what you want, what do you need to do differently to get it…? We have no control over what other people do, including our partner. But we do have control over what we do, how we show up and how we set things up…

So for starters – review the things you are not getting enough support on, that are getting on your nerves, that your partner keeps f*g up, and the like… Make a list of all the annoyances, of all the supposed dropped balls…

Now, take a look at how those balls were put into circulation… Hey, you might think you both have done an amazing job at setting up who owns this ball. And, yet it is still dropped. To that I say that it wasn’t really set up amazingly… Dig into why the ball is dropped. The best of intentions could have been in place to pick up this ball, but maybe the picking up wasn’t set up realistically…

You can go two ways here, find the theme of what is happening or identify the ball that is aggravating you the most. Then address this with your partner.

Now, don’t go in with guns blazing… Go into the conversation shifted, getting their side, and addressing it from what’s happening for you around this ball. Don’t go into the conversation by noting how your partner sucks and how they failed you, again…

ASSIGNMENT: Take note which of these three areas is most wobbly for you:

      • Get along – mindset
      • Get on the same page – communication
      • Get things done – collaboration

Then, give that area all your attention. Don’t dabble, be serious about making a change!

When you embrace taking ownership of how you do you in your relationship, you’ll be amazed at how quickly and beautifully you start seeing the changes you want.

Tackling the tactics above helps you make some head way in the implementing 3 of 5 key Elements in the Successful Couple Strategy™: Context/Mindset (1), Communication/Alignment (2), and Collaboration/Partnership (5). Woot!

Start creating changes within you so you can see changes in your relationship!

Happy Changing!

 

PS1 – Monthly Complimentary Themed Webinar:
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-Take control of your mind and your day 
-Adopt a Relationship Enrichment Mindset and Lifestyle
-Embrace the Art of a Self-Care Practice 
-Get along, get on the same page, and get things done as a team 
-Deepen your connection and enhance your intimacy 
Sign Up Here!

PS2 – We’ll be having Facebook Lives to go along with our blog posts! Tune-in on Thursdays at 10:30 am ET (mark your calendar!)

PS3 – Check out Related Posts:
Do you have dirty thoughts about your partner?
Do you play with your partner?
Are you giving enough to your honey? 
Are you being nice to your partner?
Feeling stuck in your relationship? 
Do you support each other?
Are you ready for deeper connection with your spouse?
When do you get on your partner’s nerves? 
How much do you get your partner?
Can you change your partner? 
Can’t get your partner to do what you want? 
How do you show your commitment?

PS4 – Get your Quotes & Quickies™ for this post! 

 

 

 

   Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? 

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: 
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

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