Happy Spring (and, in these parts, snow day… LOL)! The weather has been so nutty but wonderfully stimulating as we adjust to the unexpected and the different. I’m sure you know the concept that the same old gets boring, that doing repetitive work or activity stifles our Spirit, that living an unchallenged life is not living. Why settle when we can continue to evolve and expand? This is where the juice is. As you know I’m always learning and connecting the dots in different ways to help us on this quest…
Some pretty cool and easy strategies I came across to stimulate new neuro-pathways in the brain to rewire and expand itself include things like: write with your opposite-dominant hand, take cold showers, drive home a different route, change up your exercise routine, start and end meetings at off times, stimulate the senses, and such. We can make a career of playing with this concept, and how enlivening would that be? I say, let’s sprinkle a little of this into our everyday to keep things fresh and expanding…
So, though part of me balks at the change in schedule, routine, and plans when there is change-up, like a snow day, another part of me relishes the new ensued energy. It is up to us to see the beauty in the wrinkles. Most of us love a good snow day, so this is not so challenging to do here. But think of other wrinkles that show up in your life and how you might fight against and resist them. Look for the beauty (gift) you can enjoy in them instead.
I’m ready for Spring. And in that spirit, I already had a new addition arrive for my garden. I owned my desire to have the scent of honeysuckle permeate my yard and purchased a couple of these beauties. I cannot wait to get out there and dig in the dirt, after the snow melts… My research put these plants not only as a favored fragrant plant but also as a great pollinator (which I was looking for). I get to enjoy nurturing and strengthening these plants indoor (part of the beauty in this wrinkle) before they make it to their outdoor spot. I’m so excited!
Regardless of the weather, with springtime comes Spring Cleaning… This is one of my favorite times of year, when things come back to life, fresh energy flows anew, and there is new Life in the air. I make it my business to fuel this and ride this wave. I have a few springtime rituals help this along that have to do with De-Clutting:
I use this time to clean out junk, excess, accumulation, old things, expired things, no longer wanted things, and such.
I use this time to clean out, tweak, streamline, retarget, refresh routines, habits, rituals, practices, approaches, and such.
I use this time to clean out commitments, activities, goals, projects, tasks and such that are no longer in alignment with my values, current vision, and desires.
I use this time to clean out my mind of any running scripts that might be currently creating havoc, sabotaging, or undermining my wishes. And with this one, comes also the cleaning out of any funky approach to relating with others especially my most loved ones. This is one of the hardest one to do (an you thought cleaning out your closet was a challenge!), and a process that obviously goes on beyond springtime. I’m all about continuing to always evolve and expand in all areas, and of course this one is top of the list.
What is resonating for you as an area that needs cleaning and de-cluttering in your own experience? Where can you clean out junk that is holding you back? Where can you streamline your approach for an easier path? Where can you get rid of stuff to generate new energy?
Go for it and enjoy the emerging sense of renewal!
Remember to complete the MetroRelationsip™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start creating your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life…
Share your experience by leaving a comment below!
Happy De-Cluttering!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Identify the area of your life that could benefit the most from de-cluttering: your physical environment, your approach to life, your relationships, or your head…
Identify 3 things in your area that you want to Refresh… Think on how to go about it, put support in place, and go for it!
Add this to your Tool Kit…
~ Share Your Thoughts & Successes in the comment box at the end!
Take a moment now to share below any thoughts, comments, take away, tips, and successes! PLEASE post a comment now – we grow in community!
Thanks for connecting with the MetroRelationship™ Family!
Copyright (c) 2018 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
How do you deal with disruptions? Do they mess you up?
Do you fall in the super organized and plan everything camp? Or, do you fall in the unstructured, take-it-as-it-comes, winging-it camp? As you might have already guessed, I fall more in the super organized and plan everything camp. And, I evangelize this approach in an effort to teach creating life (relationship) by design. I’m a strong proponent of creating systems and structures to support us in everything we do to propel us forward.
Of course there are pros and cons to most things in life. Our job is to decide what works best for us, and to make it work as best as possible.
If we are too organized and structured, a disruption might throw us off. On the other hand, when we plan ahead and have systems in place, disruptions can be handled with grace.
If we are easy going and take life in stride, a disruption can be handled the same. On the other hand, if not anticipated and no plans are in place, disruptions can put us over the edge and create crisis.
This concept applies to relating with our partner as well. I’ve seen clients who wing-it in their relationship and clients who over plan and control everything. In my opinion, both leave a lot to desire and neither is conducive to creating the relationship we want.
When we wing-it, we are not creating a relationship by design. We are going through the motions, reacting, possibly creating drama, and not meeting our partner’s and our own needs…
When we over plan, structure, force, script, and such we miss the boat on Being in our relationship. We instead are doing our relationship but there is no gusto in it. We can’t feel our partner, our needs are not met, we don’t have fun, and the relationship actually feels like work.
I teach living by design and creating systems and structures to support the life-relationship we want. But, then some take this too far and the initial intention gets lost in the process.
What’s the point of forcing dinners, dates, vacations, trips, couple time, etc.? What’s the point of scheduling all this, plus everything else, and then being stressed to make it happen? Same thing goes for communication tools and skills. And, for sexy-time. And, for self-care practices. And, other things that supposed to be good.
We can take a good thing too far. If we feel pressure and stress to keep up with any of these things, then we are over doing it. The good thing is no longer a good thing… When we get here, we have to catch ourselves to make sure we don’t miss the forest for the tree. Systems and structures are supposed to work for us not the other way around!
I have been finding myself teaching this part of the concept more and more recently. That of using our tools and skills well, but not to run them into the ground. They can carry us only so far before they actually become a hindrance. Once it goes this way, it’s time to pat ourselves on the back for having come this far and for learning so much. Then, it’s time to do things differently to get to the next level…
The next level is Mastery. This is where you artfully use your tools, skills, and knowledge, but not with the flavor of doing but with the flavor of Being. This is where showing up with your Being makes all the difference. This is where using all those resources laced with intuition, compassion, and love have the impact they are supposed to. Tools for the sake of tools are a waste. YOU still need to drive them for them to make a difference.
So, take a look at your routines, systems, schedules, TimeMap, and anything else related to how you organize and design your life-relationship. Note if you are too loose or too uptight about how you run your stuff. You might have a combo of both. Decide where more structure is needed and where less will serve you, and your loved ones, best. Take step towards adjusting any imbalance.
Intentionally deciding how you want this to be in your life is the most important piece. Owning how you run your life is what creates the life you want.
Remember to complete the MetroRelationsip™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start creating your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life…
Share your experience by leaving a comment below!
Happy Creating!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Design what you want your life to look like daily and weekly. Use a TimeMap approach to capture your vision. Chunk up and assign your time to life categories that are important to you. Each category-time-chunk is then the designated time to do related tasks, activities, plans and such.
This way you can balance how you prioritize things in your life, focus on what is important to you covering all your bases without stressing yourself out. Don’t overthink it, keep it simple and have fun with this!
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2018 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
I love observing couples. I’m always intrigued by how they operate, especially if it works for them. I’m always learning from the couples around me. I’m in awe and inspired by couples that are dedicated and devoted to making their relationship work better. I’m honored to work with the partners I work with.
Their commitment to their relationship and each other is unparalleled. I love working with them. Sometimes though, the things that partners tolerate surprise me. And, the things they find egregious doubly surprise me. This is when I do education moments during our work so partners don’t end up torturing themselves and each other…
Here are some basic Relationship Best Practices™:
Know and remember your partner is your ally, not your enemy. Don’t assign negative motives.
Understand your partner is a Gift, a mirror…, to help you heal, grow, and evolve… If you don’t like something, you have to change something – not the other way around!
Don’t own your partner – don’t tell them how to be, how to operate, what to do, how to feel, what to believe, what to eat, how to dress, etc. Even in your internal dialogue! This generates animosity and doesn’t serve anyone…
Don’t make assumptions about your partner’s intentions, feelings, thoughts, etc. Don’t run away with the story you concoct about what is happening… Mindfully and respectfully check-in about what is going on for them.
Listen to your partner’s side with understanding, compassion and acceptance. Don’t listen to give advise, fix, judge, make a counter argument, or waiting to give your side…
Be smart about the timing of your communication. Don’t push if either of you is triggered. Build-in time-outs if things start getting heated, and always come back to wrap things up.
Understand your partner’s hot buttons, wounds / triggers, and be mindful to avoid these. When your partner is triggered give a response that meets the need underneath the trigger… This is one way we heal.
Intentionally go about meeting your partner’s needs.
Intentionally set up structures and systems for getting and staying connected, increasing intimacy, and having fun.
Intentionally set up structures and systems for operating like a well-oiled machine and creating an amazing life.
It goes without saying that showing up with courtesy and respect is of utmost importance. We build and add the other skills from here. This means no: yelling at, cursing at or name-calling, physicality, blaming, criticizing, and other things we wouldn’t necessarily do in other relationships or to other people…
I find that when couples are struggling they throw right out the window basics things like respect, courtesy, understanding, benefit of the doubt, grace, compassion, appreciation and the like. It’s as if they never learned manners, sensibility and how to be nice. As sad as it sounds, coaching partners to treat their partner as if they were strangers does the trick during stubborn times…
If you do some of these, make it your business to clean this up now and keep it clean no matter what your partner is doing… If you are feeling antagonized then it’s not a good idea to continue the interaction. Take a break and resume addressing your concern, and/or addressing the interaction, at a later time…
You each have relationship rights and responsibilities. Here are some to get your wheels turning, to:
Be treated well
Be yourself
Have needs met
Have loyalty and honesty
Have transparency
Have privacy
Have freedom
Have accountability
> Boundary setting and getting needs met:
The best approach to having an amazing relationship is to expand our capacity and skill for being tolerant, accepting, and compassionate towards our partner while being accountable and having appropriate boundaries ourselves… We don’t want to freak out over mundane things, and we don’t want to overlook inappropriate and harmful behavior and attitudes.
The best approach to having an amazing relationship is to really mind what we put into it… We tend to focus on what our partner puts in, victimizing ourselves… We pat ourselves on the back for putting in things we want to put in, as opposed to things that nurture the relationship and that our partner prefers.
What’s the point of that?! We don’t have to work so hard or invest so much. We just have to do the right kind of investing, giving in our partner’s love language. It goes a longer way… There is a saying in networking circles: “Givers, Gain”…
Stop fighting it and power struggling. Just start giving more!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome and radiant relationship, and authentic and meaningful life…
Happy Giving!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Find an area in your relationship where your ownership is skewed and your boundaries can use some recalibrating. Note sure where?
Think on times when you are frustrated and annoyed with your partner. This is a strong indicator that you are owning them and not taking care of yourself properly. Make a list of these times and find pattern(s) or recurring issue(s).
Select one and use Relationship Best Practices™ to address it and make a change.
Own your Self, transform your interactions!
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
How do we create a masterpiece life? How do create an awesome relationship? The answer is quite simple, we change (grow, heal, step it up a notch, etc)… How do we change? We change by taking action on new information (or old information if you sat on your a** with it thus far)… Insight, information, learning, reading do nothing for us unless we take some kind of related action, unless we implement something different.
I hear all the time, “I’ve tried it all”… No you have not! Stop deluding yourself and tricking yourself into complacency. To create your Authentic Life and Awesome relationship you have step out of your comfort zone and do what the next level requires. If you keep doing the same old, you’ll keep getting the same old. So stop it, and decide now that you are going for it. S** or get off the pot! What does this mean? How do we go for it?
Decide you are going for it
Make a commitment to not settle and stay the course (it’s easy to commit to not settling by leaving)
Learn everything you can about the next level and how to get there
Create a prescription, plan, structure, system, routine, practice, whatever out of the information
Put your implementation mechanism in place
Make sure it has a “drilling” characteristic built in (repetition is the key!!)
Trying something once is not trying something. Trying something a couple of times is not even trying. When you workout once, are you fit? When you workout a couple of times, are you fit? No. So, why when you try to connect with your partner and it goes awry you say, “I tried”? This is not good enough.
Trying a couple of times doesn’t cut it. We have to push through the disappointment, fear and hopelessness – the pain, as with exercising. We don’t stop at the sign of pain. We keep going, we push through. This is where the muscles get strong, where growth and change happens…
Your trying needs to be repeated. Do you type one word on your keyboard and decide you don’t know how to type? Do you shoot one hoop and decide your suck at basketball? Do you hit a couple of keys on the piano and decide you are not musically inclined?
No. You practice and repeat to get proficient and then amazing. You have to give it a chance for it to stick. You have to keep refining your approach. Tweak, tweak, tweak. Practice makes “perfect.” The drilling, tweaking, and practicing element of this is so huge and way underestimated.
This means you keep trying and refining your communication skills, your lovemaking, your dates planning, your repairing skills, your boundary setting, etc. The more you invest the better you get at it! Having an awesome relationship means creating an awesome relationship… It doesn’t happen by chance it requires laser focus, investing and intention.
And, we don’t keep the weight at the same weight amount, we keep increasing it for better results. The same goes for our relationship! Once the thrill of this level wears off, we are ready for the next level so we keep creating more awesomeness. If we allow ourselves to stay in the plateau and stagnate, we don’t keep the progress we made…
Part of being alive is to keep going for more. It’s part of our human condition. Don’t fight it. Honor it. Keep investing. You’ll create all you desire and more. You can’t even imagine the possibilities from the level you are at…
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life… What did you love about this article?
Happy Drilling!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
What is a characteristic, quality or behavior that you want to see more in your relationship? Break it down into a small actionable step that can be repeated. For example, affection – kissing and hugging, trust and honesty – transparency and sharing, ownership – making requests for tangible behaviors that meet your needs, connection – spending quality time together.
Now, devise an implementation system that includes “drilling” – kissing every hour, getting home a certain time everyday, making a clear and mindful request daily that addresses a need, having date night every Saturday. Put this in place for a determined period of time (a week or month depending on the drill frequency) and implement no matter what. Stay tuned for the awesome impact! Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
There is more to us than meets the eyes… We have an internal world operating at all times that we are vaguely aware of. Some people are totally out of touch with theirs… The more we become acquainted with our own Self and all it’s aspects, needs and desires the more we can be our Authentic Self and create our Authentic Life and Awesome Relationship.
Because we might not be very aware or proactive about the health and wellbeing of our internal world, we might not be in the best shape to actually create the Life we desire. When we are clueless or in the know but not proactive, we neglect aspects of our care, maintenance and sustenance that eventually lead to breakdown.
Just like we clean house, go to the dentist, and do oil changes our inner world also needs routine care and attention. When we don’t invest in learning about our Self and our inner world, upkeeping and upleveling its functioning, and implementing best ways to show up in the outside world, we are leaving things to chance, bad habits and mishaps.
Lack of intention, attention, planning and implementation leads to malfunctioning cars, cavities, dirty houses, toxin laden bodies prone to illness and poor aging, and relationship dissatisfaction and break-ups. This is what living an unintentional and winging-it style to life gives you.
This is actually not living life, life is happening to you… You are not its Master and Designer. This is the way to go through life struggling because you are not in charge. If you are not the driver, you will never get to your desired destination. Being the driver includes choosing the destination, acquiring a well functioning mode of transportation and a road map. Now, that’s the Trip!
In this case the vehicle is our body and mind… It is our absolute responsibility to make sure that both are in optimal shape!!! It is up to us to ensure our Trip is awesome and that we make our destination. Now is the time to detox both your mind and your body of any unwanted toxicity lingering from foods and other ingested substances, poor mindset and mental hygiene, and unaddressed emotional pain.
Detox Your Body: Most things we ingest are not good for us. We are killing ourselves with food… Unless of course you are really mindful and intentional of what you eat and otherwise consume. But even still the body develops a deposit of toxins that get more and more sludgy and burden the body.
The more burdened the body is the less optimal it’s digestion, cleansing, rejuvenation and other functions. This is how we become ill and age poorly. If you don’t already have a cleansing regimen, now is the time to look into this. Explore your options. Decide to clean your body and make it beautiful from the inside out. Here is a book, philosophy, approach I live by:Clean.
Detox Your Mind: When left to its own devices, our mind is our worst enemy! Its conscious, subconscious and unconscious mechanisms can wreck havoc in our life if we don’t take charge of them. It is our job to mind our internal mental world, upgrade its programs, and rewire its functioning.
Our triggers, wounds and emotional baggage clog our unconscious mind with unresolved emotional issues, our belief system litters our subconscious mind with unintentional debilitating programming, and our Ego, negative thoughts, and poor mindset undermine our conscious approach to life and our relationship. If you want to be the Master of your Universe you need to align your 3 minds, actively manage them and put them on course to serve you.
Here is work by a colleague that is amazing at rewiring the brain…: Dan Siegel – Brain Lesson on YouTube. When you are “clean” you ensure your most optimal performance level and ability to create to your Heart’s content. Make a Commitment to having an awesome Trip and reaching your Destination.
Set the intention to lead a Clean life. Decide what you need to do to make sure you get and stay Clean. Invest on this now, invest in your Self now, to make sure this happens!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…
Happy Cleaning!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment Establish a Cleansing Practice™. Body: Select times of year when you want to do a “cleanse / detox” program. Schedule them into your calendar. After Holidays it’s a good time… Select two foods / substances that are not clean that you will eliminate from your diet. Keep eliminating bad things until you are ingesting primarily clean substances most of the time.
Mind: Select a new tool to implement to help you declutter, clean and rewire your brain: meditation, affirmations, vision board, prayer, visualization, self-hypnosis, appreciations, stop-thought-technique, rewriting dirty thoughts, sending others loving vibes, etc. Integrate this tool into your daily routine. Integrate others over time for a full on amazing brain. Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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