I love this time of year! I love the coziness of the season, palette, and activities. I love making the holidays, from decorating to hosting to gifting. I love the urgency of getting projects done to wrap up the year with a bow.
But most of all, I love the planning of what’s to come next… I find this so exciting and enlivening! There is so much juice in dreaming and anticipating. There is so much empowerment in owning, designing, and implementing. There is so much pleasure and joy in witnessing the fruits and impact. And, this applies to personal, professional and philanthropic endeavors. The thing is to be mindful of not getting carried away with it all…
I find that we are great at piling it on. It’s amazing to me how overextended people allow themselves to get. They are way overcommitted and overambitious on how much they tackle. When we operate like this, we become paralyzed with overwhelm and we end up accomplishing less, with lesser results. What’s worse, we don’t enjoy the ride…
I get it, there is something to be said for reaching for more. I’m all for going big, going all out and making a splash. The key is in our approach. It behooves us to be mindful of how we choose to do and show up in our life for a life of Alignment and Delight.
Our Journey is what we make of it. It’s what we make of it on a daily basis. It’s what we choose to focus on and strive for. It’s who we choose to be along the way. We can do it the hard way or the way with ease…
As we tackle the most hectic, crammed, demanding and stressful season, I call for a different approach. As you tackle your Holiday & Year-End Process™ (HYP), I invite you to bring gentleness, ease and compassion to your approach. As you tackle rocking it, I encourage you to take on a bit of a minimalist approach. This does not mean small, neglectful, uncaring, dispassionate, poor quality, things falling through the cracks, and such.
This means being nice to yourself as you do your Journey… That’s part of the Journey itself! You can decide what it looks like for you to be nice to yourself… But, do note this is not referring to gifting yourself a high-end bag or some such material item… This is referring to how you:
Talk to yourself
Allow others to talk to you
Use your time
Set up your day
Set effective boundaries
Have targeted focus
Do your self-care
Invest in your personal development
Get and allow support
Show vulnerability
Embrace ease
Enjoy leisure
Are gently passionate
Are compassionate and kind to yourself
Get grounded and aligned…
When you start approaching your Journey with this softness and gentleness in your heart, is when you find yourself in an amazing relationship, an incredible life, and enjoy a Magnificent Journey…
I want you to tackle your HYP with a gentle touch… I want you to go for it but not at your expense… I want you to have a life of vitality, creativity, productivity, impact and meaning… I want you to have your Best Life…
ASSIGNMENT: Identify how you are mean to yourself. How you neglect, dismiss, silence, abandon, reject, push, beat up, abuse, devalue, minimize, squash yourself… What else might you do that is mean to yourself? Identify what triggers/promotes this treatment, what circumstances. Choose the one that makes you want to cry for treating yourself this way… The one that’s the most prevalent.
Decide what the opposite, the nice treatment of yourself, would be instead. What would you tell your friend to do? Turn that into a recurring self-protection and nurturing behavior. Add it to your calendar, planner, journal, and/or habit tracking app. Just make sure you are nicer to yourself!
Here is to rocking the season with ease, gentleness and compassion.
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Gentling!
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
It never ceases to amaze me what couples can accomplish and how they are able to turn their relationship around when they set their mind to it! I have literally seen miracles happen… I have seen couples come back from real horrible places. It is a formidable phenomenon to witness.
I have, unfortunately, also seen partners give up on their relationship without fully investing in creating changes. They get too hang up on what their partner is doing or not doing and how they are being or not being. This is a train wreck in the making… Very unfortunate indeed
If you find that you are struggling in your relationship, a little or a lot, I beg you to stop looking at your partner for answers or changes. This is only ingraining and maintaining your status quo. You can’t do anything about what your partner is doing or how they are… You were actually attracted to how your partner is…
Granted, how they show up nowadays might be different, but this is only a protection on their part… Their True Self, the person you fell in love with, is still there! I want you to remember this and engage your partner as if you can see their True Self… Ignore their nonsense and engage their True Self, Core Self, Authentic Self, Pure Self, Soul… When you engage Soul to Soul, miracles happen…
Your approach needs to be: to Be as you want to Be. Be the partner you want to be. Treat your Partner as if you are in love… Treat your Partner as if they are your dream come true… Treat your Partner as if they are the best thing in your life… Treat your Partner as if they deserve to be treated with the utmost love and care… Does this feel like too much? Exactly… Treat your Partner as an equal human being…
(Ouch!) We don’t generally invest in having an Awesome Relationship… Isn’t this crazy? We invest with all our might in other things, but not in our relationship and then we wonder how come it suffers. Then we wonder how come we are not treated well. Then we wonder how come it fails. We get what we put in!
I’ve been pushing my clients in this regard with CRAZY AMAZING results! I know it can be done.I know you can do it too. The trick is to focus on ourselves, not on what we don’t get and how we are wronged, but on what WE put in and what WE contribute.
When we focus on our stretches, how we communicate, on soothing ourselves when triggered, mindfully and respectfully going about getting our needs met, understanding our partner and having compassion for their experience, sprinkling our interactions with loving and caring gestures, setting things up for cooperation, etc. the tending pays off.
Sometimes this approach is challenging to embrace. I know this too… This is difficult because we are insecure, our Ego gets the best of us, we are holding on to resentments (the past), we might be projecting (putting things on our partner that’s not theirs…) or owning our partner (we know best how they should be and what they should do…), or we are not being accountable for our own Self – we are not being honorable and virtuous…
These get in the way. This is sucky. We do not want to go through life and our relationship like this. This is a sure way to being unhappy…
Instead, we want to invest with all our might, to really go for it. Now, I’m not talking about smothering or stalking your partner, being disingenuous, etc. I’m talking about really contributing the way your partner and relationship call for… As I’ve written before, partners share that “they’ve tried it all” and that “they do everything for the relationship” – but is what they have tried what is needed the way it is needed?
Usually it is not… Herein is the secret: tailored and targeted investing – not till you drop dead and at your expense investing, but just the right investment that meets both your needs… I’ve seen it done. I know you can do it as well!
So, figure out what is the right investment and go for it. It has to touch the right places, at the right times, in the right way while meeting both your needs. This might seem tricky but it is TOTALLY doable. Just put on your open minded lens and you’ll see… Invest the best, get the best…
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…
Happy Investing!
~Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Stop thinking about how your Partner stinks – stop thinking about how they could look better, do better, be better… Stop owning them! Start thinking about how You can invest better!! Focus on what You contribute and what You can do better… Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Usually we have good intentions and mean to invest in our relationship. Somehow this fizzles from the moment we have that thought or attitude to the next moment… We are very fickle in our thinking about the status and course of our relationship. One moment we are partners for life, the next we can’t wait to get rid of our partner… I see this day in and day out…
I see this play out in two ways in relationships:One is lack of focus, discipline and commitment. I find that partners mean well, they have an attitude and perspective adjustment, agree to invest in their relationship to soon after lose focus, dedication, momentum and commitment to their investment…
The other includes the arrogant and resistant partners who question everything, lack faith, struggle owning themselves, get stuck in victimhood or in logic when the business of being in a relationship is far from logical… If you are like most partners you probably have a combination of these.
The key is to establish mechanisms to keep you from fizzling:Challenging your thinking and perspectives when your Ego kicks in – Get in touch with your Authentic Self, compassion, love… Stay vigilant for any negative, other owning, blaming, and not accountable or honorable thinking. As soon as you spot these, eradicate them.
Using your emotional system – Most couples have one partner that is very emotional and one that is not very in touch with their feelings… The emotional partner is to contain and self-regulate, moderate their feelings. The other is to get in touch with them and share them.
Implementing self-management systems – Create repetition patterns for self-care (i.e., get a massage the last Friday of the month) and to-dos (i.e., do laundry every Sunday morning) and schedule them as necessary.
Implementing relationship enrichment systems – Establish rituals and routines for your contribution and nurturing (i.e., weekly dates, appreciation times, getting current “appointments”, night time flow, etc.).
Getting support – Put in place whatever you need to help you stay focused and properly investing in your relationship and your life! Enlist or hire help for chores, childcare, house maintenance, finances, nutrition, fitness, health, relationship shifting and enriching, and others that fit your situation and desires.
When we are intentional about our approach to our relationship and our life, we can’t not create the relationship and life we desire. The key is to be as intentional as possible about everything… You are the creator of your relationship and your life. Make it count. Set out to create an Awesome Relationship and an Authentic Life!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Life… Share your thoughts and progress on our blog page!
Happy Creating!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Be very mindful of what thoughts you allow to rent space in your head! Your mindset and expectations create your reality… Be intentional about your thinking and expectations. Identify two things that bother you about your relationship. Examine your thinking around them. Change your Ego perspective and expectations to a Compassionate and Loving perspective RIGHT NOW! Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Our relationship and life are a reflection of the choices we make… I find that we make poor choices at almost every turn and then wonder how come our relationship and life are not as we’d prefer them to be… I find that we do not own our Self and our life, that we do not know who we are and what we are meant to do… I find that we do not take the time to design our relationship and our life.
I find that we are not intentional about creating the relationship and life we desire. I find that we do not Live in the moment and create a fabulous relationship, and life, in every moment…
We have a choice every moment on what to think, how to feel, what to focus on, what to work on, how to respond to things, what to do, what to add or remove from our life, how to set things up, etc. We do not intentionally exercise the power of choice. We mechanically and by default go through life… What an awful and unsuccessful way to Live!
It is time to create an Awesome Relationship and Authentic Life! It is time to implement the habits of highly successful people. This means being intentional about EVERYTHING. This means exercising your power to choose. This means owning, honoring, your Self…
Embrace these basic habits of highly successful people (as it relates to life and relationships):
1) Visualize and decide what kind of life and relationship you desire…
2) Have your relationship and life reflect your values
3) Have a plan and work it!
4) Create balance in your life
5) Manage your Self
6) Be open to feedback and act on it!
7) Work through rough stuff, don’t avoid it
8) Be courageous. Feel your fear, but take action anyway!
9) Create win-win situations (compromise)
10) Take educated risks
11) Address problems quickly and effectively, to resolution…
12) Be adaptable and embrace change
13) Be proactive, not reactive…
14) Be generous, compassionate and kind
15) Strive to always improve your communication and other relational skills
16) Be brutal about removing complaining and blaming from your repertoire
17) Focus on positives and strengths, efforts, contributions, gifts
18) Look for the lesson and stretch in everything; be always learning, healing, growing
19) Use your mind as a tool, your body as your home, your feelings as your compass
20) Be your Spiritual Self
It is time to create your Awesome Relationship and Authentic Life – show up to it, own it, design it, create it, live it!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Life… Share your thoughts and progress on our blog page!
Happy Living!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Make a commitment to being the creator of your Awesome Relationship and Authentic Life.
Assert that you will exercise intentionality. That you will consciously choose at every turn.
Pick a Success Habit and implement it this week!
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Honor your Self. What does that mean? In my book, it means getting in touch with our Core, True, Authentic Self, our Soul, and operating from it in all we do.
This means being in connection with our Self, knowing our Self. Most of the time we are in a fog and cacophony of daily minutiae, mired in our ego approach to our relating and our life. We are shut down and completely disconnected from our Self.
Who are you? What is the point of you? Why are you here? What is the purpose of your life? I know these are huge questions, and one has to be ready to tackle them… If this feels too esoteric or out there right now, let it be and instead ponder its more basic form:
How do you want to live your life? How do you want your daily routine to look like? How do you want your surroundings to look like? Who do you want in your life? How do you want your relationships to look like? How do you want to spend your time? How do you want to be of service or give back to the world?
Honoring our Self means owning our Self. We usually have a hard time responsibly, responsively, mindfully and lovingly sharing our position on things and preferences. We instead manipulate, control, coerce, reject, dismiss or underhandedly try to get our way and make others do our bidding.
Operating from our Authentic Self means being open, honest, forthcoming, transparent, accountable, honorable, trustworthy, loyal, Clean. It means sharing our Self, being vulnerable and available.
Honoring our Self means setting up our life for Success. Most people run a haphazard life without intention. They come and go without a plan. They live day-by-day barely managing daily responsibilities and running themselves into the ground without enjoying or actually living their life.
They live putting out fires, having others own their time and resources, and never fully using their Gifts or creating much with their Life. Here our job is to set up proper boundaries, routines, systems, support, beautiful spaces, ways to meet our needs, a guiding vision, and to stay focused on our goals.
Honoring our Self means embracing our Humanity. We overly identify with our mind, ego, achievements, physicality, and possessions. We get stuck in our human experience as opposed to embracing our Humanity… We get stuck by our human limitations and do our life as if we are in a fish tank… We see, think, and operate small. We allow our human body to dictate our abilities, focus, and possibilities.
When in truth we can transcend this by operating from our Soul. Our body and mind are tools to help us carry out our Soul’s Will… We embrace Humanity through understanding, compassion, love, and giving; and by living an intentional and meaningful life.
Honoring our Self means being grateful, abundant, and a beacon of Light. We question why things happen to us. We struggle. We repeat patterns. The pain in your life is a spotlight on a code that you need to crack. This is your lesson. This is your opportunity to learn and grow for in so doing your Gift, that is to be shared with others, manifests.
Be grateful for the opportunities in your life, see the Good in them, as this is where your life’s purpose originates. Figure out what is the lesson you are to be learning, and learn it. Then share this with others. Be a beacon of Light.
Our relationship is fertile ground for Life Lessons… Our partner is our Life Partner. Together we learn, crack codes, grow, decipher and manifest our Gifts. Open your eyes. Place things in perspective. How are you to grow. What are you to learn. Get to it already. Before you know it you’ve created an Awesome Relationship – a MetroRelationship™, an Authentic Relationship, and an Authentic Life…
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Life… Share your thoughts and progress on our blog page!
Happy Honoring!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Pick a way in that you need to start Honoring your Self more.
Explore what this means to you and how it impacts the current status of your relationship and your life.
Identify two actions you would like to implement to start Honoring your Self, and implement them.
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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