Have you ever wondered how some people create successful lives and others settle for mediocre ones? Have you taken this a step further and wondered how some people create successful relationships and others settle for mediocre ones? I have.
This is my life’s purpose… It’s a constant wonder and question for me. My every breath, thought, and action revolve around this. I’m obsessed with this. There is a common theme to my musings, research, and work driven by the question of how we can Be our Best Self… Reach our Highest Potential…
What’s really amazing to even me is that I don’t get tired of this and I’m not kidding, I’m obsessed. I build my days around these concepts. They drive my every intervention in session with my clients and are the drivers behind everything I create.
How can we do this better? How can we build on our strengths? How can we invest, contribute, nurture, related, etc. better? All driven by a desired to see people accomplished in life and in their relationship… I want us to have our best Human Experience…
As I continue on my search to assist others, and myself, in this endeavor I have found a common denominator underlying an awesome life and relationship. I have found that to be Self Love and Self Acceptance… I’ve written about this before maybe not in these exact terms, but the theme has been pervasive. It is ringing loud in my head.
As if I’m to go to the top of a mountain and yell this down for those that still don’t get it to get on board… I’m reading works on high achievement and performance, peak potential, conscious living and the like. I’m fine-tuning my language and context… I’m learning that even more specifically, the key is Self Mastery.
It exhilarates me to explore and research this, to connect the dots in different ways, to integrate concepts, fields and schools in new ways, to translate them into accessible frameworks, to devise practical mechanisms for ready consumption for improving our quality of life and relationship.
The marrying of Self Mastery to creating our Authentic Life and Awesome Relationship is paramount. I am now understanding more and more my purpose…, how I’m the translator and integrator of these concepts and conduit for implementation. At first glance, this might all seem obvious and others are already on this wagon. But if this is so obvious and accessible, why aren’t we all extremely successful in all areas of our life?
I know that we are our own worst enemy. We for sure get in our own way. I see this day in and day out in my practice, and dare I share, in my own life. I know we are not perfect. But I know most of us can do much better than we do… Therefore, the challenge of the day is how can we improve our Self Mastery? How can we take charge of ALL aspects of our lives in a way that create massive results for us?
We have a tendency to play victim, point fingers, blame circumstances, and find excuses for things that don’t go as we wish in our lives. What we fail to see over and over is that we are creating our life either intentionally or unintentionally. Either by design, or by accident and lack of ownership, we are creating it…
It is imperative that we start taking charge, that we set out to intentionally create what we desire, that we make sure we function at our most optimal level, that we do not leave anything to chance. Why wouldn’t we go about creating a Magnificent Life and Relationship intentionally, rather than leaving it to chance and trial and error? Doesn’t that seem silly to you not to do so?
So for today, I want us to first take a pledge to take our life seriously and to decide to create a Master Piece – obviously including our relationship… Then, I want us to focus on developing Self Mastery.
This means: — Learning Healthy Self Soothing and Self Management Techniques — Working Through Fear and Limiting Mindset — Breaking Bad Habits and Creating Healthy Ones — Developing, Implementing and Sticking to our Self Care Plan — Generating Naturally Unlimited Energy — Harnessing the Power of Focus — Creating a Personal Brand — Embracing Your Purpose
I know that Being our Best Self invites our Partner’s Best Self to come out and play with us… I know that when we bring our Best Self forward, we create and attract awesomeness in our life and relationship. I know that when we bring our Best Self forward that we live our Authentic Life. I know that when we rock, we Rock!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…
Happy Rocking!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Rate your level of Self Mastery in the areas listed below (1 lowest – 10 highest):
___ Learning Healthy Self Soothing and Self Management Techniques
___ Working Through Fear and Limiting Mindset
___ Breaking Bad Habits and Creating Healthy Ones
___ Developing, Implementing and Sticking to our Self Care Plan
___ Generating Naturally Unlimited Energy
___ Harnessing the Power of Focus
___ Creating a Personal Brand
___ Embracing Your Purpose
Note your top 3 lowest ratings. Pick one of these. This requires your immediate attention to get you moving further along your path of High Achievement, Accomplishment and Success in your life AND relationship. Determine how you will invest in enhancing your Self Mastery in your chosen area. Determine your first actionable step towards implementation, and get to it! Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
I find that most couples do not have a vision of their future in place. They do not know where they are going in life. They deal with things as they come up, live pay-check-to-pay-check or floating their lives on credit cards, putting out fires, and mechanically going through their days.
They cannot benefit from their inherent synergy and gifts because they do not have a vision of how they want their future to be, never mind a plan for getting there.Going through life without a plan is like going on a road trip without a map, you will not enjoy the ride!
This is a complete waste of a perfect partnership! And yes, you are a perfect partnership even if it doesn’t seem like it at the moment… You are a perfect partnership in that you complement each other, you trigger each other creating opportunities for growth, and have a vested interest in seeing each other (your “team”) succeed. No other partnerships meet these criteria to their full extent.
Not utilizing the partnership with your lovie to its full potential is such a crime! Everything you need is already built in. Your job is to learn how to use it for maximum results. And, the first step is to know how you want things to be. Have a very clear picture of this for now and for the future.
I know that this may seem unbelievable when you are struggling in your relationship. This might seem far-fetched and unrealistic. But, the way to go about this is to take a look at your relationship by being removed from it by looking AT it and not from within it. This enables you to see the bigger picture.
This allows you to see what is holding you back from your vision… Why is there a struggle in the relationship? If your struggle could talk, what would it say it is trying to teach you? What are the lessons in the struggle? What is the stretch? How does it push you to grow up, own yourself, learn new skills, address unresolved issues, change patterns, etc.?
For you see your relationship is a path to becoming your Authentic Self. When you start addressing, learning, resolving, growing, healing, etc. you become ready for creating your vision. You achieve the means for manifesting your Authentic Life
I understand how challenging this is for those of you who can’t even see a future with your partner. I implore you to not worry about deciding on the status of your relationship, nor to worry about the possibility of this. Instead, put that in a box on a shelf to be addressed at a later time.
In the mean time, as long as you are still with your partner… I want you to focus on Being with your partner… Give it your all! This is the only way – you will either create an awesome relationship or know sooner than later that this is no longer a viable path for you. So, don’t torture yourself “deciding”, you will know…
What does it mean to give it your all? It means you do targeted investing in your relationship – not “crooked trying”. I hear all the time how partners “have tried it all”… When exploring this – the partners did the same old over and over, stuck with their ego, waited for their partner to change, and in a nutshell didn’t really do much investing but wasted time and resources… No wonder they are tired and feel hopeless!
I want you to go at this from a different place. Stop your usual and give to your partner how they prefer to be given, how they like to receive… Focus on what you contribute, what you need to change and improve. Give this your full attention. Tweak and tweak. Do a “Groundhog Day” on your approach to your relating. You will crack the code.
You have the opportunity and all you need right now to go at this for ultimate results,manifesting your vision – creating your Authentic Relationship and Life. Don’t over think it! Just go for it!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life… Please share your takeaways on our Blog!
Happy Tweaking!
~Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
If you are questioning your commitment: Stop it! Go at your relationship as if you are committed… Give it your all. If you are struggling: Take a moment to look AT your relationship, and look for how you need to be in it differently… If you want to make things even better: Create a relationship vision and a plan of action for investing in and nurturing it, and your Life… Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
I read a while ago, and found it applicable to many areas of our life, that we can handle as much as the span of your wings… I’m sure you’ve heard the saying that God, the Universe, doesn’t bestow (good or bad) onto you more than you can handle? We can use this concept well in our growth, healing and thriving Journey.
A way to use this is to “grow our wings”. This means doing whatever it takes to become a better version of ourselves: heal any past trauma or emotional wounds, pass your stuck development stage (grow yourself up), re-parent yourself, learn any lacking or improve any weak skill that you wish to have, break any debilitating habits, wrap any unfinished business, close any exits leaking energy, stop or remove any excuses or reasons holding you back.
Embrace your stretch to break your patterns, figure out what makes you the better person and go that route…
Once you’ve tackled growing your wings as mentioned above, the next level of this is to “grow your wings” by leveraging – using others’ wings, systems, and structures to expand your reach. We can only go so far by ourselves. We need leverage to create our World Class Life, for life not to be a struggle but a joy.
We want our life to be a true reflection of our Core Self. We want to own and honor our Authentic Self and live accordingly… We tend to live such small lives… We drown in a glass of water… We miss the forest for the tree…
I have come to know, the hard way unfortunately, that we cannot leverage unless we grow our own wings first… I’ve seen this in my own life, and see this day in and out in my work with clients… Doing our own growing is challenging, some fight even this, so imagine how challenging it is to embrace the higher level of growing by leveraging.
I find that we hold ourselves back in all areas of our lives. If we pursued our becoming our best Self with gusto, then the Universe becomes the limit…
I’m sure this can seem daunting right about now, but don’t let it overwhelm you. This is a special area where your relationship becomes indispensable and the gift it’s meant to be… You have untapped resources inherent to your relationship:
What is a recurring hurt in your relationship with your partner? What is the theme that keeps playing out?
What are things that keep coming up in your relationship that alert you to a growth place?
What is a way in which you hurt your partner that indicates a stretch for you…?
View yourself through your partner’s eyes (this can be painful!)…
Identify how you sabotage your relating and make a parallel to the rest of your life, for how we do anything is how we do everything…
What do you love about your partner that you can emulate? What is an awesome characteristic that makes your partner stand out that you can learn from?
How are you rejecting exactly what you are asking for? How are you shooting yourself on the foot?
What is your partner’s unique gift that you keep squashing?
How can you support your partner’s growth, healing and thriving? (Practically and by working through the questions above…)
How are you dishonoring your Souls’ Contract…?
Did you know that your relationship is a lot more than just a place for fun, paying bills and having children? It’s time you give it is due reverence! Your relationship is the key to your World Class Life… Give it a whirl. Embrace this concept, apply it, work it, invest in it, live by it, honor it with gusto and watch your wings grow… Watch your life become a World Class Life. Live your Authentic Life!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life… Please share your takeaways on our Blog!
Happy Growing!
~Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Pay very close attention to how your partner actually does support your Souls’ Contract and stop taking them for granted. Pay attention to how your partner colludes with you for your growth… Call it what it is and appreciate your partner for their gift. Approach challenges with this new take in mind… Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
When couples struggle it is very common to find that the partners have not yet found a way to honor and support each other in genuine, compassionate and generous ways. Partners share that they have tried it all and are tired of not getting anything back, getting their needs met, nor being able to create an awesome relationship.
They participate in their relationship with an ego (fear-based, selfish, and self-centered) approach. These partners have difficulties letting go and trusting their partner…
This is when partners are controlling, overfunctioning, overwhelmed, frazzled, accident prone, chaotic, exhausted, and rundown. They have poor boundaries, take on too much, can’t say no, can’t seem to implement and stick with self-care routines, have no clue as to how to delegate, are stingy about investing in support, and get in their own way of success and embracing their magnificence.
It gets as bad as impacting their finances, household ambiance, and personal appearance. They are possibly even facing health issues and might be dealing with infertility. This is not a fun way to be in relationship and live our life!
So, if our relationship and our life are so miserable, why do we keep doing more of the same? I’m sure you know that by doing more of the same we get more of the same results. I find that partners want to create a different relationship without stretching, growing, healing and changing…
They prefer to focus on what is wrong with their partner, working on changing their partner or waiting for their partner to change… They dig their heals in, in the name of “this is who I am… take it or leave”. For things to be different, YOU have to change!
We of course do not want to change the core you, your Authentic Self, who you ARE. What we do want to change is your not owning your Authentic Self, your not honoring your Self! And, your funky approach to your life and your relationship that at the end of the day is not serving either of you… We want to change how you are with your Self and with your Partner.
Do you find that you abandon your Self…? That you are not there for yourself and don’t appropriately take care of yourself? Be careful how you answer these questions. A lot of times we think we are taking care of ourselves but instead we are either doing more of the same which hasn’t been working, shoot ourselves in the foot, or are being reactive and not honoring…
How can we trust others to be there for us, when we are not even there for ourselves? We can take this a step further. How can others love us, if we don’t love ourselves…?
Mind your ego… I’m sure it is telling you that your partner can’t support you, that you’ve tried that with horrible results. And, the like… Stop that line of thinking right now. Don’t host a dinner party for your ego. I’m sure your partner supports you in ways that you don’t even recognize… I’m sure your partner is willing to support you better… This is the moment of truth. Do you want to have an awesome relationship? If so, give your partner a chance!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life… Please share your takeaways on our Blog!
Happy Supporting!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Get support now!
From your Self – implement a meditative practice, NOW! This is a direct channel to your Authentic Self, your Soul. This is the easiest way to stop the abandonment and build connection with your Self. This is the fastest way to honor and know your Self. This is the best way to attune with your Life’s purpose…
From your Partner – identify one behavior your partner does to support you that you haven’t recognized and acknowledge this to your partner. Select a supportive behavior you would like from your partner and responsibly, appropriately, and clearly ask for it.
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
A crippling state in relationships is when partners can’t seem to get each other and get on the same page. Partners struggle with being themselves, seen, accepted, recognized and embraced. I find when couples struggle is because the partners are having a difficult time honoring themselves and each other…
The partners get busy trying to be seen, acknowledged, get their needs met and have their way that they lose sight of the other and shoot themselves in the foot with their approach. They encroach on their partner bringing about the opposite of what they are actually seeking.
Partners bring baggage (wounds, triggers, buttons) and blind spots to their relationship that makes them vulnerable to recreating disappointing patterns. They bring histories laden with poor role modeling and emotional injuries, lack of relational and self management skills, meager relationship and life mindsets, invalidating habits and routines, and a haphazard approach to their relationship.
— It behooves partners to identify what emotional injuries they are carrying around that keeps attracting situations as opportunities to repair and heal… Why be tortured and get smacked upside the head by leaving this to chance? Assertively seek out what is your internal driver and set up a plan to address and heal this. It is time to eradicate this black hole that sucks the life out of your relationship.
— It behooves partners to learn how to effectively participate in their relationship for maximum impact and results. This needs to be a life long investment to always enhance, improve and sharpen their skills – communication, conflict resolution, decision making, breaking patterns, meeting needs, self soothing, containing, risk taking, nurturing, connection, intimacy, dreaming, goal setting and achieving, etc.
— It behooves partners to be intentional about what they allow to rent space in their heads. It is imperative to be mindful about thought processes, thinking habits and scripts, and negative and distorted thinking patterns they allow to ensnare them. Relationships are not logical puzzles to be solved!
— It behooves partners to proactively set up their support, environment, routines, rituals and self care to facilitate a smooth and pleasurable journey.
— It behooves partners to prioritize their partner, mindfully and intentionally give to their partner, stretch to meet their partner’s needs (in the stretch we grow… so we both benefit…), and set up mechanisms to make this effortless.
Partners have strengths they bring to the relationship that complement each other. It is important to capitalize on these as they are part of their attraction and their contribution to the relationship. A lot of times we focus on what we lack, what we need to do better, holes to fill, the stretches we need to make that we end up muting what we actually have to contribute…
For the Pursuer – How do you contain, chill out, let go, trust, continue to be nurturing without becoming a doormat or a martyr? Do embrace your expressiveness, connecting and nurturing know-how.
For the Distancer – How do you take a risk, be vulnerable, express feelings, and partake without losing your voice? Do embrace your practical, logical, and down-to-earth savvy.
When couples struggle they go to extremes using their assets making them a hindrance instead; or they pause or hide them in order to feel more compatible but end up cheating the relationship and their partner of their strengths and attraction…
Find the balance between overpowering and cheating your relationship of your strengths… Go forth honoring your Selves and properly investing in your relationship. Then awesomeness is in-stored for you!
Happy Balancing!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Identify a gift or character strength that you have been underutilizing in your relationship.
Gently (re)introduce it into your relating. Invite your partner to do the same.
Be aware of your own and your partner’s resistance in favor of maintaining the status quo…
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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