fbpx
Not sharing expectations leads to disagreements, conflicts, and arguments

Not sharing expectations leads to disagreements, conflicts, and arguments

One of the main reasons couples argue is because they are not on the same page. It’s not so much because they might disagree on something, but it has more to do with knowing and understanding where each partner is coming from. Partners usually make assumptions about what is going on, what their partner wants, and that they both want the same thing… Partners don’t always share what’s on their mind, their wishes, and desires and expect their partner to somehow know… Not sharing expectations with your partner is a sure way to not be on the same page, to have disagreements, conflicts, arguments, and fights. 

There are many reasons that partners might not share their expectations with each other, some include that:

~ They might not realize that it’s easier to get on the same page when the parties involved know what’s on the table

~ They might be afraid to share for fear of being misunderstood, judged, and rejected 

~ They might be worried that their partner knowing what they want might cause disagreements, conflicts, arguments, and fights 

What they don’t realize is that as they each operate from their own set of beliefs, opinions, expectations, and wishes that they are more likely than not to run into trouble. Can’t be on the same team, collaborate and work towards achieving a common goal if the partners are focused on different things and doing things in different ways. 

When the partners are not aligned, they are each going in their own direction making it impossible to make progress creating the home life, family, lifestyle, and life they want. Not to mention that there is friction and conflict at every step of the way, making it challenging to get along, feel good about the relationship, and cultivate connection and embrace their love. 

It is important for partners to get on the same page about their expectations so they can align and better collaborate, creating a strong partnership and successful relationship… 

Clarifying Expectations

The first order of business is to own for oneself what our beliefs are about all areas of life and relationship to make sure we have a clean mindset to draw expectations from… If we have limiting beliefs, a lack mentality, and just overall poor mental hygiene, we are likely to have faulty expectations out of the gate. 

Then not only would we not have communicated our expectations to our partner, but they are unrealistic and potentially out there as well. Talk about setting up our relationship to be a struggle… 

So, back to the first order of business, review all the areas for yourself first. Scrutinizing your beliefs about them as to:

~ How realistic they are
~ Do they make sense
~ How did you come to believe them
~ Did you choose these or were they passed down to you
~ Do you want to keep them
~ Do they need to be upgraded
~ And so on

Clean up what you believe about each area to be really representative of where you stand with things. Fully own what you believe in its cleanest form. 

The areas, topics, and concepts to review include things like:

  • Dating
  • Intimacy
  • Connection
  • Affection
  • Touch
  • Sex
  • Sexuality
  • Body
  • Gender
  • Gender Roles
  • Relationship
  • Commitment
  • Marriage
  • In-laws
  • Husband
  • Wife
  • Spouse
  • Partner
  • Partnership
  • Pregnancy
  • Nursing
  • Children
  • Parenting
  • Discipline
  • Education
  • Health
  • Illness
  • Death
  • Weight
  • Priorities
  • Goals
  • Collaboration
  • Support
  • Chores
  • House Keeping
  • Leisure
  • Vacation
  • Career
  • Success
  • Finances
  • Debt
  • Money
  • Spirituality
  • Religion
  • Politics
  • Social Systems
  • Social Institutions
  • And so on… 

Explore as much or a little as makes sense for where you are in your relationship and add other things that are important to you that might not be captured on the list. Then you are ready to share with your partner…  

As you can probably see, these are big things that we have all sorts of ideas, preferences, and expectations about that we might not be fully aware ourselves and that are impacting our relationship and our life. 

And, as you can probably see, these can wreak some havoc in our interactions and our relationship if we are not proactive about what we belief and expect and about making that known… 

Just remember when you have your sharing session with your partner, to be gentle, open, understanding, accepting and mindful. Both your sides are equally as valid, and you might find that you diverge on things. 

That’s ok. That’s the point of this exercise. To find the differences so you can work on getting on the same page for improving your collaboration, partnership and overall relationship and life.

 

Watch our Theme Videos on our YouTube channel

Get this FREE simple Relationship Collaboration System exercise

 

Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

PS: Related Articles
Things might not be working right now but they can…
Create your life vision through relationship collaboration
A strong partnership is key to creating your best life
Spring to a new level in your relationship and life
Are you a strong partnership?

 

PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?

Interested in Couple Therapy, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Coaching, Individual Therapy or Support Sessions?

We can help with our private and group memberships:
Sessions Membership

Lifestyle Membership

Look forward to seeing you inside!

 

   Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™
with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

How to run a smooth household and create the life you want [VIDEO]

How to run a smooth household and create the life you want [VIDEO]

It takes intentionality to become our best self, create our successful relationship, and live a meaningful life… Too often though we go about life putting out fires, banging around, and living by default. We do the grind and if we are lucky, we plan and enjoy time off. 

But is this all there is to life at the end of the day? Is this the life we want to live? Have you given thought to what kind of life you want to live, what kind of relationship you want to be in? Have you given any thought about how to create these? For they don’t just happen… 

To run a smooth household and create the life you want requires getting on the same page with your partner. About what you want to create and how to go about creating it. How to easily work together and collaborate in your marriage or committed relationship.  

As we get back from the Summer and vacation mode, it’s time to assess how we go about our relationship and our life to ensure we set ourselves up to rock the rest of the year. Now is the time to realign with our life vision and get on the same page with our partner about our goals and the lifestyle we want to create. To make any adjustments to stay on the right track. 

Consider how you’d like the rest of the year to go, what codes you still want to crack, and how you want to uplevel your relationship and your life…  

In today’s video, I show how to identify what you want to create and how to go about creating it with your partner. 

I talk about how to:
~ Have a Joint Vision
~ Divide and Conquer Responsibilities
~ Operate from the Same Page

Here is coming back from Summer strong!

 

 

Watch other Monthly Theme videos on our YouTube channel

Get this FREE simple Relationship Collaboration System exercise 

 

Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

PS: Related Articles
Things might not be working right now but they can…
Create your life vision through relationship collaboration
A strong partnership is key to creating your best life
Spring to a new level in your relationship and life
Are you a strong partnership?

 

PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?

Interested in Couple Therapy, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Coaching, Individual Therapy or Support Sessions?

We can help with our private and group memberships:
Sessions Membership

Lifestyle Membership

 

Look forward to seeing you inside!

 

   Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™
with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Who better to ask about the best podcasts for relationship advice…

Who better to ask about the best podcasts for relationship advice…

What with Summer coming to an end, Labor Day Weekend coming up, and getting ready to be back from Summer Mode, I figured I’d do something a little bit different for you with this post… Because we are transitioning into a new season, a new chapter, a new beginning, it behooves us to get ready to ease into it. And what better way than taking some time to get motivated and inspired to create what we desire. Therefore, I curated a list of love, relationship, and marriage podcasts to draw from. Why not listen to the experts and the experienced on how to create your successful relationship. Who better to ask about the best podcasts for relationship advice than a marriage therapist?  

Let me tell you, it was not easy compiling this list. But I’m super excited with what I came up with, and to share some of my favorites. I loved listening to these podcasts about marriage and relationships. You may think that after helping couples professionally for over 20 years and working as a licensed marriage therapist every week that I wouldn’t find these interesting and insightful, but I did. And I really enjoyed the variety of topics and the production of the shows.

I hope you enjoy them as much as I did- you can give a listen while driving in the car or commuting, doing chores or exercising, or lounging by a poolside. Podcasts offer an easy yet powerful way to gain relationship-building insights for enriching your relationship, and you can tune in to your favorite platform from anywhere. You can add listening to podcasts to your relationship enrichment activities…

The right podcast can inspire you, give practical advice, and also go behind the scenes to show you how a successful marriage is created and nurtured. My favorites have hosts with either years of professional training and experience and is able to help you navigate the intricacies of marriage, or podcasters with relationship wisdom and successful relationship experience. 

There are podcasts for every stage of your relationship. Whether you are now starting to get involved in a committed relationship, preparing yourself for marriage, or looking for ways to sustain a marriage over time there is something for you. You can learn how to rekindle the passion in your relationship, foster a friendship with your partner, and help your marriage thrive than merely just survive. 

I have found podcasts that help handle finances, share household responsibilities, manage stress, overcome infidelity, and even blend families through remarriage. I chose a few to share with you that I felt would be the most impactful. They cover a nice range from podcasters to relationship experts themselves and some others in between. I listed them with their descriptions for your convenience. You are welcome.  

Best Relationship Podcasts

Here are my top podcast recommendations for gaining wisdom, perspective, and tools to enhance your most important relationship, that with your partner.

*Note of caution, I share these for motivation and inspiration and are not intended as replacements for psychotherapy and professional support. 

Hot Marriage, Cool Parents  
Are you looking for someone to share their deepest, darkest secrets on keeping their marriage spice? Are you like, “puhhlease DISH on how to be a cool parent.. because, yeah… I dunno!” Well Jamie Otis and Dough Hehner have got all you hubbies and wifeys – and mommies and daddies – covered, because each week they find a guest who will SPILL all their dirty secrets! Because we all wanna keep our marriages hot and our parenting cool! 

One Extraordinary Marriage Show
Is your marriage everything that you want it to be? Are you ready to make a change? Join Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo to create a strong marriage so you can have mind blowing intimacy inside and outside the bedroom. Marriage is not always easy but it’s so worth it. Come and make your marriage EXTRAORDINARY! 

The Empowered Wife Podcast
The Empowered Wife Podcast is all about fixing your relationship without your man’s conscious effort, even if it seems completely hopeless. Guests share how they fixed their marriages to men with anger issues, narcissism, alcohol abuse, verbal abuse, midlife crisis, affairs, physical abuse and more using the Connection Framework and the 6 Intimacy Skills. Every show reveals the very common mistakes that everybody seems to be making and show you exactly what to do instead to have a playful, passionate relationship. You can stop feeling lonely, exhausted and unloved and start feeling desired, taken care of and special again. 

Small Things Often, by The Gottman Institute 
Give your relationships a boost in 5 minutes or less with Small Things Often from The Gottman Institute. We provide simple, proven, quick tips to help you deepen and enhance your relationship. 

Foreplay Radio – Couples & Sex Therapy
Sex podcast to help committed couples keep it hot! Find hope to keep your marriage and committed relationship emotionally connected and sexually erotic. Certified sex therapist Dr. Laurie Watson is joined by George Faller, LMFT for an expert, frank and fascinating conversation about sex, love, therapy, relationship dynamics, healthy couples and marriage. They discuss everything from best sexual techniques and solving sexual problems, to building the emotional intimacy necessary for great sex in your relationship. Two therapists bring you sound, concrete tools to reframe your relationship problems and learn how to fall-in-love again, build trust, and feel desire. 

Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel 
Every Monday morning step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear your own stories reflected in the lives of others. So.. where should we begin?

Relationship Alive!
Neil Sattin interviews John Gottman, Sue Johnson, Harville Hendrix, Peter Levine, Stan Tatkin, Dick Schartz, Katherine Woodward Thomas, Diana Richardson, Terry Real, Wendy Maltz – and many others – in his quest to dig deep into all the factors that keep a Relationship Alive and Thriving! Each week Neil brings you an in-depth interview with a relationship expert. Neil is an author and relationship coach who is enthusiastic and passionate about relationships and the nuts and bolts of what makes them last.  

 

Had you heard any of these before? What do you look for in a relationship podcast? You can now create your own relationship podcast list!

Let’s get ready for the upcoming season with more tools, knowledge, motivation, and inspiration to enrich our relationship and our life. See you there!

 

Watch related Short Videos on our YouTube channel

Get this FREE Simple Exercise to Expand Yourself, find your purpose, enrich your relationship…

 

Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

PS: Related Articles
Exponentially expand and deepen your connection…
Embracing your partner as a blessing
Are you up for unconditional love?
Vulnerability is at the core of deeper and more meaningful interactions…
Loving practices for self-regulation and relationship enrichment

 

PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?

Interested in Couple Therapy, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Coaching, Individual Therapy or Support Sessions?

We can help with our private and group memberships:
Sessions Membership

Lifestyle Membership

Look forward to seeing you inside!

 

   Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™
with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Things might not be working right now but they can…

Things might not be working right now but they can…

Do you feel like life is a struggle? Are you having a hard time in your relationship? Do you find that you can’t seem to get along with your partner? That no matter how hard you try, you just can’t seem to get on the same page?

That you can’t create and sustain connection? That you can’t make headways in creating the life you want? Do you feel stagnant, stuck, hopeless? If so, you are not alone. Unfortunately, wanting to fix your relationship is a common desire. Things might not be working right now, but they can…

You want to have an amazing life but even thinking of pursuing a Life Vision feels foreign and overwhelming. You have no clue as to where to start. And thinking about living your best life feels ridiculous when your life is a struggle every day.

When you are constantly at odds with your partner. How can you possibly think of a dream life, a dream future? You don’t even know what would be in it- it is so far removed. And if you had an inkling it really just lives in dream land…

You can’t even consider going for it as you are in mostly survival mode. Yes, you have some good days and some fun times, but in all you are just grinding and surviving. You are not alive. You are not living your best life.

You are not on the same page, feeling deeply connected and having a flowing collaboration with your partner. You are not creating your joint Life Vision every day. The concept of manifesting it together is extraterrestrial talk.

When you pause to think about your life and your relationship, it feels like life is passing you by. It feels like you are incompatible with your partner- that they don’t get you and that you don’t care to get their ridiculousness.

You deeply want to fix your relationship because every conversation and interaction ends up in a disagreement, escalation, or at minimum both feel really bad- not heard, understood, gotten, valued or cherished. You keep triggering and annoying each other, you are constantly walking on eggshells, and are running on empty.

You can count on one hand how many times you were intimate in the past couple of months or had real fun together. So then, how can you possibly have bandwidth and energy for collaborating on a joint Life Vision…

I get it – even considering a joint Life Vision is the furthest thing from your mind…

What if I told you that you can come back from this disillusioned grim place? And that the way is actually quite simple, not easy but simple?

Fixing Your Relationship

The reason it’s not easy is because we love to blame our partner for what’s wrong. We focus on who they are, how they are, what they do, and not do, and so on. This is really an epidemic. When the couples we work with are stuck, it is partially because they refuse to not focus on their partner and how they supposedly ruin things…

You see focusing on your partner and how they should change- how they should stop lying, or start apologizing, or stop yelling, or start being nice, or stop being compulsive, or start being more compassionate, and so on- is not the answer.

We can’t make people do anything, we are not inside their brain and body to make them do the things we want. We can’t demand respect, understanding and niceness. This is not how we create our radiant and successful relationship…

But what I can tell you with certainty, is that you do have control over yourself and what you do… And, that when you do something different or show up differently that your partner automatically responds in kind… A different approach invites, inspires, a different response…

This is how you create change- this is how you help your partner change… This is how you create a different relationship that is the cornerstone of creating your best life. From this place you can envision and create your joint Life Vision… Voila!

Hey, I know that this is super hard to do for different reasons. It is especially hard to make our own changes and to show up differently, when our partner is doing what they do that so hurt or annoy us… But if you want to create your best life, it needs to start with you!

You can’t keep waiting for your partner to change or to do something different. You can be waiting a very long time, and that is if you even make is as a couple… You have the power, all the power, to change your relationship for you have control over what you do and what you do creates change…

It’s up to you. Do you want this relationship to work? Do you want to create an epic love affair with your partner? Do you want to create your best life? Do you want to strive for your Life Vison jointly? Well, let’s go- you can do it!

 

WATCH THE RELATED REEL ON IG: Your Relationship Depends on You   

GET THE RELATED THEME RESOURCE: Relationship Collaboration System

 

APPLICATION: How can you possibly change your relationship by yourself? The key is in fully owning all of you and showing up with your best self, as much as you can, as often as you can…

When you do this, your awesomeness will inspire your partner (and others!) to show up better themselves– and so in actuality you are both working it at the end of the day…

But when you wait for your partner as supposed to inspiring your partner, that’s when things move super slow and they are more painful than they have to be…

So, where do you start? Start as simply as possible and that is by having awareness of your self- your triggers, your sensitivities, your scripts, your stories, your wounds, your defenses, your shadows, how you show up and what you put out, your patterns, what you love, what you desire, what gives you joy, what’s fun and exciting for you, etc. Become more aware of you and learn yourself better!

How? Start with simple mindfulness practices, journaling, being with yourself, staying open and receptive… Strengthen yourself from within…

If you are at a loss for how to do this and stay the course for better taking care of and learning yourself, and how to inspire your partner- we can help

Take one action today to get you moving on your new track: Get a meditation app, get a new journal, schedule a Self Date, schedule an appointment with a couples therapist or other professional support, anything towards investing in yourself… Have fun!

 

You can do it! You can fix your relationship! Become your most radiant self and invite your partner to shine with you…

Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Create your Life Vision through Relationship Collaboration

Create your Life Vision through Relationship Collaboration

Have you embraced that there is no such thing as work-life balance? Striving for this is just crazy making. But there is a better way, that of work-life integration. Where work is just as a satisfying part of your life when we fully engage in it, as it is purpose and value driven…

The dilemma still remains how do we get all the business of life done when we spend so much time at work and enjoying our personal time…  The solution is in Relationship Collaboration. How you and your partner share in taking care of the business of life is the key… 

For some, there might be more to all this. Where they don’t enjoy their work, don’t have a satisfying personal life, and spin their wheels managing their business of life without making much head way to boot… Yikes! 

In that instance there is so much work to be done, but for this writing I’m focusing on the managing the business of life… I’ve seen couples take different approaches to sharing in the taking care of their business of life. 

I have found that when couples insist on doing everything together or in one partner taking care of all their business, that they slow down their progress in creating their life vision. Worse yet, they don’t even enjoy their current life and might even have relationship issues because the relationship dynamics are skewed. 

Either they are “too together” all the time where there isn’t enough healthy separateness, individuality, and independence. Or, one partner is overfunctioning and feeling overwhelmed, stretched thin, alone and resentful, and the other feels left out, intimidated, incompetent, disempowered, and not valued. 

In both scenarios the partners are not tapping into the inherent synergy built into the relationship nor capitalizing on their individual strengths. They are not making the most of their partnership in life, and the relationship suffers as a result as well… 

The key is to take on a divide-and-conquer and collaborative approach. Where the partners are invested in everything going on, share responsibilities by strengths, interest, and resources, have an empowering system for being in the know and staying current, and where they get to each contribute as they desire.

This approach benefits from the partners’ differences, which are usually opposite in nature giving a fuller range of strengths to the partnership as a whole. And it engages the partners fully in creating their Vision bringing more resources- bandwidth, time, focus, energy, and such to their quest.

When the partners focus on a common vision and goals, work together to achieve them using their gifts and strengths, and stay focused while having each other’s back, the result can’t be anything other than creating their best relationship and best life… 

Start better dividing-and-conquering and collaborating with your partner to make your dreams come true. Upgrade your approach with a simple yet powerful Relationship Collaboration System and seamlessly create your Life Vision…

 

WATCH THE RELATED REEL ON IG: Manifesting by Collaborating  

GET THE RELATED THEME RESOURCE: Relationship Collaboration System

APPLICATION: Are you ready to create your Best Relationship, Best Life, and your Life Vision? This can sound daunting, but in really it can be super simple:

First – Decide you are going for it, for real… Don’t hedge. Make a decision to start going for it. 

Second – Decide what you are going for and get on the same page with your Partner about it- explore and combine your Life Visions… 

Third – Decide what you want to create within the next 3 – 5 years, and then narrow it down to what you want to have created within the next year. 

Fourth – Start aligning everything towards that- how you spend your energy, time, bandwidth/focus, and money. 

Fifth – Implement a simple Relationship Collaboration System where you embrace a divide-and-conquer approach, seamlessly share responsibilities, and have each other’s back… 

Note that even though this seems easy, you might get stuck in any of the steps if you and/or your partner: Have a wobbly mindset or self-esteem, have poor communication skills and tools, have unresolved issues and patterns playing out, are not feeling so hot about each other, and your lives are a bit messy or behind in some areas… 

This doesn’t mean you can’t create the relationship or life you desire. It just means that you have a little more work to do that’s all. Don’t give up before you even start. Get the support you need to keep you moving- your life depends on it…

 

Let’s go for our best life ever, shall we? 

Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always… 

With Much Love & Light!

 

Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Pin It on Pinterest