Have you gotten over yourself, evicted your Ego, yet? Are you full steam ahead? Are you all in?Are you fully committed to really giving it your all, to throwing your whole Self in? Are you fully committed to kicking some serious butt, to creating an extraordinary life and awesomest relationship? Do these questions scare you?
Do you feel a wave of terror cursing through your body? Do you feel your insides shaking? Do you feel frozen or paralyzed? Do you feel like a protagonist in a film playing in slow motion, or like you are walking in molasses?
It’s ok. This fear comes up when we aspire to reach our full potential, when we get a glimpse of the possibilities. We are quick to remember our limitations and scripts, and to choose the status quo and playing it safe… We are scared of our own splendor. We impose our limiting lens on our experience, process and decisions to-do-over. We give up too easily without giving ourselves the full groundhog-day benefit.
Keep investing and tweaking till you are %99.9999 perfect…, till you have mastered doing your life and your relationship… There is so much beauty and magic in this. This is what Life is about… I want you ALL in. It makes a massive difference in the quality of all you do and the awesomeness you are able to create…
Here is how to get yourself all in and creating your extraordinary life and awesome relationship:
Step back and take stock of all areas of your life. Is this what your picture of your most awesomest life and relationship looks like? Where are the discrepancies? Notice the gaps. Notice what comes up for you as you think about this…
Pay attention to your scripts, your self limiting believes, the lack of ownership and accountability, the fear… I want you to take notice of all this and don’t judge, criticize or beat yourself up, or anyone else… I want you instead to give yourself understanding (not excuses, but validation), compassion and love.
I want you to soothe the shame monster. You are OK. There is nothing wrong with you. You are exactly where and how you need to be right now, to be where and how you need to be next… This is your journey… And, it’s beautiful. There is a reason for everything… Let’s use what you got!
What are you getting from your pic? What is your lesson? I want you to go deeper and figure out what it is you are to be learning? What is the code you need to crack? What is your stretch? Take your time and GET THIS. Now, imagine you cracked this. Imagine you rewired yourself.
Imagine you changed your molecular structure, your energy… Imagine you have a brand new ninja OS. Imagine you no longer have limiting scripts or believes. Whoa… Do you see where I’m going? Humor me.
Please take a moment to imagine this… Imagine you fully own your Self, have mastered self-management, and have embraced your magnificence. Can you see what this would do for your life and your relationship? You would ROCK!
Do you see how you hold your Self back? It is time to stop. It is time to do something. It’s time to take action. Insight is not enough. Once you get it, you have to take massive action to get massive results. What does this mean for you? Think about what you need to do, what actions you need to take. If you are stuck, let me help you: Go back to the code you need to crack.
Here is where your massive action needs to be… Here is where you push yourself, where you stretch. Here is where you put all the support in the world in place to help you crack this and get moving. Here is where you invest. Here is where you hang out. Here is your sweet spot. Push through this and the ceiling is gone!
Do whatever it takes to Get It, and reach for the Stars. Play with your strengths, get assistance with your weaknesses. Put support in place to keep you accountable, and to stretch, teach, and guide you. Put support in place to celebrate your successes, hold you up when you fall down, and cheer you on when you feel like giving up.
Give yourself every chance and opportunity to succeed. What does that look for you? Where do you need the support? What would free up resources allowing you to invest better where it really counts?
Make a commitment now to go for it, to be all in, to have an extraordinary life, starting today! Take an action RIGHT NOW to put the wheels in motion, on the right path… Go for it, you have my support; my energy is with you. Go kick butt!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…
Happy Actioning!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Take stock of where you have been wishy-washy in your relationship and your life (i.e., planning, cooking, cleaning, bill-paying, exercising, dating, intimacy & connection, parenting, gardening, writing, invoicing clients, whatever.). Make a list of all the things you do half heartedly, without conviction and commitment, with reservation and disinterest, with one foot in and the other out, and with a minimum of effort and investment.
Next, categorize each item with: to Ditch, Reassign (delegate, contract out, automate, etc.), or Reinvest (leave only what you truly care about and are uniquely talented at).
Pick one from each category to tackle this week. Use your support system… This creates new energy and energy flow in your life…
I want you to turn your special attention to your chosen Reinvesting item. REALLY invest… Give it your all…
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Do you find that hard as you try you seem to be stuck in the same place? That it seems like you’ve tried it all, work hard at it, are pooped and yet nothing is different? Unfortunately, this is the story of most partners, the ones that give a hoot anyway. The rest have resigned themselves to living contentedly in ignorant bliss missing out on the potential inherent in their partnership. Either one of these suck in my book.
I don’t concern myself with the peeps that are content. It’s their choice to live mediocre lives and survive their relationship. To each their own. I do concern myself with the other lot. They are my peeps. They are the partners I live and work for. They are the partners I’m on this earth to assist, guide and inspire. I know those peeps intimately… I know it is a struggle day-in and day-out to Be our Authentic Self and Be in Relationship.
I know what it’s like to grow and heal in relationship. I know what it’s like to make difficult choices, to live outside the box, to explore new frontiers and push the envelop all in the name of owning our Selves and creating an awesome life and relationship.
So, I ask that you hang in there. There is a reason you are in this place. There is something you are supposed to be learning. Some part that still needs healing. Some code that still needs cracking.
Mine has been being vulnerable, trusting, letting go and allowing help… I know I can’t do it alone… I know it takes two Partners to have a relationship… (don’t laugh, or judge). I now Know a lot more… I’m a therapist and relationship expert, but I’m still human… It takes courage to own not being perfect, and to remove the perfection mask… It’s actually pretty liberating…
What is your mask? What is your lesson? What is your code to crack? What is really going on for you? Dig deep and see if you can see it? What is your vulnerability? What is your week spot? What is the trigger, wound? What are you protecting against?
What is the message about your Self, alone and in relationship, that has been renting space in your head? It’s time to stop all this. It’s time to evict the fear monster and victim mentality, mindset. Are you with me??
I understand if you are hesitant and scared. It makes sense to me that it’s difficult to imagine something different that doesn’t include quitting and starting over. Believe me I get it. Leaving in this place makes it difficult to see what is beyond, to see the possibilities. I ask that you have little faith, courage, patience, open-mindedness and willingness to go the extra mile, on foot! Yes, you’d be out of your comfort zone.
Yes, without a doubt you will question if you are on the right path. Yes, there will be moments when you want to throw out the baby with the bath water. But through all this, I ask that you stay in faith and open for it is here that the magic takes place… I know what lies on the other side. And, it is pretty awesome… We can get there together. I can show you the way, if you let me.
Here is how we get started: Take a risk… (hold the sighing, or huffing and puffing!) Push through the fear… This can take many forms: Deciding not to leave the relationship, even if just for now. Deciding to continue to invest wholeheartedly regardless of what you get in return, for now.
Showing your partner you are all in, that you believe in them. Staying strong even when your partner wavers, not jumping on the misery and reactivity wagon. Extending clean invitations for connection. Doing loving and nurturing gestures. Creating and enjoying fun moments.
Pending on the status of your relationship and stage of investment, you will have different reactions to the above. Regardless, take what resonates and take one immediate related action today. When you start pushing the envelop, pushing through fear, taking a risk, interactions and dynamics start realigning, the relationship starts to shift, you feel awesome… For some this experience is slow in coming (because they are still very guarded).
For most initially, it’s up and down until this is their new norm. I ask that you trust the process and Be in it. The more you allow your energy to flow, the more fluid, flexible and open-minded you are (not guarded, defended, and full of Ego), the smoother this is and the quicker you’ll find yourself on the other side…
Take that risk, mindfully push through the door of fear, and you’ll find yourself on the other side… It is that simple to start getting results… Try it today!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…
Happy Risking!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Choose an item that has been a sore spot between you and your partner. One where you don’t see eye-to-eye, have a difference of opinion, haven’t been able to compromise on, has been taboo to bring up, has you walking on eggshells, or has resulted in fights.
Think about what would happen if you let go of your position, if you get your Ego out of the way… What would happen if you weren’t so invested in your position? For what is our position anyway…? What would happen if you detached from the meaning of letting go of your position…? For this is Ego driven and a protection… What would happen if we took this risk, and just let go…? Think about it… How will you be different…? How will you be free…?
How will you be empowered…? How will you become available…? What would happen if you got and honored your partner’s perspective? What would happen if you genuinely showed this to your partner…? Can you muster the courage and take the risk? Can you deal with being out of your comfort zone? Can you receive the awesomeness that follows…? Put safety and support in place, then go for it! Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
It never ceases to amaze me what couples can accomplish and how they are able to turn their relationship around when they set their mind to it! I have literally seen miracles happen… I have seen couples come back from real horrible places. It is a formidable phenomenon to witness.
I have, unfortunately, also seen partners give up on their relationship without fully investing in creating changes. They get too hang up on what their partner is doing or not doing and how they are being or not being. This is a train wreck in the making… Very unfortunate indeed
If you find that you are struggling in your relationship, a little or a lot, I beg you to stop looking at your partner for answers or changes. This is only ingraining and maintaining your status quo. You can’t do anything about what your partner is doing or how they are… You were actually attracted to how your partner is…
Granted, how they show up nowadays might be different, but this is only a protection on their part… Their True Self, the person you fell in love with, is still there! I want you to remember this and engage your partner as if you can see their True Self… Ignore their nonsense and engage their True Self, Core Self, Authentic Self, Pure Self, Soul… When you engage Soul to Soul, miracles happen…
Your approach needs to be: to Be as you want to Be. Be the partner you want to be. Treat your Partner as if you are in love… Treat your Partner as if they are your dream come true… Treat your Partner as if they are the best thing in your life… Treat your Partner as if they deserve to be treated with the utmost love and care… Does this feel like too much? Exactly… Treat your Partner as an equal human being…
(Ouch!) We don’t generally invest in having an Awesome Relationship… Isn’t this crazy? We invest with all our might in other things, but not in our relationship and then we wonder how come it suffers. Then we wonder how come we are not treated well. Then we wonder how come it fails. We get what we put in!
I’ve been pushing my clients in this regard with CRAZY AMAZING results! I know it can be done.I know you can do it too. The trick is to focus on ourselves, not on what we don’t get and how we are wronged, but on what WE put in and what WE contribute.
When we focus on our stretches, how we communicate, on soothing ourselves when triggered, mindfully and respectfully going about getting our needs met, understanding our partner and having compassion for their experience, sprinkling our interactions with loving and caring gestures, setting things up for cooperation, etc. the tending pays off.
Sometimes this approach is challenging to embrace. I know this too… This is difficult because we are insecure, our Ego gets the best of us, we are holding on to resentments (the past), we might be projecting (putting things on our partner that’s not theirs…) or owning our partner (we know best how they should be and what they should do…), or we are not being accountable for our own Self – we are not being honorable and virtuous…
These get in the way. This is sucky. We do not want to go through life and our relationship like this. This is a sure way to being unhappy…
Instead, we want to invest with all our might, to really go for it. Now, I’m not talking about smothering or stalking your partner, being disingenuous, etc. I’m talking about really contributing the way your partner and relationship call for… As I’ve written before, partners share that “they’ve tried it all” and that “they do everything for the relationship” – but is what they have tried what is needed the way it is needed?
Usually it is not… Herein is the secret: tailored and targeted investing – not till you drop dead and at your expense investing, but just the right investment that meets both your needs… I’ve seen it done. I know you can do it as well!
So, figure out what is the right investment and go for it. It has to touch the right places, at the right times, in the right way while meeting both your needs. This might seem tricky but it is TOTALLY doable. Just put on your open minded lens and you’ll see… Invest the best, get the best…
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…
Happy Investing!
~Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Stop thinking about how your Partner stinks – stop thinking about how they could look better, do better, be better… Stop owning them! Start thinking about how You can invest better!! Focus on what You contribute and what You can do better… Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Why do couples struggle enjoying downtime and having fun together? As we know, opposites attract. This phenomenon is also found in couples which means that usually partners have opposite personalities, needs, wishes and preferences – including what they consider relaxing, enjoyable and fun.
This does not mean that your leisure time, your Summers or vacations are doomed. This does mean a need to intentionally plan your time together so you create a win-win experiences.
Being intentional in your relationship, no matter the topic or situation, is a key component of a successful relationship. When partners mindfully create efficient routines, conscientious budgets, accepting exchanges, fun interactions, loving moments, etc. they are investing in creating an awesome relationship.
The different areas work because intention and thoughtfulness was used. When partners haphazardly go about their life and relationship, they have a “haphazard” experience…
Here is your plan for intentionally enjoying downtime, having fun and creating memorable experiences:
Dream: Have a brainstorming session with your partner about leisure time, vacationing, outings, activities, experiences and the like that each of you would like to have. Make it a “Wish List” thus becoming about each of your own wishes and not about your partnership… This removes the pressure or threat you might each experience at having to endure your partner’s pleasures… Have fun with it, go nuts.
Have a range of wishes from the most practical and simple to the most extravagant and outrageous. Make sure to include specific details, behaviors, and desired feelings for each. Have a date conducive to the exercise to go along with the session. Be thorough, take it seriously, make it light, add humor, think outside the box, and be as creative and open as you can.
Plan: Have a planning session, date, with your partner about having fun together. This might sound counter intuitive, but spontaneity doesn’t always work specially if you have a hard time getting on the same page in general… Decide what you are planning: daily leisure or downtime, weekly dates, monthly outings, quarterly staycations, vacations, holidays or other celebrations, etc.
Then, go back to each of your lists and highlight items related to your choice.
Decide from whose list you will choose an item (take turns going forward…). If you can’t agree, put your names in a hat and do a draw… If you chose to use Partner B’s list, Partner A picks a highlighted item from the list… This provides the buy-in… Now for the icing on the cake, Partner A also gets to add a “little touch” to the choice to make it more their own – without trumping or nullifying the original item! Whoala!
Enjoy: The key to enjoying time together is to let go… Partners get hang up on whether their needs are being met that they forget about being with their partner… They put on the “ego/critical” lens and have high expectations that are bound to sabotage the moment. Not for nothing fun time is not fun… Letting go of expectations, control, me-focus, and the like ensures your enjoyment in the end.
And, the key trick is to go at this to please your partner – with gusto, no resentment or grudges please… Make a real investment here. If you chose an item from your partner’s list – make this about them… If your partner chose an item from your list, go out of your way to have your partner enjoy your item… This approach automatically changes the energy flow giving you a better version of your partner in return! Win-Win!
This is a preventative and intentional tool that teaches envisioning, strategizing, and investing skills essential for creating your awesome relationship. Don’t skimp – the more you put in, the more you get out… Embrace this tool and integrate it into your Took Kit.
This is applicable to all kinds of time spent together, and you can even extrapolate and apply it to other contexts. This is a dynamic must use tool! Go ahead give it a try for the next fun together time you are trying to plan. Create a memorable time!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…
Happy Creating!
~Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Decide on a Memorable Experience you want to pursue from your “Wish-Lists”, and go for it: Calendar it, schedule it or book it, flesh it out, and prepare for it – don’t leave any details unaddressed… Have a thorough plan and attitude check in place… Have Fun! Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
I find that most couples do not have a vision of their future in place. They do not know where they are going in life. They deal with things as they come up, live pay-check-to-pay-check or floating their lives on credit cards, putting out fires, and mechanically going through their days.
They cannot benefit from their inherent synergy and gifts because they do not have a vision of how they want their future to be, never mind a plan for getting there.Going through life without a plan is like going on a road trip without a map, you will not enjoy the ride!
This is a complete waste of a perfect partnership! And yes, you are a perfect partnership even if it doesn’t seem like it at the moment… You are a perfect partnership in that you complement each other, you trigger each other creating opportunities for growth, and have a vested interest in seeing each other (your “team”) succeed. No other partnerships meet these criteria to their full extent.
Not utilizing the partnership with your lovie to its full potential is such a crime! Everything you need is already built in. Your job is to learn how to use it for maximum results. And, the first step is to know how you want things to be. Have a very clear picture of this for now and for the future.
I know that this may seem unbelievable when you are struggling in your relationship. This might seem far-fetched and unrealistic. But, the way to go about this is to take a look at your relationship by being removed from it by looking AT it and not from within it. This enables you to see the bigger picture.
This allows you to see what is holding you back from your vision… Why is there a struggle in the relationship? If your struggle could talk, what would it say it is trying to teach you? What are the lessons in the struggle? What is the stretch? How does it push you to grow up, own yourself, learn new skills, address unresolved issues, change patterns, etc.?
For you see your relationship is a path to becoming your Authentic Self. When you start addressing, learning, resolving, growing, healing, etc. you become ready for creating your vision. You achieve the means for manifesting your Authentic Life
I understand how challenging this is for those of you who can’t even see a future with your partner. I implore you to not worry about deciding on the status of your relationship, nor to worry about the possibility of this. Instead, put that in a box on a shelf to be addressed at a later time.
In the mean time, as long as you are still with your partner… I want you to focus on Being with your partner… Give it your all! This is the only way – you will either create an awesome relationship or know sooner than later that this is no longer a viable path for you. So, don’t torture yourself “deciding”, you will know…
What does it mean to give it your all? It means you do targeted investing in your relationship – not “crooked trying”. I hear all the time how partners “have tried it all”… When exploring this – the partners did the same old over and over, stuck with their ego, waited for their partner to change, and in a nutshell didn’t really do much investing but wasted time and resources… No wonder they are tired and feel hopeless!
I want you to go at this from a different place. Stop your usual and give to your partner how they prefer to be given, how they like to receive… Focus on what you contribute, what you need to change and improve. Give this your full attention. Tweak and tweak. Do a “Groundhog Day” on your approach to your relating. You will crack the code.
You have the opportunity and all you need right now to go at this for ultimate results,manifesting your vision – creating your Authentic Relationship and Life. Don’t over think it! Just go for it!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life… Please share your takeaways on our Blog!
Happy Tweaking!
~Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
If you are questioning your commitment: Stop it! Go at your relationship as if you are committed… Give it your all. If you are struggling: Take a moment to look AT your relationship, and look for how you need to be in it differently… If you want to make things even better: Create a relationship vision and a plan of action for investing in and nurturing it, and your Life… Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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