It is a common belief that committed relationships seem to fizzle out over time or not make it very long term. But this doesn’t have to be the case, in reality our relationship can get better with time… The thing is that because of that belief, the way that we set up our lives, and social trends, we just don’t expect to have a radiant and successful long-term relationship where connection and intimacy just get better with time. We are not all in from the get-go and settle from mediocre until it no longer works… A relationship not nurtured doesn’t thrive…
Addressing unresolved issues and properly getting our needs met
Deepening our connection and increasing our intimacy
Creating a smooth collaboration and strong partnership with our partner
When we take our partner and our relationship for granted, the connection withers away, our intimate life takes a hit, and interactions get frayed with friction and conflict. We find ourselves fighting more and / or becoming more and more distant until there is barely a semblance of a relationship left…
Living in the same home and having children in common is not substantiative enough to call that relationship your “Relationship”.
A rewarding, satisfying, radiant and successful relationship is one where the partners: ~ Feel at home when they are together. ~ Are (healthily, not codependently) invested in the other’s wellbeing and success ~ Deeply understand and accept each other ~ Can truly be themselves and they are cherished for who they are ~ Have shared values and dreams
This is the radiant and successful relationship we can create with our partner, and what we are to protect and sustain once we achieve it.
The key here is first of all, not let it go south when we first start a new relationship. To set it up well from the beginning, with boundaries, reasonable expectations, honesty, trustworthiness, vulnerability, and authenticity. And then to continue to invest in those qualities and other powerful relational tactics to ensure we set up a strong foundation.
But even after all that, and especially if our foundation is weak to begin with, we might get sidetracked with life where we start neglecting our relationship and taking our partner for granted. Hopefully we have the awareness that this is happening, and we can nip that in the bud and course correct to get back to a strong place.
And if for some reason we don’t catch the downward slope early enough, or we just can’t seem to stop what appears to be a train wreck, that’s ok- just recommit to getting back to a good place and then invest in doing so.
Getting professional help, in the form of couple therapy, marriage counselingor relationship coaching, would be beneficial at any of these stages, but it’s definitely needed if you are struggling and can’t seem to get your head above water. The sooner you get support the greater the chances of setting things on the right course and creating what you desire. Don’t wait too long, sometimes the damage that gets made is very difficult to undo.
In most cases you can get back to that wonderful place and create something amazing… You CAN create the relationship you desire…
So regardless of the status and state of your relationship, commit to investing in making it awesome. Commit to ongoingly, and even systematically, focus on nourishing your relationshipso it has a chance to thrive.
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
It is very easy to neglect our relationship and our partner, if we are not intentional about showing love, giving care, and investing in all the enriching ways… We live in a world where work is the priority… We spend more time working than we do taking care of our personal life and sharing time with our loved ones… The grind and the rat race are still very much alive. I had hoped that the pandemic would have made a larger impact in this regard. But old habits, social constructs and a deeply ingrained systems will obviously require a more sustained, compassionate, and cooperative approach to change… In the meantime, it is up to us to safeguard our bond and our relationship from the onslaught of life’s demands…
It is up to us to make a concerted effort, investment, in prioritizing our partner and our relationship. When we are not intentional the tentacles of chaos and other demands have free reign to reach into every crevice with an ounce of energy and snatch it up… Because of our programming and because of the world we live in, we allow this to happen. Other things appear more important in the moment to moment, until we are zapped and have nothing else to give.
But making a conscious and intentional decision to set up our routines, days, weeks, and months in a ways that build in the space, the time, the energy conservation, and mechanisms for having time for each other, for being resourced, for being present and available, and for being conscious and attuned, allows us to really be in relationship and enjoy our connection.
Going about our life and our relationship this way, allows for the Us to not only survive, but also thrive… It allows us to focus on what is important and to have the time and the energy for it. And, most importantly, it doesn’t allow for the rest of life to get in the way and wreak havoc.
When we do this reset and Alignment, we tap into the synergy inherent in our relationshipand are then better able to utilize it as the Life Partnership it is meant to be. It is our rock, our haven, our source of joy and so much more. It elevates it to its rightful place from which we can draw what we need to have our amazing life adventure and best Human Experience…
Embracing this relationship enrichment mindset and approach ensures our love is protected, nurtured, expanded, and everlasting… This is the abundance available to us if we just tune in and choose our partner everyday…
Being aware of how our current reality sets us up for the grind and disconnect, and how our systems reinforce separateness, competition, and lack, allows us to make different choices than if we blindly go along. And being proactive about collaborating in not allowing the machine to win, while being compassionate to those still under its spell, makes for an easier transition into more harmonious and joyful living.
Together we can conquer all…
In today’s episode, I have an enlightening and informative conversation with Dr. Jeffrey Dunne about the concept of interconnectedness, unity consciousness, and implications for a more harmonious and loving relationship and a more sustainable future…
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
It is not uncommon for relationships to experience an intimacy or sex drought. Where the partners are just not being as intimate as they would normally prefer. There is usually one partner that expresses less interest, but it can happen where both are just not into it. The partners might have different reasons for the lack of desire and interest. And they most likely have different libidos, desire levels, and preferences for timing, frequency, and duration of their physically intimate moments as well as what they entail… In other words, what kind of sex they like to have. It is a wonder that we even make babies, but that’s a different topic…
There is much intricacy in each of these factors making each couple unique in their experience and what kind of relationship they create. And even within the couple, the partners have very different experiences and ideas from each other about what is going on… Not for nothing this is a very sensitive, delicate, and complex situation for partners to address and be able to change.
The uniqueness of each partner in-and-of-itself plays a significant role. Two unique individuals coming together to create a joint life is no easy feat. All the differences that made the match of the partners so special in the first place now make an elaborate undertaking to align and synchronize for optimal bliss within the relationship…
The richness and gloriousness of what is a couple, and a relationship, gets lost on most people. There is so much going on that meets the eyes, and even more underneath it all.
Couples are super special. They are the coming together of two people to create a greater whole, a much larger One. This whole, the relationship is the vehicle through which we navigate and live our life. It is imperative that we take care of it so we can have a wonderful Journey…
What does this mean for our connection, intimacy, and sex life?
~ This means that we can’t allow ourselves to get sucked into our negativity bias, into our limiting believes and scripts, into righteousness, into poor communication hygiene and habits, into our reactions and defensive patterns, into complacency and denial, into competition, comparison and tit-for-tat. That we are mindful and intentional about how we do ourselves- who we choose to be and how we choose to show up.
Partners are on the same team! They are allies. Yet they might fall prey to seeing and treating each other as the enemy. This just compounds the difficulties and disconnect they might be experiencing…
~ This means that we choose to address anything that is getting in the way from our most epic relationship and love affair with our partner. That we choose to get medical attention and other services for anything physical or emotional affecting our health, wellbeing, and everything else.
~ This means that we address the circumstances affecting our relationship, our connection, our intimacy, our libido and our passion.
~ This means that we address any relationship issues or concerns, anything we are fighting about or that gets us, any egoic patterns, any relationship patterns, and anything that keeps us from getting along, getting on the same page, connecting deeply and meaningfully, from having the best sex, from really having fun with our partner, from creating the strongest partnership…
~ This means that we give some serious, and some playful, thoughts to our purpose, the meaning of our life, the kind of life we want to live, the type of human we want to be, the kind of legacy we want to impart, the kind of relationship we want to be a part of to help us sort through all this and enjoy the process…
I offer to not get hang up in the weeds of what is going on with your intimacy… I offer to take a larger view of your situation and how everything interconnects… You might be surprised as to what comes up to tweak to help all the dominos fall into place… All the above becomes so much easier and a pleasure to mitigate, address, deconstruct, and even transcend…
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
It’s interesting that we can be in a relationship, in a marriage, and still feel lonely. Hey, we can be in a room full of people and still feel lonely. This is because the opposite of feeling lonely is feeling connected… You can be surrounded by people or spend all day with your partner and still not feel connected… This is because connection doesn’t just happen through mere physical proximity. Connection happens when we are present and engaged… You can stop feeling disconnected and lonely in your relationship.
~ The key is to fully show up, not just with our bodies but with all of ourselves. With our Best Self, with our Higher Self… For if we show up with an empty shell, there is nobody home for our partner to connect with…
~ And, if we show up with other versions of ourselves, with our victim or lower self, then we are not very attractive to connect with. We are actually repulsive… Our partner is likely to shy away or shut down in the presence of this…
If we are feeling lonely and disconnected, we have to check-in with ourselves and assess how we are showing up…
And please don’t lie to yourself… I see this all the time with our couples… Be honest, are you truly showing up with your best self, accepting, compassionate, and loving, or are you hiding resentment, judgement, and contempt?
But I get that sometimes it’s challenging to be present and available. To be vulnerable. To be curious, understanding and accepting. To give grace. To be forgiving. We might be depleted and not even available to ourselves…
So not feeling lonely and feeling connected has to do with connecting with ourselves first… Then we can turn to connecting with others and having meaningful connections…
In today’s video, I cover Element 4 of the Successful Relationship Strategy™, which is all about increasing connection, intimacy, and fun in your relationship, and I show you how to go about creating connection… Check it out!
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Being thankful and grateful are qualities, strengths, and states that go beyond the month of November and Thanksgiving (the US holiday). These make a difference in the experience of our life. People tend to look outside themselves and to external factors to feel good and have a happy life. They believe that happiness is dependent on their circumstances… But time and again researchers, scholars and thought-leaders have shared that happiness is an internal state and a choice. One that can be cultivated and nurtured…
Happiness, life satisfaction, and longevity are all impacted by gratitude, connection, and purpose… These are the ingredients for creating our long, healthy, and happy life… A good life. Our Best Life.
~ Purpose is simply pursuing what is meaningful to us, that keeps us engaged and having a zest for life… We are always in-charge of our own internal world assigning meaning to everything in our external one… We have a choice as to what meaning we assign things and how we choose to look at everything, and what we choose to pursue. As exemplified by the work of Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist that developed his theory while a concentration camp prisoner during WWII in his book Man’s Search for Meaning.
~ Connection to loved ones give us security and a sense of belonging… It gives our life further meaning and purpose… This is what keeps us going and what we live for… Robert Waldinger explains this in his TED Talk about what makes a good life describing the longest study on happiness.
~ A Gratitude Practice makes a big difference inour overall Happiness– Shawn Achor lists the key ingredients of this practice in his talks. This is what I’m calling embracing a #GratitudeAttitude. Which is looking for the good in things, focusing on the positives, seeing the blessings, appreciating the beauty in others and so on, adding dimension to our experience. It puts us in a different frame of mind. It raises our vibration. It transcends the minutiae and the mundane…
How about we take the pursuit of happiness seriously… And, by this I mean we take it easy in our approach to life and focus on the things that are actually important to creating the life we desire… Pursuing what gives us meaning including creating a successful relationship with our partner and minding our internal world including developing a #gratitudeattitude…
Let’s take being grateful to new heights by increasing our appreciations, acknowledgements and thanks-giving this month and going forward…
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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